how dumb do you think i am?

apparently pretty dumb.........


as some of you may know, we heat with wood......
it's really great, you know, friendly little warm woodstove
happy dancing flames that are glowing through the window in the door of the stove
keeps the house nicely toasty
saves us a HEEP o MONEY.........


well apparently my long suffering and hard working little woodstove is even more long suffering then i thought.........
as it had to keep the house warm over night ( 11 - 17 degrees outside and windy!!!!)
with the back door wide open!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yup yup
talk about dumb ass.......
i had told bernie to 'crack the door'
just so i could get a good draft going so i could set and bank the stove for the night
he forgot to shut it
i forgot to tell him

but i was the last one up ......baby sitting the stove until it was ok to leave it

( i swear this stove gets lonely, all day it behaves.... we start to either go OUT or go to bed and it acts up......it either dies out....or the chimney temps go past 550.............it's like a kid at bedtime....'read me a story, get me water, DON'T LEAVE ME)

so this morning....at 5am he tells me this

i came down..... it was STILL 75 degrees in the studio......
but there was not a stick of wood left in the stove....just some coals

so i got it going again and went back to bed with the cats

nice woodstove

very very good woodstove

i am so glad i have always loved you and talked nice to you...........


ok now to switch gears totally........

can we talk about menopause?

now my mom never said a word about this....even though she WAS in menopause during my lifetime ( she was 42 when i was born)
and of course she died when i was pretty young.........

but DAMN..........

so i thought.....

FINALLY!!!!!!!!!
the pause has happened!!!!!!!
for months now i was all excited....
( see cause i bought like 15 packs of sanitary napkins....so naturally, the pause occurred about ten minutes AFTER the check cleared for them)

until this morning

no wonder i have been so lazy and tired...........

just wanting to sit around and knit and spin
and swill eggnog
and eat pumpkin muffins and such.....
( i still got more pumpkins to bake....and a FYI-do not EVER feed a man bean soup AND pumpkin muffins on the same day....unless you have decided to commit asphyxiation by methane gas)

so i ask you.....
IS THIS RIGHT?

isn't it enough i have thinning ( actually bald) hair.... a mustache and a beard
excess weight
vaginal dryness
dry skin
mood swings
night sweats
hot flashes
heart palpitations
dizziness
forgetfulness
insomnia
forgetfulness
and
crying jags?

do i also have to suffer the pangs and pains and discomfort of a period
with cramps etc?

i really really need to talk to customer service about this
this was not in the manual.....
or the brouchures

*but then they didn't mention the tender breast thing...male farting....
and acid reflux either....... not even in the small print.....who you gonna sue for breach of contract????????? GOD???????????

oh man


til next time

my bloated pmsing self bids you adieu
vi