have you ever had a dream you couldn't shake?

i just had one of those this morning
it woke me up

i dreamt i got annoyed with bernie at a shopping center
and told him to just go home

when i turned around to get in the van
it and HE was long gone....

i couldn't find a pay phone to call for a ride home
and i asked some young men to use their cell.....they informed me it would cost me 1.18
i had the dollar...but not the .18 cents

it's stuck with me all day


a lot of my friends are now widows
one is coming up to the anniversary of her first year as a widow

i think it is affecting me

i realize that here.....in this house
i can't live without bernie.
it isn't a dependant thing as in personality
it is a physical thing
the layout of this house
i can't throw wood on the deck
i am not strong enough to heft it that high
so i have to put a load in the wheel barrow and wheel it around to the front door and then make numerous trips through the house to the studio to put the wood in the wood barrels


numerous little things like that (not to mention that the kitchen isn't finished)


we need to move to a more user friendly house i suppose
probably a ranch would be the best idea
and much as i adore this soapstone stove
i think in the next house.....we need either a masonary heater or
a duel fuel ..corn/pellet stove
something that is easy for me in case it is just me
having to do all this

i have been thinking alot lately.....( and you all know that is never good)

about purposes etc....
it's said that your purpose in life will show itself in things that make your heart sing

some of what makes my heart sing is laughing with bernie
is making other folks laugh and laughing with them
is in seeing baby animals
making things with my hands
growing and canning our own foods

making my dolls
and writing this blog


so now
i ask all of you that stop by and read.....
what makes YOUR heart sing?????


vi