poked and prodded

***June 3, friday***I am very worn out today, after the lab and then the pt.
I scared mengele when I got very pale in pt.
they took a lot of blood (I have had endocrine tests before and they took double that today)
so I am going to take it pretty easy for a day or two guys.....


ok so I went to the doctor today
to an ob/gyn.
I took the ultrasound report from 5 years ago on my thyroid mass
the stuff from 89 on my pcos
and had the lumpectomy pathology sent to her

hahahaha
I actually like her
even though I have underwear OLDER then her....
she reminds me of one of my nieces.........
so that was a plus in her favor.

three times the poor kid told me that I should do stand up
she never cracked a smile or laughed however.
I don't think she knew quite how to take me

( with a butterfly net always worked for the men in the white coats)

she is really pissed that when the thyroid mass was found that a thyroid take up wasn't also done.

I told her............

nothing is going to be wrong, watch........ larry, moe and curly are running the universe and I am the blooper reel................ they won't allow me to go to my well deserved rest and deprive them of their comedy channel........
(besides, dying is much cheaper then medical tests soooooooooooooooooo)

we discussed a few other things about my medical conditions.

she did a pap and a breast exam.....
and for the first time in over 40 years......... nether of those two things HURT!!!!!!!!!
amazing
and my boobs are killing me in a pre period way....... ( again those of you like my friend CAROLE who don't know the 'joys' of premenstrual syndrome.............. BITE ME)
even AIR hurts right now

now I really really mean this......... I want a refund on this body......
none of the parts work anymore, and some actually never worked well in the first place......
what?
they were more for 'show'?gees
I swear I need my money back..........gonna buy me some indestructible recycled completely redone and altered vinyl doll parts.........
that has to be a better deal then the current one

ok so if they fix my sagging sorry ass................
does that give me a 90 thousand mile warranty?

tomorrow at some unearthly hour...................
I am to go to get ‘blood’ work
Without coffee

Do they have a police escort ready for me?
I mean the thought of going anywhere without benefit of the nectar of the goddess is one thing I don’t think I can face.
I mean they are taking what?????????????????
5 or 6 GALLONS of blood from me tomorrow………
I swear I am going in there clutching my coffee in one hand and holding my NECK out to have them take it from the Carotid artery just so I get my coffee fast.

I will be light headed and dragging all 3 of my fat ass’
And then…………… some perky person will tell me to ‘have a nice day’

I will stab them if I have the energy.

From there I got to mengele………….
So I will be drained of all fluids……. Then I will be twisted into a modern art sculpture of a rat’s nest.

Meanwhile, back here……….I was so busy trying to get my lab and hospital appointments straight that I burnt dinner……….
So we are having burnt OFFERINGS for dinner…..
Who says we can’t be religious?
How biblical can you get?
Ok so it is pork chops but hey work with me here ok?

Now on the 13-14 I am to the hospital where I will get a mammogram, vaginal ultrasound, pelvic, thyroid uptake and thyroid ultra sound…….
And a partridge in a pear tree.
Hopefully afterwards I won’t have pt………….
( shoot me if I do cause believe me……… I won’t be worth the effort)
whatever is left of me will be deposited in a Dixie cup and disposed of in the appropriate container right???
I will be radioactive for the 24 but not enough to really harm anyone I think……

I will just glow a bit in the dark and folks will SEE the bones mengele has been trying to talk into returning………
( visions of teenage voiced bones screaming ………’no no I won’t go)

after that……..
we get ICECREAM
oh man we better get icecream
or someone is gonna pay
til next timevi