Is it me or is the world spinning faster?

I woke up last week because I was dizzy and the room was spinning, all this WITHOUT benefit of drugs or alcohol.
You know you are sick when the room spinning WAKES you up.
I SWEAR to be this sick without having had a ton of fun the night before is really not right. I demand to see the management about this, gees..........

I had to feed the cats, and tried to hang on to the walls while it seems like the little stone house in the woods was really a violently pitching boat on a storm surged sea..........

I could almost smell the dead fish.... or at least my stomach was telling me that.

You know I didn't know that stone houses could hang ten like that.

I was half expecting dolphins to come whirling by... instead I was greeted by the annoyed and impatient sarcasm of my little curly headed devil cat.

"MOM, do you KNOW it is 7:30?????, and I am WAITING for my breakfast???"

Me trying not to slide down the wall onto the curly devil's little head........... (And trust me on this one, Thaddeaus was not only impatient, and annoyed but there was NO missing the sarcasm in his meows)

'yes son, now be a good boy for mommy and get out of the way of the seaweed while I attempt to stagger across this floor that now is 35 feet in the air to get you a bite to eat'

Putting the food dish DOWN was even more interesting as I momentarily forgot which way was back UP, there by almost landing face first into an oh so appetizing bowl of chicken, turkey and gawd knows what else including butt parts, they put in canned cat food.

***Note to the animals loves that may happen across this tiny little enclave of cyberspace, these greedy little buggers of the feline persuasion that rule our home with not so velvet paws, are fed a very high quality kibble heaped in three separate bowls for their dining and nutritional needs, they get one tiny teaspoon of a canned cat food in the morning, not the cheapo kind either, it is the kind that they see on TV in the crystal glass, which is the ONLY kind these darlinks will agree upon...... think of it as feline junk food........ and if you still don't like it......

please send hate mail to kissthaddeaus'sbehindATwedon'tcareDOTcom

His Highness, Thaddeaus Peabody, emperor of all he surveys in his furry little cat head, expressed his acute displeasure in this close call of finding his mother almost face down in his bowl of food there by rendering him unable to fill his greedy little belly. (Yes I KNOW that I stand somewhere lower on the food chain in my Big Boy's esteem then his food and his belly, and I can accept that)

I think it took me about 20 minutes to figure out which was actually was UP.

Why don't people come equipped with the simplest of navigation instruments? I mean even CHEAPO planes do no?

ARE we no BETTER then PLANES, Are we no better then CARS, Are we no better then BOATS, can I hear an AMEN???? (I will assume I hear you all say that ok?)

I finally realized that probably a better place for me would be, possibly, horizontal on a soft surface. While it didn't stop the spinning, it did more or less insure that not to much dangerous stuff could happen to me while I was waiting for all this swirling to stop.

Now is also about the time I realized that possibly, JUST maybe, I may actually be still sick. (See I am really smart that way and see how FAST I figured it out, oh took me what? an hour????-personally I blame it all on Bernie and the plague he gave me that mutated...... numerous times)

Just as the room and bed had calmed down enough to an almost gentle lapping motion after the wild storm tossing I had gone through, Calpurrnia realized that her MOMMY was in HER boudoir- ALONE, - oh the horror of it, without CALPURRINA.

I was unaware she could have that much noise in her, persistent little blue eyed darlink that she is.
I mean she yelled outside that door for what I would swear in a court of law was oh....... two three YEARS..... Gee Even Bernie was afraid to disturb me at this point, he (for the first time in well.......forever) did NOT bring me the phone when it rang and ACTUALLY answered it himself.
Shocked the shit out of the caller, who had to keep asking if she was really speaking to Bernie.

But I would like to also go on record here stating that hell indeed most certainly DID NOT freeze over with the shock of BERNIE actually speaking INTO a phone mouth piece and his head did not explode from the experience, neither Bernie nor any phones were harmed in this momentous first.

Calpurrnia decided that mommy would be a wonderful trampoline this fine morning and she was soooooooo glad to bounce all over her beloved mommy, ‘never mind the headache mommy I am going to drool and bounce all over you don’t you feel better now mommy?’ which actually was more like

“nevermindtheheadachemommyIamgoingtodrool

andbounceallo

veryoudon’tyoufeelbetternowmommy?

All sixteen of her blue eyes blinking at me. How could I throw her off the bed, even if I knew which way WAS off the bed?

I am here alive ready to report to you, that human beings can indeed wake from the dead, and come back to life……. All it takes is a ton of antibiotics and some time.

I can also assure you all that the dead can drive to the doctor in a snow storm, even with locking up the breaks on the van and not kill anyone.

I am not so sure that the recently deceased and arisen can STAND all the crap draining down her throat, and out her nose……. Damn, people LEAK…… a LOT!

90% water my assets……. I am thinking 45 % of that is snot……and it is all in my sinuses..
oye
til next time

vi