As I will be unable to post for a few days so this is an old story that one of my friends kept from a few years back, (thank you bethie pie-I hope you also enjoyed rereading it)I hope you folks get a laugh out of it.... til next time..... vi

I figured I would tell you about a little visitor we once
had......Named Horace the BAT
ok this was a while ago, my Tiffany was still alive, we still had flocks of birds in the living room (another story for another time) Froud the bunny was still alive too.....Kiss the dog young....and Amber and Merry barely grow from kitten hood...... so we had quite a crew running around this tiny little house.

Now I know that it probably was my own damn fault......... after all it was a week before Halloween, and I wanted some Halloween decorations......
which I unfortunately said
out loud.....

Now, I am beginning to believe that the universe has a very very
interesting sense of humor, and just when you think you should be
serious...... it comes along to smack you right off your pompous
pillar.....or so it goes in my life anyway.
ok so here is the story......

I wanted halloween decorations, I said......."I would LOVE a pumpkin, or a CARDBOARD bat or something" and then went back to my work in the studio sculpting new faces for new dolls.

Being absorbed in that work, It took a while for me to hear and register that there were some odd squeaking noises going on in the kitchen....... as well as an interested crew of two cats a dog and a rabbit all crowded at the gate and being way too interested all at once............

ok so I got up,and waded through what felt like a sea of animals to enter the kitchen........ THERE was my Tiffany..... who was way too interested in
something that look suspiciously like someone had left a brownish accident on the kitchen floor......... I thought....(dumb work clogged brain that I was using at the time) oh man......who pooped here?????

When the "poop" started to squeak! oh my........... I decided it was a mouse.....and order Tiffany to back off his treasure....(tiff was named after LOUIS Comfort Tiffany....and yes I know they both were boys) which he didn't do!

now I am dumbfounded and shocked as Tiffany always listened to me....... we had an understanding I was his slave, and my terrified orders were actually followed............
hahahaha not this time.....so I started to make him back off.....fully expecting the
"mouse" to jump up and run under the dishwasher to the safety of the mouse hole behind it..............
now again......imagine my surprise
when the "mouse" instead of jumping and running to the mouse hole....leapt up and started to FLY around the floor......................... ohohohohoh..................
frantically counting head and rabies shots.......I realized most everyone was ok,
with the exception of ME........ & at the same time .....my brain was also saying .....*twinkle twinkle little BAT* HOLEY SHIT you are a FREEKEN BAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and it is 10am in the morning...
and you are now squeaking and flying in circles around my ANKLES......me without a
rabies shot......
and you...... oh my.....you must be sick! (As an aside, they really do make that sort of schlecky B movie flappy sound with thier wings) at which point this poor little bat promptly flies into the edge of the stove and knocks himself out cold.................
on his back...... oh my........

I call a neighbor for help...while gently covering the still breathing but out cold bat with a perforated large deep dish metal pie plate...
this neighbor is less then helpful as she suggests I squish the bat with a broom.... I DON"T THINK SO...
Ok call a friend of dh.... who has a bait and tackle store and NETS..
"Can you come and help this bat please"
well I won't repeat his answer...
Ok then I call DH...at work... 1-1/2 hours away... I am screaming into the phone now.. to be heard over the sounds of air tools in the background...(diesel mechanic at the time)
"THERE IS A BAT IN THE KITCHEN..COME HOME NOW"
however.... when you try to shout in one ear of a mechanic, while air tools go off in the other, you should know to expect some misinformation to go across..
he replies..."WHAT CAT we have three of them...and why is this a problem....?????????"
(now mind you I am still married to the man...I didn't strangle him on the spot..) and
I started to scream "no BAT...BAT BAT>... COUNT DRACULA....VAMPIRES...a
friggen BAT!"

He finally gets it....and says..
"why do you have a bat in the kitchen...???

" Followed by..."no I can't come home we are doing a fleet service, you will just have to deal with that on your own.."

NOW I notice that the bat is waking up... and he is not happy, he is squeaking and beginning to move around ..as is the pie plate over him..
So I ever so gently place a large can of pineapples on the pie plate..just to hold it in place...
well now this bat is not going to take this lying down so to speak..and now is running around the kitchen with the pie plate and a can of pineapples....
Oh my
So I get a bucket....and put that over the pineapples which is on top of
the pie plate with is over our little friend....
And now I got a bat, a pie plate a can of pineapples and a bucket running around the
kitchen..squeaking...
ok I get a gallon of bleach..(hey I was desperate here, I was afraid someone including the bat might get hurt)

He decides to finally stop squeaking and moving around.....
Woo..Hoo..
for a second I am relieved...
Then I get nervous...is that little guy
ok? Is he breathing..? Is he hungry? Cold? Tired? Oh my....so all day I gingerly slide little slivers of card board and lift up the entire contraption a hair just to make sure he has enough air..
all the while trying to convince the other animals that this bucket/bleach/pineapple
can/pie plate is perfectly normal and I actually meant to do that and leave it alone..
Now.. finally dh comes home...I meet him out on the top deck frantically babbling about this bat.. who's name by now is named Horace and don't hurt him...(like dh even would consider that..but I was worried that we would have a problem releasing him right)
we decide to wait for after dinner..and medium twilight to release our tiny guest.
Ok, after dinner we get a large piece of cardboard.
The idea is to slide this under the pie plate gently so that we can carry our little Horace out and release him while singing "Born Free" into the gathering gloom... so far so good. I remove the bottle of bleach, the bucket, the pineapple can...

"Horace can you hear me?" answering squeak...

THE MOMENT COMES..
we have Horace under his pie pan, with his cardboard floor...carefully go out into the early night.. I get ready to sing "born free"....
I dramatically cast away the pie pan off of our little friend...
.
.
.
only to have him sink like a stone into the leaves below...
DH goes to me.."OH YOU BROKE HIS WING" I am hysterical crying thinking...Oh my I don't know how to SET a bats wing.and how rotten a person am I...when Horace BURSTS from the leaves and flaps his way off into the sunset..........with nary a backwards glance...

And the moral of this story is... BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR...THE UNIVERSE IS LISTENING... and it has a twisted sense of humor...