upon reflection

I hope you folks all go HERE and watch this, as i think she's got a good point
i wondered today how many twists and turns have led all of us to where we are now?
i know for me, as a kid i wanted to be an artist on a farm
art wasn't easy for me, as there wasn't any place for me to actually make art, to paint or such
i had to find a way around that
it wasn't encouraged much
actually a lot of the time it was discouraged as my father wanted me to be a secretary.
my mom's uncle issac who also was an artist however DID encourage me. (and i recently found his only grandchild, my cousin candi)

when i finally landed in art school, my instructors (all working artists ) told me i was good, and with a live model or from life, really really good but i was uneven
and i knew they were right
i didn't know what to do about it however.
it turns out time was the answer as it is for so many other things
time
all this time doing other art, first graphics, then dolls & miniatures, then package design for my toiletries company.
all the while my eye was maturing, (yes bonnie NOW i do have a good eye, when i was younger it was there but at times it was obscured)
when i went back to my illustration roots last year, i wasn't sure what i had matured into.
i figured i would be rusty and need to loosen up my hand/eye so to speak
i am almost there
but i discovered a mature artist that i really like! i didn't expect that.
i didn't expect to be able to see how a drawing is progressing and when to stop
or where it needed more. i can do that now and it blows me away after i realize that i made a conscious decision to add darks here or leave off there......because it is WHAT WAS NEEDED
the fact that now i know
i remember not having a clue when i was younger
i wish i could go back to my younger self, and say......
'look, you have a lot of living and looking and 'seeing' to do..... life has to beat you up a bit and soften your edges so that you can understand how to make it all work'

it's the coolest thing to look at what i've done and say 'it's good but the darks need to be developed'
and i realize it!
i ask you guys for opinions, but a lot of the time, it's just validation of what i already know (and sometimes you folks don't answer me, but i keep going)
LOOK at how smart you get when you age! maybe it's cause all the perky shit needs to fall out of the way so the smarts can get in?

anyway, there is a benefit to aging, that i didn't expect and this is it.
now that isn't to say i don't suffer bouts of artist fears, oh boy do i
i got through periods convinced i am a no-talent hack but on a level a bit different then a lot of folks
and what gets me through that is remembering
i am doing this all for fun
and if nothing comes out of it
it was still fun
i learned stuff
when you have to draw something i think you see it much differently. i know i do
i can't draw something unless i am really seeing it
i have to somehow feel it in my bones
then i can draw it

i think that deep seeing is some of the stuff that keeps an artist hooked (that and always the thought, 'i CAN do better then that')
each time you start a drawing or a painting is the opportunity to learn more, to connect more.
each time you learn more you are anxious to see what you can do with it

when i did those ducks with the leaves, i did it a few ways.....first the ducks themselves
then the ducks on an abstract faintly leaf shape (still my favorites of the color work) then the ducks on a 'real' leaf then the black and white
i settled on the blk and white as the way to go but that abstract leaf shape background was a go also, if i wanted to go in that direction
the fun was seeing how the idea looked in all the different expressions
and it WAS fun for me
so much so that i am attempting (as you all saw me fail miserably ) to do with the polar bear one..... the original black and white is very sparce but i think visually wonderful
(i can't get a good scan of it as it's too big for the scanner bed) i am going to do it again a few more times in color.... and maybe once more in black and white and see
i still have the original one with the killer whales which is sparce like the original polar bear drawing
oye
this is what i mean by being rusty and loosening up......... i literally ran through all the ways i drew from when i was drawing actively and went beyond it to what i am probably going to be doing for this section of drawing life.
*** i can't WAIT to see what i will sculpt like now as well....... i imagine larger and with a ton more soul***

i am also thinking of doing some still lifes (even though i don't really enjoy them ) as i want to relearn how to *see* glass and water...... (and goldfish)
and instead of thinking

'groan.......damn i don't want to have to do that'

i am thinking

'how freeken cool is THAT to revisit sunlight on glass and water...... or even gray light THROUGH glass and water'

ok i told you all mine.......... now
what brought you folks to your present state in life? what is your learning? how do you see things differently as you have matured?