Larry, Moe & Curly part 2

I swear that the stooges are running the universe, folks that have known me a long time know I say this all the time, most often I am almost kidding.
Today I am swearing on my CATS curly head it is true.

why you ask?
What could POSSIBLY set vi off and ranting again you ask?

WHEELS
or more precisely ..........lack there of.

the whole sordided mess started with a 'truck eating pothole' to quote Bernie somewhere in NJ.
which he of course hit......... and of course SOMETHING broke on the front end of the truck.
NATURALLY he also had a bad back at the time, he always has back pain.

so Being the saintly wife that I am.....( hey stop your gagging Shaggy)
I said........'no no darlink.....take my VAN to work, so that you don't BREAK DOWN'
( and I don't have to identify the road pizza that would be your face AFTER you were run over by assorted 18-wheelers)

So what happens? ............ I get a call last night...... 'love, ?'
'yes bernie?'
"i broke down with the van'

'WHAT THE F*** BERNIE? ........you broke down with MY VAN?'

'love, I think the tranny went'

'ON MY VAN????'

by now believe me, he didn't need the phone to hear me.

he calmly went on to inform me that

A) they were towing me in to the shop

B) they were giving him a loaner to get him home

C) things don't look too good

D) he was on his way home

I hung up the phone and went into nuclear melt down.

now those of you folks that have known me for a few years....... will know that particular melt down that I go into.

( and you guys better stop laughing or you may choke on your beverages, and projectile snorting of fluids is NOT your best look)

I called everyone and informed them all that we are doomed.............DOOMED I tell you.

that we have NO cars now.........and I am going to get GOATS from Carole and have a TWO GOAT CART for transportation.

it will take us a week for bernie to get to work, two weeks to get to the grocery store........and I will have the most incredible garden as I will have all the manure I can pitch.... not to mention that anywhere that isn't fenced will look like the sahara after the goats,......... ah ....... mmmmmm .......... TRIM it all.

As of course to my mind this is the END of the world, or it is to ME. ( no craft store, no yarn store, no post office to pick up wonderful packages of book and on sale sock yarn)

I was calling folks and willing my stuff to them, as I was sure that this would kill me.

Bethie you get the cats

Shaggy you get Bernie, you won't last long with him......he is very 'active' and you will, I am sure break a hip.

Carole gets my soap formularies and lotion recipes... ( she has the GOATS remember)

If I left folks out, well comment then as I am on my DEATH bed here and can't think straight. (cause I am telling you......I think this is going to kill me)

now today I was informed that I am to drive the rattleing tin can that is the little truck, down to NJ....... '87 miles one way and please don't get lost as it is confusing and you will end up in CANADA' yeah right.

so I guess this should be my last will and testimony right?

I mean in case I don't survive this whole ordeal..............

please if he does manage to get my van running without a chainsaw and two squirrles.....( no squirrels were hurt by this) I will also drop dead from the shock

so either way......you all may want to get some black suits and such.....

if there is a next time

vi

please tell me it will look better in the morning..... NEXT TUESDAY morning