bernie's angel AGAIN... we are in awe

about 20 something years ago bernie had broken down on the road, and was rescued with a remarkable story (below is the post from november 05 about it on this blog, just after that is last nights story)

Bernie's angel

I love angel stories....
even though I am not religious at all we have a few as well....
my bernie has his very own angel that wears plaid.... we even call this angel, 'bernie's angel'
one night about 18 years ago or so maybe 16...... bernie was coming home from work in jersey....he was late it was winter and pretty cold.
he got up to the andover exit on rt 80 and the car died.
since it was past normal traffic time there literally was no one on the road... there was no exit for miles....it was a dark new moon, no lights NOTHING. that area is still today really rural, hilly and empty.

so quiet and still you can hear your eyelids blink.

he looked under the hood but realized that there was no way he could fix the car as the rotor had gone and he didn't have a replacement. it was an old old chevy...... like a 72 or something....

so he got back into the car and tried to sleep, what else could he do....?

meanwhile I was frantic.......terrified at what I imagined happened to him

Ok he had fallen asleep and was woken up by someone tapping on his window.....
he hadn't fallen into a deep sleep... and was up immediately
there was a man in a plaid shirt that asked him what happened........and could he help bernie....
now it was pitch black out and a NEW MOON...... you can't get any darker then that.... and bernie was slumped down on the seat a bit....

NOW MIND YOU........ he had no lightst on in the car..it was totally dead.

bernie got out of the car and told the man that he'd broken down but that the man could NOT help him as he needed a rotor for this chevy that was pretty old.

the man said....'is that all, no problem' went around back to his car..... opened the trunk reached in and found the EXACT ROTOR with no fumbling or looking at part numbers on the box..................... and handed it to bernie

bernie said to the man, ' I have three dollars in my pocket...it's yours and if you give me a name and address I will send you more money to pay for the part'

the man said to my bernie...... 'don't worry about it...... just help the next guy on the road'

bernie went to install the part and stopped midway.... looking to see why the man hadn't left or if the man needed him......
the man and the car wasn't there....
the car hadn't ever started up
hadn't ever pulled around him.....
THERE ARE NO EXITS THERE
it is a sheer drop off a cliff there
and the road goes on forever...you can literally see for miles...... no head lights or tail lights.. either way......

bernie got chills
he'd only been under the hood a few seconds!

he went back and finished putting in that rotor and came home
he got in at 3am
I was frantic......
he was amazed

he told me what happened..... totally puzzled....
and I realized
he met his angel.......
I bless that angel all the time and know that my bernie is safe out there BECAUSE that angel watches over him

Bernie always stops for folks on the road.....going way out of his way most often to help
he has picked up folks walking in the cold and taken them to a diner to call their families and bought them coffee
he has taken gramma's and their grandchildren home and then went back to help with their car

he has always done this.......

so see we firmly believe in angels around here.

________________________________________________

ok that was the original encounter, and then sometime recently there was an incident where the radio in my truck turned off and he moved over which saved his life and someone else's life as well.

now there is the incident last night..... bernie's angel has returned, same guy, same red plaid shirt

only last night he didn't even attempt to hide the fact that he was not 'physical'

bernie was again driving home on a dark moonless night, (new moon was sunday) again at that SAME stretch of route 80 between exit 12 and exit 19, AGAIN driving way too fast.

this time he had a medical coach from work that he was road testing as it had been sent to the dealership underwarrenty for some heavy motor work, when the radio suddenly cut out.

bernie thought that it was a wiring problem and started to check gauges, when suddenly he heard a calm and quiet man's voice from the passengers side, saying...

'son, you have to slow your speed and move over'

naturally bernie knowing that he was in the unit alone looked over to see who or what was talking to him.

he was surprised to see his angel sitting in the seat!

bernie said that the man looked as alive i am did while he was telling me, right down to his full salt and pepper beard and hair (hair to the nap of his neck, beard about 8 inches long, gray tweed newsboy cap, gold rimmed glasses, red plaid flannel shirt, red suspenders, and jeans

he had one hand clasping the wrist of the other and was sitting slightly turned in the seat (towards bernie) with his hands in his lap.

and he repeated

'son, you have to slow your speed and move over... don't worry everything is going to be ok but you have to slow your speed and move over'

bernie looked up at the road and then looked over at the man, but the man was gone ( and bernie had been doing about 80 miles an hour so i don't think the guy JUMPED)

he still is amazed at how alive and solid the man looked. he is also asking why him?

as just then a car came down that hill and hit the guard rail and spun around at a very high rate of speed...... if bernie had not listened to the angel in plaid, the spinning car would have taken bernie and that van out......the van definately would have flipped over.

bernie's other comment to me was 'he hasn't changed in all these years......he still looks the same' !!

you know, i sometimes let things upset and discourage me, and i often think of us being all alone in a very cold and unfeeling world... this reminds me......we are never alone really, and sometimes when we really need it... miracles happen

cookware part 2

so now i been looking and researching
what is the best buy for the money
what will serve me the best for the longest

in my research i realized that while there are certain brands that are 'the best'
i also realized that 'the best' is what is best for YOU
or in this case ME
all clad may last a lifetime, but i am in my early 50's
and i have no children (and even if i did there is no guarentee they would like to cook)

plus it's heavy ... really heavy

ok so what have i decided

well first off i got a few tips i picked up (bless the cookware forums)
TJMAXX
(and marshalls, and tuesday morning but we have a tjmaxx here)

and indeed i found allclad, emeril (made by allclad) calphalon, cuisenart and some very good german (made in germany) and italian (made in italy) brands

i picked up a 3 quart emeril saute for 29.99
a 1.7 quart and a 2. something quart german sauce pan each with it's lid for 16.99 and 24.99 respectively that are ready for induction
and a cuisenart 3 quart stainless saucepan, with a lip and a draining lid with two sizes of holes for 24.99
i got a cast iron, enameled 6.5 quart dutch oven from sam's club for 38.and some change
i got a 12 quart cuisenart chef's classic stockpot with pasta insert and steamer basket for 72.91
and an 8' chef's knive for 25.99

what else is on my list??
a 5 quart saute, and a few more stock pots
i think that's it
i am going to look around for a well seasoned cast iron skillet
and i am also trying to get my magnalite pro replaced
i think that's all i need right now

after all, i been cooking on crap cookware for years......it's not the cookware, it's the cook
and i can after all........ really really cook
so better equipment will just make my job easier
no?
so better add a few more knives to that list huh?

vi

can we talk about..........(numerous updates and edits)

COOKWARE

we recently discovered we have 'reward points' $175 to be exact
so i decided to get gift certificates to amazon, and to replace our old (really crappy i will NEVER buy that again nor recommend it to a dog) cook's essentials

the non stick doesn't!
and it peels...... badly

now my cousin charles invented the PROCESS by which teflon is able to stick to metal to make non-stick cookware (cousin on my mom's side) and at the risk of family disloyalty i have to say
someone messed up
cause it doesn't stay non stick and it's bad for the birds (and i suspect us as well)
so the quest for cook ware

i have one revere limited edition tri-ply copper core saucepan, with brass handles
i got it in i think 78 or 79 at the revere outlet in flemington for something like 3.00
mom got one too but dad dumped it ( i am still kicking myself about that as well)
i adore it
nothing sticks......... it makes the very BEST sauces
and it cleans up like a dream
so that tri-ply construction is a good thing
so is stainless steel interiors and exteriors
now i also have the OLD (1978) magnalite pro by ghc which i am going to see if they will replace and honor the warrenty........
i liked them for things potatoes, soups, tomato sauce, chili ....but the acid apparently doesn't like them
so if i get them replaced, i will use them for things like non acid stuff
beans and stews and such

that leaves me to what all else i use and need

i have an 11'' straight sided saute pan i adore, it has a helper handle which is sheer genius and in a GOOD tri-ply should be awesome
that is my 'go to pan' for stove top
i saute chicken breasts, then remove and make the sauce in it
i saute chopmeat, add tomato sauce and throw in pasta for a fast stove top thing
i make smothered pork chops,
peppers, broccoli and mixed veggie with meat stir fries in it
i made my orange chicken and my cranberry chicken
i can reduce a sauce in it FAST
i have even been known to brown off meat, add liquid and let it braise with the lid on
it's big
it's flat
it's my favorite pan shape
i would adore it with a copper core...... i can't afford that
soooooooooo we'll get an aluminum core with stainless inside and out and a glass lid.....some folks don't like glass lids but i do

now onto the TYPES of stainless steel......and yes there ARE differences
there are three types you are going to run across (see this website HERE)
18/0
18/10
18/8
a fast explaination: higher number better stain resistance
and the key is RESISTANCE, not stain PROOF
also the 18/0 is able to be magnetized so is ok for induction ranges
we would prefer 18/10 inside the cookware (actually all over but if you only get an 'inside vs outside' i would opt for inside)

there are also gauges but i would say to you... heft the pan and see if you can lift it
now put a cabbage head in it and heft it again..... did your arm break?
if so keep looking

i am looking at:
calphlaon tri-ply
emeril pro clad line (made by all clad)

i am NOT looking at all clad (ok i am but i understand their customer service is a nightmare)
i am sort of looking at some of the other tri-ply lines however the one other that got super top ratings by cooks illustrated went out of business

now for long simmering on low heats you want something THICK, and heavy
that's why i had liked the magnalite
but now i want porcelain on cast iron
yup the le crueset
or at least something similar
sam's had a 6.5 dutch oven with cover for under 40.00
and you know what......it's also red! i am seriously thinking of getting that
i would like two but that's ok.....one is ok

now onto steaming veggies or making rice pilaf
i have a steamer arrangement that sort of works
it's an old t-fal saucepan with a revere ware steamer topper/insert thing, that i add the magnalite lid to
hahahaha
but it does work
you want that water to boil FAST and generate a lot of steam then cool down fast as well so it isn't oversteamed
at least i do
i need something to boil brussels in too...... so i have a tiny magnalite and i also need a couple of 2 and 3 quart sauce pans
something to cook rice in as well
(no i don't want a rice cooker)
then of course a stock pot or 6
and a pot large enough to cook pasta....with an insert
i have the insert!
stock pots need to be tall..... and they need to have heavy bottoms......really heavy
i like big ones
20 quarts is a good starter, as i want to fit a turkey carcass in there
i would also like a 25 quart and maybe even a 3o quart

now at this point i imagine you are all wondering (if you don't know us very well) why two people need such extreme cookware............
BATCH COOKING
CANNING
PRESERVING
yup we do it
ok so I do it........bernie doesn't usually
which also means I need to be able to lift them! for filling at least
so i need either a pot filler faucet over the stove.....which i would love but bernie is skeptical
or i need to be able to carry it at least half full over to the stove...... ( ok so maybe a quarter full, as when i lift these suckers full i tend to dislocate ribs)

i am actually thinking of the emeril proclad set but really i don't need the frying pan or the steamer insert thingie
and the 'dutch oven' is 6 quarts......smallish for my big batch cooking and preserving
and a bit large for just a fast soup or sauce
but the line in open stock is limited
i would however like to try a sauce pan in it if they have a 3 quart

now the stock pot........ or stock POTS
i am going to start to look now
i have a 20 quart that is stainless but thin....... and a bit pitted on the bottom (crap stainless i think)
i would like an encapsulated bottom for the stock pots, and i think a free standing french pot rack.......... which ironically may just work in my disaster of a kitchen!

ok
let's see....... i will keep the two smallish non sticks for now.... because bernie uses his presto griddle for most egg things or a poacher i got ( which i need new cups for already!)
but with an eye to cast iron in the very near future

now, that leaves me with what?
oven? well i have a ton of old corningware, and old pyrex ( you know.. the PRE exploding variety) as well as the newer (all things are relative here) french white corningware and a few old (30 years worth) phaltzgraff casseroles in stoneware....from when they actually were MADE IN AMERICA....what a concept!

i could use a lasagna pan but i been using the french white which is deep enough, and the ones i have are old so they are pretty big compared to what i see now

the only other thing i lust after is a maslin pan.....the stainless one from lee valley
so there you have it
at this point
a peek into the thought processes that i am using
i am also going to give you some links
(in addition to the one above)
here is one place i joined to look into cookware

now here are some other interesting links
le crueset (american division)
emeril pro clad review at amazon
best reviewed cookware article and HERE as well
calphalon tri ply

edited to add that cuisinart has a multclad as well as a brand called tramontina

stockpot i am considering
and another

cast iron skillet i would like

ok apparently a DISK bottom is better for sauce pots that simmer liquids....... (and stock pots as well) so now i am going to look for disk bottoms for sauce pots,
i need 2.5, 3, 3.5 and 4 quart (and i need at least two of the 3qt sauce pans)

an interesting discussion HERE

just a bunch of stuffs

i have been thinking of my eldest neice.......she's about 8 years younger then me.
all grown now with chicklets of her own.
i do miss her.....or more exactly the child she was when she lived with us
i adored that kid.
she used to follow me around like a puppy, and i spent numerous pay checks on her and her sister.
haven't spoken to her since 1992
i did communicate with her in 1995
but that was pretty much it
it's apparently her choice... as she never responded after i sent her a huge box of stuff for her first born (and my great neice)
i saw her and her sister on face book and pm'd her...... that was back in september or august, and i've never heard from her

tonight ( you'll read this in the AM) i am listening to music (don't drop dead yet) classical music and knitting on my scarf.......waiting for bernie to get home... and thinking of the kids
(we all always referred to my neices as 'the kids', as they were kids when bernie and i married als0)
i am getting to the point in my life, where i am thinking about the end of my life... no doubt because almost everyone i knew is gone now......
and also because one of bernie's younger friend's died yesterday.....just never woke up
that is a very easy way to go

no one knows when they will be finished here, but i just realized that my days are more numbered then ever before
i have stuff that when i do go, needs to go to the kids
stuff that was my mother's and i promised on her death bed that if i did not have children that the kids would get it
bernie and i discussed it and he isn't too crazy about the idea....
oh well

one of the other things i am thinking of is moving vs staying
i think even if i did want to stay........it's impossible
i realized that these past few weeks while i did bernie's chores in addition to mine,
the house is not set up to easily take care of if you are elderly and even slightly handicapped
just getting the wood in is a nightmare
i got the wood cart but still need to get it up to the front porch......which may mean over the front lawn and a nightmare of ice during the winter
there isn't any easy way for me to get my wood in without bernie

what if bernie isn't in the picture?
some of this is hard and sobering to think about......
what IF bernie isn't in the picture....
how do i manage?
what if I am not in the picture? how does bernie manage.......?
(he'll do much better without me then i will do without him)

i think we need to start to think of a ranch type house
on a slab..........
with level property

you mean it was SHOES?

i put on my good new balance walking shoes yesterday
and my back started to get better
so did my legs
so ironically did the nausea.................
hhhhhhmmmmmmmm

i wonder if the poorly fitting run down used shoes i been wearing around the house have something to do with the extreme pain etc in my back??
well with my good walking shoes on, i managed to finish canning the turkey
and bringing in the ducks didn't hurt as much
but i got the old crap shoes on right now
and i think i need to order some new shoes from zappos
i got the new balance i think they are the 527
oh man

on to bernie news.......one of his former (from his last job) co workers died yesterday, he got the call at work, and he is thinking of trying to go to the wake friday night

i told him that i won't be able to go with him
he'd be on his own with that and he is going to SEE his former coworker in the coffin dead.
( that normally is something he won't do)he has to make up his mind by tonight as he needs to bring good clothes with him to work
and change before he goes
(which i just realized, and he may not have yet)

i am almost done with that new scarf...IF the yardage holds out... this ball of trekking xxl has had a LOT of broken plies in it... way too many for the amount of money i paid for it. thank goodness i didn't knit socks with it..they'd never held up

as a scarf however it is pretty nice, although that picture doesn't capture the true colors, as they are much more saturated and richer. OH and that picture is taken on the new drafting table workbench in the corner that used to have my porcelain workbench... i got plants on that table now too...

anyway that trekkiing has been marinated in stash for about 5 years or so now.......so it's time no????

not quite back amoung the living

however i managed to wrestle that 25 pound turkey into the oven
after whacking off some of it's appendages....... and almost finding a pan it fit into
it was good........now it's going into freezer bags and canning jars for meals throughout the year
i canned chicken stock yesterday
and i have only 2 out of 7 seal.......so i will reprocess today
and start the turkey stock out of the carcass of the monster turkey
(what was i thinking?, even bernie had issues with that bird........as i couldn't get it OUT of the oven)
meanwhile i again hurt my back and most likely (it feels like it anyway) popped a rib out again

now popping a rib out is not nearly as much fun as it sounds......believe me
and i would actually love to sleep in all day until it either pops back.......(highly unlikely without intervention)
or until i can get to the chiro......
again highly unlikely

so meanwhile i am waiting for the sun to come up so i can take the ducks out and start today's canning

ok in the jackass neighbors.......well now you can pick a side, as i got them on both sides now
the original jackass had left his wife and kids to knock up another female and have a kid with her, (in april the latest kid was born)
now he's back here again, but his wife is keeping him low......they've ditched his cars and she is using her van to get around with him
bernie saw them

now the uphill neighbor who's house guest cursed at me and told me to keep my F*CKING ducks in my house........you know the ducks that DO NOT QUACK AS THEY ARE MUSCOVY,
hasn't really been out much
i would hope that they are ashamed that a house guest of theirs had the audacity to do that to a neighbor.....
but somehow i doubt it
as obviously no one is apologizing so i suppose they think they are better or entitled or what ever
i have decided........ this is a very GOOD thing not talking to them
and my time is now my own for the most part

in knitting news i bought a pattern from a person on ravelry for a garter stitched tip to tip lace edged scarf/shawl in fingering or sock yarn
i am about half way through it
it's a fast easy knit and i do like it
enough that i am thinking of making a couple with varied edging....
it was and it wasn't worth the 5.00 i paid for it
it's very well written but it's just a garter stitch scarf with lace edging
but it's very well written and i like to try and help the small independant vendors

ok so that is what i am working on right now...in trekking xxl sock yarn......hahahaha
looks sorta interesting and is striping in a cool way
i may do this again!

calling in dead

yup
for a few days
on a brighter note, i am not able to walk right now either

so i plan on sitting here until i can walk

then putting the ducks out and canning a turkey
then knitting

until i have my resurrection..............

on family

we went to visit one of my cousins last night, didn't get home until 2am this morning!!!!

i been thinking of family.
a few times during the evening, we would say stuff and my cousin would say stuff.....
and it was italian stuff.....you had to be raised that way

you can say to an italian kid 'you know how it is'
and they really do

we were taught to have extreme respect for elders, or expect a slapped face, or even a hair brush or slipper thrown at us.

there are things you just do if you are italian, (as with other cultures) without even thinking of it
such as you never show up empty handed... you just DON'T (i brought my freshly baked crispy snickerdoodles....... they loved them)
you put your best foot forward in food etc for guests...and especially family guests
there is no one more important in an italian family THEN THE FAMILY

anyway we had a good time, we laughed, we kidded around and teased each other.....we talked about the relatives living and dead.
we had a good enough time that we actually stayed up way past our bedtime and stayed OUT way past our bedtime

now today, i got a turkey at weis, for .49 a pound.......we did try and get the .40 a pound walmart turkey but our's didn't have any at all for that price.......the cheapest was .60 a pound
so i am going to cook and can this one this week
i have a 21 pounder to cook and can also
and we'll most likely have a turkey breast for the holiday

today we are having homemade pot pie
as i stewed a chicken friday and have stock
i will most likely can this today
i need a few more stewers however

so instead of chicken, this year may be turkey soups and stocks all winter
anyway....today it's 64 degrees out
bernie put the ducks out as i was way too tired today
he is actually home this weekend..... he almost had to go on a road call yesterday but sent a wrecker instead.
he also brought in wood
a LOT of wood and put my wood cart together, and stocked the deck woodpile as well
so naturally it's really warm out...... how could it not be!
hahahahaha
anyway.. that is our weekend

hope you all have been having a good one

it's saturday and bernie is home!!!!

he is very tired
i let him sleep in (i was up at 3 but stayed there reading ghost stories with the cats and bernie sleeping)
he's had a problem that he solved at work with motors getting trashed by a defective aftermarket part.
it took a bit of detective work on his part but he figured it out
and saved the company money, downtime,....... and ultimately did his small part to make sure the ambulances are running and out there saving lives

his company is so wonderful that they called him in and told him how happy they were and proud of him
which is rare these days......most companies wouldn't bother at all.
it made him so happy to be acknowledged.

it also took a load off his mind as he could not figure out why all these units were having the exact same problems and needed heavy motor work

now as for today, i got my woodcart last night after i got the last load in the house.
bernie is going to put it together sometime today
and he is also going to be putting the 1/4 cord on the deck so i am going to be able to just get it from there instead of having to go down to the big piles like i been doing
(it's a good thing too, as the nerves in my outer calves are burning again)

i am trying to see if i can plan a big batch canning/cooking/freezing session with chop meat and also chicken breast... i can't quite afford the wholesale prices right now.....the prices are great but i don't have enough for the minimum poundage
that would so help me out though as i would be basically stocked and done with a lot of cooking for the bigger part of the winter
i also need to do a sam's club run and i need to get to shoprite
i need 100 pounds of sugar etc.....

let's see.....i visited a new to me knitting store yesterday, wow i loved the people there!
they even recognized that my hat was one of my designs which a lot of folks don't realize
i didn't buy anything but boy was i tempted

bernie just told me he is going to fix the dryer..hahahaha it's only been two years

can you believe...... thanksgiving is basically here

another year....
i just walked by the table in the living room........another year
i sort of missed halloween and i most likely will almost miss thanksgiving with a slight sideways slide into christmas
today i am thinking about this house
part of me loves it
part of me hates it
and i hate hate hate the neighbors
and the neighborhood...... the townships zoning etc

i like that it's almost paid for, and that it's easy to heat
and i love my second floor studio and deck in the trees
i love how quaint it is
but the no storage at all thing......that's worn thin 20 years ago and hasn't improved much since

i am still gasping with disbelief at the audacity of the uphill neighbor condoning the 20 year old house guest's cursing at me!

i am still pissed that i am going to have to put a fence in that is going to cost me the price of new windows and siding because the neighbors are not actually being neighborly
bernie reminded me of all the favors etc we've done over the years for them
helping with thier cars, helping with the wood when the owner was in the hospital and after surgery
helping when the wife was in an accident
helping with the granddaughter, great grandmother,
etc
we've decided that they did us a favor
i also realized that when i have neighbor problems it is time to move on
oh man this is overwhelming

now yesterday, bringing in the ducks, both phoebe and me realized that phoebe indeed has fully functioning flight feathers ( say that three times fast with coffee......)
as she started us and became AIRBORNE
twice
the second time she actually realized what happened, and hit the ground confused and turned and LOOKED at me
i rushed to pick her up and carry her into the house
kissing her head gratefully that she was ok
and hadn't startled herself and flew away

today is a walking day..... it looks like it is going to end up being twice a week not three times.
and my log cart is due to be delivered
i threw logs on the deck yesterday, it isn't easy for me to do
but i got a few up there
if i was a few inches taller i could do it
yesterday i got two loads of laundry done and two loads of wood in
a load of dishes
and supper was bean and ham soup...........my home canned beans, my home canned ham..... a few of my home dried (some home grown) veggies........ a lot of garlic and boom........
bean soup!
it was good, and even bernie liked it
he was surprised
he also took it for lunch today

now today i am doing up a stewer
we need the stock
and i will make salad or pot pie out of the chicken meat

i want to do a batch session of chop meat..... at 1.59 a pound
meat balls
sauce
chili
stuffed peppers
stuffed cabbage
burritos
meat loaf
casserole/w veggies
and just in 2# packs for some other stuff that doesn't freeze or can well

and with chicken breast at 1.39 i want to do 20 pounds in jars......and 20 pounds of cordon bleu
and i would LOVE to do 20 pounds in breaded

i don't have the available money for it right now
due to car insurance and a few (duckie) emergencies.......

oh man
good thing i am stocked up on most stuff

yesterday

first off i put the ducks out.
since it's gotten really cold we took the hose in, so water buckets were FUN in the morning.
since i still have lilli in the molt bad, and momma still afraid of phoebe (not to mention me not wanting them greeting each other due to ALL the asshole neighbors now) so it's 3 buckts and a 7 gallon small bath
i need to get two new buckets though so i can just carry buckets out
not buckets to fill the small bath as well

then walking at the mall.....
while i waited for jen, a woman sat down next to me, so i talked to her.
i was knitting a hat (actually had just finished it)
she thought i was selling them
i said no they are for me
we talked a tiny bit
then she 'got a cell phone call'
but it didn't ring
and then couldn't get 'signal'
hahahaha
she left and i was thinking........'gee all you had to say was, excuse me i need to go back to walking again'

anyway jen arrived and we did the mall 4 or 5 times
then went to borders, for coffee. i had a 5.00 discount thingie so i got me a ghost book

later it was wood.........i threw my back out
so ordered a wood cart on sale from cabela.....

good thing too, as bernie told me last night with him responsible for three fleets and counting.....
it looks like hauling wood is going to figure predominately in my future

we had chicken salad and cream of tomato soup for supper and when we finally sat down to eat.... at 9pm, i realized i hadn't eatten all day except for coffee

how did THAT happen?

oye
so today the woodstove is cranky.............my back is hovering on the verge of being totally out
and i got more wood to get in
but the coffee is good

34 degrees out 72 in my studio

have i said how much i love my woodstove.
this is on a SMALL fire last night
not the full all night sub zero burns

i love my woodstove.......... and i got a small fire in there started now, which i will load up shortly

now onto walking..... we are to go walking at the mall today.
i haven't been to the mall in i think 7 or 9 years
could be longer

i am almost finished a new color knit hat
for some odd reason it's too small
and i ripped it back cause it was too BIG
oye
i think i need to make them on size 8's
(now that will be way too big.......watch)

jen was up to the pet store and all 4 of the budgies i wanted are still there apparently
i sooooooooooo wish i had the cage space cause then all four would be living HERE
two purple one gray and a sky blue clear wing.......
oh yeah

oh and i got a 5.00 check with borders i need to use........... so there are a few books i would like to read and not pay through the nose for

i am not sure what we are going to do with the cookware yet
i am most likely going to get a 5.5 quart saute, and i am really tempted to go with a copper core tri clad from all clad...........
i need a really good stock pot 16 quart is almost big enough
a saute pan
a few sauce pans, 1.5, 2, 3, 4 quart and they should be good ones

i am dumping every single peice of non stick we have, even though my cousin invented the process whereby non stick STICKS to metal.......i hate the cookware
eventually it all peels
and then there are birds........we have birds again
but i am not entirely convinced anymore that non stick is good for us either
sorry cousin charles.......

ok so i am off now.....i have to load the stove a bit more and take the ducks out and go walking and then bring in wood
oye

i need a log cart
and a clone

hello my beloved woodstove

oh how i have missed you during this indian summer.
thank you for keeping us warm all night

today it's to go up to 50
it was 36 when i took the ducks out, falstaff was shivering a bit, he's getting so old.
phoebe decided she couldn't wait and jumped in with the chickens to eat THEIR breakfast.
i got her out
the chickens weren't happy
i dreamt that the ducks and/or kiss the dog got out and were running around on my old childhood street
that a neighbor (mrs polski) was very upset about them being out and was telling everyone to call the police to help me get them back
i had found that dad had not secured the gate properly, and that's how the duck/dog (it kept morphing back and forth between a duck and a dog)
got out
i was terrified that someone was going to hurt my baby

i did however get them back in the dream....which made me realize how unsafe i feel living here.
how bad has it gotten when a neighbors HOUSEGUEST curses at you for no reason!
so i am worried that my ducks aren't safe out there

today, i am going to clean the kitchen a bit, and finish the christmas cookie list for this year
and maybe see about starting some doughs to freeze until later
i got the snickerdoodles, peanutbutter and gingerbread cookies on the list already
i should add the sugar and butter cookies
and finally.....the springerlles
i have to order the hornshorn ( is that what it's called? nope it's hartshorn)

now yesterday i moved more stuff in the studio so i could light the woodstove, which i did again last night
i also washed the windows i could reach
i did more laundry, and started roughs on the color drawing of the 'monsters in the wind'
today i got more of the same plus finishing up the cookie planning
i also have some dishes to do (when does everyone have dishes to do?)
i am hoping to get some knitting time in as well, having ripped back that hat i am working on to the brim so i can reknit the crown
(ohohoh, someone remind me to order lopi for mittens please)

tomorrow is walking day..... we are supposed to walk monday wenesday and friday but it's working out to be wens and fri.........
monday is just too rough to get to after busy weekends

meanwhile i have to bring in firewood today
so bernie doesn't have to

ok til next time

the rains never came~!

and this daylight savings thing ended (it's ended or started? i am confused)
so i can drink my coffee for a bit and then take my babies out
at a reasonable time without rushing

we got the studio a bit more straightened out.......bernie moved some of the really heavy stuff for me
the porcelain clay and the cases of slip and the plaster
i still have more molds to move, as he found TWO large plastic totes filled with molds
molds are heavy
multiple molds are impossibly heavy

i have two totes to move myself
one with molds and one with fabric
that will happen today
and tonight we will again do a break in firing
we've finally gotten the oil in the tank down to half way...... (since july 05) so we need to fill it soon.......hopefully we will get another 4 years out of the next tank as well
(and we used to get about 5 weeks out of a full tank...... we can't afford to fill it like that now)

bernie was in a vile mood sunday...... between the neighbors on both sides now, he's discusted
he keeps telling me 'get that fence guy up here fast' he is appalled that the uphill neighbors would allow a 20 year old houseguest to curse and insult me, and disrespect not only us but them.... then he saw jackass neighbor on the downhill side.....who has apparently abandoned his new 'future wife' and new son........(not even a year old yet) and has moved back in with his 'current' wife and old kids.......

in good news, he's finally decided to take an interest in paying the bills.......(who are you and what did you do with my bernie!!!)
in doing so.........we discovered i had 175.00 gift card waiting in the rewards points on the cc we've had for years.........
so i arranged for that to be shipped to us
new pots and pans..........all stainless from amazon here we come
so that was good

he still needs to know how to pay one other bill........ and how to figure some of the yearly/quarterly stuff but he could more or less take over if i am down for the count
although he informed me that he would use the USPS
hahahaha
i tried to explain to him that sometimes....... due to the way he gets paid....he really won't be able to do that
he won't listen
let's hope i am not down for the count any time soon


so that was it in a nutshell.........
yup we do have to move

i heard a horse clip clop down the hill

last night at 11:45 pm
first i heard a few male voices.......
and then the horse walk down the hill
it wasn't quite a trot but it wasn't a slow walk either
i didn't get up to look as i didn't have my distance glasses up there so i figured i wouldn't be able to see anyway

i am assuming, that this was a ill fated attempt at a halloween costume........and the 'prop' got away

i haven't gotten around to looking at the local paper online yet but i wouldn't be at all surprised if there was a riderless horse on the cover...........

halloween was not as good as we planned
bernie had to work, and after assuring me he was going to be home by noon.........strolled in at about 4:30 or a bit later
i was not happy for a whole bunch of reasons........ some with the state of the studio that i can't move by myself
some with the plans we had that didn't happen,
i know he felt bad but i felt worse
as it is my favorite holiday and every year it seems something happens that i don't get to do it all like i planned

even watching the moon didn't work out as it started to POUR out

sniff

and no holiday candy either.........
double sniff sniff

ok
enough feeling sorry, as we have to do the saturday errands, feed store-grain and hay, kmart, a shade, home depot, casters. pet store cat food.................
i really needed to go to sam's for a commerical shelf and some odds and ends but can't afford it as the car insurance is due
it's always something isn't it?

and the duck pen is not finished.... it needs a wall and two doors then we could always tarp it agains the rain/wind/snow/ assholes.........

oh man........

now as the the feathery and furry family...... momma duck has had her last baytril and she is doing ok, still in the molt but ok.
lilli is growing HUGE pink flights in............. so she is so totally out of sorts as to be a nightmare... phoebe loves her momma so much now...... it's 'mommy pick me up and mommy kiss me and mommy hold me i love you'
falstaff seems to be walking much slower lately
he worries me
i wish i could handle him a lot better.......but there isn't any handling him
we'd have to dart him i think....... too bad i didn't raise him.

however even though i didn't raise him, he is doing remarkably well as far as being trained to go in and out.... but no one can touch him

the chickens are down to only 1 bird laying out of the 4
and the budgies are a constant source of amusment. bernie loves to watch them
i love to as well but i REALLY love listening to them talk to each other

now the furry ones.... they don't really like thier new food, but they need to deal..........
it's much better for them as there isn't any corn, so thaddeaus isn't itching as much
and it seems to be less and less every day

he's taken to watching the budgies..... but he won't bother them
he does it so i will play with him
that's no dumb pussycat you know..........

the girls are great..... they enjoy sleeping on my head while i am having night sweats and hot flashes...... gee thanks girls.......

this morning is daylight savings or what ever the hell it is
so it's 8:32 but really it's after 9am
we haven't eatten yet but after we'll be going to take the ducks out and then run errands.
bernie just ran up to get milk while i have my first coffee and type this blog post
it sometimes takes me a while in the morning
and today it's taken me a while

well happy new year to any witches
and a blessed all souls to any christians......
have a wonderful weekend

happy halloween (& sorry angie, about being late)

i AM late this morning
bernie had to go to work a half day, and i sort of rolled over in the midst of cats and lazed through the morning
everyone wanted to cuddle and be hugged and purr in my ear

happy halloween to everyone, i hope you all have a safe and wonderful holiday
our (if bernie ever gets home from work) holiday will begin at dusk, after the ducks are in
we'll have a seance, and light candles to those who've gone before
we'll watch a few tapes of halloween
like hocus pocus
sleepy hallow
(nothing too 'gorey'.....hahaha **pun alert)
addams family
etc
i will make pop corn too

most likely we also will spend some time out on the deck watching the moon and the clouds at night, not too long, maybe a half hour......but we always seem to do that
to say goodbye i suppose to the dying year

i will miss the holiday tomorrow....

i had hoped that the studio would have been done by now......and part would have been
but there is always next year.......(and in my head i hear myself say......'maybe not')

i truly do love this time of year, and this holiday... the rest of the holidays are sad times for me but this one, which ironically is about death......is the happiest one i have...
go figure

i hope you are all pleasantly haunted tonight

heaven help me, i am going to upgrade

to win7

against my better judgement........i should have just gone to linux

however i am doing it today

so far i have put the new external hard drive on the main computer and went through the installation of the software and drivers then the update and subsequent installation of the updated software and drivers, followed i am pretty sure by a third and fourth update and installation of software and drivers....

i am not totally sure how many go rounds we had, as i have only had one cup of coffee so far

but i have been at this since 5am or so......and it's almost 7 now...... and still windows 7 is still in the box



meanwhile.....my dvd drive is running like mad.....
AND
it just froze my computer and i had to reboot.....(so now it's after 7)
i am running a test on the new external drive so i can back up the internal drive
i want to mirror this entire computer first
and then i think i will install 7 and pull the programs off the external drive.....no?
i also need to get the old win98 moved and reformatted on the dell for bernie

i got a lot of work to do

i need a lot of coffee i think

and a huge amount of luck
no?

waiting for the harddrive

ups again screwed up delivery here
i don't know why, but they only actually find us occasionally
today i am waiting on an external hard drive..........when it arrives i will be backing up the computer and upgrading to windows 7
reluctantly
but i hate vista so i have to do it
then if that works well, i will be partitioning the drive and taking the old win98 + software off the old dell and moving it
bernie will get the old dell to play his old games and i am even thinking of upgrading that harddrive and chip set

now, today i am wanting to do the studio work but i still can't move the heavy stuff.....so i have to wait til bernie can
i may go get some casters for the drafting table and desk however
and possibly the one little shelf
at least if i do that i will be getting some more done
i also need a mini blind to go on the one side actually i need two of them so i should make a list

once i get everything up on wheels and moved....... i am going to put the baby budgies in the other room and faux whitewash the walls in here
then the drop cloth curtains will get made.........i am going to block print them i think, i would LIKE to find a rubber stamp to use but if i can't......i'll make something myself

i am also trying to get two more estimates for a fence to ditch the cursing little house guest,
it's not the dogs fault they are annoying little shits.........it's the irresponsible neighbors 20 year old permanent house guest

meanwhile my very favorite holiday is almost here
i love my halloween............ not the bloody gory thing that everyone else seems to have
but the mysterious, other worldly truly awe inspireing idea of this is not the only thing
that there is another life beyond
i love the ghost stories but i am always so firmly reminded that to have a ghost story......you have to start with a living person......
and i don't like the tragic ones, i worry that the ghost got stuck.
i do however love the ones where the ghost was happy and is just coming back for a visit......

our ghost richard i think is like that....he's not stuck but happy to come visit occationally
(although i do worry that he maybe is lonely and needs the company of a female ghost)

happy holiday to you all
enjoy your illuminated pumpkins, your full moons and witches........

i will be

vi

adulthood is a relative thing

some days i feel all of 80
occasionally i feel all of 4

most days i am surprised to see the really OLD woman in the mirror
and not as often, i am surprised to see the WISE woman in the mirror

today is a day where i am realizing that a lot of women my age.....LOOK old enough to be my mom (when she died) as i do now as well.....yet we all have a common reference of having lived through the same times...if not exactly in the same way...

and i can see the girl they used to be behind the woman they have become

i am learning to do that as well with 'old men'
gone are the full lustrous locks of hair and the six pack abs
but if you look closely, just behind the liver spots you really CAN see the boys they were

i suppose it is an adaptation of focus for your optic nerve, but now i can do it....apparently it is something that takes at least 50 years to train yourself for.

at times, i find it very good to be contemplative,
which i find more and more that i take a few minutes to do just that

so today on this rainy day......this is what i am thinking of

tuesday rainy days

today phoebe will go out in the upper pen and momma will stay in the house

i will again attempt to move all the plaster and clay.....it' weights a LOT.....bernie was worried about the woodstove....the plaster and clay out weight the woodstove!

i am looking at the long workbench and wondering if i can move that somehow to make room for the clay area there,
then put the sewing area behind the computer/office area

meanwhile i think it's time for the chiropractor again
my lower back that i threw out moving edmund is bothering me....must have been trying to move the clays and plasters

i baked a pie pumpkin yesterday, so today, i am going to peel and clean it and make muffins
and maybe bake a chicken for supper

tomorrow we are to walk again, i canceled monday as did everyone else....my reason, trying to get the studio ready to use the woodstove again
(as i watch thaddeaus sitting on the woodstove right now)

i am also going to have my records sent to the doctor in philly.......

sunday i saw three violet factor budgies and a sky blue white wing at the pet store
i didn't get them as i have no cage/quarantine space for them but boy was i tempted....
bernie is enjoying these little guys so very much
but i would then have to find outcrosses in another state for them as well
oye
wait maybe that is what i should do?
get the sky blue and one violet..(and that gray one)
oh man.......

meanwhile i am waiting for my knitpicks order....i got the pattern and yarn for the andean chullo hat, and the alice starmore fair isle book as well as the color by kristen colorknitting book
that and an external hard drive from tiger direct so i can install windows 7

slowly moving things forward

in the studio

i think that is all of life.....slowly moving things forward
first here, then there
as you age through your life.......
you move through events, and THAT is your age not the time frame

anyway, i am still feeling bad about the workbench dad built me but it did have to go as there was a mouse nest back there

the corner is now bright enough for plants so i put a lot of them there!
i can't wait to work there
if i can figure an adjustment to the other corner which was to have become the new porcelain area maybe this whole studio will come together?

anyway that's what's happening in the studio right now

sunday in the studio

we moved the porcelain workbench.
it's in the basement in peices now
the bench my dad built me
i needed to move it out as the mice had built a nest behind it
but i do miss my dad....... before the senile dementia, before the stupidity of my idiot siblings

i also realized that i am getting more and more unwilling as i age to put up with other peoples stupidity.
i won't take being cursed at by a 20 year old....
i am unwilling to be at a neighbor's beck and call on a whim
nor am i willing to hang around for nasty or rude insults from people
i am getting hardened and a bit jaded
but maybe that is ok

a long time ago i had a dream where in i was told not to worry, that i was on the path i was supposed to be on.....and that everything i had as a goal for this life was happening according to schedule.
and
that everything that i'd done and experienced is one step closer to that goal

sometimes i don't believe it
sometimes i do

right now i am just trying to get the studio set up
and then finish whatever else i have to do
and try and plan for our retirement the best i can
and i am trying to stay healthy while doing it all

i know that getting the studio under control will go a long ways to helping me finish the duck book and the other things i am working on
and could in the long run help me finish the house enough to sell and get the farm

anyway
today it's going to be sunny it looks like....or at least not rain
so we'll finish up that corner of the studio......and i will hang the laundry outside

and cook a roast
and be with bernie

rainy saturday

we got up late....... woa.... way late
bernie ran to the store for milk, and i think cider
and the post office ( i finally went yesterday after two weeks)
he's just going to see if there is a package from knit picks for me
i haven't put the ducks out yet
we will do that when he gets back

it's too warm for a fire but i am most likely going to bake a pumpkin for muffins and pumpkin soup
and we are talking about putting up our orange lights in the living room

i think we'll also be moving mini blinds around a bit

we still haven't finished the winter pens, so it is going to still be a daily taking out of the ducks
however i think we are going to put temporary doors on the winter pen so at least i CAN use it as a day pen without taking them down the hill and risk falling

i have two more estimates for the fence to get yet
bernie said if we could find someone that would sink posts and stretch even the 2x4 welded wire like in my garden........with us putting up the panels it would be ok
although he'd rather have chain link

i am sort of looking forward to the quiet of the winter
i would like to sit and knit by the fire and draw the duck pictures, spin, sew and such......
i hope i am going to still be walking three days a week...
friday, after our walk we all went back to jen's, then ended up in easton and nazerath, then back to jen's
i left by 3 or 3:30 went to the po and came home
i wonder if the ladies would like to do a one day a week knitting after walk
if so we could rotate houses.
and the other walk days grab a coffee, for a bit and be on our ways

the studio as i look at it isn't too bad now...... don't get me wrong, it's so not ready for it's close up,
BUT
it is really a lot further along then i realized

now the weather this week is to be in the high 50's and low 60's .. huh?
we got snow last week and spring this week?

maybe i can just finish the worst of the studio then..... and move the mini blinds over to the north windows?
since it's so warm i can run the hose to rinse big stuff off....

oye
ok til next time

to philly we will go

it looks like i found a pcos friendly doctor
at the drexel center for womans health.......
i got a november 24 appointment

Katherine Sherif, M.D is the director
so i am thinking....... at least i will have one area watched over, and possibly finally get that thyroid biopsy i was told 15 years ago i needed?

now i just need a pc physician i can trust
someone to handle the broncitus, and sinus and lyme ticks....

i started walking three times a week with some young women..... i am not having any problmes with being sore or anything
i am not feeling like it's a waste of time as i enjoy their company.....i hope they enjoy mine.
however they do live in a totally different world then i do
one with bus schedules... soccer practice, cell phones, text messaging.... tv, fast food......
and generally a lot of busy busy noisy stuff

it's to their credit that they are nice to an old lady who really can't relate

as to the dogs next door, they've been kept quiet mostly
bernie has had some interesting observations about it
he said.....it's gone beyond the dogs barking at our sick duck (remember duck icu)
and the issue is the 20 something house guest cursing at me

bernie feels (and i agree) that the kid disrespected not only the me but the priviledge of being a house guest...

and the hag that had the erronious and nasty comments (who wasn't even there! and got the homeowners age wrong by about 14 years! trying to imply this woman is frail and elderly) was so totally out of line as to be off the map

he's other opinion, ...... well, let's just say it's not good

i am still pissed
the first fence estimate came in
we have to call two other places.....

the ducks........ well, lilli and momma are in a pretty heavy molt.... lilli is now as extreme as phoebe was
phoebe looks great, and is her old sweet mommy loving self again
falstaff could use a good molt
momma lost all the feathers on her neck poor baby
yesterday they were all good about me meding them and putting them out
i am going to try and see if phoebe can stay with momma ........... they are both pretty lonely

lilli is still at the 'don't touch me, look at me, breath near me' point

our last two pullets and two old girl hens are doing well
one pullet got all the eggs ( we didn't gather one day) and tried to set them
i took them away from her
bernie feeds them but i can handle them
i think that's pretty funny really
ok i have to go med the ducks

and now....it's actually pretty easy

fence guy today

first estimate at 2pm
we are fencing
period
if the moron neighbors can not control their 21 year old twit of a houseguest....
we'll make sure that they can't bother us

or our ducks
and i want to move
i haven't ever liked this neighborhood

now please tell me how i do that with a house full of animals........and books etc
and yup it's not even 5am and i been up a while
i forgot to give the ducks their meds last night
i forgot to go to the post office
i forgot to go to the petstore for budgie food
i forgot to get the studio magazine
i forgot

ok, i need to make the coffee

again the dogs

well i went out to bring the ducks in again
that little 21 year old twit was out there with the dogs
he spent his time rounding them up
they barked so much
i didn't realize they were out there until i was going to open phoebe's pen door and the dog went off
i jumped and ripped a nail off my finger
he didn't bring them down around the back where he knows they wouldn't bother us
no
kept them on the side
and again and again kept calling them back

i stayed out after the ducks were inside
i had to cut some perches for the babies so i stayed out
he eventually went inside
i am going to take the camera with me at night now, and tape this bullshit

i am afraid to leave the ducks, the vet said the dogs barking at them will stress them out, momma doesn't like the tarp on the front of the pen
but the worst is when i have to move them in and out
or trying to walk them.......
i love walking these ducks.......and due to this twit, i am afraid to expose the ducks to possible attacks

i can't believe that this homeowner would allow someone like this to cause this much trouble
i have lived here almost 23 years..... and the jackass cutting my trees caused me a problem....
but i have ignored everything else.......
i am however thrilled to peices that this homeowner is no longer talking to me
cause believe me that makes my life MUCH nicer
now if they would only control this .......person that they have living there

and with those little dogs..... he doesn't realize that the hawk CAN and could very well eat them..
they are about 4 pounds or so..... and the hawks are migrating and are hungry
letting them run like that, even with him out there.......is not the safest or brightest thing in the world

i stand with the ducks and when they look UP, i put them under cover

we have a noise ordinance

Stroud Township Ordinance 7-2000 prohibits dogs from running at large and excessive barking. Please have consideration for your neighbor.

so since we do, and i am considerate of the neighbors although obviously it isn't reciprocated
i don't have ducks that make any noise at all,
although i am not accorded the same consideration

i got up to a nasty remark from someone not even here during the incident

i so need to move

we are planning on yet another fence, this one a solid fence to contain the dogs that the neighbors are apparently incapable of containing
as these are little dogs we will run solid panels down just where the ducks are

i don't know if they expect us to stay in the house so their dogs won't bark at us either
which they also do
i am still horribly upset

the worst upsetting thing was the nerve of this person to tell ME to keep my F*CKING ducks in the house

i blocked the phone numbers of the homeowner

in better news the vet did call about momma last night
and told me also to keep their stress levels down


i am not in a good frame of mind today

i want to move so very bad

i can NOT believe this one of the 'good' neighbors had their dogs being watched by a friend, out barking at my ducks, i asked the friend of the neighbor who was watching the dogs to not let them bark at the ducks as momma is just out of the hospital

after a few times of the dogs coming to the line and barking i told him let them come and i will squirt them with the hose... figuring water aversion well he told me i would be a total bitch then told me to keep my F*CKING ducks in my house!!!!!!!!...! i told him this is MY property and my ducks and that if he kept it up i would take videos and turn him in

he called me some sort of fat something or other i called the homeowner, as i am still shaking we have noise ordinances here as well


i called the homeowner, who was going to find out what happened however, now she has hung up on me
her final word was 'do you want to not be talking to any of your neighbors'


YES if they are like THIS
i don't want to be bothered
I REFUSE TO ALLOW anyone to tell me to keep my ducks in my house..... THIS IS MY land the homeowner said her dogs never came over but i have had them come over at times, and ordinarily i just help them back to their lawn

believe me i lived without really bothering with anyone and that is fine with me



i blocked her number and her cell
believe me i don't need this at all
and it is a relief not to have to deal with them anymore

i am still shaking
momma was in the upper pen
and who the hell was this friend of the neighbor to tell ME to keep my ducks in the house
this is MY property and last i heard this friend didn't have his name on the deed to the uphill property
but that isn't my problem

the dogs better say off the property
and i don't want to be harassed by them running up and barking at us either
i will tape them and i will turn them in

and let them not talk to me
ask me if i give a shit
people like that i don't need in my life

as this one neighbor, while she has at times been somewhat helpful, for the most part has always had a nasty thing to say to me.
bernie was livid when i told him

out and about in the middle of the night!! and a shootin star

amazing for someone of my almost amish sensiblities

bernie got a road call at either 10 or 11pm last night
i am not sure of the time as i was snoring peacefully.........
next thing i knew.......
we are on the road going to new brunswick nj
now.....if you look on a map........
we are in stroudsburg pa
giver take
and new brunswick nj..........well that's really really far
even doing 90 the whole way down there

he had a medical coach break down and since the fleet has to roll....... so did we
he told me to stay home
but i told him
i sure as hell wouldn't sleep with him on the road

we got back at 2am
i did however see a shooting star and it was so very cool.....
bernie saw it too!

now the other thing that happened yesterday was one of our chickens dropped dead of a heart attack
one minute fine..... pecking at the scratch, doing her little chicken thing
the next minute dead as a door nail

bernie kept telling me she wasn't dead
i kept telling him she was
she was
she still is dead
she's now out back feeding the fox

when he tried to get her out of the pen the other chickens rushed him
they are nothing if not protective
and even though he's daddy..... they knew something was wrong and were protecting their sister

it most likely was a heart attack
chickens are sometimes prone to them
she wasn't even a year old
i didn't name this batch of pullets as i decided that when their laying life is up.... they will go into the pot
i also expected them to live 19 years that way

the ducks are fine
the cats more or less..... thaddeaus had a hair ball on my foot at 3am YESTERDAY morning
we aren't getting a whole hell of a lot of sleep around here lately

the babie budgies are funny and now like their veggies
and there is frost on my laundry on the line out back

that's my world in a nutshell

oh and i got the knitpicks andean chullo hat pattern so i intend on knitting that
i want the entire line of palette colors as i feel a lot of color knitting coming on
although my workday color knit hats are normally worsted as it seems so much warmer to me

i really need to hit the lotto
as i have a huge order to put into knitpicks
and you know about the farm/barn thing too
oye

rhinebeck

first off there were ouessants
ok so 1/2 ouessant
someone did what i had been talking about doing.... import semen straws and do AI
she used shetlands
i would have used icelandic i think

i finally met jane, and ceci
got to see clara again (it's been years) i got her new book and she autographed it for me
of course got to see the folks at spirit trail...... i swear that is the only place i feel at home now adays

and as we were leaving...... ran into mo barger, who recognized bernie.......sniff....not me
am i really so forgetable mo?

ok the HAUL
one skein of that new yarn from spirit trail "Sunna" silk and merino... i was supposed to get paprika, however some person got it before me and bought jen all out ( if i knew who that person was i would hunt her down like the dog she obviously is........sniff) but jen appeased me with a wonderful wine color.......... which i also liked and really would go better with my goosedown coat
(now i need something in a brownish ginger to go with my wool winter coat)
i got the leaf kit from tsarina of tsocks

i got a medium sized foam hat block for what else? blocking my knit hats!
and i got a color work book from a lovely young woman named mary scott huff called the new stranded colorwork so i got that also signed
so i am getting all these cool books from all these cool folks

now today, i am in reverse
my ARMS and neck and shoulders are killing me
like i wrestled a bull
so i am not all there

the fast good news is momma is finished with two meds
that leaves her with only three now but two are twice a day
and btw, i felt the ducks teeth, no.....they didn't bite me
i just ran my fingers over them
wow
who would have known

medicating a duck is not quite as hard as it sounds at first

IF
you wrap the duck in a towel and make a little duckie burrito
and then convince the duck that if she just lets you shove this thing down her little throat..........
she will be allowed to escape eventually

however i do need a drink ( i don't drink !!!) cause it's enough to leave you shakey
and i could use a chiropractor cause it's enough to strain your back BIG TIME
at one point ONE duck who shall remain nameless but is sort of named after a white flower............
ended up between my knees wrapped in a towel as she was the MOST uncooperative of them all

the things i do for ducks

momma's home ........now

can i do this alone?
can i medicate 3 ducks with a ton of syringes and pills all by myself?
with bernie holding them it wasn't too bad
also
how am i going to keep them seperate with rhinebeck?
the pens were supposed to be completed by now
we lost some weekends to rain
however i found out that pen building went a LOT smoother with me standing out there telling bernie how to do it, and helping where ever i can
(no i am not a total bitch, i actually do know how to do this stuff, i am just not strong enough to do it myself)
the pens aren't even up enough to tarp them and put them in temporarily
i am missing two doors, two gates and a wall

let's see
today i am to run to get more water buckets
two more at least, as ms phoebe is going to lose her little tiny bathtub
i feel bad but it can't be helped, as i can't haul water to wash her tub and then fill it
so she will be getting a bucket
lilli and momma are in full blown exploding duck molts
wonderful....nothing like molting ducks (one with pneumonia) in freezing temps with a full blown molt that has them half nekid........

today i also need to cook and bake for rhinebeck
and pack the coolers
and lay out clothing for me and bernie
i need a new tarp for phoebe's run and one for the big split pen that lilli and falstaff are sharing
i need hay as well for all the pens
two bails should do it
meanwhile i got dishes going and i got the fire going
bernie ended up bringing in wood for me
thank goodness........... as i really was getting tired last night

momma duck is home

the other girls, lilli and phoebe got clean bills of health but are on meds just to insure
that their good health continues, in case it's something we can't see yet

momma is home
the clouding was patches of pneumonia and the meds are fixing that
she looks terrible due to the molt but she is strong again
and not gasping for breath or coughing

we got snow....i drove down in the snow and came home in the snow
it's still snowing
as soon as i thaw out ( cause i don't have heat in the van)
i will bring in falstaff and the wood
and then start supper

then go to sleep early...........
the vet however needs to vacuum duck feathers out of vents and the oxygen cage and the pool she swam in
and the halls and the exam rooms
and off a nice Labrador named sweetie i think

momma ducks xrays

should clouding in the lungs
this can not be good

and a decision will have to be made soon
i am going today with the other girls
and i am going to find out if the drugs will fix this
or if she is scarred or what
she won't be happy living in an oxygen cage the rest of her life, and i agree with her
that is no life

so today first light, i go to the feed store for them
then i take them out and clean night crates
then i putter around and then load them up in the van and drive down to bethlehem

i hope i am bringing three ducks home
but i don't think so

vi

momma duck, icu, my bruises

it's a bad week for the herron family with medical it would seem
hopefully with momma it is going to get better fast
she had her xray last night
and wasn't gasping for breath so maybe now they will find out what is going on and fix it

tomorrow is phoebe and lilli's turn

i am still appauled at the treatment i got at the doctors monday
the way they took the blood pressure was totally against the AHA guidelines
and then to have the doctor decide after 10 minutes and a WRONG bp reading by an incompetant person that i have high blood pressure and need meds NOW

i believe that it is mal practice, not to mention substandard medical care.
and this is with GOOD insurance?

i need to find me a good vet that takes peoples

momma duck in icu

we don't know what's wrong
she started to gasp for breath and turn blue

i am angry

did you know that there are different blood pressure cuff sizes?
and that if you are given a blood pressure reading with the wrong sized cuff, it is not accurate
i also found out that a digital blood pressure machine only will take up to a 17'' cuff
i need a 21''
and that if you take blood pressure with too small a cuff it will significantly increase your reading

SIGNIFICANTLY
now would you say that a doctor that attempts to prescribe HIGH blood pressure meds based an a false reading (and meeting someone for 10 minutes) is competent?

i am livid
and i am not going to take it
i have got to find another doctor

and i have to tell you
that discrimination and phobias against larger people is the last area that PC doesn't go
it's not ok to discriminate against people based on color, or race, or mental capacity
but if you are obese........ it's not only fine but it is apparently the preferred treatment

i have pcos, and thryoid issues
it isn't a matter of 'just lose the weight'
however i get treated like i have some sort of HUGE moral failing because i haven't 'just lost the weight'

i'm sick of it
i eat right, my numbers are all very good.... cholesterol of 145 or under
etc etc
yet a doctor i had just met, basing her assumptions on the above inaccurate information was ready to prescribe high blood pressure meds
and told me to go out and buy a blood pressure monitor
that's how i found out about the cuff sizes and that the digital machines will not take over a 17'' cuff
and that using that size cuff on a 21'' bicep will significately increase blood pressure

to say i am beyond livid and discusted is putting it mildly

woodstove woes and duck dilemmas

i started the woodstove last night, first fire of the season which is a smallish break in fire
third time it lit
no such luck this morning when it's like 30 out

there just isn't enough kindling in the house to start a decent fire

and momma duck seemed a bit better yesterday
i made all the ducks mushy food, they all seemed to not want to eat the pellets so i put them all in water
lillianna has a thing on the front of her neck, i think it's from falstaff pulling at her through the fence or it could be her doing it

today is a new doctor...... we'll see if this one is a keeper, i hope so
bernie and i have decided that i need to find a new endo, but not ditch the old one until i do
so i start to interview doctors
oh man...
but i have to as i have new nodes on my thyroid and this one isn't doing anything about it
bernie feels ( and i think i am going to agree with him) that she feels that since i am fat, i am not really worth her time
he kept telling me repeatedly
'it's clear she has issues'

maybe it was the 'sir' thing when she was leaving
she said good by to him 'goodbye sir, nice to meet you'
she didn't say shit to me
he takes offence at that

oh man
so i am out mostly all week
the duck pen isn't done
rhinebeck is in jeopardy, cause if we can't keep the ducks safe...... we don't go

today we pill a duck

it isn't as much fun as it sounds
or as easy as it sounds
poor momma duck
and i tell you....i still can't get over the way she was so calm when i flipped her on her back
with her little feet in the air
hahaha
i swear that is the cutest position those ducks get into
but i do it all the time to them

so anyway, today we pill a duck and give her two different liquid meds
and grapes
and we pray a LOT

during all this
we also are:
working on the duck pens
taking the BR ac out
covering the studio AC
bring the first wood to the deck
and kindling
moving studio furniture
making beef pot pie
walking and washing ducks
mucking chicken pens
cleaning night crates
and i hope i get a chance to knit the border on my shawl
or start a new hat for rhinebeck
hmmmm seems like we need a 30 day weekend, not a two day
and bernie is going to the PO and the store for me as i have to finish waiting for my body to wake up

monday i have the new doctor appointment
thursday the ducks have the new vet appointment
i could sure use a wife

momma duck at the vets

first off, i am so proud of her, she was so tame and so cooperative and sweet.
she is only 6 pounds though
she should be about 8
the vet was trying to look at her bumblefoot but was doing it with her on her stomach

i said 'wait a minute, let me flip her, they all like to be held on their backs'
and i flipped her like i always do, and the vet had no trouble seeing her feet and vent etc
meanwhile i was kissing her little head and neck
she commented ( as did vicki) how momma wasn't scared, and how her heart wasn't pounding and she was just so calm

the tech prior to the vet coming in was terrified of momma, he asked if she would snap at him
i said no
she won't hurt him
and i held her for him
he was amazed
i guess i take it for granted that these ducks are so tame, and i shouldn't
as the tech AND the vet both told me that they have trouble with ducks

i told them .........'not my ducks'

hahaha
the vet did comment that my ducks were 'slightly' spoiled.... hahaha

they also seems surprised that i knew what the ducks all were eating, and how momma wasn't eating well, and what they like and dislike in foods
i told her i also feed them wet food a lot when they are doing poorly ( such as in the molt)


anyway, i got all sorts of meds
baytril
some thing for worms
something for fungal infections etc
so she will be healthy soon i hope
i have to bring in the other two girls for the same treatment
that will be next week
phoebe and lillianna will be going in for the full 'spa' treatment
i liked this vet and i am glad that i went today instead of to that stupid vet on tuesday......(where they made fun of me taking my duck to the vet and made fun of momma duck's name)

so momma is home, is happy and is in bed
i am so proud of her, as remember not even a year ago (end of march) we brought her home....
she was a feral wild duck
who'd been living in a HUGE flock of over 200 + ducks, chickens, geese, etc........
and now she is as tame as the ones i raised

she also follows me around (which i had forgotten,)
i left her to eat her mush this morning and ran in the cellar to get more pellets and when i turned around.....she was RIGHT behind me
hahahah
she's a good girl and i am glad that she will be ok

(at least the vet thinks so)

snickerdoodles for bernie

he had good news at work so i baked him snickerdoodles
and made him a nice nice dinner

then he told me that the studio isn't ready to heat yet......
and he's right
he is working on the duck pens all weekend
as rhinebeck is next weekend and we lost a weekend to rain
i have to move the drafting table and the birds out of the studio
and that water cooler bernie brought home that doesn't work

and he needs to move my porcelain workbench
oh man he's right
good thing we only go to rhinebeck one day
and good thing he also let them know at work that rhinebeck is a yearly thing, and that they understood
now if the weather will hold out


onto duck news
momma is coughing and yesterday appeared to me not to be eatting much
i have the vet tuesday for her
and i fed her in the pond so she ate while dabbling......
this way i knew something got in her
i am going to wet her food today and keep her out of the A frame pen for a while so i can watch her and see how much she's really eatting
i will again feed her in the pond

phoebe has taken to standing in the center of her pond and pooping in the water
she is still upset from the molt so won't really let me get too near her but is slowly coming around.
i want to check her feet.
i will say that she is whiter then snow now, the whitest i have ever seen her, and i've known her since an egg!

lilli is still a bit bitchy but she's ok
falstaff is a lot cleaner since i hosed him down and made him bath.....
WHY are mucovy drakes such pigs?

i have an appointment monday with a new doctor, maybe i will find out what the lethargy and pain is all about lately
this endo told me (without any T level results on the blood work mind you) that my thryoid was rock steady, and that the weakness etc was not due to thyroid
(obviously it had something to do with the eating of mcdonalds 16 times a day while watching soap operas)
i do think that it most certainly can be secondary lyme or maybe i have truly been kidding myself all these years and i AM just lazy and have been sucessfully hiding it?

anyway, i know i still need a new/good endo..... my old one was fantastic but that isn't an option now that she's closed her office

anyone know a decent endo that is good with PCOS and thyroid......on the east coast.... in the mid atlantic... possibly between nyc and philly?
oh man

mom we don't like the wind you know

it's scary
MONSTERS are running around behind them blowing leaves you know
monsters that EAT ducks like us

duckies, it's ok, i AM here with you

we know mom, but it's still scary

will going into the pens early help you duckies? although you know......this is good flying weather for kites

mom, in case you haven't noticed.... we're DUCKS.....not kites, and we don't really want to fly in this wind

yes duckies.....ok in the day pens with you all, but you all do remember, you are BIRDS? and birds DO fly..............

MOMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!! *** duckie eye roll***

ok duckies, i am just saying......... you are birds

i am so not a happy camper

that doctor may be smart or whatever but she's not good

now in addition, i had nightmares with dreams within dreams
that is never a good sign for me
the dreams within dreams thing is my clue that all is not well in my head

i think i am awakening from a dream and i am struggling to wake up
or move or something
and only much later and i am totally terrified do i actually wake up from both dreams

again last night
this time i was dreaming that someone had broken in by the ducks, and i couldn't wake up enough to wake bernie up
i couldn't scream
i couldn't move
and i was in and out of the deeper dream sleep
(how deep into rem sleep do you have to go to be in THAT state?)

the other night same deal but different scenario, as my mom tried to tell me where to go and buy a house/farm and how to do it
i didn't bring much back from that one

anyway this morning's dream within a dream was ended mercifully by the alarm at 4:15 am

and in waking i did realize that anyone actually attempting to break in would have to deal with large startled irate poultry.......

now as to this doctor
and her 'walk 20 minutes while watching a sitcom'
that is got to be the most worthless waste of time invented
now if she had said......
spend 30 minutes hiking the Appalachian trail
spend 30 minutes walking a dog or training for agility....
spend 30 minutes cooling down a horse
spend 30 minutes raking leaves
spend 30 minutes mucking a barn
spend 30 minutes cutting grasses with a scythe

i would not have been as pissed off
but first she didn't believe me when i told her i eat healthy, no processed foods, very very rarely eat out,
eat a ton of veggies and no bread
(not a lot of 'white inside' foods)
bernie had to jump in and tell her 'no she eats healthy and cooks from scratch'
no she doesn't eat bread
no she rarely eats out
then she started to say i ate way too much......
again she didn't believe me
bernie had to tell her, 'she rarely finishes her dinner, and puts it way for lunch the next day'

why is it that she didn't believe me?
why?
cause i'm fat?
excuse me
i have a few reasons to BE fat
one biggie would be heredity...i am shaped EXACTLY like my mother
and i suppose the thyroid and the PCOS have NOTHING to do with it all

as obviously if i am fat i must be eating McDonald's 16 times a day while watching soap operas on my industrial strength lazyboy
right?
or i would be a toothpick no?

i am beyond pissed off
so i will worry this for ten days

even bernie said she really shouldn't be dealing with people....
i would amend that to dealing with LIVING people........ i'm pretty sure the dead won't give a shit

off to jersey to the very perky young doctor

who i hate
damn pill pusher
i am dreading this
if she's going to do a biopsy .......... i don't know
i do know she's going to do another gooky ultrasound
i don't know if she took t levels this last blood work or not
it would have made sense if she did as she's trying to see thyroid issues
but i read the thing for the lab and didn't see t levels on there

i HAVE mentioned i don't like this doctor right?

i got the SHELVES moved!!

well temporarily for one of them
one is in it's now home, and the other will be when we get the porcelain bench out
i did it myself
so there.......pfffffft to bernie who thought i couldn't do it myself

now i am trying to sort some of the other stuff out so that we can heat if we have to
i can't find a spot for the doll cabinet and i need a bunch of casters for stuff

the caster list:
small bookcase
drafting table
desk
porcelain workbench
7' workbench
both file cabinets

then we are ok in the studio as i can just move stuff around easily
of course the CRP (ethan allen stuff) can't be but maybe that needs to come out of the studio?
i need to do something NOW about the windows, since the mini blinds broke
oye

but the big shelves are MOVED

woodstove done CHECK

wood stacked.....half a check

pens done .... half a check

studio..... we won't go there

i got some furniture moved but not all....... and a mini blind fell on my head not ONCE mind......... but TWICE.......
cause see i learned SO well the first time
tomorrow is the endo
i am thinking of baking a chicken with stuffing and mashed tators and such
since bernie will be home, as he is taking me...... just in case she makes good on her threat of a biopsy

he has to redo some of the duck pen..... THE ROOF, it won't hold a snow load
but it's not really any biggie

ok i have to get the ducks out and the furniture moved

moving furniture

all by myself
i feel like i got run over by a moving TRUCK

bernie worked on the duck pens

i moved studio furniture, the good news is i got my old doll cabinet out
the bad is that i got whacked on the head by a mini blind that broke when i moved the doll cabinet out

today i get to move SHELVES
aren't i lucky???
i am thinking a career change should be in the works..... give up being an artist..
become a migrant farm worker


anyway, i can tell you
my rotator cuffs feel exactly like they did when the doctor said i had torn them
my neck is so stiff and hurting so bad....but then that's been for a few months now again
my arms are tingly numb
my leg muscles feel like overstretch rubber bands.....
and even my hands hurt

so what am i doing today, did someone ask? (pretend someone asked and is vitally interested, cause frankly i really am very boring)

more of the same
i have to be nuts

and now i need casters as well.................
(nuts on wheels?)

today we are doing the studio

due to the recent cold snap, and resulting panic
we figured that the studio has now become top prority
although bernie just informed me 'it's 60 degrees out right now'
(it didn't even get to 60 yesterday)

so
here is the plan
we move the small bookcase, the doll cabinet and the stacking draws along with the cat tree over,......... we slide the one big new shelf down
and move the other shelf flat
then pull the cutting table out
move the drafting table over
and spend 6 hours burning excess paper i was trying to shred but couldn't get it done

the paper thing will actually free up the most space!

meanwhile i continue to be a bit overwhelmed by it all

ok last nights supper..... cider glazed pork chops cooked with red cabbage was a HUGE hit
over rice
like i predicted
bernie ate three of the 4 chops i cooked
hahahaha
not too bad huh?

ok my coffee is waiting so i will go and drink it and then start with this room

again i'm down at 5am

just sort of reading around the net
drinking coffee

trying to sort the weekend
we have these next two days, part of tuesday after my doctors appointment
next weekend and that is pretty much it
then there is rhinebeck

and last night bernie told me, that the other person who takes calls on the weekend won't BE there for two weeks starting thursday
i told him
did you NOT tell them a year in advance about rhinebeck weekend?

you have to tell them you had these plans since LAST YEAR

meanwhile it is getting colder here
i need to bring the plants in this weekend

i need to make more headway in the studio
i got out of the daily thing, and while it was slow i was making progress
and i need that burn barrel NOW
i have tons of paper to burn that i can't burn in the woodstove

and i bet i need the lyme meds again as i am getting very lethergic
and a bit withdrawn again
not to mention ( was it last week?) that i couldn't walk for a few days

oh the joys of aging huh?

ok i have to try and get something done here today

ttyl

pellet food, and the last days of summer

this time of year always reminds me of harvested fields, tucked down in valleys... in the eastern woodlands of 300 years ago.
of close living with the rhythm of the seasons
i swear the mists that rise are ghosts from those times, and briefly relive their lives, and that is what touches us now


i broke down and got pellets for the poultry, and scratch cause it's that time of year
i need to add oats
i also let phoebe out to graze, hoping for her temper to have improved and that she'd score some worms
nope
all she wanted to do was fight with momma, and lilli
ok phoebe, back in the top pen

her flights are growing in now and she's got pink wings from all the blood feathers

she doesn't argue with me anymore about going in with the chickens......seems THEY are safe from her homicidal mood

poor phoebe, she doesn't want any comfort, she's just totally off her rocker at the moment

meanwhile i am bleaching the ducks food/water pails so that they are nice and disinfected for the winter

i made chili yesterday for supper, beans i'd canned last summer ( i need to can more)
frozen chopmeat and a jar of purreed tomatoes, dried onioins and sweet peppers plus some odds and ends spices
bernie took some for lunch today and i have some for lunch as well
leftover stew for supper and then tomorrow most likely porkchops
although i DID find liver in the freezer

we have two weekends left to rhinebeck
the duck pens must all be finished including the coops
the woodstove must be cleaned and the new gasket installed
wood brought in and the kindling barrel stocked
the rest stacked
the studio rearranged
the air conditioners winterized and/or removed

i should also get the furnace cleaned and if i could afford it top off the oil tank........which we haven't filled since summer 2005
yup still on the same tank of oil, due to the woodstove
i could also use a few more cords of wood, like three i think

in baby budgie news, the little ones are eatting that beak appetite stuff, which is great as it's veggies and i am going to slowly start moving them over to a mash diet
they have been really starting to play with their toys now and i am enjoying their chirps and warblings
they also get bernie to stand there for a bit and just watch them
he's always so amazed.........
i don't get it, we've always had finches and canaries and the last time i got parakeets he hated them......this pair he adores
maybe it's the time in his life?
he is looking forward to a very large aviary/flight for them

i am debating if i should really actively try and tame them
i always did have tame budgies, but i am so enjoying them just as they are, that maybe i won't

ok
coffee is ready
my day is ready