just for donald......

i am making homemade stuffing (cornbread and shredded wheat...it's good)
i'll make rutabaga for me
and candied (yuck yuck yuck) yams for bernie
a salad i think for a veg
gravy homemade from scratch
mashed i think for potatoes so i can do cream of spinach soup after
homemade fresh cranberry orange sauce (with star anise, it's wonderful!)
maybe creamed corn (again for the leftovers, i am thinking a turkey pot pie)

we'll have turkey bagels on friday...... it's TRADITION

i am debating on pumpkin cheesecake or maybe apple turnovers for dessert?
but i will cheat on the turnovers and do frozen phyllo dough

i asked bernie and he wants baked brie this year..... hmmm
maybe forget the apple turnovers then? and go with either a cheesecake or pumpkin custard minus the pie shell?

and CIDER
yup yup cider

do you realize

thanksgiving is almost here?
do you?

DO YOU?????????
oh man

ok so stuffed mushrooms or baked brie?
baked potatoes or mashed?
whole turkey or breast?

oye

now yesterday i did night crates...... thank goodness!
and i have clean duckies
naughty ones but clean ones
next is chicken day pens
and then duckie day pens
i have however misplaced my pitch fork........

today is breezy and coolish, i suppose i should do laundry
i should also do more dishes, and clean something else
have i mentioned how much i truly hate to clean
i wouldn't mind if there was someplace to put everything but there isn't

now i also would like to figure out something for bernie for christmas, most likely a dvd player
his is a crappy one that never worked right to begin with
it freezes up mid dvd

that's about it right now as i have to run
how about someone commenting?
so i know you folks are still out there?

it's so sad

all the family having gone home.

the weather here is warmish, so not fall like.
today we have fog ... a LOT of fog
and bernie is very tired. i am so glad that tomorrow is friday, i expect him to sleep in and do some wood and such
we got the cesspool pumped, which seems to have alleviated the burping of the pipes
i need to blitz the house now

has anyone knit aeolian? if so let me know...i am having an issue with printing out the charts!

i can't believe it's almost halloween, then the slide into thanksgiving and christmas.... to new year
we still are not ready to light the woodstove
with the family in and out all summer a lot didn't get done
including the replacement ceramic fiber blanket in the top of the woodstove, but it's sitting there waiting
we also didn't get a tank of oil either

bernie seems to have sold the white van
which leaves us with my van .......just one running vehicle
i am not so sure that's a good idea

ok in garden news we still have tomatoes!
and i have more garlic to plant
because of the weather and then the family coming i am behind on that as well
but as i realized, after all the excitement i need down time...it's that adrenal thing again- i try to fight it, however it kicks my ass every time.
(we also were NOT eatting right while colleen was here since we ate out daily due to being in nj so far away from home)
i am still in down time, and overwhelm ...it's going to take a while

ok i best go now

i dream an aweful lot.....

the other night dad came...... talking about my nephew
he is concerned.

today i dreamt i was going back to art school......and had to run and pay tuition
then got into a discussion about oil paint verse water color
and realized that i knew oils
but just started to really tap watercolor
in the dream i was running across the street to pay tuition and wondering if it's ok that i draw ducks

in waking news....i got my back out again
plus i need to move three cords of wood so the septic guy can get in to pump
we have a problem with the sceptic
bernie went to work
oh man
i am going to call the chiropractor to put my back, back together. and find out if i can stack wood so i can clear the driveway to get the septic guy in
wish me luck

i think i am back

colleen left yesterday.
i met my mother in law...... for the first time
EVER
after what? 34 or 35 years of marriage
i took my nephew down with us one day....he met his gramma
i will be going back as often as i can to see her.....by myself it looks like

i was accused of stalking my nephew because i am concerned about him, and i am concerned about his welfare. which i think is all a bunch of bullshit to cover some guilt up with
i am trying to recover from the last week or so

rhinebeck rocked as usual
did you all miss me?

i am so tired, and i am worn out right now emotionally
my nephew is most likely being deployed by spring...... add that to the worry.
he also had an accident pulling into our driveway the other day
oh man

in knitting news....i am about done with the manditory family hat knitting, i have one more to do and that is for my mother in law. i will use acrylic though for her as the nursing home won't hand wash

the next projects for winter are
1) replacing the ceramic fiber blanket in the woodstove
2) stacking the last three cords of wood
3) doing storm windows
4) tank of oil
5)covering the ac unit in the studio

and then we are done i think
meanwhile......i am sort of feeling sorry for me and missing the family

so now you all need to remind me to post again daily

vi

dentist, family and rhinebeck

be back in about a week and a half.....

you all better miss me

sniff
i'll miss you all

life is good ****

why can't we know that for ourselves sometimes?
**** this post is brought to you by nothing in particular except it's stuck in my head****

one of my friends who recently buried her mom, called me not too long ago crying.
she misses her mom. this doesn't seem to unusual but this person was so busy being strong for her mom, for her family...... and doing all the legal stuff and guardian stuff that she didn't have time to realize....
she was going to miss her mom when her mom was gone.

she realized now

what does that have to do with life is good?

well i wish she'd had some inkling of that revelation while her mom was still alive...but that's ok better late then never.
however she missed the opportinity to tell her mom while her mom was in the flesh
she did however get a 'vist' from her mom, the other day and so told her then.

how often do we get mad at our family?
i know i get mad at bernie a lot...... part of it is worry on my part, when he works late 6 nights a week, comes in and falls asleep in his chair before he eats.......
or when he does something in the house in such a rush that i know it's going to take a ton more work to undo it and then redo it right

but the reality is, i do love him with my whole heart and soul and toenail.... i just get disappointed sometimes.

isn't that the way?

also i keep wishing for an addition....funny a few years ago all i wished for was enough money to survive....just pay the bills, buy heat and food......

AND A KITCHEN WITH COUNTERTOPS--

however i think we are in a better part of our lives.....so while i look forward to an addition to the house..... sometimes i am just happy to BE

and if BEING means pain free so much the better

i also realized, a lot of things i do take away from other things just as important to me
and i would like to find a way to streamline some things ( like chores) so i have a bit more time drawing and painting, making dolls, cooking/canning, and knitting
i want to spend more quality time with bernie, and i am hoping that he can get work (once past the new office opening) a bit more streamlined so he can get home at a decent hour.

i realized what a waste of time some things are.....and how some people can waste your time and spin your wheels. (yes that person who didn't show really got me annoyed)

anyway...
what is good in your life? what are you going to keep? what are you going to dump?

a hat a day?

next week is rhinebeck, which my sister in law colleen is going to for the very first time
sooooooooo
as it's due to rain (sorry mo, i think it's going to be cold wet and really nasty weather.....)
i knit her a blue and grayish white tweed colorknit hat
in about six hours
but since it's not any thing really spectacular..***hello, only six hours***
i expect she'll only wear it if the weather is nasty
i am going to wear i think bernie's light blue one
he'll wear his darker blue one or maybe colleen will wear one of the solid blue ones
anyway
we have hats for rhinebeck
(mine will most likely be a barn hat)

oh and the budgies are all getting along fine btw, the yellow one is now estella from 'great expectations'

now i have a question for you all, about your levels of tolerance for other people, and their stupidity or whatever

do you find yourself more tolerant or less tolerant of other people and their personal 'quirks' as you get older?
i think in many ways i am much less tolerant- a case in point, yesterday someone was to have come over my house for me to do them a favor...they never showed up nor called... i got a PM last night- that since i didn't call THEM, they didn't come, besides they had a bad day.....!
can i do it for them today or tomorrow
now the deal was.....i did this favor for them, they helped me plant garlic, (which i actually didn't expect them to do as it is actual work) and i am thinking that the garlic planting had something to do with them not bothering

here is my thing, i think that if you want a favor, you show up when it is most convienent for the person doing it for you.....
or does a favor imply inconvience for the one doing it?
while ordinarily i don't mind doing something for someone, i do mind when i feel imposed on

as a side note, this particular person asks for favors a lot....swears she is going to 'help me'
i hear 'let me help you' regularly..... but have yet to seen her show up to help
this happens a lot around here
i hear offers of help a lot but no actual help ever seems to happen.
 so i figured i would ask you all

what do you think of this ???
what's your experiences?
(also if you post i will answer in the comments ok?)
i really would like to get a dialog going here about this if we can.......since this is something that puzzles me

i had the oddest dream

both my folks were in it......and dad apparently worked with bernie
my cousin's wife michele was in it too
we were around the table (we're italian where do you think we'd be?)
some woman came up to dad from behind and put her arms around him and commented on how cold his hands were
mom didn't notice!!!!!!!!!!
bernie and dad commented that they both needed to be back at work but no one moved and we all sat around talking and eating
part of the dream was me asking bernie what it felt like to have a kid with another woman
as i figured that in raising that child they would have an interaction and intimacy that really should be framed in a committed relationship (or a marriage)
now in real life bernie doesn't have any children with anyone that we know of...
so this was an interesting part of the dream
oh and i woke before he could tell me

now that one was an odd dream
then i woke up to henrietta crowing like a rooster.....(she isn't a rooster she lays an occational purplish egg)
she actually sounded like a young roo! i was shocked when i heard her
well today is a go to town fast day.....so  i can't dawdle.....
the budgies are all ok still .....getting used to sharing a big cage
emma and the captain are still hot and heavy
poor boy, emma follows him around and bosses him too
oye

a budgie soap opera

all the budgies are now together in the big flight
and captain cuttle has abandoned mrs fezziwig for his own true love, emma ( one of the easter budgies)
meanwhile estella (the yellow easter budgie) is heart broke with unrequited love for captian cuttle.....
mrs fezziwig doesn't really seem to care either way
such DRAMA
so intense suspense......

will captain cuttle and emma abandon the other budgies and raise a family in the corner of the flight?
will estella ever find true love with a new yet to be purchased MALE budgie
will the new, yet to be purchased male BUDGIES (plural, we have to get two of them) be interested in the girls or will they be interested only in each other?????

stay tuned to have these and other questions answered when we return to our next episode of 'ah the budgie turns'

oye

and the countdown begins......

28 days (giver take)
i love halloween
not the gory stuff
but the pumpkins, ghosties and witches..... bats, cats and full moons
add that to the fall leaves, apple cider, doughnuts, etc....
oh yeah am i ever THERE
we've been putting some stuff up in the house now.... since jackass neighbor is gone we feel we can celebrate now!!!
so pumpkins are starting to show up all over the house....... hmmmm even in the bathroom
hahahahahaha
did i mention i love halloween?
ghost story books are on the nightstand
and the mantel
and i am trying to hang orange lights over my drawing space...mmmmmmmm orange lights!!!
 meanwhile in family news, my sister in law colleen is coming back, not only to come to rhinebeck with us but to visit her mom who she's not seen since i think she was.....11?
and of course to meet kevin
one of my other sister in laws may come to rhinebeck as well (rhinebeck is on her birthday) and i hope our new friend susan comes with also
we'll be meeting vicki and bob up there ..jen and scott are following us
life seems very sweet right now
in spite of the heat coming on during the night..which can only mean one thing,

 THE FIRST FIRE OF THE SEASON

and i can't wait... i love my woodstove so much!
sadly however, after halloween comes the much harder darker times of the year.... when i freeze putting the animals out, and when i worry about if i am going to be able to haul water out and wood in by myself.
but right now i am not going to worry about that....
i am going to revel in halloween and rhinebeck....... the BEST TIME OF THE YEAR!

small vignettes

 on the left is a picture i took while waiting to find out if we had to continue on with the sunday road call.... we had started out, and were then called and informed that the crew were trying to get a jump down where they were. on the right is calpurrnia, taken yesterday while she was up on the top of the knocked down bed- she HAD been laying with her little head down..... looking so amazingly innocent. but i missed that shot when i got the camera.

we've had rain for the past two days, the ducks were not happy. i actually had to carry the babies down the hill as they were not going there.......

they followed me down the hill but then realized i was going to put them in the back pen... and all four turned and FLED up the hill-like all the hounds of hell were after them.

they wanted to stay in the small pen near the house but since there are 4 of them they need to be back in the big pen..... it stays clean longer and also they have more room to flap their wings around

i put lilli and phoebe in the top pen, however the babies aren't happy

so one by one i carried babies......WHILE they told me that my parents were canine, and that apparently i was a boy as well...!

even thumbprint got in the corner of the pen and told me off..... wow! thumbprint came out of his little world??

just to tell mommy off!!!

oh and the drakes are having voice changes now.....so the telling me off is even funnier in person

oh i finally got the broccoli done, but the tomatoes are still waiting

now tomorrow i have the periodontist, which is scary.

oye

meanwhile bernie is taking off to take me or so he says... i have to leave here by 2:30

oh and i also need to make a vet appointment for thaddeaus, fawn and calpurrnia... which is an hour away,.........will my car make it there and back?

ok folks i know i still owe you pork and ham

i want a maslin pan

tis the season for THAT lust too
cause of pear preserves
i do them the french way.... a bit of sugar sprinkled over and then they set
boil up the syrup........ and then let them set again
finally simmer them together with the syrup and can
i NEED a maslin pan
it's a want, a need, a lust, and an obcession.....
and it's also about 200.00

oye
and a side note to vicki in ut
have your dh do the furance, use a shop vac, replace the oil filter in the line and go online for the specs to set the nozzles at
bernie did ours for years

last night we were called out on a road call, we left and were on our way when we got a call that a unit local to the downed vehicle was going to try and jump them
so we parked and waited.
they were able to be jumped so we came home!!! and ate leftovers
but while we waited we were near a lake and watched duckies!!! now you all know how much we like our duckies....hahahahaha
so it was fun

today is raining out
duckies don't know that yet
SURPRISE duckies!!! i know how you all hate the rain
oye

meanwhile i dreamt of chris isaak!
just a brief mention of his name

then a transparent girl called my name and talked rapidly with her transparent hands over my head
however i don't think she was a dream
i told her to slow down as i didn't catch what all she was saying
except when she called me by name
my real name
no one calls me by that
so that sort of woke me up
that's when i realized her hands were transparent and waving around over my head......to the left
i wonder who it was
she was not a young girl so she was between like 20 and 38 or so....... maybe a tiny bit younger
but she wasn't an older woman either
i don't think it was thea, as normally she makes sure i know it's her
although thea was one of the few childhood friends that ever called me by my real name consistantly
so there is a puzzle for you

well my beloved chicklets.... i need to finish this coffee, get dressed and get ducks
and then start a very busy day today
i have pears, broccoli and apples to do
along with some spinach. and tomatoes
hense the maslin pan lust
ttyl

and just when you least expect it

another good weekend (well so far at least)

we filled my thryoid med rx yesterday, so now i have peice of mind until  i need to get this renewed again.
i need an endo though

well let's see, we got some chicken on sale and i put it in the freezer, which caused the eviction of my wool and yarns......sniff
oye
so i am going to see about sealing them in bags
we also got new litter boxes and new litter for the cats, no one is using them however and there is STILL pee on the floor.
oye
i got butter on sale...and pears to make pear preserves, some broccoli to freeze up
tomorrow i hope to get 20 or so red peppers as i would like to do my sweet roasted red pepper sauce

we still need another 3 cords of wood and a tank of oil for the winter, and 40# of blsl chicken breast that i want to batter dip and crumb for the freezer.....as well as 100 pounds or so of potatoes
then i think we really are done with that
bernie needs to do the snowblower and i want a new shovel
we have even started to put in newspaper for kindling.

so what are you're winter preps?

and with the advent of fall/winter i get closer to doll making, drawing and knitting...i can't wait

yesterday

jen came over to knit on the deck.
i know she was concerned as that stupid doctor knocked me for a loop monday
then the girl that took poindexter & may came over with her two kids, so we all sat on the deck and visited a spell

it was hot

today i am finally finishing up my poor long suffering pathetic little space that passes for a kitchen around here. (it's pitiful i know) i've had stuff all over the place though and today i am getting it a bit straightened out.
meanwhile the cat problem (which no one has commented on, i am beginning to feel very unloved here) still is going on, so we decided to pick up three new litter boxes and a different kind of litter and see if that helps a bit

now just about every night this week bernie had come home very late, around 9........add that to his/me not sleeping... well, i asked him please if he could, come home at a reasonable time tonight.... 7 would make me happy.

another sleepless night

thank goodness it's wen- i can't wait until the weekend... maybe i'll actually get some sleep?
yesterday, i grazed the big girls, and i wore my wool hat out instead of my straw floppy sun hat.
everyone stared at me
even lilli was confused!
bernie didn't get in until after 9, so we had oatmeal for supper, he got a shower and it was off to bed.....i didn't sleep
he did thank goodness

i am still obsessing about the doctor on monday, she was better then the one that insisted i had high blood pressure after meeting me for one second and reading the inaccurate blood pressure that her incompetent assistant took- but this one's take was 'when i was ready to take charge of my health, and lose 100# come back'
i truly am so sick of doctors who don't know how to treat what is wrong with you so they latch on to anything... and then get angry at YOU... when you don't fit the stereotypes.
and the level of hostility is amazing......
i have had doctors tell me (without blood work taken mind you) that i am diabetic **i'm not***
that i have high blood pressure ***i don't think so....117/72 isn't high***
that i have high cholesterol.... ** at 143?***
that i will die before i am 50, 60, 70, 80..... or 90....... ahem... i am over 50, and let's face it, living with the adrenal hyperplasia and the pcos isn't a picnic in the park.... i would rather have less years of higher quality then longer and no quality
so how many 90+ year olds are truly enjoying their lives? or are they stuck in nursing homes?
frail? ignored.....?
a doctor's fear of death shouldn't be pushed on a patient, i am not all that afraid of the after life.... just the pain and indignity of dying
but like everyone is telling me......i got my thyroid meds renewed.... without having to get a blood test that i can't afford right now
so she is a bad doctor and it worked for me
but i spent the day in tears as the aftermath..... ***and this little tropical depression is brought to you by adrenal hyperplasia...and stupidity in the medical profession*** i was so miserable even bernie felt sorry for me...
my old doctor that closed her practice used to make me feel so good when i walked out of her office... and i always made progress.... these doctors locally make me feel like i should just die as i have no obvious redeeming qualities as i am so (insert the adjective here - at least i think you insert the adjective here......... ) fat, combative, non compliant ( that one was from the one that told me i have high blood pressure as she wrote a rx for meds) an obvious liar.... (i couldn't possibly be not eating crap, or watching portion size or exercising enough or i would not be fat damn it... two diseases that cause obesity but it's me doing something way wrong

and i am so sorry to rant but stuff like this gets me so angry.. if i had listened to these doctors i would be dead.. they wouldn't give a shit either

ok i am about done with the scarf for spirit trail...... lately my knitting is extremely slow
i have to finish the one sock then do the other and i can send them to her
i have to block the scarf
i hope i can find my blocking wires

when i am finished i plan on sitting down and drawing...... and sculpting
i have a photo of amelia (aka bigfoot) 'instructing' the other ducklings.... i want to start with
then some drawings of the big girls in the garden hunting worms
and then..... baby drawings
i hope to draw a lot of ducklings this winter
i hope i took enough pictures
with the way the summer played out i don't think i did take enough stills, i took mostly videos

and i want to sculpt... (bernie may come home one day soon to find porcelain molds on the stove again...just like 30 years ago when i was starting out) which also means plaster dust all over.... when i do the molds around the sculptures to pour porcelain
i really want to do some doll making in porcelain again... although i may just finish some cloth stuff.
i never know what i am going to do.......until i do it

i also want to put some halloween stuff up in my drawing corner, as well as the rest of the house
tis the season

we are also having a problem with the cats, they have clean litter boxes, but they poop and pee just outside of them
clean boxes........THREE cats THREE BOXES
they are driving me nuts
anyone have any ideas?
it started when jackass' cats sprayed our front door
then we had pee wars...... the ferals on the outside
our's on the inside
they may have ruined the floors!
anyway, if anyone has any ideas on how to fix this or solve this please let me know
and no getting rid of them is not an option..... oh and they are healthy

ok i am off and dragging
i came down with bernie this morning again
so i am not really with it yet

it's cold here this morning

so cold that if i had brought wood in, we'd have a fire right now.
so i bring in wood later maybe.
i wish we had a back door downstairs or at least deck stairs down stairs. it would make things a bit simpler

now today i plan on cleaning night crates....harvesting some stuff in the garden
doing dishes, canning some tomatoes and then more knitting ( and renew my rx)

i also have to fax some stuff out. someone remind me

and i am a bit unsettled between the doctor yesterday and this whole mother in law thing
i think an afternoon of knitting maybe just what i need....... possibly on the deck?

october is almost here, which brings rhinebeck, halloween, and the last of the winter preps. last year we had snow if i remember on halloween.
i need to do the hoop house soon
oh and my friend tina is getting married on halloween!

i am still not settled enough to finish up the ham and pork post but i will get to it
and some time this week i'd like to make up a big batch of meatballs
but my top priority is getting the knitting done this week, blocked and posted out
and getting bernie's thing faxed out
gee it's almost 9 i had better go
ttyl

the new doctor..isn't

you know you are in trouble with a doctor when they write something down before you answer them
and it's wrong
and they don't correct it cause you see....... they know your body better then you ( although they've met you five minutes before)

oye
so the search continues

meanwhile, may and poindexter seem to be making friends at the new farm...... poindexter is friends with a staffshire terrior now
and may.....well she's friends with worms..... and NOT friends with poindexter at the moment but that will change in a few months

meanwhile i have to finish the knitting for spirit trail.....she's going to hate me i think, i've had it so long
and then once that's finished it's the drawing board and the sculpting table......
fall is just about here!!!!!

today i mucked out the top pen
i have to do the duck room and the girls night crate tomorrow

ok i forgot about this post and went out to bring in the girls and the babies (and falstaff)
bernie just called, he's on his way......... it's almost 7
leftovers tonight

this and that on sunday morning

well first up, the two sets of budgies are talking to each other. this is a very good thing
i am hoping that they will end up together by the end of the month or mid october at the least.
then i can sterilize the small cage and look for the two boys i still need for these guys.
also it will be easier on me to feed them all the chopped veggies and sprouted seeds etc in one cage
they are funny all taking turns hanging on the sides of the cage closest and then ignoring each other 
i love birds, even though they can be difficult at times, right now i am watching captain cuttle feed mrs fezziwig......and the easter budgies are also watching.
(the little lavender/gray budgie is emma and we haven't named the yellow one yet....she's not told us her name)
DAMN and i just spilled coffee all over my keyboard....damn.... all over my patternworks catalog

the girl that has poindexter and may now sent me a video on facebook of them so i feel better. she said may isn't limping anymore which is what i suspected. (they were too crowded in the night crate)
she also said that her father brought the crate out for them the other night and they gratefully ran into it.
i think that amazed everyone that they were trained.
vicky (their new mom) said that she was surprised at how much personality they had. and how they did know their names and would wag their tails when you call them.
yup
them's my babies...

meanwhile the rest of the flock is lost....... thumbprint/kevin nibbled my shoes and both of my legs all around ....he knows, and he knows i feel bad too. so they may be lost but they are also a lot calmer without poindexter leading them astray.
i think poindexter and may will be ok away from home, as it was tramatic enough for poindexter to realize there could be danger around. they are a bit young to be gone though but i told vicky to call me if there was a problem

my nephew and sister in law have acquired a cat... kevin wants to call him larry, and his mom wants to call the kitten fred. i think it's very funny either way. they tell me he is orange and white and about 10 months old.....ahhhh and that he slept with kevin the first night. 
i hope they send me pictures

now it looks like we aren't going to be finishing the raised beds in the garden nor the cold frame this fall....nor the big duck pens
oye
i still need a load of wood and a tank of oil, plus insurance is in october so that will have to come first.
i am going to try for a hoop though so that i have spinach, chard, mache, for winter.

i know i still owe you ham/pork and i am getting to it...
ok tomorrow i have a doctors appointment...... i hope this will be my new personal care doctor... i still need a close and steady endo that is familiar with pcos and ncah and isn't a moron
i never realized what losing a good doctor could do to you. and i am hopeful that tomorrow night i will have a renew on my thyroid meds.......since obviously they are helping me

ok i will talk to you all tomorrow but the ham thing is probably not going to happen until tuesday

empty pens

in this case are not a good thing
i had a rough time with may and poindexter leaving...jen dragged me out
and i did make a new friend (hi susan) who is a very interesting person... we are going to have a blast together i predict
but it was still a rough day

today it seemed so odd to see only 4 babies
and the babies were looking for may and poindexter also

i feel so guilty

i divided their little family

now today, i am cleaning the kitchen, while bernie is cleaning the woodstove
he's not happy about that but then again it's not a pleasant job so i can understand
getting the chimney back togethe is a nightmare

we had a late start on chores as we had to go to the petstore for cat food, kibble/cans and a calcium perch for the budgies.....we got a huge one last week and they ate it already!
we moved the easter budgies over next to the older ones and right now, everyone is ignoring everyone

someone tell me please......why do i love birds so very much? they are really difficult at times

my nephew told me that there are 75 in his unit, and that they are looking to get shipped out
i cried all night
between that and my babies going
well i don't know if i can stand that
and my nephew said to me... 'but i knew that, i joined the army during wartime, i knew i would be shipped out'
oh man thru my heart....yet i am so proud of how mature he is
i love this kid with my whole heart.....i would give him my kidney....
i wish you all could meet him, you would see what i mean.
he loves his mother and sister and his nan...... he's a wonderful boy/man

ok enough
or i will be crying again and i have a whole kitchen yet to clean

take good care everyone