another sleepless night

thank goodness it's wen- i can't wait until the weekend... maybe i'll actually get some sleep?
yesterday, i grazed the big girls, and i wore my wool hat out instead of my straw floppy sun hat.
everyone stared at me
even lilli was confused!
bernie didn't get in until after 9, so we had oatmeal for supper, he got a shower and it was off to bed.....i didn't sleep
he did thank goodness

i am still obsessing about the doctor on monday, she was better then the one that insisted i had high blood pressure after meeting me for one second and reading the inaccurate blood pressure that her incompetent assistant took- but this one's take was 'when i was ready to take charge of my health, and lose 100# come back'
i truly am so sick of doctors who don't know how to treat what is wrong with you so they latch on to anything... and then get angry at YOU... when you don't fit the stereotypes.
and the level of hostility is amazing......
i have had doctors tell me (without blood work taken mind you) that i am diabetic **i'm not***
that i have high blood pressure ***i don't think so....117/72 isn't high***
that i have high cholesterol.... ** at 143?***
that i will die before i am 50, 60, 70, 80..... or 90....... ahem... i am over 50, and let's face it, living with the adrenal hyperplasia and the pcos isn't a picnic in the park.... i would rather have less years of higher quality then longer and no quality
so how many 90+ year olds are truly enjoying their lives? or are they stuck in nursing homes?
frail? ignored.....?
a doctor's fear of death shouldn't be pushed on a patient, i am not all that afraid of the after life.... just the pain and indignity of dying
but like everyone is telling me......i got my thyroid meds renewed.... without having to get a blood test that i can't afford right now
so she is a bad doctor and it worked for me
but i spent the day in tears as the aftermath..... ***and this little tropical depression is brought to you by adrenal hyperplasia...and stupidity in the medical profession*** i was so miserable even bernie felt sorry for me...
my old doctor that closed her practice used to make me feel so good when i walked out of her office... and i always made progress.... these doctors locally make me feel like i should just die as i have no obvious redeeming qualities as i am so (insert the adjective here - at least i think you insert the adjective here......... ) fat, combative, non compliant ( that one was from the one that told me i have high blood pressure as she wrote a rx for meds) an obvious liar.... (i couldn't possibly be not eating crap, or watching portion size or exercising enough or i would not be fat damn it... two diseases that cause obesity but it's me doing something way wrong

and i am so sorry to rant but stuff like this gets me so angry.. if i had listened to these doctors i would be dead.. they wouldn't give a shit either

ok i am about done with the scarf for spirit trail...... lately my knitting is extremely slow
i have to finish the one sock then do the other and i can send them to her
i have to block the scarf
i hope i can find my blocking wires

when i am finished i plan on sitting down and drawing...... and sculpting
i have a photo of amelia (aka bigfoot) 'instructing' the other ducklings.... i want to start with
then some drawings of the big girls in the garden hunting worms
and then..... baby drawings
i hope to draw a lot of ducklings this winter
i hope i took enough pictures
with the way the summer played out i don't think i did take enough stills, i took mostly videos

and i want to sculpt... (bernie may come home one day soon to find porcelain molds on the stove again...just like 30 years ago when i was starting out) which also means plaster dust all over.... when i do the molds around the sculptures to pour porcelain
i really want to do some doll making in porcelain again... although i may just finish some cloth stuff.
i never know what i am going to do.......until i do it

i also want to put some halloween stuff up in my drawing corner, as well as the rest of the house
tis the season

we are also having a problem with the cats, they have clean litter boxes, but they poop and pee just outside of them
clean boxes........THREE cats THREE BOXES
they are driving me nuts
anyone have any ideas?
it started when jackass' cats sprayed our front door
then we had pee wars...... the ferals on the outside
our's on the inside
they may have ruined the floors!
anyway, if anyone has any ideas on how to fix this or solve this please let me know
and no getting rid of them is not an option..... oh and they are healthy

ok i am off and dragging
i came down with bernie this morning again
so i am not really with it yet