what i did over my spring preview weekend

i made STITCH MARKERS!!!!
they were easy too
i used some flexible 'copper' wire, some copper crimp beads, and three $1.00 sets of beads from AC Moore
i got a bunch of the green ones and 12 of the blues now the blue ones are 6 of the clear blue and 6 of the AB over darker blue but they kinda look alike in color
the little green ones just fit in that tiny tin i normally use for selling hand balm in (one of those tins of hand balm lasts a long long time too-i need to make more of them)

meanwhile bernie plowed us out... and we both did laundry as well as dishes.
it was a sort of quiet weekend.
i did hang some chandelier crystals on ribbons from the branch i keep over the front windows

doesn't EVERYONE have a branch over their front windows? no? WHY NOT?? it's great to put all sorts of stuff on......
i hang the following: (not all at the same time mind you)

fake birds and pastel painted bird houses.... occasional bird nests
chandelier crystals
black crows, bats, and skeletons
plastic easter eggs
plastic icicles and assorted sized glass balls
just bunches of different length ribbons in different widths but all the same color
banner letters

cool huh? bernie thinks i'm out of my mind
hahahaha
yup i surely am

and yet another snow storm cometh.........

and i continue to walk on (frozen) water......
i actually like the snow and all that
what i don't like is not being able to clean my pens, and having to alternate duck baths
that doesn't make me happy as i like the ducks bathed daily

i am sitting down stairs waiting for the wood stove to kick off....... i've got it loaded and it's got the start of a nice fire going, but it's a matter of time
it's got to heat first the chimney and then the surface.

bernie is sleeping and i am going to let him sleep for a while
he fell asleep last night after over packing the wood stove and smothering the fire so i had to stay up for a while
oye
i have more logs to add, i am just waiting for it to be a bit warmer inside the fire chamber.

with all the snow this winter does this mean that the drought is over?
i know that snow is 'poor man's fertilizer' so the garden is got that as well as an insulating blanket- and let me tell you that blanket is pretty thick out there...

well this is a post about nothing huh?
mainly it's a 'i was here, i didn't forget you all' post

ducks on ice........old ladies not so much

yesterday amelia surprised me by FLYING down the ice covered hill
the reason i was surprised is that i clipped her wings just in september.... and no one has molted primaries yet!
prudence naturally followed her (but pru doesn't fly as far, she isn't as light as amelia)

i called them back up, i rattled the food pans
they looked pleadingly at me
they stood on one foot waiting for me to come down and open the big pen door (which is iced shut)
they did the peepee dance (one foot up and then the other and rocked back and forth)
they finally sat down on their feet fluffing out their feathers
waiting patiently.....


so here i am ....... carefully inching my way down the hill......using my stick to crunch through the ice enough to allow my boot heel to break through so i have some sort of traction
took about 10 minutes!
i figured if i fell this time, i was a goner and so were my birds
i got to the bottom and picked both girls up
they are NOT spoiled
they aren't
not really
although while i was carrying them both up the hill i did warm up their feet with my wool mittens
and put them in the upper pen
on the hay
before i put them in the upper day pen
amelia took the time to kiss me on the cheek
i think she had some duck shit on her beak........
wasn't THAT thoughtful of her?

DUCKS!

conversations with a duck (or two)

we got a mouse in the duck pen
lilli didn't catch it, instead she looked up me and cried for me to pick her sorry feathered butt up.
so we switched ducks
phoebe is in there
the conversation went something like this:

'mom, i don't wanna be in the chicken pen, it's nasty'

phoebe YOU'RE the one that tossed the chickens out two weeks ago
(maybe three)

'BUT MOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM' (duck whining)

but phoebe, you fought with lilli so you two are now separated (sibling rivalry)

'but mom, i'm lonely and all i got is them nasty old chickens...and a mouse'

phoebe you're in here to EAT THE MOUSE......you love mouse, so eat the mouse and we'll take you out during the day, even though you hate the snow

'grumble mumble grumble' (phoebe having a smart ass remark under her breath)

oye......... you folks haven't lived until you've lived with ducks

now the other thing i was trying to remember to post about is lack of energy......
i got started with a lot of plans, and somehow ran out of steam!
you folks know me, have i been slowing down?
i can't seem to get much done lately and it's really starting to piss me off
and the hell of it is, some stuff is really easy!
most days i feel like i am drifting through
anyone feel like that?

what do you all do about it?

new (OLD) toaster

i got bernie a vintage sunbean t-20a automatic radiant toaster which was made approximately 1950- 52.
not only does it still work, but it works better then his BRAND NEW EXPENSIVE 4 slice toaster
AND the cool thing is, if you put a slice of bread in it...... the TOASTER lowers the bread into itself!
cool huh?
you don't do a damn thing
i may even have toast!
(i am not supposed to though)

i came down this morning around 7 or 8
i stoked up the stove, and folded dry laundry then hung wet laundry up on the line over the woodstove
took me a while, but when i was finished i went up to see if bernie was getting up
fawn and calpurrnia were down with me.......thaddeaus was not
when i went up to wake bernie i leaned over to hug him and noticed that thaddeaus was still in bed with him
hahahaha
thaddeaus woke up when i said good morning to bernie
he was unmistakably startled to find me STANDING up, and not in bed
even bernie could tell that thaddeaus was shocked!
thaddeaus stared at me trying to comprehend what was going on while he continued to wake up
as soon as it really sunk in that mom was NOT in bed and that thaddeaus hadn't been following mom around....he jumped out of bed........
we laughed our asses off
it was so obvious that he'd thought i was still asleep
and that he may have missed the hot fancy feast for the morning (he didn't- i wait for all of them for their hot breakfast)
we are still laughing about it
(what? you all know we have no life)
meanwhile i got the stove hot enough to dry the laundry
i got the wet laundry hung and bernie is starting to make sunday breakfast
i wish you all a delightful sunday morning

sleep wonderful sleep beautiful sleep

and i am not getting enough of it, even when i am
sleeping seems to have become irresistible to me lately
the more i get the more i want it would seem
tucked under the huge pile of covers with or without bernie
but with all the cats
thaddeaus under the covers in my arms, fawn on my head and calpurrnia on my ankles
just drifting off into dreams

it is so not like me
but i am really craving sleep now
if there was someone to stoke the stove and care for the animals i most likely wouldn't get up for a few days
except to use the bathroom and maybe eat something

this is a new thing for me, as i've always been the one that woke up at 5am and woke everyone in the house up as well.
not lately
even when i'm up, i'm not really up

this winter is a normal sort of wintery winter
the only difference is the stove having to be tended often due to poor insulation in this house
if i could afford oil, along with the stove i could sleep
or if we replace the oil furnace with something that was cheaper to burn as well as a longer burn time then the woodstove i could sleep

hmmmm

ahem

i've really had enough of the cold now
thank you
oh and the ducks and chickens have too
i can't keep the house warm and the poultry from boredom........
did i mention the whole 'can't keep the house warm enough' thing?

waiting for the arctic blast

and other odds & ends
i went for the evaluation post surgery/cleaning at the periodontist
i did well for the most part
2-3 on all my teeth except two
i need gum surgery on two
we are going to try and save them so that i have something to chew with
meanwhile i was told not to floss quite so vigorously......OOPS
i do floss a lot
an awful lot
so over all i am doing ok there

now to this weekend with the sub zero temps.....i am going to do the plastic over the back door
and a sheet or something over the front door
keep the ducks in
i wish i had window quilts but until now i've never been able to afford to make them
i have 16 windows in the studio
i would need to make 16 quilts that are 36X64 inches......
16 quilts
just for the studio
in the main house there are ....now let's see
2 in the hall
4 in the living room
1 in the dining room
1 in the staircase
1 in the bathroom
1 in the 'soap' room
2 in the front bedroom
1 in the kitchen
for a total of 13, plus the 16 .....shit !!!!!
29 window quilts
and they are all HUGE
i really think i need to just have something like 4 HUGE windows (4ft x 8ft) in the studio.....and be done with it
at least then the window quilts will be big but not a million (OK 29 isn't a million) of them

in knitting, i have tried and tried to turn that amazing sunna yarn from spirit trail into the socks for jen
i have ripped and reknit
that yarn does NOT WANT to be socks
it is begging and pleading to be a shawl, in textured lace with tiny flecks of crystal beads .......
you know like the galaxy
like stars in the night sky
it is begging me
and every time i get past the heel turn and into the instep the pattern screws up
i try
i do
it wants to be the starry night sky

oye
i need to talk to her
the yarn is begging me

i made bernie yogurt since he's now over the zpac, he's better but started smoking again..... i won't tell you all what i think
me-, i may need a zpac too
i got up with a horrific sinus headache yesterday which had me in a hot steamy shower alone at 5am
not as much fun as you may think.

now today i am thinking either chili, roast chicken or a soup of some sort
with us having all sorts of illnesses lately, i am leaning to chili
possibly with homemade bread, now the question i have to ask myself is....
do i really want to be trapped in the house with arctic conditions outside
with a man i just fed BEANS TO?
yeah that's what i thought...........roast chicken it is then
chili maybe sunday so he can go to work monday and gas them out of the shop

i know i've been a bit neglectful of you all lately
i don't know what's gotten into me (oh yeah......old age)

oye

when it's this cold out

i often think about the peasants of the northern european areas,
scandinavian folk, russians, the baltics.......
from about 250 years or so ago.......maybe 400
did they stand in front of their stoves (beautiful tiled stoves) adding wood and basking in the warmth as it (the fire) started to take off?
i can also see the wisdom of multiple petticoats and warm woolen shawls

i came down at 2am
it was 67 in the studio
below zero outside but not too windy (which means we are warmer)
i started stoking the stove
raking up, then evening up the coal bed. letting air flow over the coals to heat them up prior to the next log being put on top of the
watching the log catch
realizing that this ritual has been going on for as long as man has tamed the fire enough to let him (her?) live where the snows get deep and the night is cold
can i reach across the centuries?
was there a village woman hundreds of years ago up at 2am
stoking the stove and dreaming of the future as i think of the past?
the flames and need for warmth unite us
even though her bones are long stripped of flesh
watching the flames
feeling the warmth
surviving the cold and dark yet another night

i can't keep the house warm enough!

it was some ungodly low temperature this morning-
the sun is up now and i still can't get warmed up
even with the stove going like crazy
meanwhile in my cold and weakened state i ordered (ONLINE)
two pairs of fleece socks, custom made on etsy.....it wasn't a bad price, under 18. and that included shipping......we'll see how well made they are and how warm
i know i could make them myself but i was cold, it was early before coffee, dark and did i mention i was cold?
i was (and still am) cold
bernie seems to be getting better but not as dramatically as he should have be with a zpac
and yes i came down this morning when the furnace kicked on
he didn't want me to but i did
i kept thinking 'all that oil we can't afford and all that DUST he doesn't need right now'
so i came down
tomorrow i have errands
oh boy do i have errands
oye
i am hoping to also set up a savings account to transfer money into twice a month........we don't have short term savings, only long term
meanwhile, i am liking this digital phone now......everyone says i'm much clearer.
too bad i couldn't have a digital 'much clearer' brain

i think i would like to break out the sewing machine (actually i am long over due for that)

ok the sun's up, or at least it's light out now
the cats all have their hot fancy feast with olive oil
the birds are chopping down on some cooked food
the chickens and ducks will get oatmeal with bacon grease and i have hot coffee with milk
but damn it's still cold here
hope you all are staying warm

(and to the folks down under, i hope you all are safe)

a mouse in the toaster

i doubt that could happen to anyone else....
i was cleaning the kitchen yesterday....
i moved the coffeepot only to gasp as i saw a long brown tail disappear into a slot of the toaster
oye
bernie found him in there later when he got home, but we couldn't get the mouse out
it sat and blinked at us
it's still upside down on the counter top

does anyone else have days like this?

meanwhile it's pretty cold here, ok so it's really cold here
i stoked the stove, then went back to bed for about 3 hours
i slept that time
now today there isn't too much to do
ducks, cleaning the kitchen, removing mouse from toaster (takes real talent that)
possibly some drawing i hope
and i have to shovel ash.
i don't know what it is but i'm very tired again
oh and bernie is slowly S   L   O   W   L   Y getting better

now the new digital cable phone.....i am liking it very very much
screw verizon and their lack of customer service
and their insistence that i won't be happy elsewhere
i am thinking 55.00 a month for internet and phone.... as opposed to 101 a month.... and clearer phone service, with just as good if not better internet........hmmmmm
verizon if this gets out you all are out of business
and i wouldn't be at all upset

ok day's started and i got to go
ttyl

today bernie goes to the doctor

good thing too as he forgot (despite my frequent and annoying reminders) to buy his robitussin dm
he coughed like crazy
sooooo he's going
he isn't happy but oh well
meanwhile we're to get snow
well duh 'tis the season
it IS winter.......what better time to GET snow right?
it's also 12 degrees out
i have a ton of stuff to do after goofing off for a bit reading 'the lovely bones'
i couldn't put it down!
and i am not a fiction reader, but this hooked me good, i got it used for 2.34..........
now as to the snow........we're to get about 6''
now that is starting to be SNOW
and i have a ton to do but first i desperately need a shower...in this weather i can't take one daily, as i would dry up and blow away (even with my homemade soap) but i have to take one today
i dreamt about it!
i also dreamt i was naked walking around trying to hide my bits and pieces........ and i had to walk out of a crowded house (i was using someone else's shower in the dream)
that most likely is cause i got the cable guy coming and a stranger will be in the house
meanwhile i would just like to climb back into bed with the cats where it's warm
oye
anyone else feel that way?

the mouse in the attic

kept me up last night
chewing and chewing and chewing
now i know that the mouse needs a warm home too
with food and safe from ducks intent on making meals of them
but my attic?
all night long?
couldn't the mouse find a home in the woods out back, i see them running across the drive to get there
couldn't the mouse find a place in the pile of brush and branches?
home to chipmunks and such?
after all it is a vast rodent apartment complex
what food is there in the attic?

i need to stop being up all night with the stove and the mice

it's snowing

bernie was on a road call last night to philly and this morning after he'd gone down to his base, had to come back up here to a road call not even 5 minutes from home...just on the other side of town
and it's still snowing
he's pretty sick still i think broncitus
we don't have the new insurance cards so i can't make an appointment for him yet
he keeps telling me that the person isn't in that knows about it
i am almost ready to call myself
just for the number cause i can download them online

amelia caught her first mouse yesterday, and killed it!!!
yeah amelia!!!
apparently prudence had caught one sunday
bernie told me about it when i told him about amelia
and she carried it outside IN HER MOUTH to the duck pen to eat
have i told you all how much i love my ducks!
they are the best dogs in the world!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

today after ducks and dishes, i need to start to take down the tree
little christmas was yesterday so it's officially all over
i am going to miss the lights in the windows though
the lights are my very favorite part of the holidays even though really i dislike the holidays
(this year wasn't too bad as these things go)

i hope you folks all had a good time
and are all cozy in your houses
til next time

weird dreams again

this time i dreamt of my dad, this was a really weird dream cause i dreamt that i was in his house (but it was up here) and that i was trying to get him to come up to wait out a bad storm..... that had already started.
it was so weird on so many levels
first off dad's dead
been dead for YEARS more then a decade
in the dream some woman named 'lee' called me and started yelling at me about my dad.....
again dad is dead but in the dream 'lee' was dad's new girlfriend ( i was awake in the dream that mom is dead) and bernie and i were involved in stuff that it's been a while since we've done......but he had to leave to go down to jersey (he also works up here now) to work!
i kept telling dad, 'come up here it's safe here, we got enough of everything........ down there is flooding and it's not safe.........'
it woke me up at 3am
now it's after 5am and i think i got the stove to the point where i can go back up

bernie has i think now got broncitus
i have his plague but seem to be sort of keeping it at bay a little
i am coughing a lot though and achy

i also have to remember to clear out my computer table as in less then 6 days i get new service
it's over a week and verizon still hasn't called back!
other then that it's pretty quiet
the new neighbors are pretty quiet too
let's hope that continues
and let's hope it isn't because they are dumping out back over my fence

the other news is that i think i got prudence about over the brood, now lilli is pissy but that is from the last of the molt
or something
she hates mommy lately, (i did wings on her, so that settled her a bit...but just a bit)

and i am still wondering about that dream..................

well into the first few days of the PLAGUE

i want to thank bernie for so thoughtfully sharing this with me.
after i was just sick about two weeks ago.
and for being in a grumpy mood along with it

this one is worst then the last one
a bernie plague is nothing to screw around with, so i am going to hope for NO asthmatic bronchitis.
and this is all with the weather warming UP!
yup up into the 50's yesterday, but raw so still with the woodstove

now we got HUGE news.....
new neighbors
in jackass' old house
we'll reserve judgement at the moment
parking their truck with the headlights facing down our entire house didn't endear them to us........
but later they parked normally
they were pretty quiet in spite of moving in (all night new years eve)
we'll see
all i ask is leave us alone......don't dump over our fence, don't screw around with our trees
and don't be annoyingly loud
now if they want to garden and keep chickens and ducks........well that would be a miracle and will make us remove the st joseph that is still buried facing that house ( we weren't taking any chances)
bernie's comment 'i hope they realize that she's still got the keys to that house, and they change the locks'
oh man we watched her 'replace' the brand new appliances that her father put in with her old crap ones several times.......
she'd come and take a fridge leaving an old one
next thing, the 'contractor' cousin would take her old one and bring a brand new one
fridge
stove
washer
dryer
water heater
stove
(yup two that we saw)
freezer
must be nice huh?

and in a tiny bit of fiber news, i got a few 'blocking' matts cleverly disguised as 'inter-locking exercise matts' 6 of them for 19.99 at kmart, in a solid gray
i got them for me, some tarps and weather proofing plastic for the ducks,  along with workboots (FINALLY) for bernie.
and i got a book
i am partly through this book and i can tell you.....i am not the only insane animal person around
it's called 'enslaved by ducks'
and their FIRST DUCK IS A FEMALE MUSCOVY!!!!!!!!
oh yeah they're hooked
big time
hahahahaahahahaahaha
ok now chicklets i gotta go...
my pile of tissues is getting huge and the woodstove needs another log
i am falling over too
(and i just got up.......damn this plague)

puts it all in prospective doesn't it?

i can't get this out of my head.
after viewing this a few times, i will admit, things that bothered me before aren't anymore.
but now i got a WHOLE new batch of things to worry about!

i wonder, does this mean we humans, we on earth are really insignificant....i mean in the scheme of things? or does this mean that we are being educated and groomed to take our place in the universe?

or does it simply mean (if everything you see is a projection of your mind) that our minds are ever expanding?? WHERE is a good quantum physicist when you need one???

i think i shall watch this video again.

first off happy new year to you all

bernie's sick again, with either a terrible cold ( i better not get it) or the flu or something...he is of course going to work daily.

we got a midwinter thaw here so i am going to dump big pond and give the two upper pens small sorta tubs (concrete mixing pans, just large enough for 7 gallons and one duck)- i hope to clean the basement and the night crates as well as retarp the two pens near the house...i could sure use two more small draft proof pens near the house which i doubt is going to happen-- i am planning on dumping all my manure in the garden beds

also, the seed catalogs are coming in the mail.....i know leek seedlings are at the top of my list this year. i want to dry a few pounds for winter use as homemade creamy leek sauce is to die for.

tomatoes for drying, salsa and fresh, peppers as always. BEANS BEANS BEANS.......i hope for a better freezer harvest.

cucumbers...... i need a lot more as my nephew cleaned me out of kosher dills!

we've also switched phone companies after all these years..... verizon finally screwed up so badly that i've had it and we went to the cable company for internet and phone!

same phone number though

now here is our 'holiday' gift..... actually it was on an obscenely low sale so i got it, them.........the SET----- amazing huh? how long have i been drooling over them? that big one is 5.75 quarts, the little ones a bit over a cup.... i paid less for the set then i would have for JUST the big one, (a LOT less......... wow) and got free shipping to boot....i had wanted the matt black which is the commercial ones, but at the price i paid.....well.....

and if cookware could be sexy......... THAT is sexy.... (and ignore the humble and slightly dirty stove top it is sitting on.....at least you know that this cookware will be used, loved, washed, and appreciated so very much

i waited so long for it

oh and the little ones........ timbale recipes...... or desserts, like individual peach cobblers

anyway, as soon as bernie can taste again, it's going for it's maiden voyage..... i got a roaster waiting for this..... and most likely i need to find some fresh leeks (hopefully local and freshly pulled) for the event.

the other thing that arrived yesterday was angels.....in the mail!

they are wonderful, and i put them on the tree, i intend on getting more..... they actually were delivered before the holiday but we've not been to the post office to get packages so they sat.

i gave one to my postmaster to watch over him......... he's a wonderful man and an asset to the community. not only does he watch over us and the mail, he is on our search and rescue squad.

(and the most honest man in the universe- he returned a very large sum of money in cash that a person lost......if anyone deserves angels watching over him.........our postmaster does)

anyway i recommend this link to you all if you'd like to get some of the angels for yourself.

i got the sets of small ones (the tie on ones) to hang on the tree and the set of small santa's, i am hoping to get all the rest of them to do a tiny tree in them.

now christmas i found is more fun for me without the hype......without the gift stress... i found that just doing what i enjoyed and not anything else (sorry about the cookies, that i did enjoy but the mixer was weak.....and with the surgery etc......well you know......) well that made me happy.

so now it's 6am

my fire is burning brightly

i need to get either back to bed or get dressed for the day

and i wish you all a happy new year

(and i got the dentist tomorrow)

snow? really? we live in the snow belt....what a concept!

however there isn't any snow..... oh ok a tantalizing flurry here and there....
i occasionally wake up to a dusting..... but other then that ....nope nada
meanwhile the SOUTH gets snow
paralyzing crippling stop everything SNOW
i'm thinking mother nature is got pms or senile dementia after all these years (or maybe the axis of the poles have shifted enough to really send us spinning out of control)

ok well maybe it's a good thing? maybe not

now how was everyone's holiday?
i had a good day, in spite of bernie being grumpy.
i talked to a few close friends and my beloved sister in law (even my nephew texted us eventually....although i am still annoyed with him, i do still love him dearly)
we had a very nice dinner thank you very much.
and bernie got to actually watch some tv on the computer (hulu.com)
we kept warm
we played with cats and watched budgies
hugged a few ducks
petted chickens
no we did NOT exchange gifts..... for a bunch of reasons, one of which is, we really have a LOT of stuff as it is, and no room to put more......and another is..... outside of a kitchen and a large addition, we really don't need anything
bernie was a bit grumpy about no presents but he had to admit that he doesn't need anything either.... if we need or want something we usually can just afford to buy it

now today right now, bernie is tossing wood up on the deck.
i don't think we need anymore in the house as i am again tripping over it...... (and this is WITH the new inside log rack, -i am going to get another one for 'cold' wood)
i do have to say that this wood while not quite dry or seasoned enough is a nice mix of hard woods. a lot of apple, cherry and birch and some serious oak, maple and hickory logs,.......
as soon as i can i am going to order about 9 more cords..... 3 cords at a time and get it stacked up onto actual racks not pallets
it would be better to have it sooner rather then later and still order the seasonal cords in the summer.
bernie disagrees but i think it would be better to put a two year season on them
i can see how much better it burns, less ash and all.........
which reminds me i need the ash bucket dumped
ok so now bernie is grumpy again as he realized that he has to go to the feed store
ahem, i did mention it friday ...............................

now today is my sister in law colleen's 50th birthday
we are going to call her and sing very very loudly and very very badly
hahahaha
i wish they lived closer
i would bake her a cupcake cake ( giant cupcake shaped cake)
her and i get along wonderfully, we tend to think the same way and enjoy the same things

well bernie the grumpy is going to the feed store
so i am going to get the wood in for him while he's gone
oye
he's getting bagels on his way home then
ttyl

merry christmas to all, happy holidays to all

first off, yesterday my mother in law was rushed to the hospital. after a lot of phone calls, i finally got to speak to her.....she sounds weak but alert and should be returning to her assisted living facility today.
i asked her if she's been getting my weekly letters and she said no, and that she didn't get her hat either that i sent. i am not sure if she's confused or what as then she did said she got the hat.
colleen called down there as well, and she asked colleen, 'how did you find out i was in the hospital?'
when colleen said 'bina', my mother in law seemed to remember who i was.
i have to call the guardian and tell her about this

meanwhile
it's a bit before 3:30am, i couldn't sleep so i'm down here and while down here i am stoking the stove.
i ordered a half tank of oil to be delivered next week
and i ordered a staub 5.75 oval cocotte that comes with two small individual cocottes ( a promotional set) for an unbelievably low price as well. for less then i would have paid for just the oval by itself!
it's not the matt black that i wanted but a deep burgundy..... but i really wanted the oval for roasted chicken
i still have a chef's pan to replace and a few 4 quart long handled saucepans and then i am pretty much done with pots and pans (except to replace two small nonstick for eggs)
i am going to start on knives next, i still need a boning knife, and a 6'' chefs, plus maybe a serrated edge for tomatoes and bread. i decided that i will also add a second paring knife as we fight over the one we have now.
oh and a bundt pan....ours finally crapped out (gee we got it used and that was almost 35 years ago)
and i still need to replace the kitchenaid that bernie dropped. it is on it's last leg, as even the repair wasn't enough to save it.
i would like to have our 'morgue' table lowered about 4'' if i could get someone to cut that down off the legs for me. it would make my life a lot easier.
if we EVER get the kitchen done, i want some lowered counters. like 28''.

now i hope this finds all of you peaceful, happy---surrounded by love, laughter, good things to eat and warmth.
i wish for you all new year wishes of easier lessons learned, feelings of security and just the right amount of solitude to collect your thoughts, without feeling lonely; small unexpected delights, occasional flowers and a ton of icecream!

happy holidays everyone

the lunar eclipse

has started
i'm down here stoking the stove and periodically watching the moon disappear slowly
i look out back in the blue silvery light and can easily see how our ancestors saw fairies, and demons lurking just beyond the shadows.
not to mention wolves
i also feel a slight thread from my DNA to theirs
some of the mystery and wonder that they felt, in watching the night and the planets.
at that time of course they didn't know that this was a planet.....
although they did know a lot more about moon effects on us
i wonder what we all would do if our technology suddenly just stopped?

i also wonder about the miracles that surround us.... in this very technology that would have looked like the most powerful magic to our ancestors
i can't help but wonder if this technology is to prepare us for even more freedom as entities
or as consciousness taking our place in helping with the unfolding fabric of the universe?

more and more lately i have been envisioning a model of the universe and the souls throughout it as an interlocking membrane of light, with pinpoints being the souls and direct but interconnected lines between everyone/everything

i've also found that at this time of my life, i am truly starting to see things that were put into motion when i was 20
things like how i think about art, about living a quality life
things i believe about how people and families need to interact to stay healthy
being in your 50's, despite the pain and aches, does lend a bit more clarity to life
i am starting more and more to see people as here for an education
that being physical slows it all down enough for baby steps
and as we progress it shows in technology
now while we are concentrating on that area.....relationships and social functioning is neglected but i believe that the pendulum will swing back and that area will be addressed

i also wonder that if it all came to a halt today
how would we function?
how would we keep warm? without gas to power chain saws
how will we fell enough trees to burn wood?
where will all these trees (enough to heat everyone) grow?
obviously something needs to be looked at here
and what about elderly folks who can't axe down a tree then haul it and split it etc?
do we just put them out to die?
losing possible accumulated wisdom?

gee i swear i need to get more sleep....now these questions will keep me up long after the stove is warm

PS: sorry flicka and everyone, time got away from me
i'm sort of in a half sleep most of the time right now......the midwinter sleep deprivation time is very early this year.......... and prolonged

5am and i said i was going to sleep in today

stoking the stove
yup
when it's this cold overnight, (and it will get colder in january/feb)
i get up at night to stoke the stove AND get up early as well, so when i feel i can catch some zzz's i go back up and try
this is the 'sleep deprived' part of the winter
i am doubly concerned this year as i know that stack of wood out there is not seasoned enough, it's still pretty wet, and hissed when i tried a couple of logs off the top
i am going to have to break into that stack this week....(actually this WEEKEND)
wet wood doesn't give a lot of heat, it expends most of it's energy turning the water to steam which means a cold fire
which means creosote buildup, which in turn means lack of draft, and possible chimney fires
i wanted to get at least another 6 cords and put them up to season for next winter, bernie says we don't have the room........i say we can't afford not to
so early spring i am ordering cords most likely 9
i am also thinking of adding a biomass stove (pellets, corn, barley etc), ideally that would be a furnace in the basement but i am not sure if that is something that's made yet.
and a three day burn would be a very good thing on that-as long as the hopper didn't clog
anyway, i was going to go sleep in today
most likely i'll go up in a little while and try to catch some sleep
i'm starting to think i better turn off the phones when i do that
yesterday i was woken up
folks don't realize that this weather has up all night, and they are used to me being up by 5 normally.....
but i do need more sleep right now since it's broken up all night
and that mean going back to bed at 6 for another 4 hours..........
so be it

i been thinking about different people in my life

and how they move in and out of my life
i always quote that saying

'People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which one it is, you
will know what to do for each person.
When someone is in your life for a REASON . . . It is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are! They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrong doing on your part, or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die.
Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realise is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered. And now it is time to move on.
When people come into your life for a SEASON . . .Because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace, or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount
of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; things you must build upon in order to have a solid  emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. '

i swear as i grow older i find that more and more true. i have had relatives move in and out of my life, bernie always says to me when they move out of my life 'they got what they wanted, it was time to move on'

i often wonder what exactly i am to learn from that
and that it is a lesson on a cosmic level i have no doubt.
but i just wonder what it is exactly?
could it be that even if we are related, if there is no real connection there it doesn't matter?
or is it......
we are truly only connected by love, and we don't get to chose our relatives but we FIND our real family in friends?
or is it........
maybe their times and lessons in my life ARE over and bernie is pretty much right (cynical but right)
the odd thing is that somehow if i really want to know, i find out stuff about them and their lives.
maybe that is an 'ask and ye shall be answered' thing or what
finding me isn't too hard, but you actually have to look a bit with the right information i think.
and they have

i sometimes think of the gatherings when i was a kid, there was good and bad.
i cherish the times here when family and close friends have gathered around our very cramped table in the living room and ate and laughed and talked.
they are tiny shining bright spots in my life
and i so could have that weekly or even daily
but maybe then i would not appreciate them for the very special gifts that they are......moments out of time.

anyway, it's 2am, and that's what i am thinking of while i wait for the wood stove to heat enough to go back to bed
(tomorrow it may be parallel universes at 2am........who knows where my mind is half the time. it's not always easy being me)

it hurt

I HURT
bad
yesterday was worst then the first time and i am still in active pain
it was so bad bernie even felt sorry for me
meanwhile i gave him my plague

midway through the dentist had to shoot my mouth up in the front, which hurt and tasted aweful
on the way home it was so bad it felt like my teeth and face had been cut with a broken bottle
and then punched
right now it's down to just feeling like i've been punched a few times
this one was really bad

oh man

i'm downstairs with the wood stove, even though bernie built a fantastic fire for me this morning....i could and should have gotten more sleep
oh and the phone line is still out with that hum
i used bernie's cell briefly to call into the voicemail and the only message was from the phone company inquireing about how satisfied i was with their 'solution' to my tech call on friday
huh?
what EFFFING solution
i don't have a phone!

i may end up ditching them and getting a cell.......... but no land line then

meanwhile i am tired right now
really tired
i ended up drinking like a quart of eggnog......i couldn't eat so i drank eggnog
not the best thing i have done lately

i long to get back to drawing, which i am hoping that now that the worst of this is over i can do....the periodontist said that i can call the regular dentist and start the rest of the work, the fillings etc.
i think we're going to have to look into a bridge or something so i can chew as well.
i only have two molars left that sorta almost meet to chew with.
oh well, such is the joys of aging

today the phone company is to come fix the line
i am hoping that we get a nice guy, the last guy that came was a doll. ( the one who picked the loop up when the tree fell on it)
the one before that a jerk
i hope they also come early, because then i surely will go back to sleep
and wish for tomorrow to be a less painful day

rain and rain, and more rain......oh yeah and RAIN

so here is to flooded duck pens
wet wood and if we aren't careful....iced over paths when the temps plunge again

today is the second periodontal thing
oye
i am going to take theraflu daytime and tylanol
the first for my nose
the second for the needles
i am not looking forward to this
although the folks there are wonderfully kind
it still hurts

in budgie news we got a new toy for them yesterday
so they spent about 24 hours doing the 'budgie death stare'
now they are all climbing it, exploring with their beaks. (it's a parrot thing)
i love to see them stimulating their little brains.
they are just such a funny lot of tiny birds to watch go about their daily lives.
bernie loves to watch them too
i never did finger tame them but that's ok, they seem very happy as they are
i put music on for them too a lot of the times, listening to them chirp along.
they prefer something happy with a bouncy beat.
i wish i could let them out of this big flight cage to fly around the house but between the ceiling fan, woodstove and three cats.....it's not too safe
so they got their big flight cage and a lot of climbing toys, i hope that is enough for good cardiac health for the little guys

i need to finish getting my holiday 'cards' out
i would have finished last week but got sick as a dog (i really hate being sick or in pain so i whine A LOT)
tomorrow is the phone company to fix the line problem
any time from 9am to 7pm
so it's wednesday for the post office
meanwhile i need to find some mindless waiting room and shaky hand knitting for the dentist
oye

2am, 6am they all look the same in the dark

i wasn't expecting the sleep deprivation part of the winter for prior to the actual winter...




it's been so cold that i've had to get up at about 2 am to stoke the stove, and then come down when bernie leaves to make sure there's enough wood in it

he can't do the 2am as he doesn't get enough sleep as it is

i think we are going to start going up at 8 maybe that will help him?



i am sitting here right now, listening to my budgies chirp and watching my cats soak up the heat of the woodstove (and feeling sorry for my red sore plague ridden nose)

i put some of the celtic woman caroles on for bernie who promptly went out to the post office and the feed store!

actually it's pretty peaceful right now in spite of my plague

i was also chatting online to a wonderful friend of mine in Sweden about this time of year, and how she longs for the return of the sun and the light.

i realized that really the rituals, holidays, celebrations at this time of year were originally designed to help us all THROUGH this time of early darkness.... and limited light

i can also see why the Christians hooked so much Son stuff on the Sun stuff
it does seem to so seamlessly play off each other (man them Christians had GREAT PR)

i think that this time of year tends to lean a person towards introspection. and as a species over the millennium we've developed ways to cope and survive.
however i do think maybe this introspective period is a good thing, maybe even necessary to our development as a species as well as our soul growth

now i will go on record saying i really dread the holidays, as mom died on the solstice and the last time i saw my dad was the 10th anniversary of my mom's death..... and evelyn 'notthemomma' also died on the solstice
i miss them all terribly.....but really i shouldn't as they do visit, and for them it was a birth to the other side.
so that got me re-examining the older rituals.
from folks tuned into the change of the seasons and the light.....
how tuned in do you have to be to be able to tell within a DAY (less then an inch of change in the noon light) without all our modern instruments to the changes of the earth?

now what if some of the great philosophers were right, ??? what if is it 'so above so below'
and this is sort of a classroom reflecting our inner world as well as the after worlds (quantum physics tell us there ARE parallel universes)
sort of a fractal spinning off endlessly......?
seems to boggle my mind but somehow seems to fit
and religions? where do they fit?
to me they are attempts to help map out the essentially unmappable.
and the great teachers or 'god's' of these religions..... teachers, guideposts......
maybe a resting place to catch our breath and decide which way we as a species want to develop next?
what if it is all more fluid then we realize?
and the physical world is sort of the brakes on the fluidity until we mature enough to handle the total chaos of it all?

any way for me it's all connected as well as all disconnected ( it ain't easy being me)
i always feel there are half truths and full truths that i can not put into words, let alone draw...... that somehow i am missing the conveyance of information that is sitting right behind but i can feel and sense.

now how does all this fit into the holidays? well it's that time
of introspection......and that is what we are to try and understand
some of the great mysteries of consciousness
where did we come from?
where are we going?
and how?

bitter cold and it's not even christmas yet

what is going to happen at the end of january -beginning of february?

well today bernie is speaking to upper management (at upper management's request)
about my health insurance.
they are going to work a way for us to afford it
so i should still have health insurance
bernie had canceled it, but was called back and told not to that today he would be filled in on what is going to happen.
for me this is a miracle as we can't afford that much for insurance, and i was pretty scared as my health isn't the best.

right now i am watching the cats all lazying around the woodstove on the floor.
i need to clean the ash out later today
monday is the next periodontal visit, and i looked last night, ......sure enough it would seem like it works a little. we'll see monday what the dentist says.

i am a bit better today. yesterday was horrible, high fever, chills, i couldn't see, headache, stuffy nose, STUFFY HEAD, you know how it goes
i had to put the ducks out and so i was out side in this cold.....it sort of helped me!
i am not feeling great but i think i can function a bit today
although since it's this cold, i have to get up at about 1am to stoke the stove
and then i get up again at 5
so i am pretty tired.
ok make that really tired
bernie wants oil in the tank so i can sleep through the night but the studio never does get warm with the furnace. and i hate to hear the furnace kick on so i think i would still get up and come down to do the stove

today all i plan on doing is trying to rest
i do have to get to the post office, but that may wait until tomorrow

i would like to bake us a few cookies just for us for the holidays if i can..... we'll see
it may only be snickerdoodles or something easy like that

ok i have to go now
i am still very tired

can you spell P L A G U E

it's beyond a cold into plague realms.
complete with red rudolph nose
headache
eye ache
sore achy body
runny nose
sore throat
you know the works....with a cherry! (that would be the dripping snot)

and this morning bernie got the stove going, then came up to kevetch that he wants a tank full of oil so that it's warm when he goes down
that so isn't going to happen
as soon as i get a bit better i'll get up at 2am and stoke it

that one nice chunk of wood he had the other night in there would be nice to have a cord of just for over nights
but i got it going good now, he put two little splits in with one larger log, that will only get you an hour in a coldish stove.
i threw more in and got the chimney thermometer up to 400.....it's going good now

i dreamt of budgies last night....i dreamt i had an english one (in soft pastel shades of green and yellow) that was so tame it sat on my finger, but i didn't have cage space for it so i had to sort of 'hang' it on my shirt cute huh?
and i also dreamt that my little shit of a cat thaddeaus peabody wandered out with the ducks and chicken in the morning
so today i have some stuff to pack to go out
it was supposed to have gone last week
oye
it may not get until saturday with this plague...but the good news is that it's so cold out, any germs will be long dead on it!
ok i think it's time i go
i got green stuff coming out of my nose
and i can't breath much
i wish NO PLAGUE on any of you...................... (but a bit on a few of my enemies)

it's that time of the year

when we find out about new medical insurance
and we found out that it's gone up about 6 times what we are paying now.
so we found out, we won't have insurance unless something drastic happens
it will take our food budget, and our utilities and some extra that actually isn't coming in to pay it
so much for that
i do agree with a national health care but to allow the insurance companies to do this prior to all that is terrible
i am not sure this is what the government had in mind

and why they (bernie's job) do this every holiday season to us i will never know

and while we're discussing other crap stuff, i found out that i am not going to be able to go to the stroud manor luncheon that i was invited to....... there was a problem with the tickets, not being confirmed and something else.
but hey, i got the periodontist monday so maybe it's ok?

in more pleasant conversation, i woke up at 4am to a very nightly warmed house and still an open flame in the wood stove. to say i was happy .........well i was thrilled.
so i stoked it up and it's going good now, good enough that i can go back to bed if i'd like
(and i am thinking of it)

today i have to do a butt load of dishes.
mostly pots, (i was busy painting so didn't get around to it)
bernie still hasn't found the rest of the paper that he moved off the printer stand and 'put somewhere' including some of the card stock i really was looking for.
someone remind me of this when next he tells me i am disorganized
remind me how he took all the paper from the printer stand that i use in the printer and hid it somewhere in the studio (most likely under wool)
as well as how he put a moth infested piece of felt in the unspun roving bag.....

gee maybe i better go back to bed? hopefully get up on the other side later?

well he did put the tree on for me, it does look so pretty.
and i see that the fire can possibly take one more log so i should be fine for like 3 hours sleep!
since it appears i am coming down with a cold maybe that is a good idea?

i finally refound it!

i am not much of a tv or movie person, however i do love 'what dreams may come'
it's got everything!
dalmatian, paint, art, an amazing toy diaorama of heaven and an enduring love story.
first everyone dies then they all live happily ever after
the visuals are like being inside a tiffany window
anyway i finally found (online) a clip that includes marie's toy diarama of heaven....i would sooo love some stills from that but at least i got to see it again.
it fascinated me

lots of things fascinate me
miniatures
birds and birdcages
fish and fish tanks
i think i like contained visuals
maybe it's a boundry thing?
the cage, the tank, the frame saying 'here, this is the border, nothing more nothing less inside'
i know i like my work better when i border it
now that doesn't mean to not color outside the lines
but at least some things have definitions

or some other bs like that.

yesterday when i put the ducks out.....falstaff went on walkabout
up to the front of the house and the VERY BUSY road
scared the shit out of me.
i saw him just as he was climbing the front hill
i chased him and got him to come back to the lower driveway.....
he was so upset that HE RAN into the A frame pen
except i had been planning on putting him out back in the big pen so that the little girls could have the upper pen and a bath
and i was so right to be scared as we were awoken at 4:30ish this morning by a nasty accident next door....
someone hit the neighbors mailbox and trees
oye
flashing cop cars all over but thankfully no ambulance so i suppose that no one was hurt
we didn't look

now it's cold here
really really cold here
i am blowing through wood
so i have to bring a lot in today
also
i have some mail to get ready for today
i want to paint a bit more
put some of the decorations up in the living room
do dishes and make some pork with acorn squash.... (i have high hopes....we'll see how much other then painting i get done)

i am trying to let the muse lead me...... since i need more drawing painting time, i think when i don't go 'away' to paint or something i get a bit drifty anyway....
i notice i get less and less done and i get space-y-er......
is that a word?
ok coffee is done
stove needs more wood
ducks need out and my drafting table calls me

ok the link for donna
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=crPfnLR2bVs&NR=1

thank you all

i wasn't sure if anyone would like those ornaments i do
they are/were an sort of way to use up scraps from doll making, i would dye all the silk ribbons for the dolls and the tiny roses were all leftover from triming dollhouse doll hats!

i am going to see how much workbench time i get after the holidays
i'm still not totally sure about etsy for crafts it is so crowded now.


well it's about 5:30
i'm stoking the stove
bernie got it started but didn't put anywhere near enough wood in it
so good thing i came down
i put a hefty log in and am waiting for it to heat
i really wish i could go back to bed though, i need a wing chair and ottoman in here i think

this week i have a dream class online on the 8th, it was free so i signed up
i may have that historical society luncheon on the 9th
lesley won the tickets, but jen's dog ate our two
so we'll see

i am still slowing getting stuff to send to that soldier in afganistan (he was just home on R&R to see his family, and is now on his way back) i hope to get the last stuff this week so i can send that out.
i should send it all down to his mom to pack it up as she really packs things tight

let's see, right now at 5:30 am i can't think of anything else to write !!!!!!!
so i'm going to say have a wonderful day to you all

da TREE .........'tis UP

here is our tree, bernie put it up with me directing....he forgot the strands of pearls (which i need to restring, they are very expensive vintage faux french pearls all hand dipped that my mom used to embroider on wedding gowns) there are a lot of my handmade ornaments.

i make tiny 2'' boxes that are the right size for expensive pieces of jewelry... padded inside.... hahahaha

out of silks, satins, velvets and velveteens. With imported vintage laces and trims (yup totally insane.. it's leftover stuff from dolls)

i also make silk ribbon embroideries....on silk with silk velvet backings, my handmade rayon tassels, and my hand dyed silk ribbons....



silk ribbon embrodery grapes



acorn box, silk satin, velveteen

there are other ornaments like delft painted blown eggs, and small dolls etc, but these are what bernie put on this tree (mainly he couldn't figure out where the hell he'd put all the other stuff)

so there you have our tree, and a small sample of what i do around here...... besides drawing, dolls, canning, baking, cooking, knitting, annoying folks.... and playing with the animals.

please leave me a comment ok? my friend lana wants me to open an etsy store, which i have been thinking of...... but i am not too sure about doing crafts for it...i think i can sell prints of my drawings and paintings however so anyway.....you all let me know ok?

it's friday.....my this week went FAST

today i have to run back to town to finish errands i didn't get done yesterday due to traffic.
there were a few fires and accidents so instead of sitting in long lines of cars....i figured tomorrow is another day
i have to get to office max for padded mailers and a shipping tube
to kmart for some christmas balls (cream colored if i can find them, clear if not)
and then to the po as i have stuff to go to sweden ( it's long overdue and even though i made a box i wasn't sure it would make it over there......sooooo i need to buy a tube mailer)

the duck pens are still soaked.....there isn't too much i can do about them until the ground drains
today is malcom's day with the pond...
the ducks got a reprieve with the pond due to the rain
as we brought the hoses in for the winter
i can maybe keep a small concrete tray pond in rotation but by the house but the wadding pool that they use out back........no
and this spring i need to pick up a few more ponds for them

i am not doing holiday cookies this year
between my mouth and the not too healthy kitchenaide........well it just ain't happening
(it should have been started already anyway)

we did however get the studio opened enough to get a small table and chairs in here
and when i get the drafting table, my desk, and some small bookcases up on wheels things will be easier for me
we are going to put a tree up this year.....IN the studio
this house doesn't have a good place to put a tree.....
we've tried it in front of the arch in the living room
in front of the windows (no room there)
in the studio ( it doesn't show from the front then)
i know a solution would be a few small trees.... a half tree or narrow one in the living room in front of the windows.......
one in here
but really i don't have that much energy by the holidays
we were supposed to scrape and paint the front entranceway but never got that done
(WHAT did we DO while bernie was off?)

anyway this year we'll put a tree up....... we didn't last year (except my halloween tree)
that is if bernie can find where he put it.....
i don't know what he does with stuff like that
and i am pretty sure i can't lift it down even if i knew where it was
oye
so what are you all doing about holidays? are you?
do you?
what do you do?

bernie's back at work

for two days then he's got the weekend off
it's to snow over the weekend so we won't be stacking this wood any time soon
he stoked the stove up for me before he left
but i came down anyway

thankfully we did get a good start on the studio
maybe due to the horrific rains we had
i didn't go down the basement yet though to see how bad it is down there

really i think that bernie needed this time off, not just to rest but he's been going pretty much flat out at work for three years. i think that the down time helped him

well i don't have much to say today, i most likely am going to set myself down at the drafting table.
i am pretty sure that the father christmas illustration that i see so very clearly in my head is not going to get down on paper, which is a shame but something WILL get down on paper even if it's a pumpkin or a black and white fantasy woods drawing
(compete with tiny beings peeking out...... i don't know how they happen though)
i am realizing that when i am not doing something creative and/or absorbing i whine..... a LOT
and yet if i am doing something good i could fall on my head and not really care much


now as an aside to vicki in ut, i wish your dh luck, .. maybe he can start a small pt business based out of the house? and i hope something good (work/money wise) happens to you by the new year, so you'll have some ease of mind

flooded pens again!

yup rain,
good news: it filled my ponds up now that the hoses are away
bad news: my pens are flooded and my property is floating down hill

bernie put the ducks out today for me
tomorrow he goes back to work (i think he can't wait)
he got to see part of what i go through with the rain here
he's not happy
malcom is however estatic.....he's playing in his pond

this morning someone from bernie's job called before 9 am woke me up.......gee thanks
and it was something that could wait until either later, or tomorrow but naturally this person being so important and all......... had to wake me up
damn

ok now today's edgar cayce quote ( i 'like' the edgar cayce quote thing on facebook)

Official Edgar Cayce Page

But stay close to music, close to those things of the art and artist temperament. For these bespeak of those things of the spirit. For, as music is of those activities that span the differences, so is art an expression that reminds one of those things that may attune the mind oft to the realms easily forgotten. 3253-2

hmmmmmm think someone is trying to tell me something? i'm thinking... yeah.

actually drawing has been on my mind a lot lately, so we need to get this drafting table straight or i am just going to have to get a table top easel.....(which i may need anyway, but at least for now my drafting table surfices)
i have gotten a clearer picture of this project in my mind
so maybe it's time to make up a dummy book?
could be

meanwhile it's pouring out
so bad that the path to the pens looks like a waterfall
the woods out back are hard to see through the rain

ok, i am doing a lot better now with my mouth thank you everyone who inquired or sent me get wells
i get to do this all over on the 13th again (minus the extraction)
then i get the bridge or denture or implant or whatever
now today it's hurting
actually it's hurting pretty bad right now
but i think it'll be ok soon
i hope so as i was invited to a luncheon at our local historical mansion next week

bernie goes back to work tomorrow and i think he can't wait
what are we going to do when he retires?
oh my....... find him a job?
add on some rooms to the house ? his and hers?
i am thinking
ok i have to go as this is actively hurting now

bit better

i was up most of the night, i just couldn't get comfortable
fawn helped me by sitting on my pillow all night
i didn't have the heart to move her so in addition to achs and pains (getting old sucks as does dental stuff) i had fluff on my head...... so i was getting night sweats too
but i wouldn't move her
she was purring loud enough to vibrate the bed !!!

this morning thaddeaus cut loose with a loud and extremely LONG demanding meow in bernie's ear when he bent over to add wood to the stove
thaddeaus wanted his fancy feast and he told us so.......
normally he does that to me
but the boy realized that i couldn't bend over so dad would have to do it
oh and when fawn got up.....thaddeaus got into my arms and put his paws on my shoulder and slept that way
i should be glad he decided not to walk over my face like he usually does
oye
calpurrnia was a good kitten and slept on my ankles....

now today it's dark and overcast
bernie is still home thankgoodness
we have to finish up my studio or no drawing or painting will be happening here
we're trying to put my drafting table up on casters so that i can move it out of the way.......we're also trying to do that without putting any holes in the oak legs (this thing is as old as the hills, heavy as shit, and was given to me by my dad)
there are a few other things that need to be up on wheels, a book case, desk, two file cabinets and a long workbench
i think that the custom room plan stuff is going to be moved to the living room and some of the stuff in there will be moved out here
i really need the walls painted or white washed or something in here though
it's so dark in here
and not just today cause it's dark out...... it's got that dark paneling
and i'm going to paint it!
well i'm off now
i am starving and need to make some soft stuff for me
i got to go back on december 13 for the other half of my mouth
i thought it was being done in 4 seperate visits but it's being done in two
thank goodness
cause the anticipation was killing me

after

i'm home
the novacane is wearing off

the folks there were extremely nice, supportive and caring
good thing cause it hurt like hell
the extraction was the easiest part, the dentist just cut something and the tooth popped out...no pulling either
the initial injections were killers
the lady said cause they were near the nerve bundles......yup i can believe that
and i had a lot of problems cause i have a very small mouth, it's hard to get in there to work

oh man
btw, the dentist had a tree up and all
and he did the tree himself.
i was very impressed cause that tree was NICE
not overly done
not sorta half baked
he nailed it
that tree was perfect
the decorations were the right scale and the right placement

i saw a hawk too hanging in a glide over the meadow beyond.
i couldn't see too well as i had my computer/reading glasses on

right now bernie is getting the RX for motrin filled
i took two tylanol arthritis though in the meantime
good thing i ate

as the shots are wearing off i can feel my teeth and gums ache
but i think it may not be as rough? i hope
the extraction i am praying won't be rough cause when he got that tooth out boy i could taste and smell the blood and the infection up in there

anyway i am in my nightgown
and i am waiting for bernie to get back to take the ducks in for me
i think it's going to be a very early night tonight for me

studio cleaning

among other things
bernie is helping
a lot of the 'big' work is done, the endless sorting and labeling
he moved the second big shelf over to the north side of my studio
i am wondering how i got moved out of the brightest (lighting-wise) side of my own studio?

calpurrnia got a tick on her yesterday, yup, winter is here.
i washed small throw rugs and have them hung drying one is out and one is by the woodstove
we'll be bringing the hoses in today as soon as they thaw

i suppose winter is actually here now
the solstice is around the corner

my watercolor area is about ready again, however i don't really have a doll making area now.
i need to do that again, as well as my 'general crafts'
i been thinking more and more of how i want the duck drawings to go
interspersed with stories is how it has to be, along with facts and of course the black/whites mixed with the color work
i think i need to make a feather border too maybe? we'll see

this morning phoebe was very happy btw, she was eating ice chips... she LOVES ice chips
think 'duck potato chips'
oye
so now her beak is bright red!
she is also a bit shivery, ahem....... phoeb??? stop eating the ICE
oye
oye oye
this week is the first surgery
tomorrow
oh man
i am hoping i can function enough to sit and draw, if not
i will be up in bed, trying to read
now the last bad oral surgery i had i was 21, and was so sick for a month (two surgeries two weeks apart on wisdom teeth)
i couldn't wear glasses so i crocheted a rainbow colored granny square blanket
red, yellow, blue, green, purple, orange with black borders
it's around somewhere as it was red heart
this time i am thinking i may just sleep
we'll see how bad i am
right now i am listening to youtube.......pink floyd dark side of the moon
i miss thea right now, so pink floyd, yes, zepplin.......all remind me of her

also i signed up for an online dream seminar on the 8th..... someone remind me ok? at 4pm
cause i remember dreams from when i was a little kid
i dream in full color, with taste, smell, touch etc...some dreams i found to be prophetic, some are stories (they actually unfold like movies- i like those kind a lot too) but all are remembered..... a lot of them vividly... a few of them in bits and peices
so when that online seminar thing came through and it was free i was sooooooooo there

gee my studio looks so empty!
oye
ok off i go for a turkey bagel

thanksgiving is over

ours was extremely subdued.
i didn't even bother to clear the table!
we sort of ate next to each other while bernie watched something on the computer
we also ended up with half of what i had planned for our dinner.
no acorn squash stuffed with apple pie filling (home canned apple pie filling)
no pumpkin pie as i didn't bake that pumpkin

just turkey, gravy, mashed tators, rutabaga, stuffing and a salad

i still feel terrible about thumbprint. bernie does too.
just terrible
i know that his aggression was partly my fault
cause of his being hand raised ( i really did think he was a girl at first, and i guess i should have let nature take her course when he wasn't eating in the beginning but i couldn't help myself, i just had to feed him) but malcom was also hand raised (not like thumbprint though) and he is so far acting like a normal drake, he stays away from me and the herding stick.
i did have to yell at bernie for going into his pen without the herding stick
now i want NO ONE around the drakes without herding sticks.
although falstaff still is the best drake in the universe.....you just point and tell him and he does what you ask.
i suppose i'll settle down eventually, it's still very new

we didn't hear from the family so i expect over the weekend.

and i'm downstairs now at this very dark hour because bernie is snoring and calpurrnia is wrecking the place.

i have to say though, i have been having horrible terrible feelings lately
it may be some depression, which i get around this time of year anyway.....
either way i think it's escalating
i am getting broody (not like a chicken)
i am brooding over bad stuff that happened and i am not sure how to stop it
it's not as horrible when either i am out with the ducks or at the drafting table
or talking on the phone
but all the rest of the time it seems i can't get away from my own thoughts

i miss my parents and my friends who have crossed over.
even though i do occasionally see them i still miss them
i miss having the family close enough to visit
while colleen was here last time it was magical...... we all sat at the table at night and laughed and talked, we felt surrounded by golden light
i hope that colleen and raymond when they retire move up here.

also yesterday was our first snow, it started while i was putting the ducks out, and didn't stay long
it was mixed with sleet and freezing rain then just rain
the babies were not impressed and spent the time in their little pond
i switched out pens between falstaff and the big girls and he spent time in the pond as well
he shivered but he took a few baths
he really is an exceptionally good drake, i suppose i am very lucky with him, as he was feral when i got him.

today bernie's home
i hope we will be stacking wood
he is got monday, tuesday and wednesday off this coming week as well
my surgery is monday
i am dreading it

i am hoping you all had a wonderful holiday yesterday
at the very least peaceful and restful

the day after

no one slept last night
not me
not bernie
not the cats either
in fact cats kept walking all over me all night and sniffing at me, pawing at me

i put malcom in the back part of the big pen again
and the little girls in the front part of the big pen
so far malcom seems like a perfectly normal drake
not exceedingly aggressive......nothing like thumbprint

i missed a few spots of blood in the back pen, the girls didn't however.
they investigated it all
i did put down fresh bedding after i hosed it all out

a lot of folks have been calling to make sure i am ok and i am pretty grateful for that.

i put up the turkey (finally) that should have been finished monday into the stock pot and plan on canning it as soon as i can
i need to do more dishes

bernie felt pretty bad, as he really liked thumbprint, and if any of the ducks were his, it was thumbprint.
he thought he was a really neat little guy
meanwhile i am living with the 'what if's' and the 'where did i go wrong with this creature'
and of course the ultimate 'what the hell did i do'
and it's never easy coming to terms with having taken a life
but at least when you raise something for that purpose you have a lot of time to deal with it
and you sorta are ok with it

i have realized that i will never be a person that takes a life callously. That i have a very deep reverence for life
however i also do realize that i know there are times when it has to be
that with the best available knowledge i have at the time.....sometimes that is the answer
i also realized again
that as much as i hate it
i am strong enough to make really hard decisions........or maybe it's what i want to tell myself.
the only other alternative would have been to basically put thumbprint in prison, solitary confinement.
that isn't a life for a flocking or herding animal
and so i go over and over and over in my head

now i am trying to put something together for us for this holiday
i am conflicted as to all the stuff going on in my head

i know i cried really hard again last night, when bernie got home and we talked about this
and i know, i didn't sleep
so i guess i am still human right?
that this bothered me and bothered me deeply, in spite of folks making a joke out of it
now maybe they made a joke out of it because it bothered them?
(however that would be poor taste no?)
i hope it did bother them just a tiny bit, as i kind of think that it should, just simply to make sure a person still has a bit of compassion left
no?

ok folks you all please have wonderful holidays ok?
and let me know about them
so i can live vicariously ok?
take good care

vi

thumbprint is dead

he got way too aggressive today, climbing the chainlink fence, and i realized that if he got out, someone in the neighborhood could get hurt, seriously hurt so i called one of the uphill neighbors to come shoot him.
which he did
i don't feel good about this
however it had to be done

it took me a while to gather myself to go and clean up the blood
i did however, and it wasn't easy either
but it had to be done as well
i let malcom out into the full pen
poor malcom saw the entired event as i couldn't get past thumbprint to get him out before thumbprint was shot

i keep thinking somehow i failed thumbprint
and i feel bad i had to call the neighbor to shoot him (as he was so bad i wasn't sure the vet could even handle putting him down)

but then this person made a joke about it
and a bunch of other folks joined in with treating this like a joke

so my already nightmare of a day turned even worse

today it seriously sucks to be me
not only did i fail that little guy somehow
but now i am a joke, my pet is a joke

and i am very angry that a life is gone and that life was treated as a joke

monday again...... gee didn't i just see you 7 days ago?

we won't talk about the weekend
ok we won't talk about DUCKS and the weekend

specifically thumbprint...... who is going to go into the freezer ASAP
or the bloody bandades we got all over us
he's so over the top with teenage raging hormones,  that he's getting dangerous

we ate the last of the beets from the garden, bernie naturally hated them
i was so happy with them they are soooooo sweet
i blanched and froze 11 packages of broccoli from the freezer (from a big sale at the store, as the groundhog ate all my broccoli)

today i have to finish the thanksgiving card to my MIL and mail that, can the turkey, do a SHIT load of dishes (thanks to bernie and his bringing home three BAGS full of dishes and containers he'd left at work)
and i didn't sleep
so i finally got some this morning which means i just got up a bit ago

so my day is going to be a nightmare
and i still have to deal with that drake

why is it?

there are tons of things in life i don't quite get.
i don't quite get politics
i don't quite get lying
i don't quite get hurting other people just because

today i don't quite get all of the above and the need for calpurrnia to wake me at 5am
but then i digress

right now i am being over ridden by a fear of this tooth stuff i got happening on the 29th
i live with a lot of fears actually
some i can sort of keep in check and some skyrocket out of control at 3am
i worry a lot too
i worry about bernie
the global economy
maintaining our health and freedom both as an individual and as a country/world
i worry about the cats and birds in my care
i worry about this little house too

now i don't know why i worry as much as i do
i figure part is the disease(s) i have (one causes the other and the other like a chain of dominoes going down)
and part is from observation of things around me

now i'm pretty sure i'm not alone, so how do you all deal with worry?

i was reading about misconceptions that are generally believed by americans
i was appalled at the lack of critical thinking that leads to folks swallowing that without any objection
actual downright stupidity!
i remember being told by someone older then me in ALL seriousness
that Obama had gone to hawaii to seal his birth records
ahem
there are a few things wrong with that statement

1. hawaii is a STATE, so if the man was born there, ahem, he is a citizen of our country
2. birth records are always sealed period, you need to prove you are either that person or somehow connected to that person to receive them

now those two things alone should have clued folks into the fact that the 'obama sealed birth records' thing was not quite the truth.

i shudder to think that there are people in this country that will lie ......OUTRIGHT lies publicly in the limelight without being called on it

ok now on to this week cause i can't deal with the fears anymore
i need to get to the post office
i have mail going out
i need to pick up mail coming in

and somehow through it all i need to find some ambition to get some stuff done around here

anyone have any ideas on that?

thanksgiving cometh........closer, and closer and CLOSER

i can't believe it's the dying of the year (or the beginning of the new year if you are pagan)
meanwhile my insane brussel sprouts finally decided to sprout!
with 1/4'' sprouts so far
so what? put the plants in the ground in JUNE next year?
plant them in pure compost? feed heavily?
oye
switch varities?
it's november .........doesn't the brussels sprouts realize that?
oye
mother nature is SO not watching the store.

ok i am behind yet, still........ yeah like that's news
i got most of the dishes washed after trying to dry out all my day pens
i got the baby girl ducks out finally
i managed to get the drakes out without them hanging up on my legs
and managed to get them in as well!
amazing
i did not kill one baby drake yesterday either
unlike sunday when thumbprint looked like a goner......

i can't get the woodstove going AGAIN
no kindleing today

now i plan on clearing the table and getting the good dishes out with the good silver and all that for thanksgiving
plus a tiny bottle of wine for bernie
i ask you
how long do you think we'll linger at the table?
italians linger for hours
when colleen is here we linger for hours
bernie eats and gets up
huh?
35 or so years married??? he's practically italian, most of his cells have mingled with mine
he GETS UP? from the TABLE?
oye
so i am thinking why bother with the china, the silver, the wine?

but i may do it anyway, i'll see how i feel on the big day

how about you all? any traditions you folks have?

rain today

and no more cesspool woes it looks like
only cost 500 bucks!!!!!!!!
but we're going to have the roots routered out in the spring (from the pipe and a new pipe put in i think)

i made chicken breasts with creamy leek sauce with penne except it was rotini as i couldn't find the penne
it was good
bernie liked it
then he spilled koolaide on my WOOL felted hand made purse
oye

yes it's stained

now today it's raining, and my body feels like a truck hit it, dragged it, backed up over it, and hit it again.....
my teeth hurt too

meanwhile bernie brought me home a ton of containers and dishes etc that he'd left at work
so i got dishes all day to do
gotta love him right?
cause i am not big enough to drag and hide the body

meanwhile the baby drakes were good boys yesterday
oye
so maybe it was just that they THOUGHT since bernie didn't correct them immediately that it was OK TO BE aggressive to mom too? but by monday all things returned to normal so they realized OOPS......MOM MEANS BUSINESS..........
?
oye
now lillianna is growing flights in so is bitchy as hell
phoebe is not too pleased either but no one is fighting
amelia and prudence have decided that mom is great and that 'we love mom to pet us'
that's a huge relief as i was worried that they would NOT come around
but they did
now if i could ONLY get all four girls to not fight and to be friends
it would make my life a lot easier

other then that
i suppose the stress, dread and pain from all that is coming with the gum surgery (not to mention the current pain) has me so i can't knit, i can't seem to paint or draw without mishap
oye
today i plan on digging that latex out of that end of the studio and reclaiming my work area
after i do the endless dishes that is

yeah, that's today
after tylanol
i hope