thanksgiving is over

ours was extremely subdued.
i didn't even bother to clear the table!
we sort of ate next to each other while bernie watched something on the computer
we also ended up with half of what i had planned for our dinner.
no acorn squash stuffed with apple pie filling (home canned apple pie filling)
no pumpkin pie as i didn't bake that pumpkin

just turkey, gravy, mashed tators, rutabaga, stuffing and a salad

i still feel terrible about thumbprint. bernie does too.
just terrible
i know that his aggression was partly my fault
cause of his being hand raised ( i really did think he was a girl at first, and i guess i should have let nature take her course when he wasn't eating in the beginning but i couldn't help myself, i just had to feed him) but malcom was also hand raised (not like thumbprint though) and he is so far acting like a normal drake, he stays away from me and the herding stick.
i did have to yell at bernie for going into his pen without the herding stick
now i want NO ONE around the drakes without herding sticks.
although falstaff still is the best drake in the universe.....you just point and tell him and he does what you ask.
i suppose i'll settle down eventually, it's still very new

we didn't hear from the family so i expect over the weekend.

and i'm downstairs now at this very dark hour because bernie is snoring and calpurrnia is wrecking the place.

i have to say though, i have been having horrible terrible feelings lately
it may be some depression, which i get around this time of year anyway.....
either way i think it's escalating
i am getting broody (not like a chicken)
i am brooding over bad stuff that happened and i am not sure how to stop it
it's not as horrible when either i am out with the ducks or at the drafting table
or talking on the phone
but all the rest of the time it seems i can't get away from my own thoughts

i miss my parents and my friends who have crossed over.
even though i do occasionally see them i still miss them
i miss having the family close enough to visit
while colleen was here last time it was magical...... we all sat at the table at night and laughed and talked, we felt surrounded by golden light
i hope that colleen and raymond when they retire move up here.

also yesterday was our first snow, it started while i was putting the ducks out, and didn't stay long
it was mixed with sleet and freezing rain then just rain
the babies were not impressed and spent the time in their little pond
i switched out pens between falstaff and the big girls and he spent time in the pond as well
he shivered but he took a few baths
he really is an exceptionally good drake, i suppose i am very lucky with him, as he was feral when i got him.

today bernie's home
i hope we will be stacking wood
he is got monday, tuesday and wednesday off this coming week as well
my surgery is monday
i am dreading it

i am hoping you all had a wonderful holiday yesterday
at the very least peaceful and restful