why?

do you ever wonder why?
or ask why?

why do some folks try so hard and seem to always be kicked in the teeth?
why do people have to suffer?

why do 'acts' of god always describe terrible things (and involve non payment by insurance companies)?

why do governments exploit their citizens and get away with it?

why DOES the toast always fall butter side down? ( that one i think is a physics thing, the butter is most likely heavier)

yesterday i had another encounter with the relatives of the jackass neighbor.........who is gone but who's vandalism and dumping legacy live on........ the pig of a person told me 'you got too much time on your hands honey'
cause i caught him dumping..... bernie's got the path back there full so i can't get back there, but i know it's a mess, as i have seen them dump before
i also know that the whole 'too much time on your hands' crack was just a jab to cover up that he WAS doing something wrong
but it pissed me off big time
and kicked in the adrenal thing for the second time in what ? two days ( the fear at the dentist kicked it in very bad too.....i was shaking)
now i know that the over active adrenal gland thing makes me very sick with the slightest bit of stress.
normal folks would need to have been in a serious deadly car accident to get that amount of adrenaline pumping in their blood..... me i only need a tiny bit of stress
then i'm sick for a while
i shake and sweat, and my insides crawl
it's the worst feeling
oh and the TASTE i get in my mouth isn't too pleasant either
then of course there are the stomach pains......followed by 'gastric distress' acute

lovely huh?

i was up all night, i was shaking with frustration in again being victimized and not being able to do anything about it
i know that the back part of our property is a mess from these people
the knowing gets me physically ill
legal recourse didn't work either........ partly as the lawyer is not really happy with litigation and partly because the judge was paid off......that is the only explanation for letting a litigant off a suit after four years and a BINDING arbitration judgment against them
who had more money to take it to appeals?

now i don't believe that we are put here to suffer, nor do i believe we are created and exist just to worship a vengeful, and egotistical supreme deity
i am thinking that the definition of a supreme and ineffable deity would sort of make that an oxymoron
so that whole religion answer to why doesn't cut it with me, when you honestly think it through there are too many holes in it.
now that doesn't mean i don't believe in a creator- oh boy do i
i can on a small scale relate to the sheer joy of the creation process, and the inevitable moment of AH HA in a successful completion- believe me that hooks you... it's a total rush.
SUCH a total rush that you just want to create the next thing and the next..
how much more awesome is it to create worlds and universes?
no wonder the physicists tell us that the universe is ever expanding...
i am thinking that 'god' is out there...... creating and having a blast

so who's minding the store?

from what i have observed, we live in an open/closed system...
the ultimate recycling
so maybe the answers are here all along?
hidden clues? waiting for us to uncover them if we really want to?
nothing too obscure or hidden...... maybe just a maturation of species to allow us to focus?
i mean look, during the middle ages a bi-polar person was tortured and killed......as they thought that person possessed by the devil.
today we know it's a brain chemistry thing and meds can help
our focus changed
so the answer was there
and we opened it

i tend to think of our world mostly like that
but in a more national geographic 'star nursery' sort of way

how would that come down to translate into my tiny area........with this jerk dumping on my land, my kitchen being a nightmare.....and my poor little hormonally battered body giving me fits?

and how not to feel totally insignificant when you follow this line of thinking out there and back. like a speck of dust on the universe..... duh...... can you GET any tinier and unimportant?

(oh and btw, welcome to the inner workings of my brain....... this is the sort of dialog that i live with all the time)

i just don't know why, and i would really like a reasonable explanation that isn't full of holes, hot air or rhetoric-
boy when i die and get to heaven, i want a LONG appointment with customer service as i have a LOT of stuff i want discussed