valentines day, our anniversary... etc

this year our anniversary was very upsetting to me
bernie was still at work (and had been since tuesday morning) as he is responsible for keeping the fleet rolling, and that means staying with the fleet in bad weather.... so tuesday and wednesday we had snow, thursday ice under snow and a lot of weather related problems in critical care units to clean up, he was also out on road calls in this very dangerous storm

needless to say i was more then upset, i wanted him home safe with me at least by thursday.
and i was so angry that he was out on the road in those conditions

i cried all day thursday.
he got home and brought in wood, then ate the first decent meal he'd had since he left, then went to sleep for 12 hours
friday he took the day off but since he was still pretty tired, AND had to then dig us out....we didn't do anything for our anniversary, it was much more important to me that he rested a bit more, and relaxed

i think also, for me, it's a lack of sleep due to woodstove, and stress with trying to get the results of these tests i had been subjected to in january, i've called three times and still she's not returned my call nor followed up

i am getting worried, annoyed and scared

i am working more on the duck drawings, having done a storyboard, (the first of many i think)
then i stopped and started a dummy book only to decide to use it as a creative 'journal' (which for me could possibly be read as 'waste of time while thinking of another way around the blk/wht vs color issues i am dealing with')

i don't want to give up the blk and white duck drawings that i did
but the color work i've just begun is just that good as to make me think of it
not all the color work
but enough of it to make me think, i am on to something here
and then with the same thought, i realize.......... i have got a LONG way to go with that as well
and i am at the bottom of the mountain looking WAY UP, but where i am headed seems to be obscured by clouds
(what can i say, i do think in pictures)
for me some times what i do is not fun, it's hard work. i don't know if that makes the difference between hobby and profession but that's the way it is
it takes discipline
it also takes knowing when to stand up and walk away and when to sit down and tough it out

i have more story boards to do, they are fustrating for me
but i have a better idea when i do them
i can see the whole picture (there is a REASON that storyboards are done, and i was being lazy)
this started as a fun thing to get me through that slump
now i have to really make a decision
is it really going somewhere?
if so i need to knuckle down and that means daily
that means a lot of work, possibly a years or so worth on this one project
THEN shopping an agent and publisher
with possible multiple redo's
and a ton of rejection no doubt

do i want to do that?
and what about the ducks? how much of a story do they have?

i really do prefer lighter weeks emotionally i think