Dearly Beloved.......

we have gathered here today, to discuss the ravages of GRAVITY
and it is with great GRAVITY that I must call your attention to this problem.......

( listen up cause there will be a test afterwards)

I was watching tv last night ..............( ok so I was sort of LISTENING to tv last night as it was behind me..... so don't all faint now... as because of GRAVITY you will hurt yourself)
Nova.
which had a show on quantum physics and quantum mechanics.

now don't go all glazed over...........
I won't subject you all to the fascination of quantum physics......( but really it is FASCINATING, and I truly do love it)
BUT

there was a discussion as part of this show about GRAVITY

the smart scientists have decided it is a WEAK force.......
ha
WHAT THE HELL do they know?????


I am sitting here dealing with the ravishes of GRAVITY and I am asking you all.......

WEAK????

are they F***ing Nuts?

Ok lest you think I am nuts.......
allow me to go DOWN the list........

ready now???


boobs,
well really due to GRAVITY they should be on the BOTTOM of the list,
since
as you all KNOW
they have descended...and are now footstools.
I swear I am getting bunions on my nipples.

WRINKLES
again, a function of GRAVITY as I could NOT frown that much nor look that tired without extraneous help.
not after a night's sleep, and a pretty decent nights sleep at that

BLADDER function:
I am pretty sure that all my organs have dropped on top of this poor long suffering organ, which has naturally caused it to tell me to empty it once every freeken hour...........
but only at night...........
and to pay particular attention to 2am.......
which as we know is the 'bladder witching hour'

Staircases
they seem to catch and HOLD GRAVITY
just waiting for me to attempt to decend them........ where they loosen their hold on GRAVITY and cause me to go tumbling down.
thank GOODNESS I like purple and magenta as I am wearing enough of those colors after my latest encounter with the staircase GRAVITY.

TIRED LEGS
from standing over the canner or the garden or the soapkettle
AGAIN all this is GRAVITY's fault..........because without GRAVITY
I would be FLOATING over the above tasks.......
and my legs would not have the entire map of the Chicago metro area etched on it in multi colors...
or so I hear, as I haven't actually SEEN my legs in quite a while

which brings me to something GRAVITY seems to have missed...........

my STOMACH

how big CAN it get without me actually BEING pregnant?
and why?

Did Larry, Moe and Curly get tired of playing with our elected officals and decide to do reverse Lyposuction on my stomach?
and just WHERE is all that girth coming from??

but I digress............
back to GRAVITY

It causes the tottering pile of books and papers to come tumbling DOWN whenever a fly lands on them
It causes me to drop stuff constantly, as I could not POSSIBLY be that clumsy right?

Ok ok
so GRAVITY does have it's good points..

due to GRAVITY,
pee tends to occasionally find it's way into the actual toilet.( if you are a man, woman strangely do not have that problem)

due to GRAVITY,
Drool slips DOWN your chin instead of UP your nose, although in certain sleeping positions that may not work

due to GRAVITY,
the contents of the cat box are NOT floating around the ceiling, only the actual CATS are................

And

most importantly to me right this minute

due to GRAVITY

my coffee is sitting happily in my cup and waiting for me to swill it properly

there by waking me up

but not before I ran around with the inner workings of my demented brain on view for all the world to see..........
til next time

vi

ps: THERE will be a test

oh and pss:
coffee kitchen
blackberry sage
freesia
cucumber
is the list of soaps that will be waiting for you all in september........

the rose is already sold ( I told you all that this stuff goes pretty fast, half the coffee soap is gone as well)
I will update this list every day I make soap guys