in waiting...

we're still waiting for lab test results
and my visit with the endo was pretty good
i remembered to ask about my arm (the doctor isn't sure and is going to talk to a colleague)
we discussed the what ifs on the labs that aren't back yet
and i forgot to ask her about the thyroid panel with the reverse t3/t4 and antibodies
so that's pretty good

bernie's rash and hives are pretty much gone...still some lingering things
and his cough is still bad, he won't go back to urgent care for it as he says it's just allergies
so that's the state of the bernie

we have a new wood guy as our old wood guy blew us off repeatedly after telling me that he promised us wood last week
so new wood guy will deliver monday the first of three cords

and i finished a study of barberry from out front, next are the gourds and corn that susan sent and then the shells from rhonda, i also have some rosehips to paint and fall leaves, as you all may realize we still didn't finish the rearranging in the studio so i am stuffed into the corner and pretty cramped for space-- plus i can't find my bid studio easel....... so my poor long suffering studio is a nightmare... but as you can also see i do manage to get work done--- i wish it was more work but at least it's steady work done

so that is about it... i am feeling pretty good thanks to the d vitamins, the doc renewed the 50,000K cause it is working ----- i still can't over do things too much and i am in big trouble if i get chilled but the constant exhaustion and deep ache is gotten totally bearable so i am good with that, the rest i can basically ignore
although i found that when my elbows hurt, i've over done it! and it makes no sense WHERE the elbows hurt either!
oye
fibro....who knew?

so this is your saturday....

my latest painting is a very happy old lady witchie poo....... i had to paint her, i mean......tis the season right?
she fought me tooth and nail ........she wanted to be younger, i wanted her to be older (she is actually a real person, and she is a bit older in real life then in that painting- but she is as sweet in real life)
every once in a while i have to do some humans to get make sure i don't forget how to paint figures/portraits

ok now i have gourds and berries to work on..... and some dried leaves, and corn..... i wish i could get a visit from one of our crows.....they've been gone all summer

as to the family here....bernie is doing better, but still on stuff to help with his hands etc.... he's still got that plague and i am considering forcing him to go back to a doctor about it...he's giving me a hard time so he must be feeling a bit better

still no wood--- the woodguy is a total flake------ now... if i don't hear from someone this week, i don't know what we are going to do..... probably get the other maple taken down and use that

in the midst of all this the laptop is acting up bad now...and my nook color no longer is allowed on my wifi..... but it's something from the wifi not anything i did.....
that nook thing started when i tried to download an app i purchased to deal with my painting gallery on the nook...the download wouldn't work.. then the wifi crapped out (the nook sees the wifi....but the wifi won't let it connect even with the correct password!)
which again brings up the whole 'new computer that can handle graphics' issue again
if we had been able to follow the plan i laid out for all this...i would have had the computer in 2013... and i would be so much further along (actually i would have stayed on schedule with my plan for this whole licensing thing * and world domination? isn't that what everyone is expected to say?*.......

so now i am trying to figure out something to raise the cash i need for the good graphics computer, a wacom drawing tablet..... and the graphics software
it's a matter of, i need the above to be able to work........ and i need to be able to work to GET the above......
oye

and tuesday..... it's the doctor that takes all my blood..... i better drink a lot of fluids huh?
there is an art supply store near the doctor, that i would LOVE to stop at while i'm there.....but i don't know if we will, but i would sooooooo love to, especially since i heard they got my favorite watercolor paint in stock now.... and maybe maybe some good brushes????
i am waiting to put a brush order in to rosemary & co....... but that's on hold
i do tend to go though brushes.... not as bad as some people (like bernie does) but since i paint so dry, and 'up on the tips' --my tips tend to wear, the body is ok but the tips aren't as sharp as they should be
so i'm always looking for good brushes with super sharp tips....
the next order i'm going to put in is for half riggers and spotters .....basically all tippy brushes.... with no real bellies to them but what can you do?
i really wish the kolinksy thing is straightened out soon...(china get your shit together ok? this is a a RUSSIAN weasle not a sable, not from india, not endangered........... and america you too... wtf?)
i've tried some synthetics and i'm not impressed............ so let's all work together shall we......the artists in america need brushes
( and i really really like cheapjoes dragons tongue brush..... the very bestest- they are a good brush, hold enough paint, have good longer lasting tips and are reasonable in price--)

well that's about it now, it's time to give fawnie her meds......and for me to eat something, do my stretches (they really do help) and start to paint
i had a crap night, with less then two hours sleep, and that was all nightmares..... my elbows are killing me (that's where the fibro seems to have settled, i over do it...... the elbows hurt!)

so take good care and ttyl

and this week......

started off with a run to the emergency room for bernie
reaction to that antibiotic.....plus the antibiotic kicked off contact dermatitis to the gloves he has to wear at work- and he's got the plague too
so he may have to go BACK to the doctor again for that
however he did pass the MAC certification test so he'll be getting a small raise for that (he passed in one try, most of the other guys in his shop took 2-4 times to pass- i am not surprised as he is a slow and careful thinker and this was a test he could take here at home...... so he was able to sit and think about it without stress or pressure)

meanwhile i got a fire going to take the raw out of the house since it's raining
and i am hoping to paint some gourds and berries today if i can
but since bernie got sick i'm struggling to do a lot of his chores that used to be mine that i have trouble with now......
oye

still no wood..... i got a call from the woodguy and i tell you.....i am not happy
he had assured me when i first called him that he'd have my 6 cords ready
now he's telling me that he doesn't have them and that his 'friend' is going to get me my wood
it's going to be too late in the season soon
and i am really getting worried

also tonight is the last night in the cortisol tests i have to take at midnight
at least i was under the impression it was three days.....i hope it wasn't over three weeks (one a week)
my appointment is next week so they may have the results by then i hope
but probably not....as the hormone tests go out to california to the nichols lab

now it would seem he DID give me his plague... i am starting to get a cough and a throat thing going on. i am hoping it's weather related, due to mold spores in the rain...we'll see about that
and also.......i have been doing very basic yoga stretches and some walk aerobics when i can.....and i am happy to report that they have been helping and i am making slow progress- and i can not stress enough how shocked i am that the vitamin D deficiency made such a huge mess of my body..... now taking the supplements that the dr gave me the rx for ....sure helped- and i'm not even up to optimal range yet~!
adding the b12 seems to have also helped so when i was advised to add  k ......i listened and ordered that along with bernie's vitamins

ok i've got to get my day started now
take good care

did you ever have a week.........................

where it was one thing after another......
where things just kept going wrong?
yup
that's us
first off bernie's hands are still a mess and now he's got a cold or the flu or something
the wood guy did NOT deliver like we agreed on..... despite of a few reminder calls-
the van needs front end work desperately and we are going to have to take it to a shop as bernie can't do it at work (wtf? a mechanic and we're PAYING SOMEONE ELSE?)
oh and of course...the roofer never called either
oye
i also dropped that thing on my leg..... all cut and bruised ....... what a mess
and then calpurrnia is got the runs (normal for her......one week a month it seems she gets the runs...and won't use the litter box with them)
the computer is a mess too.......i downloaded and updated a new vid driver but i secretly suspect that the this laptop is on it's way out....
i am considering an edition of my prints to buy a new computer---

oye
now today........i was able to put up another pot of split pea in the nick of time...... because i eventually found a carrot
(it is just not the same without the carrot)
thankfully that went ok
i still haven't found the shredded ham i froze in soup sized portions (and we need to do another ham i think. so i have packs in the freezer)

looks like bernie has thankgiving week off
this will be the FIRST time since 2007 that we won't have to worry about either road calls or other issues...............
so maybe since he'll be home we can cook not only a turkey but maybe a ham so i can do stuff up for the freezer, since i'll be having help around

now i have to tell you.......that the vitamin d and the b12 really have helped the fibro...... i can't believe i'm saying that but it's true
i guess that really bad d deficiency was causing problems- pretty bad ones actually
so now i did more research and am adding K3........
so i ordered vitamins instead of the brushes i need/want
how very adult of me
sniff
i long to order brushes...paper, paints...... music...books..... beads..........yarn....
but i got our vitamins
i got bernie his 50+ for men vitamins.... and k for him too...
and the 50K units of d for me for after the rx one runs out.....i am not going to risk going back to what i was feeling before
that was horrible.....i felt so bad i was afraid i would live!

so that's about it for now
i'm going to stir the soup...... pull the current painting off the board and get ready to draw some fall bounty that i got in the mail this week
ttyl
i hope you are all enjoying fall.....

well that was fun.....NOT

i was (*maybe still am) dealing with a malware redirect virus....
it's a 'your flash is out of date' redirect
now i haven't been feeling great so it sorta didn't register at first
and then i thought it was a site issue (i don't know where the hell my head was)
but now i am dealing with it
it isn't fun
i thought i had gotten it but it hijacked spybot and malware.....and i am not too sure if norton is ok either yet
i'm tired too
(today is a bad day flare wise for me, but a good day family wise as my long lost sister in law finally called...everyone is fine thank goodness)
ok fast updates
i am working on a portrait of a witch....(not a mean witch but a sweet old lady witch....... i just felt the need)
i couldn't face one more duck unless i did something else for a shake up so witchie poo is on the drafting table....after all 'tis the season' no? and what fun is being an artist if you can't shake stuff up a bit here or there?

anyway i have to go as this flare is got me very tired
but i will talk to you all in a day or so

more freezer cooking

today is enchiladas
chicken and bean with mixed veggies
i got the beans up on the stove cooking now (dried navy beans this time)
i am planning on 32 enchiladas so that will be i think 8 containers of 4
now each container actually is a meal for both of us with his 'work supper' as well in there
i eat one, he eats two and takes one to work
i am hoping to stretch the chicken with the beans (shhhhhhhhh we won't tell him there are beans in there-what he doesn't know is good for him)
i may put some corn in too
in a few minutes i'll go make the sauce for this
right now i am still struggling with the morning fibro stiffness..... (and it's raining)
now yesterday i processed that pie pumpkin i baked the other day....i ended up giving the chickens the guts as i didn't like the way they looked but the girls were very happy
i made bernie a pumpkin crustless pie....i called it a custart.....hahahaha
he liked it but he said it needed whipped cream which we didn't have.....for once i would agree with him
i couldn't find the ground allspice and didn't feel like grinding the whole allspice so i just put cinnamon and ginger in it......it was pretty good

next i am hoping for a good sale on beef but if not then i am going to have to do with a mix of chicken/pork for meatloafs and such
and i am going to need to deal with that soon...... as i need to have stuff ready for when i am too ill to do anything
i am fighting this disease as hard as i can..... which isn't easy, as i hate being idle.... but i do have to sleep and rest and i can't do what i am used to doing in a day
i keep hoping i figure a way to at least do what i need to when i am better against the bad days..and figure ways to have the bad days not so bad

anyway....right now i am cooking for the freezer..... in a while when that's finished i'll paint

freezer cooking

4 meals of chicken in curry sauce and one of chicken and dumplin
tomorrow if i feel ok
i bake
i also discovered i really need to do a few batches of enchiladas up for the freezer
plus i am working on stuff for thanksgiving
getting as much made ahead as i can.
i don't think bernie will be actually here all day awake (he'll be working that night) but i could possibly do the full meal the tuesday before and have a leftover second meal on the actual day

in other news, i again have insurance starting today
and the fibro is down to a dull roar......thanks to the vitamin d3.....
i need to add vitamin k2 and k3 as well
which i will
and i have discovered that taking the vitamins in late morning/early afternoon is the right time
as if i take them too late they keep me up
i would have never thought that a vitamin D deficiency would cause problems and that taking d would fix stuff
i'm not sure about the other vitamin claims but for me, i've proven to myself that the d works
and works well
the general horrible tiredness in my legs is tolerable now
i can go down to the ducks and while i can't yet do water buckets or grain pans, i can and do bring my beloved ducks in the house at night (i've missed them all so very much- and they have missed me too)

and the irony is.......

http://www.njaudubon.org/SectionCenters/SectionAllThingsBirds/BirdingSiteGuides.aspx

i am from jersey, born and bred......
now all the good birding sites are there........

i need to figure a way to do some field trips
between bernie's graveyard shift (which he actually does like, less traffic, no interruptions to his work)....... high gas prices..... and my fibro plagued body

but if i can do a few trips during the right migratory times, i got a years worth of birds and such to paint.

i guess i would also need to really plan these trips as i would need more equipment for the camera....
memory, batteries, waterproof housing, and a telephoto lens of some sort

i wonder how much of a hassle it all would be?
this fall is out but maybe spring?
i haven't been down the shore since 1981............it's been a while no?

oye

vitamin D ......who knew?

i am starting to feel better a bit longer.....a bit more often.
i have noticed that the vitamin d seems to be working.
i am also sleeping a tiny bit better
i think a part of it is that a lot of stress is off me as well.
i had to stop with the gabapentin though cause i am not sure that was helping me at all...just gave me nightmares...i feel better without it

one of my friends on fb mentioned that all the fibro patients (of which she is one) have low d
and in further research i found a lot of people that got improvements adding high d and b-12
the doctor has me on 50K once a week, and i found that if i take it monday, thursday is a good day...
the endo added more d daily...and i am having better days more often
but then again i was severely deficient in d--
yesterday was rough but today i was able to get some exercise in..(VERY LIGHT) and some stretches too.....
so that's getting closer to a more normal day for me
i long to be able to take my ducks out myself
and garden again......
meanwhile, i have other news......looks like i get insurance october 1.... so that should be just in time for the endo
we'll see
meanwhile.... today i am here and there.... a bit more energy.....a lot less pain...
so i am going to be keeping this up
and hoping for more improvement

oh and one other thing... getting chilled or cold is NOT A GOOD THING AT ALL
totally not
i have to keep my muscles warm or i have problems
i ended up with a few quilts on the bed last night..... and until i got them on the bed my knees and legs were killing me..once i got my legs warmed up...i fell asleep!

study number 2 of goosey gander

study number two of the brant goose head..this one is wash and colored pencil-
those colored pencils saved my ass today.... i started to lay down the washes and for some odd reason......i messed up BIG time...... could NOT get it working
so i let the paper dry and went into it with colored pencils.........
it saved what would have otherwise been a total loss.
i'm still not totally happy with this...
oh and the eyes are darker in real life (or so i suppose from the reference photos)..but they are hard to see in a painting if i make them too dark so this is the 'artistic' license part. i will give the colored pencils this...... they sure do make rendering texture easy.... wow the textures of the neck/breast feathers NEVER were that easy.... omg ....... and the cheek feathering and highlights....... ditto.. so here is my second study...
i am most likely going to do a third head then a composite of body poses and then go for the layout of the 'real' painting

meanwhile my art supply shopping list just got a couple more colored pencils added to it.... i was told to note which ones i used and make sure i always had extra (thank goodness blick has open stock on them)
i really do appreciate the ability to use the colored pencils when a painting is going south, like this one was...... i also thought i was going to have a very large learning curve, but i guess i did so much drawing with graphite pencils when i was a kid that i sort of just am able to shift that knowledge over.
OR
good colored pencils do a lot of the work for you?

meanwhile i got a sweet comment from the girl that won this years federal duck stamp competition ....... i had mentioned her yesterday on the blog ( i really am so proud of her winning, even though i don't know her, i do like her work.) i am so glad to see more female folk painting ducks and wildlife subjects, and i like to see the girls win the traditionally almost all male competitions.

let's see..... we're waiting to hear if i am going to get insurance again... thinks will be super tight if i do but i desperately need to be monitored with this fibromyalgia.
i should have been monitored for the pcos and adrenal thing all my life but well things happen....
the fibro is different.. cause of the meds they put you (me) on
anyway...yeah i know .... two posts in two days
i may even post again tomorrow if like the study

well there you go
have a good week ....it's the beginning of our weekend cause monday and tuesday are bernie's days off

goosey goosey gander.......

brant goose
pale bellied
head study

i've started research on brant geese.....which are tiny little birds about the size of mallard ducks.
they are ocean/salt marsh birds and we get them down the coasts during migrations.
the one on the east coast is the pale bellied or atlantic brant
there are a few others.......
they eat eelgrass, seagrass, and forage in fields near the shore. (vegetarians)
anyway.....i have a ways to go with my studies as i've never seen these guys in person..... which sucks, as i don't 'know' a bird well unless it's in person. so i am trying by doing a few studies to get near to a credible rendering.


meanwhile in duck stamp news... a woman won it! she's only the third woman in 75 years!!!!!
her name is Jennifer Miller and i don't even know her but i am so proud of her...she won with a pair of ruddy ducks. ........

now a couple of years ago....someone said about my work 'why ever do you paint ducks'.......my answer then was 'that is what i have around me, what i see and love every day' and i do so love my ducks-- i never knew there were other people out there that loved and painted ducks....wow!

ok now, in other news, i put up a stewing chicken and did stock.... and it was perfect timing as our bake element in the oven blew up the other night. so i ordered a new one online and it'll be here monday or tuesday.    meanwhile we have 'stove top' meals and soups.

as to the fibromyalgia, i am trying to learn my way around it..... ok well it's been ongoing i suppose. i will say that the 50,000.units of vitamin D weekly helps a lot and i added b complex and extra b12. plus a D3
i really was terribly deficient with the D way way below the lowest on the scale thingie.... it does help me to take the D supplements-- now that being said i did something to my back... so while i am better that is giving me fits.... it almost feels like i twisted my pelvis again.. and dislocated it but yet it doesn't hurt as bad as when i did the dislocated pelvis...but it does hurt and it's hard to stand up and walk.

meanwhile summer is winding down..... fall is starting in..... and i am hoping for an easy winter
so we'll see about that

anyway let me know how you all like that goose
and better yet if you have seen them in person, let me know how i did ok?

october blue skies.....in september

it's cool out and blue skies and pretty sunlight through the still green leaves
with happy ducks
bernie i believe repaired the chimney to the furnace
he went to the havc place so we'll see how it goes
Susan was/is very concerned about me being up all night stoking the wood stove like i have done now what? 10 years? almost?
she is so right though, i don't think i can do it this year
last winter almost killed me...... i was so very very sick
i called the wood guy to ask for a reserve of 6 cords
i haven't heard back so i'll call tomorrow
i am never ok until the wood is in for the winter

and since tis the season......we got apples...... they were on a seasonally great sale so we got a lot of apples
i am happily eating one a day until i break down and make the apple sauce for the freezer
we now need a huge sale on butter and the extra $ to stock the freezer with....i need to get back to baking
meanwhile... my cortisol levels are elevated .....umm yeah so that is not really news to me, that sort of is the norm
and i am making my way through fibro.....we have discovered that at least 10 hours or more of rest is required ...it may not make me have more energy but at least it brings the pain down to a dull roar
vitamin d helps too
actually i found that if i take the 50K units of the dr rx vitamin d on monday..... thursday is going to be a GREAT day...
so i am trying to plan cooking for thursdays
i am going to add daily vitamin d as well-- the endo suggested 2000 -5000k a day
i ordered b-12 and b-complex as well......
i'll try it.
heat helps too..... heating pads....sitting in maureen's car today which was pretty warm, that helped
the hot shower this morning helped to unstiffen me
but stairs are still a nightmare....i climb them to the bathroom and to bed but i can't do the up and down like i used to at the moment to the basement or the freezers

and the freezers....... ok my split pea soup was to have gone and maybe one container may yet make it down but i am eating a bowl daily
it was the BEST split pea i have ever made and i've been making it for 40 years!

carrot/celery/onion diced very fine (used the food processor cause i couldn't chop long).... melted in butter
add beef stock (what i had on hand ...normally i use chicken) and the cleaned split peas
simmer until the peas break down..... add cubed potatoes ( i used red but i would rather yukons) and salt/pepper/ parsley
cook until the potatoes are tender....
serve with a swirl of heavy cream and be prepared to not be able to stop eating it
OMG OMG OMG

i also made chicken and dumplins that day...but that didn't even really last the supper...bernie ate and ate and ate and ATE
one tiny bowl left over for me for lunch.......

i need more soupies in the freezer..... i would like chili, and more split pea........
and of course stocks.....chicken, beef and turkey...ham stock is good too once in a while

so there you go...life in the little stone house in the woods

it's a soup day

cold and rainy....
so i put up soup...two pots since i had to use the food processor to do the veggies ....
one is chicken and dumplins (the fall tradition of putting that up in the le creuset soup pot.....gees i love that pot)
and one of split pea in my very favorite small stock pot
it was relatively easy for me
although the pots are heavy right now
i'll thank myself later when i have soup in the freezer
really it's so cold i should do a break in firing of the woodstove but i'm going to hold off until bernie cleans the chimney

in painting news my wood ducks are finished....and they do look good
i am about as pleased with them as i ever am with any of my paintings.... although there are selected areas that i do like
i am starting to look at the next one in the series now.
i am considering brant goose

i have to do some research on the brant goose and learn it's habitat and life style first
meanwhile today i am cooking
and if i recover a bit of energy i will do some cleaning of my work bench

i have to say... the vitamin d that the doctor gave me is helping a lot more then the fibro meds are

cool fall weather

detail- wood ducks

wonderful fall weather
i love fall but i am not as able to enjoy it this year as i'm so worried about getting the wood in for winter and the furnace done
meanwhile
i am painting wood ducks--- that is a detail from the bigger painting......i'm much further along now
i took a break to update the gallery site and upload some of the new work ....then send the link to an agent, i looked at their stable and they may be able to use what i do.... so we'll see
i got finished last night about midnight-ish so emailed it all off early this morning (1 AM !!!!!)
meanwhile today i am back to painting wood ducks and of course thinking of what i am going to do for the remainder of this series and what's next
i have so many going..... the migratory waterfowl, upland game birds, more shore birds, the paper dolls..and i am going to do another human series.... plus the ongoing teacups (i've got to get to the antique place to pick up a few more)
i'm also slowly working the studio over
i moved some things around already..... bernie needs to help me a bit with the big stuff but i am slowly getting more space in my little corner.

funny, it was never that cramped when i was sculpting porcelain over there
two big things that need to be addressed is where i photograph, and where i cut paper

well anyway.....today is our saturday, bernie was going to mow the lawn this morning but the mower didn't work.. he's sleeping now..
i'm not waking him up, but i image he will get up around 6 like he does normally for work
so i am still painting my wood ducks

oh and i emailed sennelier to ask for a physical color chart-- something to keep by the drafting table.... i have my m graham, and the windsor newton (which is actually painted out!...they sent it to me)
i have decided i need more paint....although i hate to get it ....i don't like a lot of paint around, as it's too confusing for me, but there are some blues i think i really need and i can't mix
possibly some raw umbers as well
and a few more ochres .....some brown some red, one green all ochres..
i need some more brushes too
if i can't get the dragon tongue brushes from cheap joes i am going to get the liners and lizard licks from rosemary & co
i might try kalish again, with their reservoir  liners but maybe not...i wasn't too impressed with the tips on the brushes i got from them
i am making them work but i'm not happy with them
i do however really like the rosemary & co brushes....
i still adore the cheap joes dragons tongue ....so when they are back in stock i am so going to stock up

meanwhile we are also talking about a new computer for just working with the photos etc of my paintings....to make the digital files for printing etc.
all the advice i'm getting from the other artists is go with either a MAC or get a gaming pc
they warned me to get a LOT of ram memory.... 64G is best
so we're still talking
cause that is a huge investment and also it's going to have to have a spot that isn't around the woodstove

ok enough of a break......wood ducks call me
ttyl

the ducks ran amuck

two of the younger ducks got out this morning, bernie didn't latch their pen door well enough
and the little hellions snuck out..... and tried to spring misha...
but they were peeping and squeaking in joy very very loudly
right below the window i work in front of
can you say BUSTED......yup they sure were

i went down and two little duckies wanted to be picked up and cuddled
so of course i did...
and kissed them soundly.....and took them for a walk
they decided to run down the slope to the old pen which right now has a hornets nest in it so no one can use it....
i got them eventually to come back up the hill
hahahaha
gees i love those ducks
but they were very bad ducks today

anyway....i got a couple of phone calls from friends today
now usually phone calls don't happen
everyone emails or texts (i can text from the laptop as i don't have a cell)

so having actual conversations was a very nice thing
meanwhile
the massive doses of vitamin d are helping a tiny bit
the wood duck painting is progressing
and for now........ things are good

the weirdest dreams i SWEAR

i sort of woke up in a dream...... i was in a sleigh with 4 full grown female reindeer pulling it
back in fairlawn but on the other side of our hill
i realized i needed a brake (or a drag) so that the sleigh didn't run over my reindeer going DOWN the other side of the hill
so i left them sorta hanging out on some strangers lawn.... at night
unhitched
and then terrified...walked up to a man i didn't know at night .....alone
and asked for help for my team of reindeer

yup i got weird dreams

it wasn't even december in the dream
but there i was driving a team of reindeer
but no sack of toys
no red suit
actually it wasn't even winter so wtf is up with the whole sleigh thing?
anyway, i was up after this dream cause bernie was sick
he'd been splitting some logs we had and he got hurt
i'm not sure what he did but his stomach was killing him.....not his arms or back so i basically stayed up the rest of the night.....

meanwhile back on earth
i am further along with the wood duck painting- but i am at the stage of 'i hate it'
i will as usual push through until either it's finished or i can't stand looking at it one more second

i am also trying to move some of the stuff around the studio myself...
bernie never seems to have time and i have to get a place to cut paper etc...

i am also thinking....i have to thin out my beloved books......
that is like killing off children to me
so slowly....... (is there a 12 step program for avid readers who can't let go of a book?)

i actually need to make myself another goal list
but everything right now takes way too much effort, and i am very very tired all the time

but this too i'm sure will pass like corn right?
even with fibro, it doesn't last forever, right?
oye

wood ducks

well i did start the wood ducks yesterday
at least the stormy sky washes are started

i also did up a big batch of curried chicken in sauce which knocked me totally out
i did about 10 pounds
wtf?
normally i do 120 pounds
10 pounds?........... i was laid low by 10 POUNDS of chicken?

i had a super rough night
and not a good morning

then i found some tiny flies in the microwave.....again WTF?
so i cleaned the microwave, and boiled a ton of water in it
next is boiling vinegar in it
i know i cleaned it not all that long ago so the only think i can think of is that half a blueberry muffin that i forgot in there yesterday
 (it's called fibro fog........really? omg )

any way, today is looking like rain, and i am in a lot of discomfort
i am going to paint in a few minuets

meanwhile i need to cut paper again, i think i better cut quarter sheets out of at least 10 full sheets which of course will give me 40 paintings
i need to get more black paper too..... and soon so i can cut that before winter (cause i use the woodstove to cut paper on, as it's the right height.......so naturally during heating season that is not an option)

my friend susan made a good point too about heating.....
that i am going to be hard pressed to get up at night to stoke the stove during the winter
right now the furnace is out of commission
as not only does it need to be cleaned but the connector between it and the chimney rusted out (no doubt due to lack of use and the moisture in the basement)
i guess we need to also get that chimney cleaned an inspected.....make that both chimney's inspected

and i am thinking while we're at it the kero heaters that should have been cleaned at the end of last heating need to be gone over and gotten ready too

oh man bernie is not going to be a happy camper..........so i am going to have to see if i can at least do the kero heaters instead of him doing them

i know one is not too bad...new wick and clean the tank and it should be ok (it needs to be burnt out too)
the other one is going to be a bit more of a headache i think.....that one is a corona (top of the line--- we also have an aladdin..... radiant one)
bernie was going to toss them but i rescued them and after being reconditioned they will work better then anything on the market today

you know...... i am realizing more and more that bernie is a lot like my dad... dad never did maintain stuff nor finish stuff (we had a pencil stuck in the plumbing for as long as i can remember......one of dad's fixes)

anyway...that is the state of the pre heating herron household at this moment
oye

and the official word is.......

drum roll please......

fibromyalgia
omg
i had a friend 30 years ago that had it and i swear i never would have thought i would end up there .....
we knew however but now it's official.

i got meds for it ...... we don't really have  much hopes for the meds but ok
they are anti seizure meds

meanwhile i am almost back to being hydrated, i had two nightmare days of almost no fluids, which made this mornings blood draw fun fun fun.......
the lab tech had to get it from two different places... she tapped me once and after only one vile the blood just stopped
so she tapped my hand too

i have to run for my glasses on friday, and then my final medical appointment before i lose the insurance sunday.......

so that's really what i have been busy taking care of....
after i get a chance to settle down, i have wood ducks to start working on
then i am considering a goose painting

listen someone had to sort of hold me accountable....i need to get these jpegs into a pdf file
and i am really having a lot of trouble getting it done or started
(also i could sure use a much better computer to do it on too)
but considering that my first computer had a HUGE 30G harddrive (at a time when 10G was the norm)....and this laptop has 250g ...........

the advice i was given about the graphic computer, was to get a gaming computer with as much ram as i could get........ a really good graphics card...... then make sure i had two back up harddrives, a wacom tablet, stylish and duel LARGE 27'' monitors
or an imac 27'' and add my own expanded hardrives

maybe i should set up a fund ? oye

update on the insurance, i can get coverage monday so no lapse but the old insurance won't give me an end dated letter until AFTER the end date and the new insurance won't let me in until i have that letter stating that i lost coverage

we so need socialized medicine, cause this is really insane
oh and i found out that the insurance marketplace companies are subtly maneuvering to limit coverage for people that actually need to use it- preferring of course to just get premiums paid to them without having to actually put any thing out---- things like this discourage me greatly

did you ever wake in a vile mood

and can't quite figure out why?
then everything seems to exasperate it?

yup...me- today

i came down to a mess in the crate from calpurrnia..... a horrific mess
and rain
heavy at times but unrelenting rain

to a couple of what should have made me happy but somehow got me more annoyed things
like a gift card to olive garden (hate italian food OUT...... we make it right ...and we make it at home)
which bernie chose even though he knows i don't eat italian food out

then bernie had planned on an omlet for himself....but since i was down he realized he probably should offer to me too...... only to find out there were just 2 eggs.......

one thing after another and it's all seemed to rub me the wrong way
not to mention litter boxes need to be cleaned
as calpurrnia pissed on the floor again

oh man.......
i should do a restart on this day i think

bucket lists and fast paintings

well that was FAST, i did a pair of bufflehead ducks on black paper
it took me less then two days from start to finish
wow
(and showed me how timid i am with using darks on white paper or how lazy i am.....either way)

so now i am making another series decision.....i'll sleep on it and let you all know

onto bucket lists
i don't really have one i think

a few things i would love would be
to build a deltec house/studio
have a better garden and small barn (and small farm animals with some help) along with a small orchard
have a subscription to a philharmonic and also to a ballet company (probably for yearly performances ) with GOOD seats ....not in the nose bleed section or the telescope section......
and be able to got out to a nice restaurant prior (even though i'm really not crazy about going out to eat)
get back to the Met at christmas for the angel tree
finally have a dedicated library room with a pair of wing back chairs.....and ottomans

see not really much of a bucket list
just some things i basically have dreamt of all my life-- to me that is the good life
i wouldn't mind some travel as long as it was to go to places to see birds, or places like longwood gardens or some museums that i would just DIE for to see
but i am uncomfortable out of the house so a lot of travel is not for me..... maybe a weekend once in a while

i realized it today, that the measure i have of success, the measure of a happy and good life, are things like this
and we've done too little of them in the past few years (although we were to longwood not too long ago)

i need to talk to bernie about this cause we need to see what we can do to bring some of that into being
he actually likes those things too which would surprise folks if they meet him in real life- but he adores western european paintings! and he's got a good eye for them too.... along with a good sense of color and composition- you wouldn't think it until you see him in front of a painting..... and you ask him what he thinks...
he doesn't use the 'buzz' words.... just plain english...but he's right in what he's saying and a trip through a museum with him is something that will get you seeing with fresh eyes
(don't believe me? take him to a museum!)

anyway... today the local philharmonic has their early bird discount seasonal tickets on sale... and all i can do is sigh......