balancing differences

read this first

go ahead, i'll wait.......

you done now?
ok
i read this and another article relating to this and i realized we really do need each other.
liberals and conservatives
we balance each other out

the ying/yang of our earthly existence

me, i lean liberal with a slight conservative bend

but think about it this way... liberals are the dreamers, the explorers ......they go out and say....'why not'?
while the conservatives are saying 'but here there be monsters'

however if you think about it..... a bit of both really does allow us to evolve, to grow, to accomplish things
the conservatives temper the willy nilly expansion by saying 'hold on a minute'
have you forgotten about unexpected things

now i am obviously NOT talking about the extreme fractions on either side...
but i can sorta understand how they could swing so far out

mind you all now......this has been keeping me up nights (ok this and i reread a few books)
and i'm thinking that the founding fathers were so very wise in insisting on some of the things they did
and setting up our system with liberals and conservatives

if we figure out how to work together properly
we can have our dreams built on firm foundations

it reminds me of bernie and i....believe it or not we take turns being the dreamer here
and being the one that says no
most of the time i do the finances so i am aware of what we can or can't afford
and i have to watch him or he'll just spend until he runs out of checks

he is the one that vetos ideas...... but that sometimes really does force me to modify them into a more workable situation
and helps me cut away the extraneous stuff

now this all got me to thinking........ well maybe the struggles in parts of our lives (not just mine but yours as well)
forces us to cut away the extraneous stuff too... maybe helps us focus on what is actually important to us and also forces us to chose to follow that without a lot of other distractions....
say like maybe.... painting instead of wasting my life flitting from one thing to another

or
maybe i shouldn't think so much?

and just get back to painting

(which right now is a whistling duck portrait)

just tired

i got the painting of columbines done on the black paper and put it in the finished box.. the blue tape pulled the paper surface off a bit
that upset me

meanwhile i am just very very tired
sleep isn't good
and i can't seem to get enough energy
i'm done with the 50,000. units of vitamin d which would help a tiny bit
i have to wait to have my blood work done in august on that
i still haven't had the energy to do the pork enchiladas
and i have to make sauce and also chutney
i hope i have a bit more energy for tomorrow
as i have an appointment in town and the way i feel right now, i am not sure i can make it

meanwhile we've had horrific storms here
and one of the big maples got hit again by lightening and lost a big part of itself across the road
i heard the boom and the house shook but i thought it was a meth lab explosion up in the 'luxury townhouses'

stella is sitting on 4 eggs.......(to bring this around to budgie news) but i think maybe they aren't fertile
we lost emma june 14, and stell started in with the eggs about the 16th.... budgies only take 18 days.....and it's over that now
so i am thinking if they don't hatch NOW.....they are duds
but i'm going to leave her with them as then she won't be laying more eggs

fawn was to the vet for her annual thyroid tests, she's gained her weight back!
he said she's doing well and not one sign of fleas
so maybe we'll be ok?

thaddeaus and calpurrnia need to go to the vet too soon

oh and misha the duckling has started to lay!
so much i think for all the actual news from the feather/fur family



so right now..... this is life in our world

holidays, storms and small ways to stock the freezer

due to still feeling like crap most of the time, being in pain and finding the way i used to work too much for me lately, i have started to work in smaller batches..... here and there to stock the freezer for not only when i am really bad sick but also for the winter.

i decided that over the holiday weekend, i would make enchiladas for the freezer.
i found a pork loin roast down there that needs to be used up as it's been in there a bit too long now.
however since it's been vacuum sealed i figure that a 2 year old date on it is ok
and i've decided that i'm going to make this roast tomorrow, then sliver it and add it to tortillas and freeze it as made ahead meals, i believe i maybe even have some chard in the garden to add to it

i was thinking about some other ways to use tortillas to enclose foods then cover with sauce to put in the freezer, and i am considering trying meatballs, tomatoe sauce and mozzarella cheese down the road
as well as chicken, ham and swiss cheese.... with a mushroom garlic sauce
i figure, they are fast, freeze well, are good uses of leftovers, and reheat quickly
plus with my limited energy levels they are easier for me to make up in tiny quantities....
i can cook the meat tomorrow, and make up the enchiladas or wraps on saturday/sunday......
i could even make up the sauce today and then just assemble everything on sunday or even monday ......then bernie can run the finished meals down to the big freezer for me
all with minimal energy expansion on my part

yesterday i hand washed 5 thin cotton blouses .....and dried them on hangers on the line (finished up in the house due to a storm)
i have 5 more to do
then i have to start doing sweaters........
normally i so my non wool sweaters in lingerie bags on delicate in the washing machine....
i am going to try and do that with some
i also found some denim tunics from a billion years ago (seriously i think most of them are like 20 years old) that still may fit so they will go in the bags too and i maybe will have more clothes

now that i have a half assed closet.....
ahem... i am also considering how to get more organizers in that half assed closet to keep more stuff in that area... having hanging space for my clothes is such a luxury i can't even tell you.

meanwhile i am still dithering with that black paper..... i should just pull it off the drafting and get on with the next series on regular watercolor paper
it's so bad that i am dreaming of painting so i really do need to get on with it
i'm not very happy when i am not painting or doing something along those lines
oye
til next time
happy fourth to you all
stay safe

driveway flooding and new road work

flooding down our drive 

the new saturday is monday!

and i have hand wash planned for today....nothing major a few (three) of my light summer shirts
let's see if i can get through it
i went to bed early early last night, about 5 minutes after bernie left for work....
i slept until he got home more or less.....
came down........ and then had to go back to bed as i wasn't awake yet
i'm sleeping more and more lately.... not great sleep i imagine as i wake up tired
however i had interesting dreams about art supplies.....paintings...... and brushes

i think i need to paint today..... anything really... so my fall back subject is a duck!
(yes we all know i love my ducks)

meanwhile we are still emptying out the freezers..... the chest freezer is now at about 1/4 full and the upright is only got two out of the 5 shelves with stuff on it....not even full

and someone remind me that when the oranges etc are in season during the winter, that i need to make marmalade for use as marinades during the rest of the year

so all in all for the most part life is quiet
the uphill neighbors had new 'landscapers' that i caught throwing brush and logs over the property lines onto my back yard-- bernie says i am too nice to them..... what am i supposed to do? go out and punch them?
oye
in tiny other good news....i found my secret stash of peach goatsmilk soap......... i am so excited..... it's heavenly soap
really really heavenly soap......i should think about making more of it

our monday

and i have some HUGE news.......
we have a CLOSET of sorts

now this house is dated 1886 on the foundation and it was redone inside in about the 20s
and some more work in 1940
but the house itself is old old
old enough that it was built before closets......
but over our weekend (which was monday and tuesday) bernie took the bedroom apart and in a sort of alcove (it isn't big enough really in light of the bedroom to be a true alcove...... it's just a sort of part of the bedroom kinda........damn, well it's complicated)

bernie hung some rods and we have a closet!........now we need to get some curtains for the front
i am considering a duck cloth drop cloth and a band of toile ......either that or double layers of sheers
from floor to ceiling

i had wanted a series of shelves in there too but he got to doing it so i stayed out of his way..... i got two closet rods
one behind the other

i can actually hang clothes up now!

this and that and life after emma

captain cuttle is still looking for his lost love emma.
 estella is trying to keep him going and i think most of the time she's doing ok, she tried to get him to feed her and when he wouldn't, she fed HIM.
i miss emma
i look for her every morning, and can't get used to her not being there.
today estella asked me to fill the tube feeder (she kicks all the seed out on the floor every time i fill the feeder) so i did
the captain is eating.. so that's good right?

in painting/studio news....i'm working on the beginning of the new series on black paper
i keep thinking that my ideas are cliches and trite
but in the interest of not losing momentum i am going to do it anyway
just to keep painting

now i been asking myself what's getting in my way from finishing up the stuff i need to do with my work,
and maureen (bless her) had an idea......put the photography area into the painting area...... with a small set up that is basically permanent ......she's brilliant and she's right
so that will be another project (unfortunately for bernie not for me as i'm again having a lot of pain)

in duck news, misha, after a few days inside rest is now out in the day pen again
and bernie (bless him) changed bedding for me....
yesterday i bathed phoebe and took amelia and prudence to the worm field...
lilli put herself in a crate so i sort of left her there.....
i am going to talk to bernie about enlarging the day pens into a large run for them...... we'll see about that soon as it would be easier if we could do that


i have an appointment with the rheumatologist in august- however i may also have to get back to the pcp for this knee ..... the one i fell on in april still hasn't healed up so i would imagine i got a bone chip or something like that

i swear i really could use an apprentice or an assistant at the moment
someone with an interest in marketing
oye

ok i have to run
take good care

and now we lost FOUND misha she waltzed out of the woods at bedtime but we had a hell of a time getting her to come up to the house we found out that the neighbors cat was sitting in the way of her coming up (why do people let their cats roam? my cats don't bother anyone) anyway i went out and walked her in....... then clipped her and hugged her and fed her and now i want to strangle her for letting me worry

empty nests

we lost little emma today

when we got her

it was i think cancer, she was a chubby little thing and we just thought she was chubbier
captain cuttle is heartbroken

so are we

and the rain comes down down down........

but the beans and cucumbers grow UP UP UP.....
so do the lettuces
we have GARDEN!
well of a sorts
no tomato plants, as i didn't start them
one pepper which is a banana pepper that may or may not do anything

now for today, i am just finishing up my coffee and going to start work again.....
this painting won't paint itself no matter how often i dream that it does

meanwhile, i am still trying to photograph my work....uuuuuuuuuuuuuggggggggggghhhhhh this is a nightmare even with the new camera
and i am putting together a field kit for when i go to the bird farm
which also isn't easy..... i am not going to actually paint there, but take photographs and do color studies....
and i have to also get the rheumatologist appointments made- for the formal diagnosis of fibro
(and then the lyme doctor cause i am wondering if it could be all lyme? both of us need to go for lyme testing again)

i am still kicking around the next series
i still want to do a teacup series...but as the 'filler' series around the big paintings (big as in more involved not necessarily in size)

if i do the teacup series i really do need to pick up at least 4 different vintage cups/saucers that speak to me.-- and i really can't right now

i am also thinking i would like to do some work on fairy tales..... so i may do that
a series or two for a fairy tale

really while i sit and plan, there is so much that i would love to do, that even the thought of doing creates wings in my imagination and i get excited
sometimes it's hard to turn off the ideas, enough to settle on one...
like i would love to do the fairy tales.... and then hand bind them into a book!
float text (all the copyright in the public domain stuff) in the book like color plates USED to be tipped in.....
that sounds amazing to me

or do a series of illustration and make a slipcase/clam shell container that they fit in....
maybe even letter some pages to practice my atrocious lettering skills

i wouldn't mind hooking up with some etchers and doing a few series of etchings...it's been a while and i do so love to etch

oye.... see what i mean?

i am however leaning towards fairy tales i think...... or maybe folk lore from the northern hemisphere and the arctic circle again.....
i don't know why i am drawn there but i am

ok so that's my world on this rainy day....
bernie is sleeping as today is our monday...
i am about  to get to work

how about all you guys?
what all are you up to?

the last painting in the series

is off to a good start.....
or at least a start of sorts

i miss the birds though
there isn't anything alive in this painting..... but i guess it is the fitting end to a series about the life contained within a nest
i am sort of thinking of the next series and planning my field trip to the bird farm for the game birds, chickens and peacocks

i still need to think of a filler series too
and i would like to do some fairy tales as well if i can figure out something

meanwhile i am also beginning to work on some botanical stuff...here and there
i need to learn to use the colored pencils better as well

i also wish to tell you all.... that the rosemary & co series 33 and series 22 watercolor brushes are acceptable.....i am working with two of them at the moment and i am so far not missing my dragon's tongue at all!

now considering that my brushes need to be extensions of my eyes...... that is a very good thing

i tried to use the kalish pointed round in size 4 but that point wasn't pointed enough for the way i paint details

i am going to try their extended rounds, and detail rounds, and i am most definitely going to put in another rosemary & co order...i need flats and brights, some daggers, half liners...... and a couple of decent sized wash brushes

i think my next series is going to be on half sheets too..... so i need to cut six
that will give me 12 half sheets

in studio news, i am trying to get my little corner a bit more organized....i try and do a bit here and there
and i am also trying to put together a portable studio for when i go to the bird farm- even though i won't be painting, i will need to do some color studies i think.......
mostly i am going to be photographing the birds for paintings later in the studio
as how i paint really isn't conducive to out in the field- for one thing i take too damn long! ..... even if it was only three days (which it isn't anymore.... it's more like a week to 14 days now)...... i still wouldn't be able to do what i do in the wind and the bugs and the sun

ohohoh, i planted cucumber, beans and more lettuce seeds but only on the deck
i really haven't been out to the garden as i am worried about falling....
i have to get the insurance company to ok the referrals to the other specialists and get that done soon

oye
ok chicklets
off i go to pain

oh my, oh my

this is a fast study of a dried leaf and some oriental bittersweet...it's in preparation for the last painting in my current nest series.
the leaf has been kicking around the studio for like 5 years, as the shape was so interesting to me-- the bittersweet is from photos .....
this is a weird painting i know..but for some really odd reason, i like it very very much! go figure!
i like the way i rendered the berries.... the larger (closer to you) ones brighter, the faded look of the leaf (which is much darker in real life), and the more subdued painting of the smaller further away berries- i even like the way the shapes relate to each other....... and the painted  border.... the palette for this was very subdued as well.... my own mix for the reds, yellow ochre and naples yellow for the yellows..... umber for the browns...... i like this so much that i am going to do a few more along these lines and then maybe even down the road FRAME THEM for my self!
never underestimate the lure that red berries have for me...... oye

now in other news, i am starting to respond a bit to the extra rest and vitamin d.... this morning is the first morning in months that i was not in agony when i woke up
my hands still hurt but my shoulders not where near as bad
the absence of debilitating pain is amazing..... now i still have pain but not that horrible mind numbing pain that i've been living with
i still can't risk knitting yet...... or carrying full water buckets or stacking logs.... but i am hoping i can in time again because i feel so helpless

meanwhile..... i have plans for going to the bird farm this summer to paint edwards pheasants, along with chickens, ringneck pheasants, wild turkey, white quail, and a few peacocks.....
most likely i will do a lot of photographs, some on site color studies....... and then do the actual paintings here instudio...
i don't think i would have the time to do much actual painting at the farm, so to make sure i use my time and my models to the best of my abilities..... most of my work will be photo sessions
i may have to go back a second time but since it's far away, i may not have the opportunity to

i would also like very much to see about illustrating a book of fairy tales....but not the traditional ones

now yesterday, despite the very bad storms, we managed to shave most of the winter mats off fawn and give her a much needed bath, she looks and i imagine she feels so much lighter, cleaner, and happier today--- i wish we had a way to take her to a groomer over the winter so she can be trimmed up, bathed and dried thoroughly before she came home.... we can't bath her as we can't keep her warm enough through out the winter
and with her thyroid condition she mats so easily so fast that combing and brushing can't keep up with it... i know, cause i've tried so hard......
shaving her down and weekly baths are the only thing that keeps her from matting
she actually enjoys her bath....she relaxes into the hot water..... no struggling, no crying...... no fighting us...she seems to enjoy the water gently rinsing her too...
she doesn't seem to like the towel though!

anyway this is where we are all at right now

and the answer is......

benign!
so now i have to go to the rheumatologist  --- they are pretty sure it's fibromyalgia--
and i am going to ask to screen me for lyme
i'm still not convinced that the thyroid isn't giving me grief though as well

meanwhile i am recovering from the biopsy, i got a sore throat and a stiff neck...
muscle pain and of course general all over pain from the stress
not to mention sleep issues again

i am hoping for a few days to sleep late now

i've also started layouts for the next painting in this current series... but i have to do some advanced studies to pull it off so i've started on that

i am considering accepting some commissions for paintings, i keep getting asked but i've been so focused on getting work together for licensing i really didn't want to stop to do something else

i was sort of gently talked to about that today...in a way that i didn't consider
so i am going to try to figure out pricing for portraits, which is what i was asked about today....
other folks have asked about things such as bugs, which right now i don't do
so we'll see
if i can figure out a fair pricing structure i am going to say ok to the next one i think
(the one today was a portrait of a horse which is almost irresistible to me )

let's see what all else?
i still have sleep lab and the 24 hour cortisol test to do, and i am waiting for the referrals to the next specialist....
i have some down time to work out the studio rearrangement too i think
i am hoping that i can get the photos done of the paintings soon as well....
oye
so very much to do, and all of it seems to be rough to get to

monday

i suppose it's summer in earnest now
we got the deck furniture up, and i am wondering if we can squeeze one more summer out of the umbrella (bernie wants a red one and i don't think it's a great idea.....so this one is taupe and i think inspite of some moss on it.. a better less bug attracting idea)

we'll get the red one eventually

my scarlet tanager pair is almost finished, the male of course is in 'screaming in your face' red....
the female is in soft shadings of grey and greens and yellows
and i am at the point where i am hating it..and thinking it's terrible so i'm almost finished with it!

general consensus is it's very good-- but really the better i get the less satisfied i am with what i have painted

in other news (which really isn't news but most of my life isn't news anyway) is that there is a male ruby throat hummer that is buzzing me when i go out on the deck........ so we'll be putting up a feed for him and his multiple wives...
i suppose a humming bird painting will then be in my future?

other then that..... right now everyone is well, i have that biopsy tomorrow
i don't expect any issues with that at all
and summer has arrived in green leaves and warm breezes

oh my FRIDAY already?

i've been busy, first i was working on violets then i researched and laid out the pair of scarlet tanagers
i'm liking what is going on so far, and spending an enjoyable time watching the female take shape
i've decided that for this series i am going to take the painting of the quail pair out and add in an abandoned nest
then most likely do a gamebird series for the quail painting to belong to

actually this nest series was a very interesting series to me,  and when i finish i am hoping that it all 'hangs' together as a series...which i think it will
 i am also liking the idea behind it so i am considering expanding on that or continuing to explore that-i am considering maybe some three dimensional  pieces to go into this, i don't think i'll push it but i keep getting a few ideas popping up so we'll see..... (that would require another separate workspace)

i started working with gouache on the black paper, as well as botanical work.......... so we really need to finish setting up my other easels and workspace now--
i did a rough floor plan and lighting plan...... i think it'll work..
and we need to think about getting a computer just for the studio........
meanwhile i keep looking for an agent-- although lately with all the medical stuff, not as diligently as i was...
and since the fall i've had to recover.... the doc said the fibro kicked up and with rest the flare should soon be over......
so all things considered i'm still progressing...... slowly but surely

i will say....i am liking this female scarlet tanager i'm painting right now... in spite of her being green

and with that ....a good night

crossroads are the stuff of life

and i feel another one coming on
i have been working with the idea of licensing
and somehow ended up painting mostly birds- now don't get me wrong, as i love birds (you all know i got enough of them right? .oye)
i'm also teaching myself botanical art while the violets are blooming
i have a few areas i can expand into and i would really like to do just that
i am getting to a point though where i am trying to figure out if i should further specialize in my work.....
or consciously branch out a bit
the muse is no help at the moment

i have realized that over the past few years, i have decided (and that was reinforced by friends who believe in me) that what i do really is worth while.
even when my work bombs... the overall level is worthwhile
to that end now........ i find i am not skimping on art supplies anymore
since i was given those colored pencils..........suddenly my world view has change and to that end
i ordered even better brushes.....(wow..wowy wow wow wow)
i had been slowing getting supplies.... a good brush here and there.... the BEST quality lightfast paints (slowly slowly) i kept trying to put off the bulk of the really good  brushes..... but something snapped in my head and i ordered quite a few brushes recently ( with more planned down the road)

suddenly i am not willing to settle.... not with supplies, not with my work.... and i am pushing even harder to get what i consider better at what i do
now my crossroad is ......which way to take my work....and which way (and where) to market it
i knew starting this color work that i wanted to license it...flags and such
i need to figure how hands on to be
i need help brainstorming this as well
bernie isn't much help in this area, as he is basically 'whatever you decide'

so that's where i'm at on this sunny spring morning.......
not altogether a bad spot to be in i think

one down.........

i got the adrenal insufficiency test over with-- yeah!
i was sick yesterday from it but i'm better today
i have the biopsy, and 24 hour cortisol yet to go + now i have to get to the ortho to look at the knee i fell on last month, as it still is not healed and it's got hard little lumps in it that hurt bad when you touch them-- climbing stairs is still really hard

the doc put me on 50,000 ui vitamin d weekly for 8 weeks and then i have to have 2000 ui a day
with the hopes that my vitamin d deficiency clears up- i was 4 and the lowest is supposed to be 30
oops

what all else?
i started working with the black paper and gouache..... and immediately ran into a snag....
my synthetic brushes are giving me fits
huge fits
so i spoke to a brush company down in jersey and followed their suggestions as to what to use
(sable- but not kolinksy) so they will be here probably by monday no later
meanwhile the jays are finished
and when i recover some energy i can shoot them as well as the other paintings that are waiting

ok i have to run but that's a fast update
i hope you all are enjoying spring this year after the winter we just had

ready..........set....................... oops!

i am just about done with my bluejays,
thaddeaus peabody is doing well
life is quiet for the moment
and
i am about to start the series on the black paper....(things move in my world but they move at the speed of a turtle in winter in reverse)
i have gathered my supplies, taken my photos, dug my plants, did my research, meditated and dreamed,
crossed my fingers.......
now i have to cut the paper- it would be best to do that today
however i am not sure WHERE to cut paper!
(sounds funny but you need a large surface that is the absolute right height and it's got to be spotless...yeah right, in MY house?)
oh how i long to build a deltec house with an attached studio that has doors to close it off from the main part of the house

meanwhile that paper won't cut itself...... and i guess i best get to it

til next time

today was an emergency

Mr peabody ended up with an abscess on his jaw....
i knew he wasn't feeling well but i thought it was his sinus stuff....... he gets it spring and fall
after all yesterday he was a holy terror
although a lot of the time he was clingy and wanted mom......
we all know that when the kid is sick (even if the kid is furry) that sick kid wants mom...
he wouldnt' even let me paint
today when i got down he wouldn't say good morning- wouldn't even look at me
so i canceled my medical appointment i had today and called the vet for him
and took my baby boy to the vet
he had emergency surgery to deal with his abscess..... it was such an emergency that even though he ate, they did the surgery
he did throw up several times
and it took him about 9 hours to come out of the worst of the anesthesia- and i cried the whole time
he's got a shot of antibotics, and we are going to watch him
the irony is ......it was not an abscessed tooth
however is was around a tooth....
omg i was so worried about him
bernie was so worried about him
now he's resting in his crate
he would like to eat but isn't allowed yet
he's wobbly and so he is to stay crated for 24 hours
i let him take a very brief fifteen step walk and now he's asleep again

i doubt i'll sleep tonight