again with crazy neighbors? this time uphill?

this time it was the uphill neighbor that took it into her head to tell her 'landscaper' to clear cut the property to the driveway...... unfortunately it was OUR property that is a strip on the other side of the drive that was clear cut
i lost daffodils, mayflowers, barberry and a scottish thistle i have been anxiously awaiting flower for the goldfinches ( you remember my goldfinch paintings? well the next one was going to be with thistle when it came into bloom and then went to seed.....i've been watching that plant every damn day-

so i posted the line....... as i asked the guy about it and he said 'tilly said to clear it out to the driveway' (little vicky was on the phone and heard that) OBVIOUSLY the neighbor has forgotten her lines no?
well she threatened me! she sent the granddaughter over first to threaten me- claiming it was a misunderstanding! then SHE threatened me..... wtf? i posted signs on MY PROPERTY
i am a half a step away from calling the cops, and if those signs come down i will
and i'll press charges as well- you should have heard them cursing at me! i didn't bother to curse or answer them......... it's not worth it, as this is my property and my right to post signs if i want to.
i remember this one's indignation when she THOUGHT that an uphill neighbor had encroached on her land....here she's doing it to me
one of their excuses for her was that her husband just died in february, yes i do know that.....
which is why i didn't file charges already and just posted the lines
i don't bother ANYONE- i never trespass  i don't even go when invited over to someone's house- i leave them alone and i expect my property rights to be respected

meanwhile poor bernie is exhausted and was asleep when this all was going on...at least i hope he didn't hear it, as it was just under the bedroom window.............

he only had about 4 hours sleep yesterday, he had an early run......tonight he's got a lighter run and he leaves later so he can sleep until 7 i think-
he did sleep in the truck this morning for a few hours, which only delayed him getting back to the distribution center.
tomorrow we get the van back again..... we had gotten it back and there was another problem that the dealership caused......so i had to argue with them and back it went
do not buy anything from OUTTEN KIA in hamburg....... they don't honor the warranty that they assured me was bumper to bumper
i got them to give us a loaner twice which they were going to charge for
and by arguing with them got them to fix their mistake again
i am not happy with them at all.......we'd told them that there was a problem with the front end from the first day we bought that van home

it's been one thing after another lately huh?
in painting news i laid down washes for northern lights again.......
i'm getting closer i think i need to do them with an atomizer though.
once i get a good idea of how they work, (and i am working with clear glazes and staining vs non staining pigments) through the studies, i can layout the next painting

it's true, (one of my friends  * from TX * said this to me today) i do live in my own little world- it's getting smaller and smaller cause i can't handle these low lives
as i get older i just want peace to paint and cook and garden and enjoy the animals
i expect that since i don't bother anyone .....no one should bother me

roland

(i don't mean friends i mean neighbors and strangers)

anyway that's what's all going on from up here....
oh and the dove is back
i thought the kestrel got him...... there were feathers but apparently not so i named him roland
cause he reminds me of the knights in the disney movie 'sword in the stone'
tiny head big body...... and a bit slow on the uptake there is a picture of him out back

what a day..............

first off happy mothers day to you moms out there

what a day...bernie broke down with the van.....out near pottsville
beings it's sunday he couldn't get a tow
finally got a tow (350.00 later)
to get the van to the dealer.....then couldn't get a ride either home or to work
everything is closed!
taxi companies
car rentals
the dealership

everything is closed
right now he's sleeping in the van as he's due to drive a route tonight
i am not sure how as he's now stuck in hamburg!

supposedly the company was sending one of the truckers that was out that way to try and get him in to the distribution center

i am needless to say....beside myself with worry

i guess this pretty much settles it....we need a second car huh?
and he needs a closer job no?

now me, i had a rough night.....the overall body pain kept me up
tylenol isn't working anymore
so when the van is back on the road again i need to get to a doctor
i don't want pain killers but i am hoping that adjusting my thyroid meds will help

as things progress......

i'm getting to the point that tylenol isn't helping much anymore
now i have about a 3 hour window of movement from around 1pm
to about 4 ish

i can't get moving before hand
even when i am moving everything is in slow motion and i am sort of lurching around

bernie is alarmed (i am a bit as well but i figure it'll pass eventually)

meanwhile spring has actually gotten here finally....everything is green here even the air

i ordered some art supplies on sale (damn good sale 25% off and free shipping--- M Graham watercolors for 6 bucks a tube!!!!!! i got the two yellows and one blue i was wanting)
i am figuring this....
i can't really walk in the morning, no lifting or such
so maybe i can paint ....?
this way the morning won't be the waste it is now
and by the afternoon i will be more then ready for being able to get up and do some chores

chores are sort of suffering a bit right now.... but at least heating is over for this season
i was getting to the point where i couldn't even lift a log to the woodstove

meanwhile life in our little bubble more or less goes on
when i have a bit of energy i over do it...... but i am mainly concerned with getting meals in the freezer for bad days
this way when i am really bad bernie can just pop one in the oven
i have a few things put by
however i want more trays with things like chicken and stuffing
stuffed chicken breast
meatloaf and mashed potatoes
the proteins i serve chopped over salads

so very slowly.....i am adding to the freezer meals
we do have tons of stuff in the freezer as it is but not already cooked..... so this helps a bit
besides i cook freezer meals from frozen so it saves us a lot of time

meanwhile the garden needs weeding ....which isn't happening
some plants need transplanting .....which also isn't happening

and i need to lay down again as my time up is pretty much at an end for today

it's may, it's may (and not may the duck who lives at vicki's house)

days and weeks get away from me lately

i am still in pain, and it's looking more and more like fibro
but the tylenol is helping (who needs kidneys or a liver)
bernie's got a restart tonight, i find us living for his restarts
apparently that is when i have enough peace to settle and write the blog etc

meanwhile my life is a blurr of ducks, baking, chickens, washing dishes, garden seeds, cooking, and just doing the huge job of trying to keep bernie comfortable while he's in this insane situation of no real time off ....no set schedule.....and endless nights driving loads of meat/produce all over pa, md, de, nj, and ny........
add in the whole i don't feel good thing ....... and OMG
last week i spent almost three days in bed....... i just was in that much pain....i wasn't sleeping either
today is better
not great, i still can't move a hay bale or sack of grain but i CAN stand long enough to wash dishes, if not hang laundry out

in between everything i am cooking for the freezer (yeah so what else is new?)
i have baked ziti in there, soupstocks, and of course portion sized packages of chops and such
but these next few weeks i am planning on more cooked or assembled meals to just throw in the oven
i have to clear out the 150# of different wheats i have in there (freezing to kill any hitchhikers that may be have come along for the ride) i'll be putting the wheat into glass jars

i have to say i am in total love with this no knead bread
i grind up the flour (each cup of wheat berries yields about 1.5 cups of flour)

i put  3.5 cups of fresh ground flour in a bowl
i add about 1.25 TEASPOON of yeast
and about 1.5 teaspoon of kosher salt
then either 2 tablespoons of sugar or i add honey/molasses to the 2 cups of warm water
i stir up the dry stuff well
add the wet
stir it into a thoroughly wet mess which i cover and stick somewhere to rise until i remember it

when it's doubled in size i stir it down for a bit (like thirty seconds!)
recover it
then oil the loaf pan or the 6'' cake/bun pan (like a giant muffin pan but with straighter sides)
the second rise is about 30 minutes ......not too long due to the whole wheat

stir down hard again and then put it in the pan/pans
let that rest about 15 minutes or so......
heat the oven to a tiny bit over 350 (cause of the way my oven heats)
and bake for about 45 minutes for the loaf and about 25 for the buns/rolls

i have been oiling the crusts with either butter or olive oil about 3/4 way through the baking
check the internal temp with a meat thermometer ....i aim for about 190 or so

then let it set in the pans for like 10 minutes before turning the bread/rolls out on a cooling rack until cool

i'm also starting to experiment with the sourdough and with adding stuff  to the dough....... like garlic and onions to the rolls etc..
my goal eventually is to switch us over to a much lower gluten diet
but part of that is by way of whole grains in the first place

i told bernie....NO MORE STORE bread unless it's an emergency or i am dead
it's cheaper, healthier, and much more convenient to do it this way-not to mention no 'packaging' to toss
i keep the bread on a plate in the microwave! sorta a small kitchen multipurpose box (cause i also put the bread dough in there for the final rise too)

next up on my list of replenishment?

* cooked turkey cut up and portioned in the freezer as i used the last package last night

* a good sale on beef to grind for chop meat as i want meatballs, and meatloaf in the freezer ready to go

* more chicken based meals already made up (and we eat a LOT of chicken, my friend trish used to beg me 'make something OTHER then chicken for bernie tonight' hahahaha but i make chicken so many different ways that it really is better this way-cheaper too)

*cookie doughs- normally i made a batch and keep it in the fridge and bernie takes out whatever he wants to eat that night and throws it in the oven.... i need the fridge space so i am going to put the doughs in the freezer in 'slice and bake' sized batches i think

* muffins and fruit breads- sliced and portioned in the freezer for him to just grab for his midnight snack/lunch at work....

i need to figure out a better system for him to take food at night with him...he's eating about 7am in the morning and that's not good as he's gone about 12 hours then without anything to eat..... (yes i know the sleep/overnight argument but if you are burning calories you need to fuel things no?)

i tried granola bars but i wasn't happy with them as i felt they had too much sweets ... i wish i could figure something out similar that is cold with high protein
and no soy products

i keep thinking and googling various things..... i am wondering about making bean and rice flours for that? it would be a complete protein no? .........

ok so that's what's going on here.... the world is still moving forward but we are sort of in a bubble-
i long to get back to painting
i've been working on layouts
wondering if i should enter a juried watercolor show..... etc

so there you have it
vi's world in a nutshell ....or a post

there is a big RED truck in the driveway

and it is BIG
bernie's last stop was in town so he came home early to sleep
he'll get some extra which he desperately needs
and we'll save some mileage and gas in the van

ok let's see, i finished ice princess
and i've started on the next one which is elen of the ways-she's associated with ley lines and reindeer- and i am sort of at the 'rough' stage
not quite to layout yet
meanwhile i've been sick again.
pain all over my entire body, and now i am wondering if it's something more then just thyroid as i've been taking the meds daily
this laid me low for a few days, i felt better then got sicker
and it's seeming to follow a pattern now, ... some improvement, then right back to full body pain....and exhaustion....i'm so very very tired most of the time.
it's hurting to sit here and type right now

in garden news, my snow peas are up, so is the spinach, chard, lettuces, garlic, leeks, onions, mint, blueberries, catnip, and of course my beloved violets
the seedlings i started in the house seem to be doing ok, not as good as normal years but then this wasn't a normal year.

in the kitchen, i started to use some of the hard white wheat, it makes a softer crumb which bernie likes better, it tastes different from the hard red wheat too.
i am going to alternate the wheats and sometimes mix them

yesterday i packaged about 50 pounds of sausage for the freezer
today i am going to roast red and green peppers and make my roasted pepper sauce
or i will as soon as the tylenol kicks in

i also made yogurt....it's been a while,
muffins (apple cinnamon that bernie said were wonderful)
bread (of course)
and sausage/peppers/onions and potatoes for last night's supper

with all this cooking, the chickens are extremely happy as they get the scraps, parings and peelings
happy chickens equal happy eggies

in knitting news, i am and i'm not knitting
it actually hurts to hold the needles for too long!
my hands twitch for the want of something to do
they are so used to 'sitting down means hands knit'

everything here is in slow motion, and life is in a bubble
with bernie working nights, and me tiptoeing around during the day so he can sleep
and me being in pain a lot
we're just doing what we must to survive
animals get taken care of but not a huge amount of garden walks for them
things get put off that aren't 100% essential at this time
i don't even use the van during the day (yes i know i am reclusive at best) i am trying to save the gas
and i worry that me leaving the house is going to disturb bernie's sleep
any appointments i had i either have to cancel or get rides because i truly never know what time he'll be getting in...
there are some days he doesn't get home until 3pm and he has to leave again at 9pm!
yes i am terribly worried about his health
and when i worry about him i cook for him
he's losing weight though cause he's not eating enough during the night
oye
so there you have it.....life such as it is here goes on
but in a bubble

can't talk now................

busy painting

bernie's birthday eve....sorta like christmas eve but with bernie!

he's working though
i have his cake and his card
his present will be at some time in the future however....
i have to say, the 8 weeks over the road training really seems to have changed him
he's much more aware of how truly blessed he is
how surrounded by love
and how much he's always BEEN loved
my parents adored him
i adore him (although there are TIMES............)
our animals adore him......
his sisters too
now he's starting to realize how a lot of people aren't that lucky

the cats have been climbing all over him almost constantly while he's been home.
the ducks and chickens are thrilled when they see him come down to take them out
the other day i was taking them out and while i was, i said to them 'mommy's got a BIG surprise for you.........'

and bernie walked out! OMG they all went nuts.... they were so glad to see him

we spent part of this afternoon talking about how far we've come, how far he's come personally
and what he thinks about it all
i love when he settles to talk to me like that
i swear i live for those kind of talks with him
so tomorrow is his birthday..... 58
we've been together since he was 21 and i was 19.......... wow.......... look at how LONG
we've had ups and downs but somehow.......we've managed to keep choosing each other every day
amazing huh?

my birthday, easter and perspectives

saturday (yesterday saturday) was my birthday
it was an interesting day
it had a few ups and downs
i thought bernie'd forgotten me but he didn't
he couldn't get off so i was alone all day
i did some chores, ducks/chickens/ fed and watered everyone
wood in
but blew off other chores like dishes and cooking
i paid for it today

today we had a sort of half ass dinner
i had frozen slices off a smithfield ham in the freezer so we had ham, with baked potatoes and a HUGE salad
no not a normal holiday dinner but the best i can do with the limited time i have
we eat late
the doctor said i shouldn't eat for at least 3 hours before bed but with bernie leaving at 9 and him getting up at 6:30pm taking his shower etc.......
well it'a bout 7 or even 8 before we eat
and no i am not keeping his meal 'warm'
i am thinking of just not eating at all but he'd freak
so i make supper, we eat together and right now i feel like i swallowed a whale
i am so not used to eating lately
nor am i used to eating late
while bernie was gone i would eat maybe once a day

now in other news, i cast on another project, a fast cowl......the first one i cast on really doesn't want to be that particular pattern -- so i had a blue/green in stash since 2010 that wants to be a cowl (sunna part of the spirit trail 2010 club yarns @350 yards really it'll make a great cabled cowl)
it's a simple one
co 248 on size 5 join/place marker
k2p2 for two inches
then i am going to knit an aran pattern out of one of the barbara walker treasuries for the body
3.5 inches on size 5
2.5 inches on size 3
2 inches on size 2 and then 1.75 inches of k2p2 ribbing on the size 2

i have a black/blue/green mini plaid shirt that this will go with....as well as a lot of blue shirts that it will work with.
after this it's back to the premie hats for susan's babies

i planted some seeds during the week in the house for later transplanting into the outside garden, most are germinating already
the cat grass is amazingly fast
calpurrnia will thank me for that one i think

meanwhile .......bernie has reluctantly agreed that this current job isn't working for him either
we are sort of living in a bubble
when he is home-he's sleeping so i tiptoe around
when he's gone i'm exhausted so i am not getting enough done
he's getting nothing done at all since really he's only here to shower, sleep and eat......not even 8 hours normally
7 days a week...(not withstanding that surprise 34 hour reset thingie)

he's realized that not only is nothing getting done around here but just real basic 'bring wood in, feed/water the animals, do dishes' type chores but we are sort of in limbo

besides he misses me
i miss him too even though he's here, he's not

so he's going to start to look locally
he'll be working with this company for a while though as jobs still aren't easy to find
and he does like the company.... if we lived 40 minutes closer it wouldnt' be bad (except the 7 day a week thing)

ok..... i have a meeting in the morning which i am getting picked up for since i won't have the van until sometime in the afternoon maybe
so i need to get some sleep
take good care everyone

what a week!

well bernie survived his first week in fleet
last night he had a 34 hour restart so was home all night and today until 9pm
it was such a wonderful surprise for me
he was a bit upset about it and then tried to explain the restart to me
i don't get it
all i get is that the trucking industry wants to know where you are and basically wtf you are doing 24/7
even if you are at home not at work
and the hours......are insane
please

meanwhile he is working and giving it his all.......that's bernie for you
i am trying to be as supportive as i can
we've now made it a ritual to plan his route in the evening before he leaves, he gets his load number, and his locations and times
then i google earth the locations so he can see which way to go into the loading docks
and then print it out for him to take

the struggle to find foods for him to snack on at night continues
he's got those granola muffins i made him the other day
tonight he's got a few of them left, and an apple
the actual meal i sent with him went uneaten by him.......the chickens were happy though

i am thinking next of some turkey/cheese/lettuce rolls in bite sized pieces
along with another granola bar experiment
the granola i made him is not bad, it's got pumpkin seeds, olive oil, peanut butter, flax seed, oatmeal, coconut, almonds, and 65% cacao chocolate
along with honey and molasses
i am going to sneak in some raisins and maybe either dates or cranberries when he isn't looking

i am also considering something along the lines of sliders....but as a cold sandwitch so it would be something like chicken salad, grilled chicken, egg salad, grilled turkey........
on our homemade freshly ground 100% whole wheat bread
small bite sized sandwitches....... maybe that will help too

we were considering a 'lunch box oven' which is a very cool thing, plugs into the cigarette lighter in the rig and heats food up in about 1 hour
but he doesn't get to stop and actually eat so i have to find alternatives
i am going to look into a hot pot for next winter (if he is still driving for a living) for soups and hot tea etc......
the reviews have been mixed on them
i could send something like chicken and dumplins or beef stew in that too
but not a big one....

so yes why do you ask, i am a wonderful old world italian wife
i take care of my family very well

maybe it's not the event?

but the reaction? how you deal with the event?

bernie has started his new job, (he started monday night)
it's thrown us again for a loop
apparently this year is about shaking up our lives to the roots

last night we finally had a tiny window of time to talk about the current changes in our lives
finances, etc
we still have more talking to do
at this point we've agreed on a few things
he wants to be home
i want him to be home
and even though he's only home about 8 hours now a day-he's home
he likes the actual driving of the big rigs, but HATES the paperwork, and he's drowning in paperwork
he also hates the traffic he runs into in the morning
but hates OTR more

we also realized that some other adjustments may need to be made, possibly in his job but we're going to have to wait a while to see how and where.

we are sharing the van
so far i've had to postpone and cancel a few appointments as we aren't sure when he is going to get in
most days he's getting in around noon to 1:30pm!
(that is the other thing we're discussing, this is way too late for him to get any quality sleep but he also won't get good sleep at the terminal, and at least home he gets a shower and his own bed)

if we had two cars my appointment issues would be nil but we'd have the expense of two cars which is something i am not happy with- since my car usually just sits the majority of the time

he's also upset that i am still doing all the chores-well yeah
i am not going to worry about him not sleeping enough if he does pen mucking or litter boxes
he stacked two weeks worth of wood on the deck so i am able to bring a small cart load in twice a day
i am taking my time with everything as i am in constant pain from my shoulders and back but i'm managing ........although there isn't time to paint or even sit much (see how long it took me to get the blog updated?)

so there is where we are now
that and a cranky woodstove!

no knitting has happened
no painting has happened
i have been cooking and baking (have to bake bread today)
doing chores, and not sleeping much
during the day i have to be very quiet so he can get some sleep
at night i am too tired to do much but i am not sleeping either

i have roughed out my bio for the agented submissions- and that's where it sits
anyone feel like helping me write my bio?
oye

ok i have to fiddle with the woodstove
it's not happy again

homeward bound.....we hope

bernie has been all over the place trying to get a truck assigned to him that actually RUNS
he's been out over a month this time and wants home time
he is owed i think 5 days now
he's had it right now
now home here, i've got that load of wood in
i've planted some cold hardy seeds
did most of the chores and started to stack that big load of wood
today i washed ponds and buckets and then bathed ducks
i have a couple of extremely happy and clean ducks right now
i am knocking the chores off my list steadily
we got wireless now
i had gotten a wifi router that was reconditioned (before the whole training fiasco and pay mess up)
it was only 25.00! and works very well
so if i need to i can move the laptop to my drafting table (YEAH!!)
and with all the points on the CC due to bernie being over the road we are going to be getting a desktop as a primary or as a back up basically for FREE! (a very cheap one but still)

let's see....
i need to (yes still haven't done it) write my bio for submission
i am having issues with it
in the 80's i was a graphic designer, layout/pasteup artist then art director
also typesetter and illustrator
i freelanced as well
in the 90's i was an original doll artist, then had a wholesale miniature business, then the soap/toiletries business and did a ton of product design and package design
i also wrote a bit and got published

now how on earth to run that all together into a cohesive bio?
oye

meanwhile i am so excited that i can move the laptop to the drafting table to use it for color reference photo's i can't tell you all
HUGE for me
will keep me working (once i get back there)
ok now my wood pile is calling me so i need to go and stack a bit
ttyl

wood, toes, and warmer weather

ok here is the updated ice princess, still not totally finished but soon-

now we have enough wood to last until the big load comes the end of the week. 

i dropped a huge log on my poor toes...ouch

meanwhile bernie passed his training in spite of that really terrible trainer he had that forced him to drive team against company policy- bernie had to cause trainers are allowed to toss a trainee out of their trucks in the middle of no where and we have no doubt that this asshole would.... the second trainer not only passed bernie but is going to report to the company some of what happened from the first training

is it wrong of me to wish that his first incompetent trainer pays for the bullshit?

you have no idea what i wish on that first trainer

so he'll be home shortly

i can't wait

i got his cookie dough made, bread dough made, etc etc

maybe then i can get back to normal life and be painting again?

today is warmer, so i washed litter pans

i am not ready to muck pens yet as they really aren't too bad but i may over the weekend if/while bernie is stacking wood

i have to say, if it weren't for my friends and my sister in law, i would not have gotten through this, between my medical issues etc......this was a total nightmare for me

i am so blessed to have the friends i've got and you all not only know who you are but most of you read this blog (yes i do know that)

there aren't words for you guys

you kept me going the past year between when bernie got hurt, then the layoff and then this OTR training

it's been touch and go

let's hope now i can finish some of the paintings and we all get to see them off into the world through licensing agreements- btw, bernie promised that he'll retire and just stay home if i get enough licensing contracts

yes that would be huge impetus for me to get them out there 

new phone number changed and activated

but of course, not without a few snaffos along the way
bernie is supposed to be finding out today how much longer he'll be gone
funny but with him with this new normal trainer i am not as frantic as i've been
his former trainer is seriously unhinged and i was expecting the guy to drive into a bridge and take bernie with him
we've taken steps to insure that no one can call him that he doesn't want to hear from... on the home phone too
what a freaken nightmare

meanwhile the woodguy called me back and wood will be delivered wen
if i am very careful i won't run out until i got some in and warmed up enough to burn
and some of the new wood won't be too green

so here it is 4am- i've been up about an hour and stoking the stove before going back to bed to catch maybe 2 hours?

i got about 4 hours between when bernie called and me getting up to come down
this was a rough nightmare of a winter and one i don't care to repeat again
ever
hanging is preferable-i don't ever want to have to move the amount of wood the way i did again
but i am most likely going to be stacking three cords by myself, at least the beginning of the stacking

this week i need to do the tax thing too
i can't find all the paperwork since bernie's on the road
oh man

oh and just as an aside..... slightly too salty bread is fine if you make a chicken sandwitch on it.....and don't salt the chicken
just saying

and we changed the number

since the cell is in my name anyway, (so i can deal with whatever while bernie's on the road)
he called this morning and said 'change the number'
so i did
this former trainer is unhinged
bernie is going to report him to the company too
this trainer was so busy NOT training bernie while flipping out on his personal problems that now bernie is still out on the road, the extra road time/expenses is not what we budgeted for
the good news is the new trainer is actually training bernie
and that it should only take a week
it was clear to the new trainer that the old one did NOT do his job
as bernie is picking up the stuff the new trainer is teaching him...FAST
some stuff he never knew about so old trainer screwed up big time

my question....... do we have a freeken SIGN over our heads?

but i am a lot calmer now that bernie is with someone normal and rational

not quite yet...

that insane megalomaniac FORMER trainer of bernie's wouldn't sign off on his training
so the company put bernie out for another week or so with a more experienced trainer

well it turns out that former idiot shit for brains trainer didn't bother to actually TRAIN bernie
too busy worried about his marital problems, and trying to control every second of bernie's life to actually do his FUCKING JOB

the new trainer is actually training bernie, who is thank goodness, more relaxed AND
ABLE TO CALL ME ANY TIME HE ISN'T DRIVING- if only for a second

it's helped a lot as i was bitterly disappointed that he wasn't going to be home tomorrow

to add insult to injure
former shit for brains trainer is stalking bernie....calling him constantly...... and not leaving a message
not texting him either
so bernie wasn't about to answer the phone
i told him that is wise cause if it was nothing.... he'd leave a message
he doesn't want to leave a message so i guess he's planning on leaving a threat

OMFG......is this insane?

we are thinking of changing bernie's cell phone number and he is definitely reporting it to the company

meanwhile- i am totally out of wood now
i'm scrounging around for burnable stuff while waiting for a wood guy ANY WOOD GUY to call me back and dump a load
most of what i am trying to burn is soaking wet

this was definitely not my year at all so far

now in a more upbeat vein.....bernie's 'graduation' present came
i got him a sourdough bread book
he's been asking for sourdough
now i am going to get a starter, as i don't have the time to make one myself before he gets home

also calpurrnia is much better....even her cold
but she's shitting all over the damn house
i think that is cause she is pretty much had it with a no daddy house too

mommy certainly is beyond had it with a no daddy house

i need a vacation after this
and to sleep through the night for at least a month
no?

oye

beginning of week 8

bernie's last week in training (THANK GOODNESS)
calpurrnia is better, still weak, still a bit wobbly..... still not totally on solid foods yet
enjoying being hand fed
but alive! and alert

this past week was another week to be endured
poor bernie is exhausted, he's rarely got down time or time to call home (his trainer is a dickwad)
he texts me when ever he can find time-this is the start of his last training week thank goodness

he should be home next week sometime- about when we run out of wood
oye

meanwhile with calpurrnia so sick, and some other nightmare things that happened this week, i too am exhausted
i got very little sleep

now today we are to get a storm again, from what i see outside it looks like mainly rain off the branches, but it's early yet
i am hoping to make a beginning of a sour dough starter today, with the wild yeasts that are on wheat hulls, so i'll be grinding flour- i may also make bread, i am not sure yet if i will or won't

in painting news, i'm not
i am planning out the next one but have had problems for the moment painting
i am still working but right now it's research and layouts
however i have done a few fast studies of snowflakes for finishing up this painting
right now i would rather it done right
of course right and fast is better.... however i have the luxury at the moment of resting out my arm

yesterday i got a bunch of wood in, in anticipation of this coming storm.
i got the duck pens freshened with a layer of hay
washed all the water pails (i can't wait to wash the ponds when there is no ice on them)
refilled the chickens feeder and added oyster shell to all the feed bowls again (the ducks laid a shell less egg)
i did dishes and tried to take care of some paperwork
as well as other odds and ends
in between hand feeding calpurrnia-
i really need to clean the bathroom and the bedroom though
and i probably should think about getting the ladder out so i can do laundry (the washer is very hard for me to reach into so i gotta use the ladder and kitchen tongs to get stuff out)

if it's warm enough today, i am thinking of letting the stove go and cleaning that again
we have some very light fast burning wood (not pine) that is great for cleaning the chimney etc....BUT
it makes a ton of ash in there so while i use it so that i get a hot fire fast in the middle night stokings
i know i have to deal with a big coal/ash bed the next day

i am so going to get those blocks for the woodstove as soon as i can get to tractor supply

now i am needing to write a bio for me, to submit to an agent
this isn't easy for me at all
ask me to write an article about medieval clothing........not too bad a gig
about growing veggies from seed ....'ditto'
but a bio....oye

ok so that's my week
i'm about to have more coffee and get going for the day

calpurrnia is very very sick

she's been poisoned.
we think it was that she ate a plant as i found some chewed leaves in her vomit
but now i am wondering

i rushed her to the vet this morning, he gave her activated charcoal......something else and a shot
she was a lot better
she stopped foaming and drooling
her and i drove home through the snow and sleet
we got home .......decided to go back in the crate
ok so i put her hot rice socks in with her
thaddeaus started to bug her so i shut the door
she called me a bit later to let her out and she vomited up the charcoal
sooooooooooo we called the vet again
anyway....... it's touch and go
i'm up with her and staying up all night
changing out her hot rice socks
i am totally exhausted
i've not slept much.......and i'm still sick.... i also apparently didn't bring in enough wood for today even though i thought i did
4 wood carts full didn't get me even two days

i swear i am so tired my skin is crawling
however there isn't anything i can do about it

if calpurrnia dies she will not be alone

meanwhile the stress on bernie is overwhelming too ....his trainer is riding him like a dog
between the two of us...... please

i had to tell him that calpurrnia may not make it
i am hoping however that she does

now i gotta go and snooze a bit in the chair next to her

from my point of view

the trucking industry sucks big time
now i am sure there are folks that love it.
but from what i am seeing.......

it is exploitative of the drivers- disrespectful of their lives and family
(yesterday werner trucking called bernie, refused to give me their name nor leave a message, and hung UP on me, i goggled the phone number and now have blocked all werner numbers i could find from calling here)
meanwhile i haven't heard from bernie in a few days
which means that the trainer is being abusive again.... like he was in the beginning (until bernie told him that maybe bernie wasn't cut out for this and was going to quit- then the guy was texting him all the time while bernie was on home time- he also tried to get bernie NOT to take his home time- telling him 'you may not get me back as a trainer' ------- i woulda say YEAH)

i know that the money is not great, and that with the hours etc.....these guys make like 2.00 an hour when you figure it all out

the food over the road sucks......seriously unhealthy for these drivers
the sitting down all the time is VERY unhealthy....but they have no choice, as they need to make miles
and the isolation of the job i think is very damaging to them as well

i don't think he thought this one out as thouroughly as he should have- and i am thinking he's more then realized that now

i know i've pretty much had it....
meanwhile i got a cold or something
swollen glands, sore throat and coughed up a bit of blood (which i think is from the sore throat)
achy body....... but only a tiny mild temp
enough to make me totally miserable but still able to struggle through chores

thank goodness this nightmare should be over soon

the home stretch?

ok bernie was home for four days, then had to leave to go back out on the road, finishing up this portion of his training.
march 1 is the end of the 8 weeks, at that point he'll be dropped off in nebraska for another 2 days orientation, before he solos back to pa.....
once here, he again goes into orientation with his dedicated run..... followed by training at his dedicated run

so i am really hoping he gets home the first week of march
his time home here was spent mostly doing chores, eating and sleeping
we spent the whole four days doing stuff to get him ready again to go back out on the road
he was however home for our anniversary on the 11th

he said he really doesn't like over the road (which is good cause he is not supposed to BE over the road)
he was painfully homesick
all of us here at home missed him so bad that he literally waded through ducks and chickens and cats....... (and me)

i also tried hard to make sure he had 'home alone' time, as he's been cooped up in a truck for all this time......24/7 with a stranger
bernie needs a lot of down time, and when he's home, he will work on a model or read, usually in the same room i am working in but he's in his space......i don't usually intrude on it
there are also a lot of things that he does without me around
errands a lot of the time
we balanced together time with him alone, i think it was difficult for both of us as neither one of us wanted the other out of their sight for long
but he really needed some alone time
he moved all our wood to the deck now...... and when i looked i realized that we are going to need at least another 2 cords to finish the winter out..... he thinks he'll be home for when i need to get the wood delivered
i hope so cause if not i am going to have them deliver it ON THE FRONT DOOR

i fed him good of course.....
i repacked his bags with clean clothes, more 'hugs from home' and tiny little surprises
along with a vday card and tiny heart of chocolates
i also made sure he had food with him going out there again, oatmeal, salads, protein bars, shelf stable microwaveable meals and DARK chocolate for stress reduction

i am going on record as stating i do NOT approve of the shelf stable meals at ALL...... nor the protein bars but for now they are necessary evils

while he was home i taught him to make 100% whole wheat bread from freshly ground hard red wheat..
we used a no knead recipe
he was totally amazed and loved the bread
i told him when he comes home, we'll make him sourdough rye bread from fresh ground rye flour
actually he's got a LOT of stuff to look forward to when he finally gets home and life goes back to the new normal

i know he's looking forward to an end of training......
it's amazing to me that he agreed to such an arduous situation.....but not that he is finishing it
when it comes to his job, he's got tenacity
i miss him terribly but i am very proud of him
i think i am even prouder of him realizing that over the road is not for him
and realizing how much he really is a home body and family man

i don't think he quite realized that before as clearly as now....
so that's good

in painting news, i am still waiting to finish the ice princess and then start the goddess of the reindeer
i need to do another 'cold' painting after that....but then i plan on starting teacups with flowers
and hopefully botanical paintings
i wish i could go for a course .....there is a great one out at the ny botanical gardens and another great one down near philly....both of which are NOT within commuting distances
so i am going to be on my own with that
i think i can teach myself, as i taught myself so much other stuff

one of my teachers in art school said ' once you are out of art school, your REAL education begins'

and i have discovered that she was right (my etching teacher, i think her name was grunelle)
i am still amazed i am learning watercolor on my own, every painting is another experiment.... and moves me a bit forward

my thoughts as an artist have changed too....... as well as my attitude
so that is all good no?

anyway, i have to get the ducks and chickens out now, then bring the wood in
i think after that i am going to try and paint

my hands have been a bit shakey and a bit.......messed up (thyroid issues i suspect)
my skins all screwed up too

but i am going to try and paint

i hope everyone is surviving the winter and has had a wonderful vday.......

take good care

cleaning the woodstove at 3am

well, it's not my idea of fun but it'd died down enough to get in there so...
3am .....me,......the woodstove....my ash bucket.....yup a date

now i am just waiting for the chimney stack temps to stablize...and i am going to go up again
.
yesterday i hauled in four full wood carts-
my knees won't bend today
bernie texted me, he's in ohio or on his way to ohio...
he's trying to get home

friday is 5 weeks for him out on the road..... and almost 6 since i've seen him.
our 36 anniversary is monday
he's dreadfully home sick

i am managing better then i expected...although i am really banged up by falling wood.
and i am sick of climbing the ladder with the kitchen tongs to reach into the washing machine....
meanwhile in chicken and duck news.......we have eggs

oh boy do we have EGGS
i really do need to bake or freeze a lot of them
i've got three of the four hens laying a few times a week now
so i have a lot of eggs
i told bernie when he gets home he's going to have a 27 egg omlet

now would be the time to try egg tempera if i only HAD the time

oye

i did pretty good yesterday in spite of now being sore, stiff, tired and aching
i got litter boxes done
all that wood done (took all damn day)
i just now cleaned the wood stove
ducks and chickens fed and watered (they didn't go out yesterday- they stayed in the inside pens)
budgies fed and watered
cats fed and watered
(ok so animal chores are daily)

dishes done

but i didn't shovel
i should have but just could not spare the energy
the gods of snow and wind and melt need to be with me and remove the snow that they deposited
i am just too tired to

ok off to bed now.....the stove is cooking pretty good
and i am hoping for at least 4 more hours sleep maybe

midwinter thaw but it sure ain't gonna last

and it's pouring rain....
we're due high winds..... with a snowy finish

how's that for mother nature having peri menopausal mood swings?

me, i am coming down with something... something cold-ish....intestinal-ish.....
tired, achy etc......
and it's more then just the usual mid winter sleep deprived exhaustion
i had to go to town today so i took dayquil to keep me going
forgot to eat though...
i did have coffee, took my thyroid meds ( i don't know why i bother, they aren't doing much lately)
gave the cats their hot fancy feast (and fawn got HER thyroid meds)
fed and watered the chickens, budgies, and ducks.......took the ducks OUT
stoked up the stove and then

went to town... but realized i had forgotten to bring the keys (amoung other things) to the PO box so had to come back-
then after the po (i was embarrassed, as kelly had to give me a box to put all the mail in- and i still have not had the energy to open ANYTHING in there, including a package from a dear friend)
i got cat food.......
i got gas in the van all by myself.....i think i put the gas cap back on right, maybe not
then i came home to bring in the cat food and mail....... as with still some logs in the back i didn't have much room

then went to the grocery store
which was a disaster
i was so worried about the gastric upset that i had going on......(and i could hear it rumbling)
that i left without my leeks and flour......the lady had to run after me
i was so embarrassed
at that point i was so ready to text bernie and tell him i hated him (he normally does little errands or we do them together and he pumps gas) now i didn't really hate him but this training thing is getting to me
it's way to freeken long
especially during the worst part of winter
now i believe his trainer is going to go home for his home time break... bernie will be in a hotel during that time
WTF?
he was RIGHT HERE YESTERDAY why couldn't they just have left him here while the trainer took home time?
save the expense of a hotel.....no?
needless to say i am not happy at the moment

of course i am tired, sick, tired, hungry and stressed right now so that may have something to do with it
oh and tomorrow i have to get a ton of wood in again........to get me through this latest cold snap-with my shoulders hurting and threatening to freeze on me

did i mention i  want chinese food....? i do.....really bad too
and a roast beef
with pan drippings

and most of all i want bernie home and to sleep through the night

friday we're half way through this
more or less
oye

storm storm storm storm, get your weekly storm here

half way done

today's storm is freezing rain sleet and snow
and i did WAY too much moving of wood over the weekend......
let's just say, part of my spring plans are going to be including pt on my shoulders again-
ice princess is coming along, painfully, slowly, as i have time (and movement) to paint.
today actually i am going to get a bit more time as it's warm enough to be able to have a log take a few hours with a good BTU output so i am hoping to get a lot more done on her background today

this coming friday is the midway point of bernie's training.... i know he's homesick now.
how long can you keep someone cooped up in a truck away from home and family and expect them NOT to be homesick
and i know he misses the little things,
daily showers
fresh baked homemade from scratch cookies
home cooking
just talking
cuddling with me and the animals....
i bet he even misses the hugs of the ducks at this point

meanwhile i am doing a ton of damage to my poor decrepit old lady body- although i rather doubt people half my age could keep up with the amount of wood i'm moving daily
i'm as stubborn as an ox so i keep going
i didn't say i was smarter then a dead gnat ......cause anyone in their right mind would have packed it in already

but i am stubborn

so today i am going to try and grind some wheat to make my bread, paint and keep warm

i hope you all stay warm and safe out there

past few days

have been brutal..... i couldn't keep the house warm, it was way too cold for a house with too little insulation in the studio (the main house is solid stone so once that gets warm it stays warm but the studio.....oye)
i moved a LOT of wood
about a cord
all by myself
this morning i shoveled a 4'' coal bed out of the woodstove (it broke my heart to do it) and dumped the live coal into our burn pit out back..... the woodstove has been behaving a lot better since then.

calpurrnia is sick today, she was throwing up and then stopped eating.
i filled socks with rice and nuked them for her ....i kept her under a few towels and shirts and some wool..... with her hot rice, and force fed her watery fancy feast
she's doing better now
so much so that she just got up out of her little nest and went to the food bowl then instead of burrowing back into the covers she's now on top
 ironically thaddeaus who is the cold one normally.... seems to be much warmer then calpurrnia!
fawn is fawn
she's right next to me and doesn't want a blanket

i covered the doorway between the front hall and the living room with plastic, it made a huge difference.
the back door is covered too
i have to say RIGHT THIS SECOND.....i have an unfamilar feeling in my toes..... they are WARM!
the first time they are warm in i don't know how long!

meanwhile it's snowing out
bernie's stuck in indianappolis indiana, the truck is in the shop. he called me while he was doing laundry.( i was trying to catch up on some sleep...i've had about three hours total over the last two days)
he then went to eat and called me back
he's home sick and he's worried
i told him .....we're ok, it takes me a long time to do everything ....but i am getting it done
i can't do it any where near as fast as he does
he can put in a weeks worth of wood in less then 1/2 hour
it takes me three days........ and that's working for a couple hours
(i have to rest in between)
i got the van loaded with wood right now....
i have enough to get through the snow in the house....... and even though it's snowing if i really have to it's just a few steps away from the front door
it is cutting into my painting time but judging by the quality of the painting i am getting done.....well it's not too bad no?

with the snow the studio is getting warmer...... so maybe i will get some sleep?
i discovered a few things for next winter that will help with the wood stove
one is a pressed sawdust block called enviblock ......
and the other one is called ecobrick
as part of my woodstove issues were that big coal bed.... and an incomplete burn
these two pressed sawdust blocks will burn hotter so the coal bed will be reduced to ash FAST
plus they will go a few hours so i can sleep
i wish i had them this winter ..... but hey....

there usually is about 4 weeks of brutal weather....last two weeks of january and the first two of feb......
unfortunately this year bernie is out in training
and while he was told he'd be home after his fourth week out.... he still isn't hearing anything about home time yet so we're sort of not counting on it now
i am fending for myself pretty well....... (ok so more or less....i can't seem to get to the post office!)
sunday or monday if it's good weather i have to go to town, i desperately need hay
and i am going to see about milk and some green veggies
my winter stash is buried in the garden under a LOT of snow and ice
so
there you go.... i am surviving....
i am covered in unexplained black and blue marks though... damned if i can figure out where they are coming from!
every times i see my legs there are literally dozens of new ones! i suppose my arms and back are too.....but it's so cold i am changing FAST
(long johns are my very bestest friend and i am sleeping in them too! as well as a wool hat and a fleece robe....there isnt' any heat in the bedroom)

ok chickies.... i have to go
i am going to put some wood in the stove and see about some sleep for a while
stay warm and be safe

not for sissies

well let's see

ice princess, beginnings

i've fallen again.... this one was a good one too... hurt my back and hurt my knees, shoulders, legs etc

that was the other day
a hot shower after an early night helped

last night i was up every two hours or so with the woodstove
today i got wood in the van again.... only to discover my woodcart has a flat
if i can't move wood from the shed to the van i've pretty much had it

one wood pile is totally frozen ...... it was damp i guess when bernie tarped it and it's all frozen together
that is mainly the logs from the big sugar maple that died and we had taken down this summer
i am not too sure what to do about this

i ground wheat last night to bake some bread, which i'll be baking later today
right now i am trying to warm up from being outside

bernie called, he was snowed in out somewhere in ohio, so was catching a few more hours sleep... i am hoping he gets home for a break soon as i need the tire/inner tube fixed on the wood cart ASAP
this winter is one of the bigger challenges in my life
meanwhile i am painting the ice princess from the russian fairy tale...her father was the winter and her mother the spring..
she's a challenge... really serious challenge

i am also about to submit to agents, and i am considering waiting for bernie to get home to submit, as normally we do stuff like this together. i'll have to talk to him about it next time he calls

so that's about what's going on......i'm sleep deprived (always though this time of year)... exhausted, etc..
and let me tell you...most people half my age could NOT do what i do every day......
today it's bitter cold out.. with wind
the wind chill makes it really bad
it's so cold even the animals aren't out
but i was
moving wood

i got to be outta my freeken MIND

a snow storm? really?

bernie was not even 20 miles from home last night, i was to have gone to meet him but due to this winter storm helen......it was a no go

meanwhile
i've about run out of wood.....next week we are getting single digits so i have to figure a solution FAST
i can't throw wood up on the deck as i am too short and i don't get it hefted up high enough
i tried to put a platform out there but can't move the cinder blocks which are iced to the ground and each other
the only other thing i can possibly do is take the seats out of the van
fill the van with wood and leave that out in front of the front door......
i think that's my solution

i shoveled us out pretty much..... the plows broke our curbing and i can't move the chunk out of the driveway to get the van out either.... i called the township ......... so far i haven't heard from them
oh man this is 'interesting times'

i swear i have no idea how i can still be fat..... people half my age can't keep up with me... and i am so active that even men shake their heads......

oye

i fell out on the ice

this morning out back-all ice

 lilli ran past me when i was trying to get her in the pen....she's a bit molty and a bit broody and she's being a total asshole......
i twisted (big mistake there) to grab her and went down.
i could not save myself
fortunately i didn't get too badly hurt
i twisted my back some, which i am sure hoping doesn't act up later...
i got a few bangs but i didn't get that solid smack of pain i have gotten sometimes when i've fallen

meanwhile bernie is due to be 45 minutes north of home sometime tomorrow.....he is going to try and actually get home but we don't have too much hope for that.
i am cooking a few meals for him in case he does.....he'll be able to take them with him on the road then
i'm going to do the meat part and stuff like barley and rice.....he'll do the salad/veggie part on the road then. (edited to add, he's not getting much chance to call home, i am lucky to hear from him for a minute early in the morning maybe- most of the time i have no idea where he is..... he's been all over about 12 states so far- he's homesick but thankfully really really busy...me? well .....i'm not taking this well- i will be so glad when this part of the training is over)

meanwhile the chickens are thinking of starting to lay again
i sure hope so....
and i hope that prudence starts to lay again too...cause i need some duck eggs for baking

new work......

i'm working on a few trees in the snow... this one has white lights on it......i know you can't see that now but it does.... when i finish the whole painting i'll take the liquid mask off and there will be white lights all over the tree.....or at least white dots..... maybe they won't look like lights...... maybe they will just look like white dots
i am not crazy about the blue, green....and paper white palette but it is what it is
at lest the blues and greens are broken color so maybe a bit interesting?
so this is what i'm working on today, while bernie starts his training

mixed ........so very mixed

bernie had to leave today, he is hoping he can get home every two weeks or so for this training period
it's a new phase of our lives

me, well i miss him terrible, as we are rarely parted
i took him down to the airport, where he picked up the car his new company rented for him.
i cried all the way home
it sounds so silly but i've always been this way
i hate having anyone i love leave......even for a few days
my sister in law called me, she knew how i was going to be considering how hard i cry when she leaves.
i kept crying

thank goodness we got him that cell, as he and i have been talking back and forth for hours

we talked about everything that lead us here...... to this point in time
and i am so trying to trust that it will all work out
he thinks it will
meanwhile i am going to cut more paper tomorrow and start painting
i am going to aim for some submissions by the end of the week

right now, it's WAY past my bedtime,
i am going to throw a few logs on the fire now and go up to read for a while

i wish everyone a happy new year

i hope all your christmas' were happy

my latest painting

i know i know...i have been away
but we've been very busy getting bernie ready for his trip
(make that plural TRIPS- back to back all over the USA)

christmas here was quiet, i can't quite tell you how we are right now.....
we are both starting to miss each other very badly....
even though he's not left yet
i am worried about his safety on the road and he's worried about my safety during the worst of the winter here
i intend on painting almost around the clock.......
he will be calling every chance he gets .....which is going to mean some pretty odd hours too
but when he's been gone for a while in the past on business trips, i end up in a weird sort of 4 hours on with 3 hours or so sleep periods around the clock... especially when he's been gone in winter
summer is a bit different but during the winter i was on a different clock entirely
so it looks like he and i will be on the same schedule but just in different states
i told him that this will be good cause he won't worry about calling me

he's got a new cell phone, neither of us wanted it but he was so worried about being able to call home so we got it
he was so enjoying NOT having a cell phone
and i may have to get one too but i am still holding out
there really are not many pay phones around anymore

now today we are to get a huge storm
tons of snow and ice and rain and all that
bernie's bringing in wood right now
we are going to have to stack a lot out on the deck
and bring a lot into the house too (a weeks worth in the house at a time)
IF bernie can get back weekly it won't be too bad, but we aren't counting on that
so i get to bring in the wood on my little cart
let's hope for a warmish winter ok?

in other news, i am about to start planning our spring/summer garden
which should be in pretty good shape as we left a few beds fallow and then dumped a TON (which is what it felt like) of manure on the beds too
so i am going through stuff and pulling out the seeds now

so that's what we've all been doing..... just busy.... not too much knitting going on, mostly premie and baby hats from the yarn susan (thank you so much again) sent....
my latest painting is at the top of this page..... i need to cut paper again
and pick up another roll of blue tape....
OHOHOH, i got 'mr clean magic eraser' ....... WOW, it picks up watercolor off a paper surface like NOTHING else i've seen!
my new tool!

cool huh?
now i need something to spread white mask in large drops not small like the toothbrush does
and i'm set for a while

happy new year to you all

things i would still really like to do in my life

the end of the year always brings out lists

top ten of the past year
worst ten
best books
best movies
and life lists, bucket lists.....
goals and reckoning

i have a few myself of course....especially after this past year
bernie got to achieve a goal he had for a while.... something he wanted to do but never really was in a place where he could or needed to.

me a few of my dreams and wishes are:

1) botanical illustration: now i found out that there are really GOOD courses out there for this, as well as scientific illustration...... but that they are far away, expensive, don't have placement services and at this point are way out of range for me..... some courses i can do myself with a text book, but i would have really loved to have done this....
and along with this......
1a) get more work out there ........i really want some licensing contracts now... and i have a plan!
1b) finally do egg tempera

2) build that red house: i love that house and can't stop thinking of it.....how it's got a farmhouse kitchen and porch, an open room plan, ample windows and real closets...... i adore stone houses but if i could have that red one i think it would be ok

3) expand my garden and add an orchard: that is self explanatory no?
i would like to add chestnut, walnut, and filbert trees, along with cherry, apple, pear and peach.... and elderberries, cranberries, blackberries, raspberries and more blueberries...

4) sew more: i miss sewing clothing but really i don't need much as i don't go out enough to justify an extensive wardrobe

5) more bookcases: or thin out my current bookcases...... this one is a huge stress-er for me....... i don't want to give up my books, and i am a voracious reader- i devour books at a rate that really isn't good for our finances, add to that a preference to owning the books i read....just in case...of you know.... a desperate need to reread a passage at 3am on a sunday morning during a snowstorm.....(don't laugh, it's happened more then once)

6) i wish i could say things like 'be a better person'....... but right now, i have just learned a very solid NO......... and i don't want to go back to being a pushover so ......i'll take the not so good but maybe more realistic person i am now

7) reorganize our house: yeah like that is going to happen....... can't someone wave a wand????


i really should pick one or two and work on them...... and talk to my friend bess who is the queen of stuff like this

so folks? what's on your list?

it's december......

and there are insects flying around outside!
it's a very warm (so far) december.
we'll get a few days of temps hovering around freezing and then it warms up
some days this week i didn't have to start the woodstove in the morning as it was almost 50 when we got up........so i am hoping our wood lasts out the winter, as i used the balance of the winter heating money to pay for the generator!

and it's about 2am....i'm up and downstairs
upset stomach
a bit of stress
some concern about jury duty for me this week
(as in getting there and back- as the timing is a problem)
plus i got some bad news about a close family friend, who is starting his decline.
he told me that the doctors don't think he'll be with us much longer
and that makes us very very sad.
right now it seems to me that all sorts of losses surround us

and it is the time of the year that any loss no matter how minor affects us worse.....and losing friends are major losses

now to brighten up a tiny bit....lillianna is almost out of her molt
today (yesterday? as it's after midnight) she didn't rush shrieking ............or what passes for shrieking, out of the night pen into the yard and on to the day pen-
i rigged a half ass door on the chicken pen (there was actually going to be three pens together..... so i just separated one from the other) and put falstaff on one side with lilli on the other,
i figured that those two would be the easier of the pairs..... as the young girls AND phoebe climb
and lilli doesn't..... neither does falstaff
it did work out....falstaff ended up just sitting in the middle of his pen....not even running the fence or anything
lilli did her lilli thing
(gees i love that duck)
so peace of a sort was restored in duck heaven........
and with that.......to sleep for me

night all

on being creative

i'm a person that needs to make things...with my hands

i need to see things in my brain and bring that out- down my arms and through my fingers

it's a real need 

like breathing

even eating will take second place to creating

when the muse descends i can forget (and do forget) everything

i forget to do chores (except animal chores) 

i forget to eat

to take breaks

all that matters is what is coming out.....the struggle of something new being born

once born i am interested in it for a short time

but then put it away for 'later'

when 'later' comes, i am more often then not surprised at what i see!

i don't remember all the little details although i was THERE 

i CREATED THEM

i don't remember!

i have often wondered if that is part of the process...... as it comes through a human?

it's also why i am beginning to think that it isn't all me doing it

somehow something, which i will call the muse, works with me and through me

and a lot of times something amazing happens

it's almost like an addiction as well, because when i haven't been creating for a bit (like right now) i get unsettled, bored, depressed, life seems to lose it's luster, it's meaning and it's purpose.

i rattle around, unsure what to do with myself

my fingers need to be doing SOMETHING

my mind needs to be challenged 

and i get into a very bad bad mood

now all this being said...

i have work to do 

i am going to get off the laptop and wander over to my drafting table

i may draw

i would like to make some thing too.....maybe an ornament?

maybe an object?

i wouldn't mind bookbinding, that is always fun

making a box out of fabrics and cardboard is fun too

or possibly a pop up paper theater?

a cloth doll? with a trunk and wardrobe?

a tiny candy house made out of clay?

the possibilities are endless and fascinating.......

the hard part is choosing and starting

i know.....it's been a while

we again have been visited by the plague...this time stomach plague...
bernie was so sick sunday night.... he was vomiting and we were up all night cleaning up after him
monday he was so sick he couldn't go to school
today he went, and so far (2:30pm) he's still not home so i am thinking he's ok
not me however
i am getting very dizzy and very light headed and have a terrible taste in my mouth
so i am trying to eat very light...dry toast, jello.....water
i took the ducks out and brought the wood in

then discovered a FLEA on thaddeaus!
a FLEA
almost ten years i've had these cats, they not only do not go out....but we don't have carpets in the house and i find a FLEA
so i need to get a comb and some DE to spread around
and i could really use a vacuum (which i don't have)

meanwhile thanksgiving is on hold pending both bernie and me having the plague...
if he's ok, he'll cook
if i'm ok, i'll cook
if we're still both sick
well.....maybe then we'll cook sunday

and here we were saying how this would be the first year since 2006 that we wouldn't be on the road for a road call on thanksgiving!

meanwhile, today is gray and overcast, i can't get a good fire going in the woodstove, i am thinking we need to clean the chimney again
probably over the weekend
either way, due to pending plague, i'm freezing

rain, snow, sleet, ice, freezing rain........ grasshoppers....

what a mess
i took bernie to school today up in the mountains....we got there just as that delightful mess of weather decended....
and then i was to drive home!
i did make it!!!

to be greeted with a breakfast of fresh coffee and homemade yogurt

today i will be going to town, i have to do a few things. i had wanted to do a lot more cooking but that's ok- i'll get what i have to do done and paint more today

i still need to bake pumpkins and make cran sauce for the big holiday...... i can do that really any time prior
our feast has been carefully put by over the past few months as things came on sale.
so we're doing ok with that
i believe i even have a turnip in the freezer, already chopped and steamed
(gotta have turnip with turkey, and a bagel for the turkey the next day)

meanwhile i have been having an array of interesting dreams.... every single night
last nights involved a wheel chair, and pretty embroidered cotton voile blouses......
and a furniture store!
oye

well there isn't too much else to say i just wanted to remember the bad weather...which turned into rain as soon as i got out of the higher elevations (i was going to say mountains but we sorta live IN the mountains sooooo it is the HIGHER mountains!)

oye again

catching up after sandy and the plague

we got hot water back this week...... bernie did the laundry for me as i was exhausted with the flu/cold/plague...plus lifting all the stock pots of boiling water before we got the hot water back, sort of really did a job on my shoulders
i did however get the kitchen squared away
for the most part

melting the butter

and i even made chicken and dumplins yesterday --- which came out so perfectly that there are NO leftovers -- and there should be! i made a huge soup pot full!
it came out perfectly (that is my le creuset soup pot i got at an unbelievable price, as it was mismarked! i love that pot and recommend both staub and le crueset totally)

onions, celery, and carrots chopped

this was a simple classic chicken and dumplins....and the dumplins were a down and dirty fast bisquick type.....

ok fast, chop celery, onions, garlic and carrots, melt the butter, saute, then cover and simmer a while.

sauteed in butter then put the lid on

add the chicken, i had sliced frozen (remember that 120 pounds of chicken i did before rhinebeck?) boneless skinless chicken- i browned and cooked it for a bit then added something like three cups of my homemade chicken stock- covered the pot and let it simmer for a while.....until the chicken was done.

adding the chicken

i took the chicken out and cut it up into bite sized chunks.... more or less (about 1/2'' pieces)
put it back in and threw some salt and freshly ground pepper, and parsley

then made the dumplins,

chicken cooked and cut into cubes, stock added and simmered

a bunch of bisquick, some onions powder, dash of chili powder, some parsley and some milk and beat it up

when the stock was simmering nicely i dropped the dumplings in ...from the center out
let it cook for a bit then turned down the heat a tiny bit
and covered it for 15 minutes...... to steam the tops

it was out of this world
bernie had two HUGE bowls
i had one huge bowl and a second dumplin

finished chicken and dumplins in a bowl

sadly there is no more (there should have been another meal but.......ahem...........we ate it)
ok so there you have it......fast chicken and dumplins....i think it took no more prep time then about 15 minutes spread out over about 1.5 hours.....

oh and i painted too......9 crows is half way done

and we were spared............so far

the storm appears to have bypassed our area
which is a very good thing
and we have hot water again
which is also a very good thing

now after all the hoopla of the elections
i am very happy to see that slowly we are inching towards equality
i was very fearful that women would have their bodies legislated! and the next step.....the vote taken away and any other rights we had to be free and equal
i still can't phantom any one even remotely thinking that they can have a say over the body, health and reproduction rights of another person!
or who they love and marry
whatever happened to 'free will'
and equality in the eyes of the law?
or america ......a democracy where all men are created equal?
and a biggie for me
separation of church and state

and to say i am dismayed by the gop which USED to be a true moderate voice, sort of the wise elder voice....... and is now something more akin to a fanatical fundamentalist freak show

now we the people have spoken
and we are inching toward equality.......

and we are inching towards maybe government as sort of a clearing center for all the people
we pay our taxes, and we collectively benefit from things like fema, the armed forces
etc.
and even the 47% (no mitt i will never forget that one....EVER) pay taxes....... they buy goods and services with thier money don't they? (and i don't want to hear that it isn't their money..... we take care of everyone else in other countries..these are our own.... and they don't want to be dependant either)
and they vote

is it a perfect system......no
but it is a free system........... we are still free to disagree
we are still free to have our voices heard
to vote
to try and make a difference
to work towards a more perfect union.......

and i am very proud of our country......
things ARE changing... the face of america is changing.....it's getting more diverse and more colorful
it's slow....but there are quite a lot of folks here......and this type of change takes time
and it also may take trial and error.......
and remember..... our nation is a GRAND experiment in self government.....
so everyone
we continue
and we try
one day at a time
we try to see where we can meet across our differences......and work it out

why .......6am, we meet again!

the good news......we have electric
bad
we have no hot water
worse
i have the plague, courtesy of bernie.....

oh and it's pretty f*ing cold out.....
and we are getting another storm tonight!
stick a fork in me cause i am so done

now storm notes...... the gen worked very well...... we got the food in the fridge and the freezers through no problem
i contacted our electrician about putting in the transfer switch
and we are still planning on a standby generator down the road

we need led lanterns....... with the budgies i didn't feel comfortable with oil lamps and candles..... or with bernie sick (he had the plague through the blackout period)
we need one for each of us and one for the chickens and ducks

hot water......we need it
i'm not sure how yet we'll get it figured for off the grid but we will

meanwhile we did do pretty well...... we were warm and had food
we did run out of duck/chicken water on sunday as well as flushing water but that was because i planned on a few days worth of rain as per the news people.....
(note to self: news people lie)

so we'll be putting by a lot more water for next time
today''s storm no....
i am way too sick to do anything more then i've done
i will put my ponds out to get rain/snow though
and hope for no loss of power

everyone stay safe

post storm update

we got electric on yesterday...and lost internet
we also blew the heating elements of the hot water heater

meanwhile bernie's got a bad cold, and his school is pushed back three days.... to december 7th
i have taken a sponge bath today and feel better
not as good as a shower would be but better then before
bless my homemade soap as it is ok if you don't rinse it all off........ i love my soap!
i love my generator
i love my woodstove
and my little human/feather/furred family

i already started to cook for the next storm...which is next week
and we replenished some supplies....
mostly water.....
flush water we ran out of and yesterday we ran out of bird water right before the electric came back on
(the flush water was my fault.......i sort of react to crisis with gastric distress....)

we're not putting the extension cords/power  bars away yet however.... and i am sort of thinking i need to get a few more buckets for birds and flush water
although the full ponds sure did help me out with filling buckets (at least until the ducks had to go out and they jumped in the ponds)
this week after the election and all i will no doubt get out there and scrub my ponds very very well then refill them again

my emergency book has a lot of notes in it now
good ideas for alternate water storage etc
cause even with a transfer switch, we are going to need to store water
and we are going to look into a backup hot water system to run without generator power

ok now i have to do work again

be well everyone

still no electric-- BUT!!!!!!!

i started the generator ALL BY MYSELF
(and i think i threw my shoulder out doing it)
BUT

ALL BY MYSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

now i want to mention staten island..... those folks got nailed...... and they weren't getting the help they needed..
a 72 hour emergency bag wouldn't have helped either as they got slammed and a lot of the people totally lost their homes
one woman actually went hiking across the marshes LOOKING for her home
so no matter what we're going though
we have our little house...our animals
our food stores

we are truly blessed and very very lucky
a lot of folks were

jersey got creamed.....staten island.....brookyln...ny
so many folks were lost, so much suffering

there by for the grace......... go i

ok we are doing ok.... we are getting low on animal water and flushing water as i planned on using rainwater...... but we didn't get the rains (thank goodness) that were predicted
so tomorrow we're going to have to go find water for the birds if electric isn't restored.... i have conserved as much as i can ........
today everyone is out with the ponds
the ponds are a mess...... i can't scrub them until we have actual water running again
ditto on the buckets
falstaff dumped his bucket and i am bringing him our drinking water ....however he's only going to get a 1/4 bucket which is a half gallon...and it's got to last him
the chickens are drinking out of a duck pond (it's the only clean one so i let them use that pen)
food of course we're going well on
bernie found out his school has been extended a few days at the end...instead of saturday classes

meanwhile i am putting the woodstove to good use cooking
(last nights burgers were great and tonight's chili is most excellent)

i even was able to paint a tiny bit today.......when the skies got brighter..i saw patches of BLUE! but it's clouded over again now

ok folks i hope you are all safe and warm, fed and your loved ones are accounted for

miracles great and small

well we have survived sandy........
by a weird miracle we not only got a generator on SUNDAY
but there was some sort of unusual temperature inversion thingie that kept the 70mph winds about 1000 feet in the air over us
we did lose electric
(we are still out of electric right now but i was informed we'll get it back tonight)

we are stinky a bit.... need a shower
but fine
well fed
warm

now the other miracle was....... while bernie's school was closed a few days, he was able to relax and then retest and passed with flying colors......
the testing center was empty! not like last time where the general public was wandering around in the testing room!
he passed......then the electric in his school was restored.....and school is back today

we are so blessed

and i love my generator like i love my woodstove......

now checks and minuses in our storm prep for this time

i cooked ahead so we could reheat BIG plus
i had a ton of drinking/flushing/animal water PLUS
did not have enough washing water......minus
one bundt cake baked prior  PLUS
not enough cold milk to drink with it...... minus
headband flash lights PLUS PLUS PLUS
one battery operated lantern.....nope minus...i forgot to get it
we did have oil lamps, oil, candles...... etc
but i don't like that around the budgies (or us)

i did forget to cook the veggies ahead..... minus...... but as soon as the electric is on we're going to have a few veggie meals
i missed my popcorn, i do'nt have a woodstove popcorn thingie

other then that .....not bad at all

this was bernie's first real at home disaster, as every other time he would stay at work
i don't think he cared for it
but i think overall as things go we are living in the lap of disaster luxury due to the miracles that happened for us

i'll take it