Momma vi's little book of instructions

first off........DO NOT try and hike rhinebeck in clogs

do not do it
or if you want to attempt it.......... do yourself a favor and cut your legs off at the hips NOW and avoid the rush.

do not attempt to feed the chickens tomato slices..... make them eat chunks....

DO knit brightly colored hats and keep them by every door, in every coat pocket.....
and also keep at least two in each vehicle at all times

when you are almost 50 facial hair happens.............
suck up and deal with it.. you really THINK I like having my hair migrate south?

homemade chicken soup is a very good thing... make sure you use a STEWING CHICKEN and eat it at least twice a month during the winter

children and cats will make you old fast...................

so will bad men

the way to keep a good man good is keep him thinking you are the most brilliant, intelligent etc since einstein.. and do NOT allow him to get new eyeglasses regularly........
and if you must let him get new eyeglasses...........pay the dog to smudge the lenses daily.............

( and watch that dog for extortion, give her just ONE carrot........no matter what she says.....she lies I tell you)

the second you have resigned yourself to wearing a 2X shirt................
you WILL lose weight............
when you break down and get a large.... you will gain it all back with interest..................

but at least you won't have wrinkles huh?????


if you heat with wood, you will get bugs in the house........... do not let the cats play with the wasps or the spiders......

if you ask for a new kitchen........DEMAND the counters to go with it........

don't fall for that ' maybe' crap................ get it all in writing with witnesses.......... signed in BLOOD
and make him put up a bond or something.

make cheddar cheese sauce for steamed cauliflower... never mind how I know this............... just do it

drink at least two cups of coffee every day........... tell folks it is to prevent colon cancer.........
being wired is a good thing...............


and do not eat chocolate.... do not believe the hype from the candy companies......
coffee is much better then chocolate could ever be




til next time or when I figure more

vi