again with crazy neighbors? this time uphill?

this time it was the uphill neighbor that took it into her head to tell her 'landscaper' to clear cut the property to the driveway...... unfortunately it was OUR property that is a strip on the other side of the drive that was clear cut
i lost daffodils, mayflowers, barberry and a scottish thistle i have been anxiously awaiting flower for the goldfinches ( you remember my goldfinch paintings? well the next one was going to be with thistle when it came into bloom and then went to seed.....i've been watching that plant every damn day-

so i posted the line....... as i asked the guy about it and he said 'tilly said to clear it out to the driveway' (little vicky was on the phone and heard that) OBVIOUSLY the neighbor has forgotten her lines no?
well she threatened me! she sent the granddaughter over first to threaten me- claiming it was a misunderstanding! then SHE threatened me..... wtf? i posted signs on MY PROPERTY
i am a half a step away from calling the cops, and if those signs come down i will
and i'll press charges as well- you should have heard them cursing at me! i didn't bother to curse or answer them......... it's not worth it, as this is my property and my right to post signs if i want to.
i remember this one's indignation when she THOUGHT that an uphill neighbor had encroached on her land....here she's doing it to me
one of their excuses for her was that her husband just died in february, yes i do know that.....
which is why i didn't file charges already and just posted the lines
i don't bother ANYONE- i never trespass  i don't even go when invited over to someone's house- i leave them alone and i expect my property rights to be respected

meanwhile poor bernie is exhausted and was asleep when this all was going on...at least i hope he didn't hear it, as it was just under the bedroom window.............

he only had about 4 hours sleep yesterday, he had an early run......tonight he's got a lighter run and he leaves later so he can sleep until 7 i think-
he did sleep in the truck this morning for a few hours, which only delayed him getting back to the distribution center.
tomorrow we get the van back again..... we had gotten it back and there was another problem that the dealership caused......so i had to argue with them and back it went
do not buy anything from OUTTEN KIA in hamburg....... they don't honor the warranty that they assured me was bumper to bumper
i got them to give us a loaner twice which they were going to charge for
and by arguing with them got them to fix their mistake again
i am not happy with them at all.......we'd told them that there was a problem with the front end from the first day we bought that van home

it's been one thing after another lately huh?
in painting news i laid down washes for northern lights again.......
i'm getting closer i think i need to do them with an atomizer though.
once i get a good idea of how they work, (and i am working with clear glazes and staining vs non staining pigments) through the studies, i can layout the next painting

it's true, (one of my friends  * from TX * said this to me today) i do live in my own little world- it's getting smaller and smaller cause i can't handle these low lives
as i get older i just want peace to paint and cook and garden and enjoy the animals
i expect that since i don't bother anyone .....no one should bother me

roland

(i don't mean friends i mean neighbors and strangers)

anyway that's what's all going on from up here....
oh and the dove is back
i thought the kestrel got him...... there were feathers but apparently not so i named him roland
cause he reminds me of the knights in the disney movie 'sword in the stone'
tiny head big body...... and a bit slow on the uptake there is a picture of him out back

what a day..............

first off happy mothers day to you moms out there

what a day...bernie broke down with the van.....out near pottsville
beings it's sunday he couldn't get a tow
finally got a tow (350.00 later)
to get the van to the dealer.....then couldn't get a ride either home or to work
everything is closed!
taxi companies
car rentals
the dealership

everything is closed
right now he's sleeping in the van as he's due to drive a route tonight
i am not sure how as he's now stuck in hamburg!

supposedly the company was sending one of the truckers that was out that way to try and get him in to the distribution center

i am needless to say....beside myself with worry

i guess this pretty much settles it....we need a second car huh?
and he needs a closer job no?

now me, i had a rough night.....the overall body pain kept me up
tylenol isn't working anymore
so when the van is back on the road again i need to get to a doctor
i don't want pain killers but i am hoping that adjusting my thyroid meds will help

as things progress......

i'm getting to the point that tylenol isn't helping much anymore
now i have about a 3 hour window of movement from around 1pm
to about 4 ish

i can't get moving before hand
even when i am moving everything is in slow motion and i am sort of lurching around

bernie is alarmed (i am a bit as well but i figure it'll pass eventually)

meanwhile spring has actually gotten here finally....everything is green here even the air

i ordered some art supplies on sale (damn good sale 25% off and free shipping--- M Graham watercolors for 6 bucks a tube!!!!!! i got the two yellows and one blue i was wanting)
i am figuring this....
i can't really walk in the morning, no lifting or such
so maybe i can paint ....?
this way the morning won't be the waste it is now
and by the afternoon i will be more then ready for being able to get up and do some chores

chores are sort of suffering a bit right now.... but at least heating is over for this season
i was getting to the point where i couldn't even lift a log to the woodstove

meanwhile life in our little bubble more or less goes on
when i have a bit of energy i over do it...... but i am mainly concerned with getting meals in the freezer for bad days
this way when i am really bad bernie can just pop one in the oven
i have a few things put by
however i want more trays with things like chicken and stuffing
stuffed chicken breast
meatloaf and mashed potatoes
the proteins i serve chopped over salads

so very slowly.....i am adding to the freezer meals
we do have tons of stuff in the freezer as it is but not already cooked..... so this helps a bit
besides i cook freezer meals from frozen so it saves us a lot of time

meanwhile the garden needs weeding ....which isn't happening
some plants need transplanting .....which also isn't happening

and i need to lay down again as my time up is pretty much at an end for today

it's may, it's may (and not may the duck who lives at vicki's house)

days and weeks get away from me lately

i am still in pain, and it's looking more and more like fibro
but the tylenol is helping (who needs kidneys or a liver)
bernie's got a restart tonight, i find us living for his restarts
apparently that is when i have enough peace to settle and write the blog etc

meanwhile my life is a blurr of ducks, baking, chickens, washing dishes, garden seeds, cooking, and just doing the huge job of trying to keep bernie comfortable while he's in this insane situation of no real time off ....no set schedule.....and endless nights driving loads of meat/produce all over pa, md, de, nj, and ny........
add in the whole i don't feel good thing ....... and OMG
last week i spent almost three days in bed....... i just was in that much pain....i wasn't sleeping either
today is better
not great, i still can't move a hay bale or sack of grain but i CAN stand long enough to wash dishes, if not hang laundry out

in between everything i am cooking for the freezer (yeah so what else is new?)
i have baked ziti in there, soupstocks, and of course portion sized packages of chops and such
but these next few weeks i am planning on more cooked or assembled meals to just throw in the oven
i have to clear out the 150# of different wheats i have in there (freezing to kill any hitchhikers that may be have come along for the ride) i'll be putting the wheat into glass jars

i have to say i am in total love with this no knead bread
i grind up the flour (each cup of wheat berries yields about 1.5 cups of flour)

i put  3.5 cups of fresh ground flour in a bowl
i add about 1.25 TEASPOON of yeast
and about 1.5 teaspoon of kosher salt
then either 2 tablespoons of sugar or i add honey/molasses to the 2 cups of warm water
i stir up the dry stuff well
add the wet
stir it into a thoroughly wet mess which i cover and stick somewhere to rise until i remember it

when it's doubled in size i stir it down for a bit (like thirty seconds!)
recover it
then oil the loaf pan or the 6'' cake/bun pan (like a giant muffin pan but with straighter sides)
the second rise is about 30 minutes ......not too long due to the whole wheat

stir down hard again and then put it in the pan/pans
let that rest about 15 minutes or so......
heat the oven to a tiny bit over 350 (cause of the way my oven heats)
and bake for about 45 minutes for the loaf and about 25 for the buns/rolls

i have been oiling the crusts with either butter or olive oil about 3/4 way through the baking
check the internal temp with a meat thermometer ....i aim for about 190 or so

then let it set in the pans for like 10 minutes before turning the bread/rolls out on a cooling rack until cool

i'm also starting to experiment with the sourdough and with adding stuff  to the dough....... like garlic and onions to the rolls etc..
my goal eventually is to switch us over to a much lower gluten diet
but part of that is by way of whole grains in the first place

i told bernie....NO MORE STORE bread unless it's an emergency or i am dead
it's cheaper, healthier, and much more convenient to do it this way-not to mention no 'packaging' to toss
i keep the bread on a plate in the microwave! sorta a small kitchen multipurpose box (cause i also put the bread dough in there for the final rise too)

next up on my list of replenishment?

* cooked turkey cut up and portioned in the freezer as i used the last package last night

* a good sale on beef to grind for chop meat as i want meatballs, and meatloaf in the freezer ready to go

* more chicken based meals already made up (and we eat a LOT of chicken, my friend trish used to beg me 'make something OTHER then chicken for bernie tonight' hahahaha but i make chicken so many different ways that it really is better this way-cheaper too)

*cookie doughs- normally i made a batch and keep it in the fridge and bernie takes out whatever he wants to eat that night and throws it in the oven.... i need the fridge space so i am going to put the doughs in the freezer in 'slice and bake' sized batches i think

* muffins and fruit breads- sliced and portioned in the freezer for him to just grab for his midnight snack/lunch at work....

i need to figure out a better system for him to take food at night with him...he's eating about 7am in the morning and that's not good as he's gone about 12 hours then without anything to eat..... (yes i know the sleep/overnight argument but if you are burning calories you need to fuel things no?)

i tried granola bars but i wasn't happy with them as i felt they had too much sweets ... i wish i could figure something out similar that is cold with high protein
and no soy products

i keep thinking and googling various things..... i am wondering about making bean and rice flours for that? it would be a complete protein no? .........

ok so that's what's going on here.... the world is still moving forward but we are sort of in a bubble-
i long to get back to painting
i've been working on layouts
wondering if i should enter a juried watercolor show..... etc

so there you have it
vi's world in a nutshell ....or a post

there is a big RED truck in the driveway

and it is BIG
bernie's last stop was in town so he came home early to sleep
he'll get some extra which he desperately needs
and we'll save some mileage and gas in the van

ok let's see, i finished ice princess
and i've started on the next one which is elen of the ways-she's associated with ley lines and reindeer- and i am sort of at the 'rough' stage
not quite to layout yet
meanwhile i've been sick again.
pain all over my entire body, and now i am wondering if it's something more then just thyroid as i've been taking the meds daily
this laid me low for a few days, i felt better then got sicker
and it's seeming to follow a pattern now, ... some improvement, then right back to full body pain....and exhaustion....i'm so very very tired most of the time.
it's hurting to sit here and type right now

in garden news, my snow peas are up, so is the spinach, chard, lettuces, garlic, leeks, onions, mint, blueberries, catnip, and of course my beloved violets
the seedlings i started in the house seem to be doing ok, not as good as normal years but then this wasn't a normal year.

in the kitchen, i started to use some of the hard white wheat, it makes a softer crumb which bernie likes better, it tastes different from the hard red wheat too.
i am going to alternate the wheats and sometimes mix them

yesterday i packaged about 50 pounds of sausage for the freezer
today i am going to roast red and green peppers and make my roasted pepper sauce
or i will as soon as the tylenol kicks in

i also made yogurt....it's been a while,
muffins (apple cinnamon that bernie said were wonderful)
bread (of course)
and sausage/peppers/onions and potatoes for last night's supper

with all this cooking, the chickens are extremely happy as they get the scraps, parings and peelings
happy chickens equal happy eggies

in knitting news, i am and i'm not knitting
it actually hurts to hold the needles for too long!
my hands twitch for the want of something to do
they are so used to 'sitting down means hands knit'

everything here is in slow motion, and life is in a bubble
with bernie working nights, and me tiptoeing around during the day so he can sleep
and me being in pain a lot
we're just doing what we must to survive
animals get taken care of but not a huge amount of garden walks for them
things get put off that aren't 100% essential at this time
i don't even use the van during the day (yes i know i am reclusive at best) i am trying to save the gas
and i worry that me leaving the house is going to disturb bernie's sleep
any appointments i had i either have to cancel or get rides because i truly never know what time he'll be getting in...
there are some days he doesn't get home until 3pm and he has to leave again at 9pm!
yes i am terribly worried about his health
and when i worry about him i cook for him
he's losing weight though cause he's not eating enough during the night
oye
so there you have it.....life such as it is here goes on
but in a bubble

can't talk now................

busy painting

bernie's birthday eve....sorta like christmas eve but with bernie!

he's working though
i have his cake and his card
his present will be at some time in the future however....
i have to say, the 8 weeks over the road training really seems to have changed him
he's much more aware of how truly blessed he is
how surrounded by love
and how much he's always BEEN loved
my parents adored him
i adore him (although there are TIMES............)
our animals adore him......
his sisters too
now he's starting to realize how a lot of people aren't that lucky

the cats have been climbing all over him almost constantly while he's been home.
the ducks and chickens are thrilled when they see him come down to take them out
the other day i was taking them out and while i was, i said to them 'mommy's got a BIG surprise for you.........'

and bernie walked out! OMG they all went nuts.... they were so glad to see him

we spent part of this afternoon talking about how far we've come, how far he's come personally
and what he thinks about it all
i love when he settles to talk to me like that
i swear i live for those kind of talks with him
so tomorrow is his birthday..... 58
we've been together since he was 21 and i was 19.......... wow.......... look at how LONG
we've had ups and downs but somehow.......we've managed to keep choosing each other every day
amazing huh?

my birthday, easter and perspectives

saturday (yesterday saturday) was my birthday
it was an interesting day
it had a few ups and downs
i thought bernie'd forgotten me but he didn't
he couldn't get off so i was alone all day
i did some chores, ducks/chickens/ fed and watered everyone
wood in
but blew off other chores like dishes and cooking
i paid for it today

today we had a sort of half ass dinner
i had frozen slices off a smithfield ham in the freezer so we had ham, with baked potatoes and a HUGE salad
no not a normal holiday dinner but the best i can do with the limited time i have
we eat late
the doctor said i shouldn't eat for at least 3 hours before bed but with bernie leaving at 9 and him getting up at 6:30pm taking his shower etc.......
well it'a bout 7 or even 8 before we eat
and no i am not keeping his meal 'warm'
i am thinking of just not eating at all but he'd freak
so i make supper, we eat together and right now i feel like i swallowed a whale
i am so not used to eating lately
nor am i used to eating late
while bernie was gone i would eat maybe once a day

now in other news, i cast on another project, a fast cowl......the first one i cast on really doesn't want to be that particular pattern -- so i had a blue/green in stash since 2010 that wants to be a cowl (sunna part of the spirit trail 2010 club yarns @350 yards really it'll make a great cabled cowl)
it's a simple one
co 248 on size 5 join/place marker
k2p2 for two inches
then i am going to knit an aran pattern out of one of the barbara walker treasuries for the body
3.5 inches on size 5
2.5 inches on size 3
2 inches on size 2 and then 1.75 inches of k2p2 ribbing on the size 2

i have a black/blue/green mini plaid shirt that this will go with....as well as a lot of blue shirts that it will work with.
after this it's back to the premie hats for susan's babies

i planted some seeds during the week in the house for later transplanting into the outside garden, most are germinating already
the cat grass is amazingly fast
calpurrnia will thank me for that one i think

meanwhile .......bernie has reluctantly agreed that this current job isn't working for him either
we are sort of living in a bubble
when he is home-he's sleeping so i tiptoe around
when he's gone i'm exhausted so i am not getting enough done
he's getting nothing done at all since really he's only here to shower, sleep and eat......not even 8 hours normally
7 days a week...(not withstanding that surprise 34 hour reset thingie)

he's realized that not only is nothing getting done around here but just real basic 'bring wood in, feed/water the animals, do dishes' type chores but we are sort of in limbo

besides he misses me
i miss him too even though he's here, he's not

so he's going to start to look locally
he'll be working with this company for a while though as jobs still aren't easy to find
and he does like the company.... if we lived 40 minutes closer it wouldnt' be bad (except the 7 day a week thing)

ok..... i have a meeting in the morning which i am getting picked up for since i won't have the van until sometime in the afternoon maybe
so i need to get some sleep
take good care everyone

what a week!

well bernie survived his first week in fleet
last night he had a 34 hour restart so was home all night and today until 9pm
it was such a wonderful surprise for me
he was a bit upset about it and then tried to explain the restart to me
i don't get it
all i get is that the trucking industry wants to know where you are and basically wtf you are doing 24/7
even if you are at home not at work
and the hours......are insane
please

meanwhile he is working and giving it his all.......that's bernie for you
i am trying to be as supportive as i can
we've now made it a ritual to plan his route in the evening before he leaves, he gets his load number, and his locations and times
then i google earth the locations so he can see which way to go into the loading docks
and then print it out for him to take

the struggle to find foods for him to snack on at night continues
he's got those granola muffins i made him the other day
tonight he's got a few of them left, and an apple
the actual meal i sent with him went uneaten by him.......the chickens were happy though

i am thinking next of some turkey/cheese/lettuce rolls in bite sized pieces
along with another granola bar experiment
the granola i made him is not bad, it's got pumpkin seeds, olive oil, peanut butter, flax seed, oatmeal, coconut, almonds, and 65% cacao chocolate
along with honey and molasses
i am going to sneak in some raisins and maybe either dates or cranberries when he isn't looking

i am also considering something along the lines of sliders....but as a cold sandwitch so it would be something like chicken salad, grilled chicken, egg salad, grilled turkey........
on our homemade freshly ground 100% whole wheat bread
small bite sized sandwitches....... maybe that will help too

we were considering a 'lunch box oven' which is a very cool thing, plugs into the cigarette lighter in the rig and heats food up in about 1 hour
but he doesn't get to stop and actually eat so i have to find alternatives
i am going to look into a hot pot for next winter (if he is still driving for a living) for soups and hot tea etc......
the reviews have been mixed on them
i could send something like chicken and dumplins or beef stew in that too
but not a big one....

so yes why do you ask, i am a wonderful old world italian wife
i take care of my family very well

maybe it's not the event?

but the reaction? how you deal with the event?

bernie has started his new job, (he started monday night)
it's thrown us again for a loop
apparently this year is about shaking up our lives to the roots

last night we finally had a tiny window of time to talk about the current changes in our lives
finances, etc
we still have more talking to do
at this point we've agreed on a few things
he wants to be home
i want him to be home
and even though he's only home about 8 hours now a day-he's home
he likes the actual driving of the big rigs, but HATES the paperwork, and he's drowning in paperwork
he also hates the traffic he runs into in the morning
but hates OTR more

we also realized that some other adjustments may need to be made, possibly in his job but we're going to have to wait a while to see how and where.

we are sharing the van
so far i've had to postpone and cancel a few appointments as we aren't sure when he is going to get in
most days he's getting in around noon to 1:30pm!
(that is the other thing we're discussing, this is way too late for him to get any quality sleep but he also won't get good sleep at the terminal, and at least home he gets a shower and his own bed)

if we had two cars my appointment issues would be nil but we'd have the expense of two cars which is something i am not happy with- since my car usually just sits the majority of the time

he's also upset that i am still doing all the chores-well yeah
i am not going to worry about him not sleeping enough if he does pen mucking or litter boxes
he stacked two weeks worth of wood on the deck so i am able to bring a small cart load in twice a day
i am taking my time with everything as i am in constant pain from my shoulders and back but i'm managing ........although there isn't time to paint or even sit much (see how long it took me to get the blog updated?)

so there is where we are now
that and a cranky woodstove!

no knitting has happened
no painting has happened
i have been cooking and baking (have to bake bread today)
doing chores, and not sleeping much
during the day i have to be very quiet so he can get some sleep
at night i am too tired to do much but i am not sleeping either

i have roughed out my bio for the agented submissions- and that's where it sits
anyone feel like helping me write my bio?
oye

ok i have to fiddle with the woodstove
it's not happy again

homeward bound.....we hope

bernie has been all over the place trying to get a truck assigned to him that actually RUNS
he's been out over a month this time and wants home time
he is owed i think 5 days now
he's had it right now
now home here, i've got that load of wood in
i've planted some cold hardy seeds
did most of the chores and started to stack that big load of wood
today i washed ponds and buckets and then bathed ducks
i have a couple of extremely happy and clean ducks right now
i am knocking the chores off my list steadily
we got wireless now
i had gotten a wifi router that was reconditioned (before the whole training fiasco and pay mess up)
it was only 25.00! and works very well
so if i need to i can move the laptop to my drafting table (YEAH!!)
and with all the points on the CC due to bernie being over the road we are going to be getting a desktop as a primary or as a back up basically for FREE! (a very cheap one but still)

let's see....
i need to (yes still haven't done it) write my bio for submission
i am having issues with it
in the 80's i was a graphic designer, layout/pasteup artist then art director
also typesetter and illustrator
i freelanced as well
in the 90's i was an original doll artist, then had a wholesale miniature business, then the soap/toiletries business and did a ton of product design and package design
i also wrote a bit and got published

now how on earth to run that all together into a cohesive bio?
oye

meanwhile i am so excited that i can move the laptop to the drafting table to use it for color reference photo's i can't tell you all
HUGE for me
will keep me working (once i get back there)
ok now my wood pile is calling me so i need to go and stack a bit
ttyl

wood, toes, and warmer weather

ok here is the updated ice princess, still not totally finished but soon-

now we have enough wood to last until the big load comes the end of the week. 

i dropped a huge log on my poor toes...ouch

meanwhile bernie passed his training in spite of that really terrible trainer he had that forced him to drive team against company policy- bernie had to cause trainers are allowed to toss a trainee out of their trucks in the middle of no where and we have no doubt that this asshole would.... the second trainer not only passed bernie but is going to report to the company some of what happened from the first training

is it wrong of me to wish that his first incompetent trainer pays for the bullshit?

you have no idea what i wish on that first trainer

so he'll be home shortly

i can't wait

i got his cookie dough made, bread dough made, etc etc

maybe then i can get back to normal life and be painting again?

today is warmer, so i washed litter pans

i am not ready to muck pens yet as they really aren't too bad but i may over the weekend if/while bernie is stacking wood

i have to say, if it weren't for my friends and my sister in law, i would not have gotten through this, between my medical issues etc......this was a total nightmare for me

i am so blessed to have the friends i've got and you all not only know who you are but most of you read this blog (yes i do know that)

there aren't words for you guys

you kept me going the past year between when bernie got hurt, then the layoff and then this OTR training

it's been touch and go

let's hope now i can finish some of the paintings and we all get to see them off into the world through licensing agreements- btw, bernie promised that he'll retire and just stay home if i get enough licensing contracts

yes that would be huge impetus for me to get them out there 

new phone number changed and activated

but of course, not without a few snaffos along the way
bernie is supposed to be finding out today how much longer he'll be gone
funny but with him with this new normal trainer i am not as frantic as i've been
his former trainer is seriously unhinged and i was expecting the guy to drive into a bridge and take bernie with him
we've taken steps to insure that no one can call him that he doesn't want to hear from... on the home phone too
what a freaken nightmare

meanwhile the woodguy called me back and wood will be delivered wen
if i am very careful i won't run out until i got some in and warmed up enough to burn
and some of the new wood won't be too green

so here it is 4am- i've been up about an hour and stoking the stove before going back to bed to catch maybe 2 hours?

i got about 4 hours between when bernie called and me getting up to come down
this was a rough nightmare of a winter and one i don't care to repeat again
ever
hanging is preferable-i don't ever want to have to move the amount of wood the way i did again
but i am most likely going to be stacking three cords by myself, at least the beginning of the stacking

this week i need to do the tax thing too
i can't find all the paperwork since bernie's on the road
oh man

oh and just as an aside..... slightly too salty bread is fine if you make a chicken sandwitch on it.....and don't salt the chicken
just saying

and we changed the number

since the cell is in my name anyway, (so i can deal with whatever while bernie's on the road)
he called this morning and said 'change the number'
so i did
this former trainer is unhinged
bernie is going to report him to the company too
this trainer was so busy NOT training bernie while flipping out on his personal problems that now bernie is still out on the road, the extra road time/expenses is not what we budgeted for
the good news is the new trainer is actually training bernie
and that it should only take a week
it was clear to the new trainer that the old one did NOT do his job
as bernie is picking up the stuff the new trainer is teaching him...FAST
some stuff he never knew about so old trainer screwed up big time

my question....... do we have a freeken SIGN over our heads?

but i am a lot calmer now that bernie is with someone normal and rational

not quite yet...

that insane megalomaniac FORMER trainer of bernie's wouldn't sign off on his training
so the company put bernie out for another week or so with a more experienced trainer

well it turns out that former idiot shit for brains trainer didn't bother to actually TRAIN bernie
too busy worried about his marital problems, and trying to control every second of bernie's life to actually do his FUCKING JOB

the new trainer is actually training bernie, who is thank goodness, more relaxed AND
ABLE TO CALL ME ANY TIME HE ISN'T DRIVING- if only for a second

it's helped a lot as i was bitterly disappointed that he wasn't going to be home tomorrow

to add insult to injure
former shit for brains trainer is stalking bernie....calling him constantly...... and not leaving a message
not texting him either
so bernie wasn't about to answer the phone
i told him that is wise cause if it was nothing.... he'd leave a message
he doesn't want to leave a message so i guess he's planning on leaving a threat

OMFG......is this insane?

we are thinking of changing bernie's cell phone number and he is definitely reporting it to the company

meanwhile- i am totally out of wood now
i'm scrounging around for burnable stuff while waiting for a wood guy ANY WOOD GUY to call me back and dump a load
most of what i am trying to burn is soaking wet

this was definitely not my year at all so far

now in a more upbeat vein.....bernie's 'graduation' present came
i got him a sourdough bread book
he's been asking for sourdough
now i am going to get a starter, as i don't have the time to make one myself before he gets home

also calpurrnia is much better....even her cold
but she's shitting all over the damn house
i think that is cause she is pretty much had it with a no daddy house too

mommy certainly is beyond had it with a no daddy house

i need a vacation after this
and to sleep through the night for at least a month
no?

oye

beginning of week 8

bernie's last week in training (THANK GOODNESS)
calpurrnia is better, still weak, still a bit wobbly..... still not totally on solid foods yet
enjoying being hand fed
but alive! and alert

this past week was another week to be endured
poor bernie is exhausted, he's rarely got down time or time to call home (his trainer is a dickwad)
he texts me when ever he can find time-this is the start of his last training week thank goodness

he should be home next week sometime- about when we run out of wood
oye

meanwhile with calpurrnia so sick, and some other nightmare things that happened this week, i too am exhausted
i got very little sleep

now today we are to get a storm again, from what i see outside it looks like mainly rain off the branches, but it's early yet
i am hoping to make a beginning of a sour dough starter today, with the wild yeasts that are on wheat hulls, so i'll be grinding flour- i may also make bread, i am not sure yet if i will or won't

in painting news, i'm not
i am planning out the next one but have had problems for the moment painting
i am still working but right now it's research and layouts
however i have done a few fast studies of snowflakes for finishing up this painting
right now i would rather it done right
of course right and fast is better.... however i have the luxury at the moment of resting out my arm

yesterday i got a bunch of wood in, in anticipation of this coming storm.
i got the duck pens freshened with a layer of hay
washed all the water pails (i can't wait to wash the ponds when there is no ice on them)
refilled the chickens feeder and added oyster shell to all the feed bowls again (the ducks laid a shell less egg)
i did dishes and tried to take care of some paperwork
as well as other odds and ends
in between hand feeding calpurrnia-
i really need to clean the bathroom and the bedroom though
and i probably should think about getting the ladder out so i can do laundry (the washer is very hard for me to reach into so i gotta use the ladder and kitchen tongs to get stuff out)

if it's warm enough today, i am thinking of letting the stove go and cleaning that again
we have some very light fast burning wood (not pine) that is great for cleaning the chimney etc....BUT
it makes a ton of ash in there so while i use it so that i get a hot fire fast in the middle night stokings
i know i have to deal with a big coal/ash bed the next day

i am so going to get those blocks for the woodstove as soon as i can get to tractor supply

now i am needing to write a bio for me, to submit to an agent
this isn't easy for me at all
ask me to write an article about medieval clothing........not too bad a gig
about growing veggies from seed ....'ditto'
but a bio....oye

ok so that's my week
i'm about to have more coffee and get going for the day

calpurrnia is very very sick

she's been poisoned.
we think it was that she ate a plant as i found some chewed leaves in her vomit
but now i am wondering

i rushed her to the vet this morning, he gave her activated charcoal......something else and a shot
she was a lot better
she stopped foaming and drooling
her and i drove home through the snow and sleet
we got home .......decided to go back in the crate
ok so i put her hot rice socks in with her
thaddeaus started to bug her so i shut the door
she called me a bit later to let her out and she vomited up the charcoal
sooooooooooo we called the vet again
anyway....... it's touch and go
i'm up with her and staying up all night
changing out her hot rice socks
i am totally exhausted
i've not slept much.......and i'm still sick.... i also apparently didn't bring in enough wood for today even though i thought i did
4 wood carts full didn't get me even two days

i swear i am so tired my skin is crawling
however there isn't anything i can do about it

if calpurrnia dies she will not be alone

meanwhile the stress on bernie is overwhelming too ....his trainer is riding him like a dog
between the two of us...... please

i had to tell him that calpurrnia may not make it
i am hoping however that she does

now i gotta go and snooze a bit in the chair next to her

from my point of view

the trucking industry sucks big time
now i am sure there are folks that love it.
but from what i am seeing.......

it is exploitative of the drivers- disrespectful of their lives and family
(yesterday werner trucking called bernie, refused to give me their name nor leave a message, and hung UP on me, i goggled the phone number and now have blocked all werner numbers i could find from calling here)
meanwhile i haven't heard from bernie in a few days
which means that the trainer is being abusive again.... like he was in the beginning (until bernie told him that maybe bernie wasn't cut out for this and was going to quit- then the guy was texting him all the time while bernie was on home time- he also tried to get bernie NOT to take his home time- telling him 'you may not get me back as a trainer' ------- i woulda say YEAH)

i know that the money is not great, and that with the hours etc.....these guys make like 2.00 an hour when you figure it all out

the food over the road sucks......seriously unhealthy for these drivers
the sitting down all the time is VERY unhealthy....but they have no choice, as they need to make miles
and the isolation of the job i think is very damaging to them as well

i don't think he thought this one out as thouroughly as he should have- and i am thinking he's more then realized that now

i know i've pretty much had it....
meanwhile i got a cold or something
swollen glands, sore throat and coughed up a bit of blood (which i think is from the sore throat)
achy body....... but only a tiny mild temp
enough to make me totally miserable but still able to struggle through chores

thank goodness this nightmare should be over soon

the home stretch?

ok bernie was home for four days, then had to leave to go back out on the road, finishing up this portion of his training.
march 1 is the end of the 8 weeks, at that point he'll be dropped off in nebraska for another 2 days orientation, before he solos back to pa.....
once here, he again goes into orientation with his dedicated run..... followed by training at his dedicated run

so i am really hoping he gets home the first week of march
his time home here was spent mostly doing chores, eating and sleeping
we spent the whole four days doing stuff to get him ready again to go back out on the road
he was however home for our anniversary on the 11th

he said he really doesn't like over the road (which is good cause he is not supposed to BE over the road)
he was painfully homesick
all of us here at home missed him so bad that he literally waded through ducks and chickens and cats....... (and me)

i also tried hard to make sure he had 'home alone' time, as he's been cooped up in a truck for all this time......24/7 with a stranger
bernie needs a lot of down time, and when he's home, he will work on a model or read, usually in the same room i am working in but he's in his space......i don't usually intrude on it
there are also a lot of things that he does without me around
errands a lot of the time
we balanced together time with him alone, i think it was difficult for both of us as neither one of us wanted the other out of their sight for long
but he really needed some alone time
he moved all our wood to the deck now...... and when i looked i realized that we are going to need at least another 2 cords to finish the winter out..... he thinks he'll be home for when i need to get the wood delivered
i hope so cause if not i am going to have them deliver it ON THE FRONT DOOR

i fed him good of course.....
i repacked his bags with clean clothes, more 'hugs from home' and tiny little surprises
along with a vday card and tiny heart of chocolates
i also made sure he had food with him going out there again, oatmeal, salads, protein bars, shelf stable microwaveable meals and DARK chocolate for stress reduction

i am going on record as stating i do NOT approve of the shelf stable meals at ALL...... nor the protein bars but for now they are necessary evils

while he was home i taught him to make 100% whole wheat bread from freshly ground hard red wheat..
we used a no knead recipe
he was totally amazed and loved the bread
i told him when he comes home, we'll make him sourdough rye bread from fresh ground rye flour
actually he's got a LOT of stuff to look forward to when he finally gets home and life goes back to the new normal

i know he's looking forward to an end of training......
it's amazing to me that he agreed to such an arduous situation.....but not that he is finishing it
when it comes to his job, he's got tenacity
i miss him terribly but i am very proud of him
i think i am even prouder of him realizing that over the road is not for him
and realizing how much he really is a home body and family man

i don't think he quite realized that before as clearly as now....
so that's good

in painting news, i am still waiting to finish the ice princess and then start the goddess of the reindeer
i need to do another 'cold' painting after that....but then i plan on starting teacups with flowers
and hopefully botanical paintings
i wish i could go for a course .....there is a great one out at the ny botanical gardens and another great one down near philly....both of which are NOT within commuting distances
so i am going to be on my own with that
i think i can teach myself, as i taught myself so much other stuff

one of my teachers in art school said ' once you are out of art school, your REAL education begins'

and i have discovered that she was right (my etching teacher, i think her name was grunelle)
i am still amazed i am learning watercolor on my own, every painting is another experiment.... and moves me a bit forward

my thoughts as an artist have changed too....... as well as my attitude
so that is all good no?

anyway, i have to get the ducks and chickens out now, then bring the wood in
i think after that i am going to try and paint

my hands have been a bit shakey and a bit.......messed up (thyroid issues i suspect)
my skins all screwed up too

but i am going to try and paint

i hope everyone is surviving the winter and has had a wonderful vday.......

take good care

cleaning the woodstove at 3am

well, it's not my idea of fun but it'd died down enough to get in there so...
3am .....me,......the woodstove....my ash bucket.....yup a date

now i am just waiting for the chimney stack temps to stablize...and i am going to go up again
.
yesterday i hauled in four full wood carts-
my knees won't bend today
bernie texted me, he's in ohio or on his way to ohio...
he's trying to get home

friday is 5 weeks for him out on the road..... and almost 6 since i've seen him.
our 36 anniversary is monday
he's dreadfully home sick

i am managing better then i expected...although i am really banged up by falling wood.
and i am sick of climbing the ladder with the kitchen tongs to reach into the washing machine....
meanwhile in chicken and duck news.......we have eggs

oh boy do we have EGGS
i really do need to bake or freeze a lot of them
i've got three of the four hens laying a few times a week now
so i have a lot of eggs
i told bernie when he gets home he's going to have a 27 egg omlet

now would be the time to try egg tempera if i only HAD the time

oye

i did pretty good yesterday in spite of now being sore, stiff, tired and aching
i got litter boxes done
all that wood done (took all damn day)
i just now cleaned the wood stove
ducks and chickens fed and watered (they didn't go out yesterday- they stayed in the inside pens)
budgies fed and watered
cats fed and watered
(ok so animal chores are daily)

dishes done

but i didn't shovel
i should have but just could not spare the energy
the gods of snow and wind and melt need to be with me and remove the snow that they deposited
i am just too tired to

ok off to bed now.....the stove is cooking pretty good
and i am hoping for at least 4 more hours sleep maybe