mother nature has GOT to be kidding right?

I am about to turn the big 50
in about two weeks
so what curve ball does mother nature that bitch decide to throw me????

NO not that pink line thing THANK Goodness........or you all would be reading this with a ouija board after I threw my fat ass off a building..............


noooooooooooooooo
she sent me a period
and not just any period......
one of those bring you to your knees turn your brain into jello shooters periods

the kind where you explode and three days later realize it!
cause you can't stand or MOVE for three days

this is old age?
THIS is menopause?
please

I got the chin hairs......... I got the hot flashes and the night sweats

please please please don't make me have to BUY them damn napkins

don't make me suffer the cramps and bloating

I got enough troubles

I swear
periods are only for young broads........us old farts aren't strong enough to be laid this low

a bit of stiffness in the morning I can understand

oh man

so anyway this monstrosity happened sunday morning

last night bernie said to me
you are looking a bit better..........
( did I mention the duck bill thing too?)
today I can speak in coherent sentances for the most part............
although I still can't stand up that long

and bernie wonders why....sometimes I just don't get ANYTHING done

oye


vi

almost alive