conversations with a duck (or two)

we got a mouse in the duck pen
lilli didn't catch it, instead she looked up me and cried for me to pick her sorry feathered butt up.
so we switched ducks
phoebe is in there
the conversation went something like this:

'mom, i don't wanna be in the chicken pen, it's nasty'

phoebe YOU'RE the one that tossed the chickens out two weeks ago
(maybe three)

'BUT MOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM' (duck whining)

but phoebe, you fought with lilli so you two are now separated (sibling rivalry)

'but mom, i'm lonely and all i got is them nasty old chickens...and a mouse'

phoebe you're in here to EAT THE MOUSE......you love mouse, so eat the mouse and we'll take you out during the day, even though you hate the snow

'grumble mumble grumble' (phoebe having a smart ass remark under her breath)

oye......... you folks haven't lived until you've lived with ducks

now the other thing i was trying to remember to post about is lack of energy......
i got started with a lot of plans, and somehow ran out of steam!
you folks know me, have i been slowing down?
i can't seem to get much done lately and it's really starting to piss me off
and the hell of it is, some stuff is really easy!
most days i feel like i am drifting through
anyone feel like that?

what do you all do about it?

new (OLD) toaster

i got bernie a vintage sunbean t-20a automatic radiant toaster which was made approximately 1950- 52.
not only does it still work, but it works better then his BRAND NEW EXPENSIVE 4 slice toaster
AND the cool thing is, if you put a slice of bread in it...... the TOASTER lowers the bread into itself!
cool huh?
you don't do a damn thing
i may even have toast!
(i am not supposed to though)

i came down this morning around 7 or 8
i stoked up the stove, and folded dry laundry then hung wet laundry up on the line over the woodstove
took me a while, but when i was finished i went up to see if bernie was getting up
fawn and calpurrnia were down with me.......thaddeaus was not
when i went up to wake bernie i leaned over to hug him and noticed that thaddeaus was still in bed with him
hahahaha
thaddeaus woke up when i said good morning to bernie
he was unmistakably startled to find me STANDING up, and not in bed
even bernie could tell that thaddeaus was shocked!
thaddeaus stared at me trying to comprehend what was going on while he continued to wake up
as soon as it really sunk in that mom was NOT in bed and that thaddeaus hadn't been following mom around....he jumped out of bed........
we laughed our asses off
it was so obvious that he'd thought i was still asleep
and that he may have missed the hot fancy feast for the morning (he didn't- i wait for all of them for their hot breakfast)
we are still laughing about it
(what? you all know we have no life)
meanwhile i got the stove hot enough to dry the laundry
i got the wet laundry hung and bernie is starting to make sunday breakfast
i wish you all a delightful sunday morning

sleep wonderful sleep beautiful sleep

and i am not getting enough of it, even when i am
sleeping seems to have become irresistible to me lately
the more i get the more i want it would seem
tucked under the huge pile of covers with or without bernie
but with all the cats
thaddeaus under the covers in my arms, fawn on my head and calpurrnia on my ankles
just drifting off into dreams

it is so not like me
but i am really craving sleep now
if there was someone to stoke the stove and care for the animals i most likely wouldn't get up for a few days
except to use the bathroom and maybe eat something

this is a new thing for me, as i've always been the one that woke up at 5am and woke everyone in the house up as well.
not lately
even when i'm up, i'm not really up

this winter is a normal sort of wintery winter
the only difference is the stove having to be tended often due to poor insulation in this house
if i could afford oil, along with the stove i could sleep
or if we replace the oil furnace with something that was cheaper to burn as well as a longer burn time then the woodstove i could sleep

hmmmm

ahem

i've really had enough of the cold now
thank you
oh and the ducks and chickens have too
i can't keep the house warm and the poultry from boredom........
did i mention the whole 'can't keep the house warm enough' thing?

waiting for the arctic blast

and other odds & ends
i went for the evaluation post surgery/cleaning at the periodontist
i did well for the most part
2-3 on all my teeth except two
i need gum surgery on two
we are going to try and save them so that i have something to chew with
meanwhile i was told not to floss quite so vigorously......OOPS
i do floss a lot
an awful lot
so over all i am doing ok there

now to this weekend with the sub zero temps.....i am going to do the plastic over the back door
and a sheet or something over the front door
keep the ducks in
i wish i had window quilts but until now i've never been able to afford to make them
i have 16 windows in the studio
i would need to make 16 quilts that are 36X64 inches......
16 quilts
just for the studio
in the main house there are ....now let's see
2 in the hall
4 in the living room
1 in the dining room
1 in the staircase
1 in the bathroom
1 in the 'soap' room
2 in the front bedroom
1 in the kitchen
for a total of 13, plus the 16 .....shit !!!!!
29 window quilts
and they are all HUGE
i really think i need to just have something like 4 HUGE windows (4ft x 8ft) in the studio.....and be done with it
at least then the window quilts will be big but not a million (OK 29 isn't a million) of them

in knitting, i have tried and tried to turn that amazing sunna yarn from spirit trail into the socks for jen
i have ripped and reknit
that yarn does NOT WANT to be socks
it is begging and pleading to be a shawl, in textured lace with tiny flecks of crystal beads .......
you know like the galaxy
like stars in the night sky
it is begging me
and every time i get past the heel turn and into the instep the pattern screws up
i try
i do
it wants to be the starry night sky

oye
i need to talk to her
the yarn is begging me

i made bernie yogurt since he's now over the zpac, he's better but started smoking again..... i won't tell you all what i think
me-, i may need a zpac too
i got up with a horrific sinus headache yesterday which had me in a hot steamy shower alone at 5am
not as much fun as you may think.

now today i am thinking either chili, roast chicken or a soup of some sort
with us having all sorts of illnesses lately, i am leaning to chili
possibly with homemade bread, now the question i have to ask myself is....
do i really want to be trapped in the house with arctic conditions outside
with a man i just fed BEANS TO?
yeah that's what i thought...........roast chicken it is then
chili maybe sunday so he can go to work monday and gas them out of the shop

i know i've been a bit neglectful of you all lately
i don't know what's gotten into me (oh yeah......old age)

oye

when it's this cold out

i often think about the peasants of the northern european areas,
scandinavian folk, russians, the baltics.......
from about 250 years or so ago.......maybe 400
did they stand in front of their stoves (beautiful tiled stoves) adding wood and basking in the warmth as it (the fire) started to take off?
i can also see the wisdom of multiple petticoats and warm woolen shawls

i came down at 2am
it was 67 in the studio
below zero outside but not too windy (which means we are warmer)
i started stoking the stove
raking up, then evening up the coal bed. letting air flow over the coals to heat them up prior to the next log being put on top of the
watching the log catch
realizing that this ritual has been going on for as long as man has tamed the fire enough to let him (her?) live where the snows get deep and the night is cold
can i reach across the centuries?
was there a village woman hundreds of years ago up at 2am
stoking the stove and dreaming of the future as i think of the past?
the flames and need for warmth unite us
even though her bones are long stripped of flesh
watching the flames
feeling the warmth
surviving the cold and dark yet another night

i can't keep the house warm enough!

it was some ungodly low temperature this morning-
the sun is up now and i still can't get warmed up
even with the stove going like crazy
meanwhile in my cold and weakened state i ordered (ONLINE)
two pairs of fleece socks, custom made on etsy.....it wasn't a bad price, under 18. and that included shipping......we'll see how well made they are and how warm
i know i could make them myself but i was cold, it was early before coffee, dark and did i mention i was cold?
i was (and still am) cold
bernie seems to be getting better but not as dramatically as he should have be with a zpac
and yes i came down this morning when the furnace kicked on
he didn't want me to but i did
i kept thinking 'all that oil we can't afford and all that DUST he doesn't need right now'
so i came down
tomorrow i have errands
oh boy do i have errands
oye
i am hoping to also set up a savings account to transfer money into twice a month........we don't have short term savings, only long term
meanwhile, i am liking this digital phone now......everyone says i'm much clearer.
too bad i couldn't have a digital 'much clearer' brain

i think i would like to break out the sewing machine (actually i am long over due for that)

ok the sun's up, or at least it's light out now
the cats all have their hot fancy feast with olive oil
the birds are chopping down on some cooked food
the chickens and ducks will get oatmeal with bacon grease and i have hot coffee with milk
but damn it's still cold here
hope you all are staying warm

(and to the folks down under, i hope you all are safe)

a mouse in the toaster

i doubt that could happen to anyone else....
i was cleaning the kitchen yesterday....
i moved the coffeepot only to gasp as i saw a long brown tail disappear into a slot of the toaster
oye
bernie found him in there later when he got home, but we couldn't get the mouse out
it sat and blinked at us
it's still upside down on the counter top

does anyone else have days like this?

meanwhile it's pretty cold here, ok so it's really cold here
i stoked the stove, then went back to bed for about 3 hours
i slept that time
now today there isn't too much to do
ducks, cleaning the kitchen, removing mouse from toaster (takes real talent that)
possibly some drawing i hope
and i have to shovel ash.
i don't know what it is but i'm very tired again
oh and bernie is slowly S   L   O   W   L   Y getting better

now the new digital cable phone.....i am liking it very very much
screw verizon and their lack of customer service
and their insistence that i won't be happy elsewhere
i am thinking 55.00 a month for internet and phone.... as opposed to 101 a month.... and clearer phone service, with just as good if not better internet........hmmmmm
verizon if this gets out you all are out of business
and i wouldn't be at all upset

ok day's started and i got to go
ttyl

today bernie goes to the doctor

good thing too as he forgot (despite my frequent and annoying reminders) to buy his robitussin dm
he coughed like crazy
sooooo he's going
he isn't happy but oh well
meanwhile we're to get snow
well duh 'tis the season
it IS winter.......what better time to GET snow right?
it's also 12 degrees out
i have a ton of stuff to do after goofing off for a bit reading 'the lovely bones'
i couldn't put it down!
and i am not a fiction reader, but this hooked me good, i got it used for 2.34..........
now as to the snow........we're to get about 6''
now that is starting to be SNOW
and i have a ton to do but first i desperately need a shower...in this weather i can't take one daily, as i would dry up and blow away (even with my homemade soap) but i have to take one today
i dreamt about it!
i also dreamt i was naked walking around trying to hide my bits and pieces........ and i had to walk out of a crowded house (i was using someone else's shower in the dream)
that most likely is cause i got the cable guy coming and a stranger will be in the house
meanwhile i would just like to climb back into bed with the cats where it's warm
oye
anyone else feel that way?

the mouse in the attic

kept me up last night
chewing and chewing and chewing
now i know that the mouse needs a warm home too
with food and safe from ducks intent on making meals of them
but my attic?
all night long?
couldn't the mouse find a home in the woods out back, i see them running across the drive to get there
couldn't the mouse find a place in the pile of brush and branches?
home to chipmunks and such?
after all it is a vast rodent apartment complex
what food is there in the attic?

i need to stop being up all night with the stove and the mice

it's snowing

bernie was on a road call last night to philly and this morning after he'd gone down to his base, had to come back up here to a road call not even 5 minutes from home...just on the other side of town
and it's still snowing
he's pretty sick still i think broncitus
we don't have the new insurance cards so i can't make an appointment for him yet
he keeps telling me that the person isn't in that knows about it
i am almost ready to call myself
just for the number cause i can download them online

amelia caught her first mouse yesterday, and killed it!!!
yeah amelia!!!
apparently prudence had caught one sunday
bernie told me about it when i told him about amelia
and she carried it outside IN HER MOUTH to the duck pen to eat
have i told you all how much i love my ducks!
they are the best dogs in the world!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

today after ducks and dishes, i need to start to take down the tree
little christmas was yesterday so it's officially all over
i am going to miss the lights in the windows though
the lights are my very favorite part of the holidays even though really i dislike the holidays
(this year wasn't too bad as these things go)

i hope you folks all had a good time
and are all cozy in your houses
til next time

weird dreams again

this time i dreamt of my dad, this was a really weird dream cause i dreamt that i was in his house (but it was up here) and that i was trying to get him to come up to wait out a bad storm..... that had already started.
it was so weird on so many levels
first off dad's dead
been dead for YEARS more then a decade
in the dream some woman named 'lee' called me and started yelling at me about my dad.....
again dad is dead but in the dream 'lee' was dad's new girlfriend ( i was awake in the dream that mom is dead) and bernie and i were involved in stuff that it's been a while since we've done......but he had to leave to go down to jersey (he also works up here now) to work!
i kept telling dad, 'come up here it's safe here, we got enough of everything........ down there is flooding and it's not safe.........'
it woke me up at 3am
now it's after 5am and i think i got the stove to the point where i can go back up

bernie has i think now got broncitus
i have his plague but seem to be sort of keeping it at bay a little
i am coughing a lot though and achy

i also have to remember to clear out my computer table as in less then 6 days i get new service
it's over a week and verizon still hasn't called back!
other then that it's pretty quiet
the new neighbors are pretty quiet too
let's hope that continues
and let's hope it isn't because they are dumping out back over my fence

the other news is that i think i got prudence about over the brood, now lilli is pissy but that is from the last of the molt
or something
she hates mommy lately, (i did wings on her, so that settled her a bit...but just a bit)

and i am still wondering about that dream..................

well into the first few days of the PLAGUE

i want to thank bernie for so thoughtfully sharing this with me.
after i was just sick about two weeks ago.
and for being in a grumpy mood along with it

this one is worst then the last one
a bernie plague is nothing to screw around with, so i am going to hope for NO asthmatic bronchitis.
and this is all with the weather warming UP!
yup up into the 50's yesterday, but raw so still with the woodstove

now we got HUGE news.....
new neighbors
in jackass' old house
we'll reserve judgement at the moment
parking their truck with the headlights facing down our entire house didn't endear them to us........
but later they parked normally
they were pretty quiet in spite of moving in (all night new years eve)
we'll see
all i ask is leave us alone......don't dump over our fence, don't screw around with our trees
and don't be annoyingly loud
now if they want to garden and keep chickens and ducks........well that would be a miracle and will make us remove the st joseph that is still buried facing that house ( we weren't taking any chances)
bernie's comment 'i hope they realize that she's still got the keys to that house, and they change the locks'
oh man we watched her 'replace' the brand new appliances that her father put in with her old crap ones several times.......
she'd come and take a fridge leaving an old one
next thing, the 'contractor' cousin would take her old one and bring a brand new one
fridge
stove
washer
dryer
water heater
stove
(yup two that we saw)
freezer
must be nice huh?

and in a tiny bit of fiber news, i got a few 'blocking' matts cleverly disguised as 'inter-locking exercise matts' 6 of them for 19.99 at kmart, in a solid gray
i got them for me, some tarps and weather proofing plastic for the ducks,  along with workboots (FINALLY) for bernie.
and i got a book
i am partly through this book and i can tell you.....i am not the only insane animal person around
it's called 'enslaved by ducks'
and their FIRST DUCK IS A FEMALE MUSCOVY!!!!!!!!
oh yeah they're hooked
big time
hahahahaahahahaahaha
ok now chicklets i gotta go...
my pile of tissues is getting huge and the woodstove needs another log
i am falling over too
(and i just got up.......damn this plague)

puts it all in prospective doesn't it?

i can't get this out of my head.
after viewing this a few times, i will admit, things that bothered me before aren't anymore.
but now i got a WHOLE new batch of things to worry about!

i wonder, does this mean we humans, we on earth are really insignificant....i mean in the scheme of things? or does this mean that we are being educated and groomed to take our place in the universe?

or does it simply mean (if everything you see is a projection of your mind) that our minds are ever expanding?? WHERE is a good quantum physicist when you need one???

i think i shall watch this video again.

first off happy new year to you all

bernie's sick again, with either a terrible cold ( i better not get it) or the flu or something...he is of course going to work daily.

we got a midwinter thaw here so i am going to dump big pond and give the two upper pens small sorta tubs (concrete mixing pans, just large enough for 7 gallons and one duck)- i hope to clean the basement and the night crates as well as retarp the two pens near the house...i could sure use two more small draft proof pens near the house which i doubt is going to happen-- i am planning on dumping all my manure in the garden beds

also, the seed catalogs are coming in the mail.....i know leek seedlings are at the top of my list this year. i want to dry a few pounds for winter use as homemade creamy leek sauce is to die for.

tomatoes for drying, salsa and fresh, peppers as always. BEANS BEANS BEANS.......i hope for a better freezer harvest.

cucumbers...... i need a lot more as my nephew cleaned me out of kosher dills!

we've also switched phone companies after all these years..... verizon finally screwed up so badly that i've had it and we went to the cable company for internet and phone!

same phone number though

now here is our 'holiday' gift..... actually it was on an obscenely low sale so i got it, them.........the SET----- amazing huh? how long have i been drooling over them? that big one is 5.75 quarts, the little ones a bit over a cup.... i paid less for the set then i would have for JUST the big one, (a LOT less......... wow) and got free shipping to boot....i had wanted the matt black which is the commercial ones, but at the price i paid.....well.....

and if cookware could be sexy......... THAT is sexy.... (and ignore the humble and slightly dirty stove top it is sitting on.....at least you know that this cookware will be used, loved, washed, and appreciated so very much

i waited so long for it

oh and the little ones........ timbale recipes...... or desserts, like individual peach cobblers

anyway, as soon as bernie can taste again, it's going for it's maiden voyage..... i got a roaster waiting for this..... and most likely i need to find some fresh leeks (hopefully local and freshly pulled) for the event.

the other thing that arrived yesterday was angels.....in the mail!

they are wonderful, and i put them on the tree, i intend on getting more..... they actually were delivered before the holiday but we've not been to the post office to get packages so they sat.

i gave one to my postmaster to watch over him......... he's a wonderful man and an asset to the community. not only does he watch over us and the mail, he is on our search and rescue squad.

(and the most honest man in the universe- he returned a very large sum of money in cash that a person lost......if anyone deserves angels watching over him.........our postmaster does)

anyway i recommend this link to you all if you'd like to get some of the angels for yourself.

i got the sets of small ones (the tie on ones) to hang on the tree and the set of small santa's, i am hoping to get all the rest of them to do a tiny tree in them.

now christmas i found is more fun for me without the hype......without the gift stress... i found that just doing what i enjoyed and not anything else (sorry about the cookies, that i did enjoy but the mixer was weak.....and with the surgery etc......well you know......) well that made me happy.

so now it's 6am

my fire is burning brightly

i need to get either back to bed or get dressed for the day

and i wish you all a happy new year

(and i got the dentist tomorrow)

snow? really? we live in the snow belt....what a concept!

however there isn't any snow..... oh ok a tantalizing flurry here and there....
i occasionally wake up to a dusting..... but other then that ....nope nada
meanwhile the SOUTH gets snow
paralyzing crippling stop everything SNOW
i'm thinking mother nature is got pms or senile dementia after all these years (or maybe the axis of the poles have shifted enough to really send us spinning out of control)

ok well maybe it's a good thing? maybe not

now how was everyone's holiday?
i had a good day, in spite of bernie being grumpy.
i talked to a few close friends and my beloved sister in law (even my nephew texted us eventually....although i am still annoyed with him, i do still love him dearly)
we had a very nice dinner thank you very much.
and bernie got to actually watch some tv on the computer (hulu.com)
we kept warm
we played with cats and watched budgies
hugged a few ducks
petted chickens
no we did NOT exchange gifts..... for a bunch of reasons, one of which is, we really have a LOT of stuff as it is, and no room to put more......and another is..... outside of a kitchen and a large addition, we really don't need anything
bernie was a bit grumpy about no presents but he had to admit that he doesn't need anything either.... if we need or want something we usually can just afford to buy it

now today right now, bernie is tossing wood up on the deck.
i don't think we need anymore in the house as i am again tripping over it...... (and this is WITH the new inside log rack, -i am going to get another one for 'cold' wood)
i do have to say that this wood while not quite dry or seasoned enough is a nice mix of hard woods. a lot of apple, cherry and birch and some serious oak, maple and hickory logs,.......
as soon as i can i am going to order about 9 more cords..... 3 cords at a time and get it stacked up onto actual racks not pallets
it would be better to have it sooner rather then later and still order the seasonal cords in the summer.
bernie disagrees but i think it would be better to put a two year season on them
i can see how much better it burns, less ash and all.........
which reminds me i need the ash bucket dumped
ok so now bernie is grumpy again as he realized that he has to go to the feed store
ahem, i did mention it friday ...............................

now today is my sister in law colleen's 50th birthday
we are going to call her and sing very very loudly and very very badly
hahahaha
i wish they lived closer
i would bake her a cupcake cake ( giant cupcake shaped cake)
her and i get along wonderfully, we tend to think the same way and enjoy the same things

well bernie the grumpy is going to the feed store
so i am going to get the wood in for him while he's gone
oye
he's getting bagels on his way home then
ttyl

merry christmas to all, happy holidays to all

first off, yesterday my mother in law was rushed to the hospital. after a lot of phone calls, i finally got to speak to her.....she sounds weak but alert and should be returning to her assisted living facility today.
i asked her if she's been getting my weekly letters and she said no, and that she didn't get her hat either that i sent. i am not sure if she's confused or what as then she did said she got the hat.
colleen called down there as well, and she asked colleen, 'how did you find out i was in the hospital?'
when colleen said 'bina', my mother in law seemed to remember who i was.
i have to call the guardian and tell her about this

meanwhile
it's a bit before 3:30am, i couldn't sleep so i'm down here and while down here i am stoking the stove.
i ordered a half tank of oil to be delivered next week
and i ordered a staub 5.75 oval cocotte that comes with two small individual cocottes ( a promotional set) for an unbelievably low price as well. for less then i would have paid for just the oval by itself!
it's not the matt black that i wanted but a deep burgundy..... but i really wanted the oval for roasted chicken
i still have a chef's pan to replace and a few 4 quart long handled saucepans and then i am pretty much done with pots and pans (except to replace two small nonstick for eggs)
i am going to start on knives next, i still need a boning knife, and a 6'' chefs, plus maybe a serrated edge for tomatoes and bread. i decided that i will also add a second paring knife as we fight over the one we have now.
oh and a bundt pan....ours finally crapped out (gee we got it used and that was almost 35 years ago)
and i still need to replace the kitchenaid that bernie dropped. it is on it's last leg, as even the repair wasn't enough to save it.
i would like to have our 'morgue' table lowered about 4'' if i could get someone to cut that down off the legs for me. it would make my life a lot easier.
if we EVER get the kitchen done, i want some lowered counters. like 28''.

now i hope this finds all of you peaceful, happy---surrounded by love, laughter, good things to eat and warmth.
i wish for you all new year wishes of easier lessons learned, feelings of security and just the right amount of solitude to collect your thoughts, without feeling lonely; small unexpected delights, occasional flowers and a ton of icecream!

happy holidays everyone

the lunar eclipse

has started
i'm down here stoking the stove and periodically watching the moon disappear slowly
i look out back in the blue silvery light and can easily see how our ancestors saw fairies, and demons lurking just beyond the shadows.
not to mention wolves
i also feel a slight thread from my DNA to theirs
some of the mystery and wonder that they felt, in watching the night and the planets.
at that time of course they didn't know that this was a planet.....
although they did know a lot more about moon effects on us
i wonder what we all would do if our technology suddenly just stopped?

i also wonder about the miracles that surround us.... in this very technology that would have looked like the most powerful magic to our ancestors
i can't help but wonder if this technology is to prepare us for even more freedom as entities
or as consciousness taking our place in helping with the unfolding fabric of the universe?

more and more lately i have been envisioning a model of the universe and the souls throughout it as an interlocking membrane of light, with pinpoints being the souls and direct but interconnected lines between everyone/everything

i've also found that at this time of my life, i am truly starting to see things that were put into motion when i was 20
things like how i think about art, about living a quality life
things i believe about how people and families need to interact to stay healthy
being in your 50's, despite the pain and aches, does lend a bit more clarity to life
i am starting more and more to see people as here for an education
that being physical slows it all down enough for baby steps
and as we progress it shows in technology
now while we are concentrating on that area.....relationships and social functioning is neglected but i believe that the pendulum will swing back and that area will be addressed

i also wonder that if it all came to a halt today
how would we function?
how would we keep warm? without gas to power chain saws
how will we fell enough trees to burn wood?
where will all these trees (enough to heat everyone) grow?
obviously something needs to be looked at here
and what about elderly folks who can't axe down a tree then haul it and split it etc?
do we just put them out to die?
losing possible accumulated wisdom?

gee i swear i need to get more sleep....now these questions will keep me up long after the stove is warm

PS: sorry flicka and everyone, time got away from me
i'm sort of in a half sleep most of the time right now......the midwinter sleep deprivation time is very early this year.......... and prolonged

5am and i said i was going to sleep in today

stoking the stove
yup
when it's this cold overnight, (and it will get colder in january/feb)
i get up at night to stoke the stove AND get up early as well, so when i feel i can catch some zzz's i go back up and try
this is the 'sleep deprived' part of the winter
i am doubly concerned this year as i know that stack of wood out there is not seasoned enough, it's still pretty wet, and hissed when i tried a couple of logs off the top
i am going to have to break into that stack this week....(actually this WEEKEND)
wet wood doesn't give a lot of heat, it expends most of it's energy turning the water to steam which means a cold fire
which means creosote buildup, which in turn means lack of draft, and possible chimney fires
i wanted to get at least another 6 cords and put them up to season for next winter, bernie says we don't have the room........i say we can't afford not to
so early spring i am ordering cords most likely 9
i am also thinking of adding a biomass stove (pellets, corn, barley etc), ideally that would be a furnace in the basement but i am not sure if that is something that's made yet.
and a three day burn would be a very good thing on that-as long as the hopper didn't clog
anyway, i was going to go sleep in today
most likely i'll go up in a little while and try to catch some sleep
i'm starting to think i better turn off the phones when i do that
yesterday i was woken up
folks don't realize that this weather has up all night, and they are used to me being up by 5 normally.....
but i do need more sleep right now since it's broken up all night
and that mean going back to bed at 6 for another 4 hours..........
so be it

i been thinking about different people in my life

and how they move in and out of my life
i always quote that saying

'People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which one it is, you
will know what to do for each person.
When someone is in your life for a REASON . . . It is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are! They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrong doing on your part, or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die.
Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realise is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered. And now it is time to move on.
When people come into your life for a SEASON . . .Because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace, or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount
of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; things you must build upon in order to have a solid  emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. '

i swear as i grow older i find that more and more true. i have had relatives move in and out of my life, bernie always says to me when they move out of my life 'they got what they wanted, it was time to move on'

i often wonder what exactly i am to learn from that
and that it is a lesson on a cosmic level i have no doubt.
but i just wonder what it is exactly?
could it be that even if we are related, if there is no real connection there it doesn't matter?
or is it......
we are truly only connected by love, and we don't get to chose our relatives but we FIND our real family in friends?
or is it........
maybe their times and lessons in my life ARE over and bernie is pretty much right (cynical but right)
the odd thing is that somehow if i really want to know, i find out stuff about them and their lives.
maybe that is an 'ask and ye shall be answered' thing or what
finding me isn't too hard, but you actually have to look a bit with the right information i think.
and they have

i sometimes think of the gatherings when i was a kid, there was good and bad.
i cherish the times here when family and close friends have gathered around our very cramped table in the living room and ate and laughed and talked.
they are tiny shining bright spots in my life
and i so could have that weekly or even daily
but maybe then i would not appreciate them for the very special gifts that they are......moments out of time.

anyway, it's 2am, and that's what i am thinking of while i wait for the wood stove to heat enough to go back to bed
(tomorrow it may be parallel universes at 2am........who knows where my mind is half the time. it's not always easy being me)

it hurt

I HURT
bad
yesterday was worst then the first time and i am still in active pain
it was so bad bernie even felt sorry for me
meanwhile i gave him my plague

midway through the dentist had to shoot my mouth up in the front, which hurt and tasted aweful
on the way home it was so bad it felt like my teeth and face had been cut with a broken bottle
and then punched
right now it's down to just feeling like i've been punched a few times
this one was really bad

oh man

i'm downstairs with the wood stove, even though bernie built a fantastic fire for me this morning....i could and should have gotten more sleep
oh and the phone line is still out with that hum
i used bernie's cell briefly to call into the voicemail and the only message was from the phone company inquireing about how satisfied i was with their 'solution' to my tech call on friday
huh?
what EFFFING solution
i don't have a phone!

i may end up ditching them and getting a cell.......... but no land line then

meanwhile i am tired right now
really tired
i ended up drinking like a quart of eggnog......i couldn't eat so i drank eggnog
not the best thing i have done lately

i long to get back to drawing, which i am hoping that now that the worst of this is over i can do....the periodontist said that i can call the regular dentist and start the rest of the work, the fillings etc.
i think we're going to have to look into a bridge or something so i can chew as well.
i only have two molars left that sorta almost meet to chew with.
oh well, such is the joys of aging

today the phone company is to come fix the line
i am hoping that we get a nice guy, the last guy that came was a doll. ( the one who picked the loop up when the tree fell on it)
the one before that a jerk
i hope they also come early, because then i surely will go back to sleep
and wish for tomorrow to be a less painful day