my birthday, easter and perspectives

saturday (yesterday saturday) was my birthday
it was an interesting day
it had a few ups and downs
i thought bernie'd forgotten me but he didn't
he couldn't get off so i was alone all day
i did some chores, ducks/chickens/ fed and watered everyone
wood in
but blew off other chores like dishes and cooking
i paid for it today

today we had a sort of half ass dinner
i had frozen slices off a smithfield ham in the freezer so we had ham, with baked potatoes and a HUGE salad
no not a normal holiday dinner but the best i can do with the limited time i have
we eat late
the doctor said i shouldn't eat for at least 3 hours before bed but with bernie leaving at 9 and him getting up at 6:30pm taking his shower etc.......
well it'a bout 7 or even 8 before we eat
and no i am not keeping his meal 'warm'
i am thinking of just not eating at all but he'd freak
so i make supper, we eat together and right now i feel like i swallowed a whale
i am so not used to eating lately
nor am i used to eating late
while bernie was gone i would eat maybe once a day

now in other news, i cast on another project, a fast cowl......the first one i cast on really doesn't want to be that particular pattern -- so i had a blue/green in stash since 2010 that wants to be a cowl (sunna part of the spirit trail 2010 club yarns @350 yards really it'll make a great cabled cowl)
it's a simple one
co 248 on size 5 join/place marker
k2p2 for two inches
then i am going to knit an aran pattern out of one of the barbara walker treasuries for the body
3.5 inches on size 5
2.5 inches on size 3
2 inches on size 2 and then 1.75 inches of k2p2 ribbing on the size 2

i have a black/blue/green mini plaid shirt that this will go with....as well as a lot of blue shirts that it will work with.
after this it's back to the premie hats for susan's babies

i planted some seeds during the week in the house for later transplanting into the outside garden, most are germinating already
the cat grass is amazingly fast
calpurrnia will thank me for that one i think

meanwhile .......bernie has reluctantly agreed that this current job isn't working for him either
we are sort of living in a bubble
when he is home-he's sleeping so i tiptoe around
when he's gone i'm exhausted so i am not getting enough done
he's getting nothing done at all since really he's only here to shower, sleep and eat......not even 8 hours normally
7 days a week...(not withstanding that surprise 34 hour reset thingie)

he's realized that not only is nothing getting done around here but just real basic 'bring wood in, feed/water the animals, do dishes' type chores but we are sort of in limbo

besides he misses me
i miss him too even though he's here, he's not

so he's going to start to look locally
he'll be working with this company for a while though as jobs still aren't easy to find
and he does like the company.... if we lived 40 minutes closer it wouldnt' be bad (except the 7 day a week thing)

ok..... i have a meeting in the morning which i am getting picked up for since i won't have the van until sometime in the afternoon maybe
so i need to get some sleep
take good care everyone

what a week!

well bernie survived his first week in fleet
last night he had a 34 hour restart so was home all night and today until 9pm
it was such a wonderful surprise for me
he was a bit upset about it and then tried to explain the restart to me
i don't get it
all i get is that the trucking industry wants to know where you are and basically wtf you are doing 24/7
even if you are at home not at work
and the hours......are insane
please

meanwhile he is working and giving it his all.......that's bernie for you
i am trying to be as supportive as i can
we've now made it a ritual to plan his route in the evening before he leaves, he gets his load number, and his locations and times
then i google earth the locations so he can see which way to go into the loading docks
and then print it out for him to take

the struggle to find foods for him to snack on at night continues
he's got those granola muffins i made him the other day
tonight he's got a few of them left, and an apple
the actual meal i sent with him went uneaten by him.......the chickens were happy though

i am thinking next of some turkey/cheese/lettuce rolls in bite sized pieces
along with another granola bar experiment
the granola i made him is not bad, it's got pumpkin seeds, olive oil, peanut butter, flax seed, oatmeal, coconut, almonds, and 65% cacao chocolate
along with honey and molasses
i am going to sneak in some raisins and maybe either dates or cranberries when he isn't looking

i am also considering something along the lines of sliders....but as a cold sandwitch so it would be something like chicken salad, grilled chicken, egg salad, grilled turkey........
on our homemade freshly ground 100% whole wheat bread
small bite sized sandwitches....... maybe that will help too

we were considering a 'lunch box oven' which is a very cool thing, plugs into the cigarette lighter in the rig and heats food up in about 1 hour
but he doesn't get to stop and actually eat so i have to find alternatives
i am going to look into a hot pot for next winter (if he is still driving for a living) for soups and hot tea etc......
the reviews have been mixed on them
i could send something like chicken and dumplins or beef stew in that too
but not a big one....

so yes why do you ask, i am a wonderful old world italian wife
i take care of my family very well

maybe it's not the event?

but the reaction? how you deal with the event?

bernie has started his new job, (he started monday night)
it's thrown us again for a loop
apparently this year is about shaking up our lives to the roots

last night we finally had a tiny window of time to talk about the current changes in our lives
finances, etc
we still have more talking to do
at this point we've agreed on a few things
he wants to be home
i want him to be home
and even though he's only home about 8 hours now a day-he's home
he likes the actual driving of the big rigs, but HATES the paperwork, and he's drowning in paperwork
he also hates the traffic he runs into in the morning
but hates OTR more

we also realized that some other adjustments may need to be made, possibly in his job but we're going to have to wait a while to see how and where.

we are sharing the van
so far i've had to postpone and cancel a few appointments as we aren't sure when he is going to get in
most days he's getting in around noon to 1:30pm!
(that is the other thing we're discussing, this is way too late for him to get any quality sleep but he also won't get good sleep at the terminal, and at least home he gets a shower and his own bed)

if we had two cars my appointment issues would be nil but we'd have the expense of two cars which is something i am not happy with- since my car usually just sits the majority of the time

he's also upset that i am still doing all the chores-well yeah
i am not going to worry about him not sleeping enough if he does pen mucking or litter boxes
he stacked two weeks worth of wood on the deck so i am able to bring a small cart load in twice a day
i am taking my time with everything as i am in constant pain from my shoulders and back but i'm managing ........although there isn't time to paint or even sit much (see how long it took me to get the blog updated?)

so there is where we are now
that and a cranky woodstove!

no knitting has happened
no painting has happened
i have been cooking and baking (have to bake bread today)
doing chores, and not sleeping much
during the day i have to be very quiet so he can get some sleep
at night i am too tired to do much but i am not sleeping either

i have roughed out my bio for the agented submissions- and that's where it sits
anyone feel like helping me write my bio?
oye

ok i have to fiddle with the woodstove
it's not happy again

homeward bound.....we hope

bernie has been all over the place trying to get a truck assigned to him that actually RUNS
he's been out over a month this time and wants home time
he is owed i think 5 days now
he's had it right now
now home here, i've got that load of wood in
i've planted some cold hardy seeds
did most of the chores and started to stack that big load of wood
today i washed ponds and buckets and then bathed ducks
i have a couple of extremely happy and clean ducks right now
i am knocking the chores off my list steadily
we got wireless now
i had gotten a wifi router that was reconditioned (before the whole training fiasco and pay mess up)
it was only 25.00! and works very well
so if i need to i can move the laptop to my drafting table (YEAH!!)
and with all the points on the CC due to bernie being over the road we are going to be getting a desktop as a primary or as a back up basically for FREE! (a very cheap one but still)

let's see....
i need to (yes still haven't done it) write my bio for submission
i am having issues with it
in the 80's i was a graphic designer, layout/pasteup artist then art director
also typesetter and illustrator
i freelanced as well
in the 90's i was an original doll artist, then had a wholesale miniature business, then the soap/toiletries business and did a ton of product design and package design
i also wrote a bit and got published

now how on earth to run that all together into a cohesive bio?
oye

meanwhile i am so excited that i can move the laptop to the drafting table to use it for color reference photo's i can't tell you all
HUGE for me
will keep me working (once i get back there)
ok now my wood pile is calling me so i need to go and stack a bit
ttyl

wood, toes, and warmer weather

ok here is the updated ice princess, still not totally finished but soon-

now we have enough wood to last until the big load comes the end of the week. 

i dropped a huge log on my poor toes...ouch

meanwhile bernie passed his training in spite of that really terrible trainer he had that forced him to drive team against company policy- bernie had to cause trainers are allowed to toss a trainee out of their trucks in the middle of no where and we have no doubt that this asshole would.... the second trainer not only passed bernie but is going to report to the company some of what happened from the first training

is it wrong of me to wish that his first incompetent trainer pays for the bullshit?

you have no idea what i wish on that first trainer

so he'll be home shortly

i can't wait

i got his cookie dough made, bread dough made, etc etc

maybe then i can get back to normal life and be painting again?

today is warmer, so i washed litter pans

i am not ready to muck pens yet as they really aren't too bad but i may over the weekend if/while bernie is stacking wood

i have to say, if it weren't for my friends and my sister in law, i would not have gotten through this, between my medical issues etc......this was a total nightmare for me

i am so blessed to have the friends i've got and you all not only know who you are but most of you read this blog (yes i do know that)

there aren't words for you guys

you kept me going the past year between when bernie got hurt, then the layoff and then this OTR training

it's been touch and go

let's hope now i can finish some of the paintings and we all get to see them off into the world through licensing agreements- btw, bernie promised that he'll retire and just stay home if i get enough licensing contracts

yes that would be huge impetus for me to get them out there 

new phone number changed and activated

but of course, not without a few snaffos along the way
bernie is supposed to be finding out today how much longer he'll be gone
funny but with him with this new normal trainer i am not as frantic as i've been
his former trainer is seriously unhinged and i was expecting the guy to drive into a bridge and take bernie with him
we've taken steps to insure that no one can call him that he doesn't want to hear from... on the home phone too
what a freaken nightmare

meanwhile the woodguy called me back and wood will be delivered wen
if i am very careful i won't run out until i got some in and warmed up enough to burn
and some of the new wood won't be too green

so here it is 4am- i've been up about an hour and stoking the stove before going back to bed to catch maybe 2 hours?

i got about 4 hours between when bernie called and me getting up to come down
this was a rough nightmare of a winter and one i don't care to repeat again
ever
hanging is preferable-i don't ever want to have to move the amount of wood the way i did again
but i am most likely going to be stacking three cords by myself, at least the beginning of the stacking

this week i need to do the tax thing too
i can't find all the paperwork since bernie's on the road
oh man

oh and just as an aside..... slightly too salty bread is fine if you make a chicken sandwitch on it.....and don't salt the chicken
just saying

and we changed the number

since the cell is in my name anyway, (so i can deal with whatever while bernie's on the road)
he called this morning and said 'change the number'
so i did
this former trainer is unhinged
bernie is going to report him to the company too
this trainer was so busy NOT training bernie while flipping out on his personal problems that now bernie is still out on the road, the extra road time/expenses is not what we budgeted for
the good news is the new trainer is actually training bernie
and that it should only take a week
it was clear to the new trainer that the old one did NOT do his job
as bernie is picking up the stuff the new trainer is teaching him...FAST
some stuff he never knew about so old trainer screwed up big time

my question....... do we have a freeken SIGN over our heads?

but i am a lot calmer now that bernie is with someone normal and rational

not quite yet...

that insane megalomaniac FORMER trainer of bernie's wouldn't sign off on his training
so the company put bernie out for another week or so with a more experienced trainer

well it turns out that former idiot shit for brains trainer didn't bother to actually TRAIN bernie
too busy worried about his marital problems, and trying to control every second of bernie's life to actually do his FUCKING JOB

the new trainer is actually training bernie, who is thank goodness, more relaxed AND
ABLE TO CALL ME ANY TIME HE ISN'T DRIVING- if only for a second

it's helped a lot as i was bitterly disappointed that he wasn't going to be home tomorrow

to add insult to injure
former shit for brains trainer is stalking bernie....calling him constantly...... and not leaving a message
not texting him either
so bernie wasn't about to answer the phone
i told him that is wise cause if it was nothing.... he'd leave a message
he doesn't want to leave a message so i guess he's planning on leaving a threat

OMFG......is this insane?

we are thinking of changing bernie's cell phone number and he is definitely reporting it to the company

meanwhile- i am totally out of wood now
i'm scrounging around for burnable stuff while waiting for a wood guy ANY WOOD GUY to call me back and dump a load
most of what i am trying to burn is soaking wet

this was definitely not my year at all so far

now in a more upbeat vein.....bernie's 'graduation' present came
i got him a sourdough bread book
he's been asking for sourdough
now i am going to get a starter, as i don't have the time to make one myself before he gets home

also calpurrnia is much better....even her cold
but she's shitting all over the damn house
i think that is cause she is pretty much had it with a no daddy house too

mommy certainly is beyond had it with a no daddy house

i need a vacation after this
and to sleep through the night for at least a month
no?

oye