wood ducks

well i did start the wood ducks yesterday
at least the stormy sky washes are started

i also did up a big batch of curried chicken in sauce which knocked me totally out
i did about 10 pounds
wtf?
normally i do 120 pounds
10 pounds?........... i was laid low by 10 POUNDS of chicken?

i had a super rough night
and not a good morning

then i found some tiny flies in the microwave.....again WTF?
so i cleaned the microwave, and boiled a ton of water in it
next is boiling vinegar in it
i know i cleaned it not all that long ago so the only think i can think of is that half a blueberry muffin that i forgot in there yesterday
 (it's called fibro fog........really? omg )

any way, today is looking like rain, and i am in a lot of discomfort
i am going to paint in a few minuets

meanwhile i need to cut paper again, i think i better cut quarter sheets out of at least 10 full sheets which of course will give me 40 paintings
i need to get more black paper too..... and soon so i can cut that before winter (cause i use the woodstove to cut paper on, as it's the right height.......so naturally during heating season that is not an option)

my friend susan made a good point too about heating.....
that i am going to be hard pressed to get up at night to stoke the stove during the winter
right now the furnace is out of commission
as not only does it need to be cleaned but the connector between it and the chimney rusted out (no doubt due to lack of use and the moisture in the basement)
i guess we need to also get that chimney cleaned an inspected.....make that both chimney's inspected

and i am thinking while we're at it the kero heaters that should have been cleaned at the end of last heating need to be gone over and gotten ready too

oh man bernie is not going to be a happy camper..........so i am going to have to see if i can at least do the kero heaters instead of him doing them

i know one is not too bad...new wick and clean the tank and it should be ok (it needs to be burnt out too)
the other one is going to be a bit more of a headache i think.....that one is a corona (top of the line--- we also have an aladdin..... radiant one)
bernie was going to toss them but i rescued them and after being reconditioned they will work better then anything on the market today

you know...... i am realizing more and more that bernie is a lot like my dad... dad never did maintain stuff nor finish stuff (we had a pencil stuck in the plumbing for as long as i can remember......one of dad's fixes)

anyway...that is the state of the pre heating herron household at this moment
oye

and the official word is.......

drum roll please......

fibromyalgia
omg
i had a friend 30 years ago that had it and i swear i never would have thought i would end up there .....
we knew however but now it's official.

i got meds for it ...... we don't really have  much hopes for the meds but ok
they are anti seizure meds

meanwhile i am almost back to being hydrated, i had two nightmare days of almost no fluids, which made this mornings blood draw fun fun fun.......
the lab tech had to get it from two different places... she tapped me once and after only one vile the blood just stopped
so she tapped my hand too

i have to run for my glasses on friday, and then my final medical appointment before i lose the insurance sunday.......

so that's really what i have been busy taking care of....
after i get a chance to settle down, i have wood ducks to start working on
then i am considering a goose painting

listen someone had to sort of hold me accountable....i need to get these jpegs into a pdf file
and i am really having a lot of trouble getting it done or started
(also i could sure use a much better computer to do it on too)
but considering that my first computer had a HUGE 30G harddrive (at a time when 10G was the norm)....and this laptop has 250g ...........

the advice i was given about the graphic computer, was to get a gaming computer with as much ram as i could get........ a really good graphics card...... then make sure i had two back up harddrives, a wacom tablet, stylish and duel LARGE 27'' monitors
or an imac 27'' and add my own expanded hardrives

maybe i should set up a fund ? oye

update on the insurance, i can get coverage monday so no lapse but the old insurance won't give me an end dated letter until AFTER the end date and the new insurance won't let me in until i have that letter stating that i lost coverage

we so need socialized medicine, cause this is really insane
oh and i found out that the insurance marketplace companies are subtly maneuvering to limit coverage for people that actually need to use it- preferring of course to just get premiums paid to them without having to actually put any thing out---- things like this discourage me greatly

did you ever wake in a vile mood

and can't quite figure out why?
then everything seems to exasperate it?

yup...me- today

i came down to a mess in the crate from calpurrnia..... a horrific mess
and rain
heavy at times but unrelenting rain

to a couple of what should have made me happy but somehow got me more annoyed things
like a gift card to olive garden (hate italian food OUT...... we make it right ...and we make it at home)
which bernie chose even though he knows i don't eat italian food out

then bernie had planned on an omlet for himself....but since i was down he realized he probably should offer to me too...... only to find out there were just 2 eggs.......

one thing after another and it's all seemed to rub me the wrong way
not to mention litter boxes need to be cleaned
as calpurrnia pissed on the floor again

oh man.......
i should do a restart on this day i think

bucket lists and fast paintings

well that was FAST, i did a pair of bufflehead ducks on black paper
it took me less then two days from start to finish
wow
(and showed me how timid i am with using darks on white paper or how lazy i am.....either way)

so now i am making another series decision.....i'll sleep on it and let you all know

onto bucket lists
i don't really have one i think

a few things i would love would be
to build a deltec house/studio
have a better garden and small barn (and small farm animals with some help) along with a small orchard
have a subscription to a philharmonic and also to a ballet company (probably for yearly performances ) with GOOD seats ....not in the nose bleed section or the telescope section......
and be able to got out to a nice restaurant prior (even though i'm really not crazy about going out to eat)
get back to the Met at christmas for the angel tree
finally have a dedicated library room with a pair of wing back chairs.....and ottomans

see not really much of a bucket list
just some things i basically have dreamt of all my life-- to me that is the good life
i wouldn't mind some travel as long as it was to go to places to see birds, or places like longwood gardens or some museums that i would just DIE for to see
but i am uncomfortable out of the house so a lot of travel is not for me..... maybe a weekend once in a while

i realized it today, that the measure i have of success, the measure of a happy and good life, are things like this
and we've done too little of them in the past few years (although we were to longwood not too long ago)

i need to talk to bernie about this cause we need to see what we can do to bring some of that into being
he actually likes those things too which would surprise folks if they meet him in real life- but he adores western european paintings! and he's got a good eye for them too.... along with a good sense of color and composition- you wouldn't think it until you see him in front of a painting..... and you ask him what he thinks...
he doesn't use the 'buzz' words.... just plain english...but he's right in what he's saying and a trip through a museum with him is something that will get you seeing with fresh eyes
(don't believe me? take him to a museum!)

anyway... today the local philharmonic has their early bird discount seasonal tickets on sale... and all i can do is sigh......

2nd whistling duck done.....

and it's better then the first but i am not happy with it totally either.
so now either i move on to buffelhead or do yet another whistling duck.....(until i either want to pull my eyes out or i get to know them like i know my muscovys)

and speaking of my ducks.....they were calling me this morning while bernie was putting them out
so i had a bit more energy and went down to them
amelia and pru wanted nothing more then mommy hugs and pets and kisses.....which they got..... then mommy took them on a walk to the worm field for a treat
amelia was so happy that she was giving me duck kisses as often as she could
falstaff was so thrilled to see me he came over to tell me all about how happy he was.... he told me about the summer and the girls and the bugs he's eaten (that's big news to a duck)
i told him how much i missed him and how handsome he was, and how glad i am that he's still alive (he is an extremely long lived duck......we estimate him to be about 10-12 now.....
misha was trying to decide if she liked me or not
and lilli and phoebe made a point of ignoring me....... POINTEDLY
gawd i love those ducks

i did expend all my energy though going down there and back.
i was hoping to have enough energy to make split pea soup for the freezer today but right now i can't even think of it as i am too tired
even if i use the little food chopper to do the onion/celery/carrot........
i'm just way too tired
exhaustion like this is something i would never have believed i would ever deal with, it's so bad at time i literally can not put one foot in front of another, the muscles just won't obey

i had hoped to get to the bottom of this and get some help but now it would seem that's on hold again
so we'll see what happens

the weather has warmed up again, just like bernie told me...... yesterday i was in fleece and a wool hat, today it's warm and humid and i am debating on the fan or the AC!
but really right now, i could so go back to bed for a while, i would too if bernie wasn't sleeping
ok
i've expended what energy i had for typing now so i'll say good bye for today
take good care

wow!!! the town is putting in part of a new driveway for us....!

to ease the big step that they have in front of our upper driveway.......
and the guys doing it were very polite and professional
YES that is what i love to see......accountability

meanwhile.....today i went to file for new insurance..... keep your fingers crossed that i can get it at a price i can actually truly afford
meanwhile bernie is to go to take his test for the third endorsement on his inspection license next thursday-
that school called last night and they seemed to be confused..... and accused him of cutting school!
however he's only signed up for the test....they told him he wasn't supposed to take the actual class....

up and down up and down......reminds me of mendelson's midsummer's night dream (when the fairies sing 'up and down')

i spoke to my doctors office today and we're trying to get the lab tests figured out that i need before this insurance runs out-
it looks like there is going to be a lapse in coverage ...... then we're not sure about pre-existing....... it could be there is not anymore stigma for that
or maybe there still is
either way this is nervous making

so i put down my paint brush for now... i will say the amount of dread i had doing all this paperwork etc...... really was 1000 times worse then the actual doing...... but don't think the doing of the paperwork was easy, or simple...it wasn't
and it was nerve wracking
oye
so now we wait, and i am terrible with that

ok the other thing is..... i am seriously (yes again) considering putting up a link to let folks buy prints of my paintings....
if that is something you folks maybe interested in..... please let me know either by email (there is a link to email me at the middle right) or let me know in the comments
i know that an astonishing amount of folks are asking me for prints.... (astonishing to me anyway)

i am also still working towards licensing.... and maybe even the duck stamp competitions...
why not? i'll be painting anyway right?
so let me know ok?


now back to your regularly scheduled day......

about half way done with the 2nd painting

and i SWEAR i need to SEE whistling ducks in person cause they are giving me fits
the center duck in this painting has a great head but i'm not sure about how feathery his back is
the front one at this point looks good

meanwhile it's our saturday (yes it's everyone else's monday)
i am going nuts looking for my birth certificate, i know i have the original, and at least two copies
i need it this week and i can't find it!
i may have to order a new one from jersey!

and to add to things......
we are trying to decide which state to focus on for retirement.......
i wanted new hampshire....... bernie is not too thrilled with the amount of snow my friend karen gets up there .....but i like the idea of no income tax and no fracking so clean water-- and where she is.....they have a traveling/visiting nurse that comes to the house.. among other things
its a nice area
if money was no object, i would say rhinebeck ny first (rhinebeck sheep and wool is important to me)
or somewhere in mass...... somewheres quaint, with artists
or new hampshire (tamworth area i think)
or bucks county nearer to philly
or near williamsburg va

those are my dream retirement areas


a lot of our friends are in one or the other of the carolinas....... i really don't like the south but i was assured that in the mountains of NC there are a lot of us northerners, and there are a lot of artists, plus sugar maples and some snow...... ok so they got my attention with the artists and the sugar maples

i don't want to go west, i have a thing about tornados.... earthquakes..... mud/land slides..... and either excessive drought or excessive rain
pretty much leaves out anything north of middle pennsylvania
i wouldn't mind pa if some of the taxes/government changed...... and we moved a bit south or a bit north.... but definitely out of this area (so south it would be.... probably closer to quakertown)
but bernie doesn't want to stay here
we need to really start thinking about this soon so i can start to do the research and target some areas....
i would like to learn about a few different areas and then go see them for a week or so to see how it really is
although you don't really know until you are actually living there

i do know i would like to build if we can...... and i would like a round house with solar....
and a flat piece of land...
i want a much bigger studio...
and i want open plan.....one big open room with the bedroom/bath in another room, that fits us
we always tend to hang out where ever i put my work.......so one big open room is perfect

we're talking about it back and forth.......but until we decide on a WHERE.......we can't decide on a when or how....
ok i have to get back to  work

take care for now

slowly fading summer

i came down to 45 degrees out on the deck this morning

while it's a relief to me, (as i can't go 80 degrees much) it's also the beginning of the decent into fall
which while normally my favorite season
this year i am a bit worried as we don't have nearly the wood in for winter, and at this point, any wood we got in now wouldn't begin to be ready until january

detail -black bellied whistling duck

but i am enjoying the cooler temps

today i will be back in the studio...... painting black bellied whistling ducks
and i know that there are a few people that want to buy prints, and i am getting there
i am reconsidering printing from here and wondering about a commercial online print on demand.
i now have the means to do the digital files ........although i am not sure if i need color balance on the monitor or not ......that i don't have yet
also next in the line up i think will be mallards or teals for ducks, i plan on doing at least 6 of the migratory ducks, followed by a trip out to the bird farm to research and study the upland game birds, and the orpington chicken breeds for their respective series.
sometime in the next few months i need to start an acrylic painting area as well..... at least right now that is part of the idea.... and move my small easel for gouache and colored pencil to it's own area too... i am not looking forward to acrylics, but oils will take way too long to dry for some of the paintings i have planned.. and that takes way too much space

i've also got those paper dolls to finish, i would like the figures themselves to be die-cut around their outlines and on heavier coated stock.... i'll have to see about that...... however that was always the intention....and i need to get their stories written...... to be bound (i hope) in tiny books to go with them-- that would be something that would interest me, so i imagine someone else would really like that as well.
if/when we move (yeah i been wanting to move for FOREVER, but i think we maybe closer to it-as i don't want to stay here in pa in retirement unless the government here changes drastically) my next studio must be on a slab as i want to add an etching press and those things weigh a quarter ton...... maybe half a ton - i think the one in school was like 1600 pounds..... and you need space for that so the next studio maybe has to be 30 X 24 at least.. almost double the size of this one...and i want skylights next time

so that is sort of what is going through my head today......
visions of various series, new studios..... paper dolls and ducks......
it's not easy being me

second times the charm?

we'll see
i started the second whistling duck painting, masking off my ducks and laying in the far shore, lake and foreground water.......
i am much happier with this one
i've realized that although i do finish my dud paintings.....
i bitch about them ..........
this painting i am not bitching about...i like this one
i really like this one
so while i am having some challenges with the ducks and their back feathers...... things are going so much smoother with this painting

the weather here is not too bad for august, 80s and some humidity.... some leaves are starting to drop already...

and i have a busy week (today is our monday) as thursday and friday i have appointments about my insurance...... (and next week is labs and eye doctor)
i know when i get through with the next round of specialists i'll be diagnosed with fibromyalgia, the endo told me so
i am hoping there is something to help with the extreme muscle fatigue.... exercise isn't helping at all.
rest isn't helping either...... the massive doses of vitamin d seemed to have some effect but that's been over for two months now.
i do notice if i sleep 12 hours i get some relief but who the hell can sleep that long?
well anyway......we'll see what happens

now i am going to go paint this new duck painting...... it's actually good and i am actually enjoying

duck paintings

i scrapped the painting of the black bellied whistling ducks..i am going to do another one
i just was not happy with the two ducks in the background and the more i looked at them the more upset i got
so i scrapped it
i am going to put it in the scrap box and maybe someday i will see about either reworking it or burning it....either or
people got upset
but this is the deal....... if i cringe to look at it..... then i don't expect anyone else to look at it
so i am going to redo it or something with that species

i have a rough week ahead of me, appointments and some medical insurance problems to deal with
i am so not looking forward to this week
but it has to be done
and in addition NOW i have to figure out different/new medical insurance....and the exchange isn't open
so i am not too sure what i am going to do
i have the rheumatologist this month but i won't be able to get to any lab work or tests so that is going to be rough
also this month bernie has his bus/heavy truck inspection endorsement test- he's already got a class 1....... he needs to get class 3.... he doesn't need motorcycle so doesn't have to worry about class 2
he's had to switch his off time to take his test and we realized too late that we should have written the letter requesting two days not just the one...due to him having to work the night before and not having enough sleep prior to the test
but what is ....is what is...... we sort of expect that he'll pass anyway as he's been doing this for years........ getting vehicles ready to pass the state inspection so he does know it already

i am also hoping this week to finally get the other work area set up in the studio....i've planned for it....showed bernie.....drawn floor plans ..measured etc
he wanted to wait until we put down floor covering...... me, knowing how that goes around here, said....... i need this workspace NOW i can't way 20 years until you get to the new flooring
(i think it's been 28 or 29 and still no kitchen countertops-if we had an ikea near i would so have installed my own wooden ones)

so that's my little world.
oh and i emailed the roadmaster of the township the mess of the roadwork out front along with the waterfall down our driveway....we'll see what happens next

i often think........(or something to incite almost everyone)

(and half my friends just fell over reading that)

about the big questions in life.... my mind, when left to it's own devices tends to drift to either quantum physics....or the big questions... who are we? where did we come from?

and over the years i've found some answers that work for me
(no religious preaching please..... one answer i found was an extreme distrust of orthodox religion and the bible )

today, in dealing with some really annoying issues relating to my medical insurance coverage..... i am again (while on endless phone hold) thinking about 'what is it all about'
we are insignificant specks of not even dust on a cosmic scale.....
and i am not so self centered to think that we are the most important things in the universe
actually i suspect we are just as important or unimportant as any amoeba or tick or rat or plant or thought or cloud on any planet anywhere in the known or unknown universe

so what makes our problems, differences, likes and dislikes so damn important?
is there a superior species shaking their heads and watching us...... like an older wiser relative?
sighing while waiting for us to grow the F*ck up?

and also as thousands of others before me.... i look up at the sky and wonder

one theory i feel is that, we are all together tiny but essential parts of the whole that makes up what folks maybe refer to as god............. it just resonates with me.
so in other words there isn't one little old man in a white nightgown in the sky watching us for any mistake we make in his contradictory rules that may or may not be written by a bunch of possibly not so well meaning scribes.....

so in other words.... the spark of divine in me and in you and in grass is all equal and equally important
and all together work together to make up, at least our part of the universe....

so maybe it's all a grand evolutionary experiment?
as there is no annihilation of energy, but just a change in form- maybe the coherence that puts that energy together in a form that i can recognize as me....is that part that also somehow reaches out (i'm thinking something along the lines of the quantum physics theory of spooky action at a distance) and holds hands with every other drop of energy and all together make up not only 'god' but the universe

(no it's not easy being me...and i'm not all here right now, being on hold waiting for help with my insurance issue..... the muzac is lulling me into a trance)-- and after over an hour on hold....i'm still no further along with this insurance problem

lately i have been wondering why i'm bothering to work so hard at being a better artist....
i know i won't stop working hard as it's not in me to stop... i work very hard at whatever i do- partly cause..what else are you going to do with your lifetime? and partly because that's just me
(i've never been a tv person, so reading, making things, growing things, all that's what i put my energy to ** with the exception of house cleaning**)
and without constantly doing, creating, reading, walking ducks..... time would hang very very heavy on my hands

but still i wonder why at times
why anything?
i have an irresistible passion for the things i am interested in... so that keeps driving me.... but i still do wonder what ultimately it's all for

do you?